(4)
Of course I was expecting it, but just hearing my name, thinking of the consequences, I feel like the idea of me being the target has been completely unexplored in my thoughts. Like Prim being chosen as a tribute when she only had one slip of paper in thousands.
My father comes up behind me quietly. His feet shuffling on the carpet is the only sound I hear. For some reason, I am able to tune out the TV even though it is blasting. President Snow is making some announcements regarding procedure changes. It's nothing I really want to hear. But, he gets my attention by calling out, "And now, for this Games' tributes!"
A photo of Annie Cresta, the crazy red-haired woman from District 4, appears on the screen. I wonder how Finnick is reacting. Her height and weight are shown with a few of her other physical characteristics. Some new animations are added to make the introduction of the tributes exciting. Fire engulfs Annie's picture. I am the Girl on Fire and because of me, Annie will die.
Next on the screen is Cinna. Of course I was expecting him to be one of the tributes, but just like hearing my name called off that slip of paper, I feel unprepared to embrace the idea of Cinna in an arena, fighting to kill my friends. His face looks hollow and you'd never be able to tell he was from the Capitol if he wasn't my designer. I also notice his weight is incredibly low.
One by one, the faces of my friends appear on the screen in alphabetical order. Each one provokes a thought. With Darius, I wonder, have they ever had an Avox in the Games? Then Effie, how cruel is it to take someone so innocent regarding the whole rebellion and force her to kill or be killed? Enobaria, Flavius, Jamie Mellark (Peeta's closest brother in age) and Johanna Mason are all tributes too. I notice Gale relax a little bit. I wonder why but then, by seeing the next tribute, I understand.
Lisa Everdeen is on screen. My mother is going to die. Hazelle Hawthorne, however, is not. Along with my mother is Rue's oldest younger sister, whose name is Mayla. A tough boy from my school, Merrow, smirks in his picture. Morrison Mellark (Peeta's oldest brother) makes an impression on me. He is strong and handsome. If he can kill, he might stand a chance at staying alive. Bubble-headed Octavia doesn't understand what's going on. She poses for the camera.
Nothing can prepare me for what I'm about to see. Peeta Mellark comes on-screen. He, like his brother Morrison, looks strong and handsome. His mouth is slightly agape and his head is tilted a little to the left. His eyes are narrow. He doesn't look beaten or tortured at all. Just seeing him makes my stomach twirl. I can't help but think of our baby. Will they look like Peeta? I don't know if I want them to or not. Gale makes a small whimpering noise that is completely uncharacteristic, but I don't turn around.
I barely notice Portia has replaced Peeta's picture when Primrose Everdeen is next up. She looks so tough. Unlike anyone else, except maybe Merrow and Morrison, she looks like she is ready to fight. I feel confident in my sister and I know she won't die easily.
Regulus Undersee, District 12's mayor, is added to the list of twenty four tributes. Gale holds his breath, but Rory is also there. Samuel Mellark, Peeta's father, and Greasy Sae (whose real name is actually Sarah) are two people I didn't expect. Tolliver, a weak boy from my school, Venia, Vick, and Yula, Thresh's grandmother, finish the twenty four people that will surely die because of me.
President Snow closes by telling us to tune in tomorrow to learn more about the tributes and I turn off the TV. So there you have it: Annie, Cinna, Darius, Effie, Enobaria, Flavius, Jamie, Johanna, Lisa, Mayla, Merrow, Morrison, Octavia, Peeta, Portia, Prim, Regulus, Rory, Samuel, Sarah, Tolliver, Venia, Vick and Yula. They will all die for me. But I'm not the only one they'd be hurting with their deaths. If they die, Finnick, Haymitch, Peeta, Madge, Gale and all of District 12 would suffer as well.
Gale comes up behind me and, even though our fathers are there, wraps his arms around me, humming softly. I don't recognize the tune. My father suddenly becomes preoccupied with something important and Mr. Hawthorne follows him out of the house. Gale and I are alone for the first time in forever. He seizes the moment. Scooping me up off the ground, he carries me into my father's bedroom and lays me down on the bed. My heart starts beating very fast.
"You need to get some rest Katniss," he sits down next to me.
No, I think to myself. I need to go to the bathroom and throw up. I need to come up with some strategy to get my loved ones out of the arena in time. I need to…
"You're right Gale," I say, ignoring how miserable I feel.
He lies down next to me. "When you were in the arena, every day I prayed for you to stay alive and not get hurt. Of course you did get hurt, but you're still here. We can pray for our families. We can pray for Peeta. Everything will be alright Catnip," Gale combs through my hair and my eyes start to glaze over.
Everything will be alright. Maybe he's right. Maybe there is a way out of this. A way we can save everyone.
"Besides," he continues, "in the end, you know you'll still have…"
I throw my arms around him and kiss him. It's quite unexpected, but Gale only takes a second to adjust to my mood swings. At least everything that's going on will be a decent excuse for quick changes in emotion. I try to push all thoughts of my pregnancy away.
Gale and I become lost in another world. After awhile I say, "I'll always have you, right?"
Gale catches his breath, "Yes, of course."
I smile, "Good. At least that's one thing I can count on."
I fall asleep and Gale is still lying there next to me. I wonder if he'll keep my nightmares away.