"How are you feeling?" Blaine's eyes were concerned as he looked up at Kurt.
Blaine was sitting on Kurt's bed as Kurt was getting ready.
"I don't know." Kurt didn't look at him. Today he was even paler than Blaine had ever seen him.
It was about 30 minutes since Blaine had arrived and Kurt hadn't said anything unless it was because Blaine had asked him a question. Even those had been answered in short terms, and Blaine was starting to get worried. He got up from his seat on the bed and crossed the floor to place his hands on Kurt's arms.
"Hey, I know today is hard for you. But please let me be there for you. I'm not asking you to be happy, I could never do that. I'm just asking you to open. Let me in." Blaine desperately tried to catch Kurt's eyes but he was determinedly looking out of the window instead. Not one single time that day had they made eye contact. Kurt kept looking away.
"I know, Blaine. Would you let me finish now?" He got himself free off Blaine's grip and walked to the bathroom leaving Blaine standing in the middle of the room with a feeling of being useless. He wished so badly that there was something he could say, but he had no idea what that would ever be. He felt so out of place. But he didn't regret for one single second that he had said yes to be there. He knew that even though he didn't show it Kurt needed him, and he was planning on being there every step of the way.
Kurt came out of the bathroom all dressed in black. He looked stunning. He was like a male version of Snow White with the contrast of his porcelain skin against his black outfit. When he passed Blaine on his way to the door Blaine noticed that he was wearing a thin line of black kohl around his eyes. If everything hadn't been so sad Blaine would have found him incredibly sexy like this.
Kurt rested his hand on the doorknob for a few seconds as he took a deep breath.
"Let's go." He opened the door, and Blaine followed him down the stairs where Burt was waiting for them.
"Kurt. You don't have to do this. I completely understand if you just wanna stay home. She will understand too. I promise." Burt looked at his son before he dragged him into a warm embrace. They stood like that for a minute before letting go. Kurt's eyes were red and Burt's face was ash gray. Blaine stood a few feet from them to make sure he didn't interrupt such an intimate family-moment.
"Dad. I wanna do this. I need to do this. But - are you sure you don't wanna come too?" Kurt looked up at his father with a hopeful look in his eyes, but Burt merely shook his head.
"No. I am gonna stay here with Carol. But Blaine -" he looked to Blaine who had stood looking at the floor to try and fall into the wallpaper. He walked over to him and bend a little over so Kurt didn't hear what he was saying.
"Thank you so much for doing this with Kurt. He doesn't really show it, but it's really hard on him. He's really gonna need you." He squeezed Blaine's shoulder and gave him what should have been an appreciative smile but mostly made his lips turn into a thin line.
"Don't worry. I'm not going anywhere." Blaine gave him a nod before they both walked over to Kurt.
They told Burt goodbye and left the Hummel-Hudson house together.
Kurt didn't say a word on the entire ride, and Blaine didn't ask. He didn't want to intrude and he didn't want Kurt to feel that he was pressuring him into talking. He trusted that if Kurt wanted to talk he would say so.
"So - are you ready for this?" Blaine reached out his hand for Kurt to take it as they stood in front of the cemetery gates. Kurt's face was like stone as he placed his hand in Blaine's. He squeezed it so hard that Blaine felt it as if the blood circulation was gonna stop. But he didn't care. He didn't let go. He just squeezed back.
They started walking slowly through the lines of tombstones and flowers and trees. It felt as if they had entered a bubble of silence with nothing but the sound of their footsteps in the gravel under their feet. The sun was shining down at them and birds were flying above their heads. Had it been any other day Blaine would have taken Kurt out for ice cream or they would have go for a play in the park.
Kurt stopped in front of a beautifully well-kept grave. The stone was gray with a white marble dove on the top. Rose bushes were planted next to low hedges and a small bench were seated outside the little square.
Blaine felt extremely awkward and he had no idea what to do about himself. Kurt had taken a few steps in to kneel down and put his palm against the stone.
"Hey mom. It's been 10 years today. But it feels like it was only a week ago - and yet in some strange way it feels like it's been centuries." He closed his eyes and let his head drop. When he looked back up he was biting his lower lip.
"So much has happened. Dad's got married. I got a brother, can you believe it. Carol and Finn are so nice to me, and dad is happy. But he misses you. A lot. He's still got your picture in his wallet, even though he doesn't know that we know it." He chuckled a bit under his breath by the thought of his dad's awkward way of handling his emotions.
"Uhm - this is Blaine. I wish you could meet him, I know you would love him. He's - he sings too. Really great actually. Mom, he's my boyfriend, and my best friend. He's everything I've needed. I love him." At the last sentence he looked back at Blaine and reached out for his hand. Blaine took it instantly and stepped over to sit next to Kurt.
"I wish I could hug you one last time, and I could show you everything I've accomplished. I just miss you." Tears started rolling down his cheeks and Blaine put an arm around his shoulder. Kurt hid his face against Blaine's collarbone while Blaine stroked him over the hair thinking that it was best to just be quiet and let him cry.
"Thank you. For coming here with me." Kurt stood up and looked at Blaine. A black line from the eyeliner had traced down his pale skin and Blaine tried wiping it away with his thumb.
"Of course I would. I'd go with you to the end of the world." This made Kurt smile briefly. For the first time in days.
He grabbed Blaine around the wrist and dragged him out to sit on the bench outside the hedges.
"I feel so stupid. For sitting there talking to a stone. But it's comforting, you know. As if she can actually hear me." He looked away. As if it wasn't till now that he realized that Blaine had heard him talk to his mother's grave, and now he was embarrassed.
"No. No. You're not stupid. You miss her, and you want her to know what's going on in your life. I get that." Blaine let his thumb caress Kurt's hand as he squeezed it just a little tighter.
"Actually I'm - I'm glad that you wanted me to go with you. When your dad ask me to go a few days ago he wasn't sure if you wanted to do it alone. But - I'm happy to know that you trust me enough. It's nice." A comforting smile swam over his face as he winced against the sun in his eyes.
"Blaine. You're that one person in the world I trust more than anyone." He gazed over the cemetery. Not a living soul in eyesight. They were sat there all alone in the sun. The storm that had been bobbling inside him for the last week was suddenly gone. Like a fog that gets surprised by the sunlight. Instead he felt peaceful.
"So - do you really think your mom would have liked me?" Blaine felt that they had reached that point where it was okay to talk freely again, and he was really curious.
"Yeah. I really do. She would've been crazy about you. In fact, if you two had ever met I'm sure I'd never see either of you again because you would have run away together." Kurt caught himself in a giggle by the thought.
"She loved musicals. And she would always sing along to the radio. Whenever she was cooking or baking I would come sit on the counter and we would sing together. She even played dress up with me, and joined in on my tea parties. She forced my dad to join us too."
It was a relief to talk about her. Like some heavy weight had been lifted off his shoulders. He hadn't talked to Blaine about her - he actually hadn't talked to anyone about her. It hadn't felt right. But as they sat there holding hands looking at the tombstone it almost felt like he had got her blessing. As if she had sent them her approval of Blaine.
"Every Sunday she would sit down and watch musicals with me. Her favorite movie was The Wizard of Oz, that's why we would take turns in who to decide which one to watch because I knew it back and forth. Every time we started my dad would fleed to the garage and work on his cars."
Kurt smiled at the memory but then he looked sad. The memories of her had seemed so clear in his mind for the last few years, but suddenly it felt like they were slipping away. He couldn't let her slip away from him. The memories was all he had left of her, and he needed them to stay with him.
"Kurt, it's Sunday today. Do you wanna go home and watch The Wizard Of Oz?" Blaine wasn't really sure it was a smart move, but he really wanted to let Kurt have this day to think back on as something good. As a day he dedicated to keep the memory of his mother alive, and not let anything come in the way of that. Only think of the good memories.
"Do you really wanna do that? Are you sure?" Kurt looked at him as if he wasn't sure he had heard right. He moved a little on the bench to sit full face to Blaine. The sadness in his eyes got mixed with stars and an insecure smile started twitching at the corner of his mouth.
"Of course I would. I love that movie. Besides - this day is supposed to be about your mom, right. What other way would there be than to spend it doing her favorite thing?" Blaine smiled at Kurt and couldn't help noticing a freckle on his nose that was revealed by the sunlight.
"You are the best." Kurt stood up and waited for Blaine to follow. Then he turned around to face the tombstone.
"Goodbye, mom. We will back, I promise." His voice sounded a little shaky, so he hurried to walk towards the car without saying anymore.
They had went stopped by The Lima Bean to get some coffee and then they had got back to Kurt's place to get some dinner. By the time they had started the movie it was beginning to get dark outside. Finn had stayed and watched the first 20 minutes with them before he went upstairs. Burt and Carol had been gone to bed early so Kurt and Blaine had the living room to themselves.
Now the whole house was quiet and the credits were rolling over the screen. Kurt and Blaine were on the couch completely tangled up in each other. Blaine knew it was late and he should start to get home, but he really didn't want to leave. He just wanted to lay there on the couch with Kurt forever.
But he knew that he couldn't so he gently pushed Kurt a little so he could sit up. Silently the tunes of Somewhere Over The Rainbow started playing from the TV. Blaine looked at Kurt to kiss him on the cheek before getting up, but he realized that he was crying.
"Oh sweety, what's up?" Blaine immediately panicked and tried figuring out what to do. He didn't know whether to leave him alone, or to try and comfort him. Kurt was so delicate when it came to him crying.
"It's just - this was my mom's favorite song. I just miss her so much." Kurt sobbed and tried hiding his face, but before he knew it Blaine had got up and offered him his hand.
"Come here." He looked very determined, but Kurt just looked at his hand as if he hadn't ever seen it before.
"Do you trust me?" Blaine looked Kurt directly in the eyes and tried convincing him. After Kurt had stared at his hand for a few seconds he put his own hand in Blaine's and stood up.
Blaine put his arm around Kurt and let their hands go up. Then he dragged Kurt close to him and started leading him around on the living room floor with slow steps.
Blaine could feel Kurt's tears soaking through his t-shirt as Kurt rested his cheek against his shoulder.
They didn't really move. They more or less just stood on the same spot moving their feet a few inches back and forth, but it didn't matter. Kurt had never felt so safe as he did there. Blaine was silently singing along to the song as they danced around in the dark living room the only light coming from the TV.
Kurt just let his tears run freely because he knew that Blaine would never judge him and he knew that Blaine wouldn't let go until Kurt was ready. If Kurt didn't release his grip he knew that Blaine would stand there keep on rocking back and forth with him while singing softly into his ears for the next thousand years. Because that was just the person Blaine was.
"Thank you." Kurt's voice was thick from the crying and he felt like his eyes was swollen and red. His fingers were dug deeply into Blaine's shoulder and he knew that the make up would have stained his red t-shirt. He was completely drained from energy and what he really needed was to get up to bed and sleep for 12 hours or so, but he didn't want to let go now.
"Anything in the world for you, honey." Blaine's voice was still silent and singing, and his hand was softly running up and down Kurt's back.
"I'm afraid I have to get home. We have school tomorrow." He sounded sad and reluctant, but let his lips touch Kurt's neck in an innocent kiss.
"But I don't want you to leave. I want you to stay here with me. Let's stay here like this all night." Kurt pulled Blaine a little closer to him and dug his nose further deeper down in his shoulder. He took a huge breath and let the scent of Blaine's perfume fill his nostrils. He wanted this scent to stay in his nose always.
"I wish I could. You know I would. But my parents would kill me." Blaine pulled himself a little away from Kurt to look at his face. He looked so tired that Blaine felt bad for having kept him awake so late.
"Besides, you really look like you could use some sleep. We'll see each other in the morning, right?" He checked around to see if he could find a clock - almost 11.30. Not a good sign.
Kurt looked crushed by the thought of Blaine going, but he knew that it was true. His parents would go crazy if he came home too late. It had happened before, and Blaine didn't get to do anything but homework after school for a week.
Blaine collected his stuff and headed for the front door followed closely by Kurt.
"I'll see you in school tomorrow, right?" Blaine leaned in to kiss Kurt gently on the lips. The touch of Blaine's lips against his own makes a chill run down his spine and a smile spread on his lips.
"Goodnight, beautiful. I love you." And with that Kurt felt Blaine's fingers slip through his own and he could stand to watch Blaine's car disappear in the night.