(5)

I am running barefoot. With every step another thorn goes up my foot, leg or arm. Blood is gushing out of all the cuts and it leaves a trail on the ground. In the distance I see Peeta. He is facing away from me. Does he know I'm coming? I run faster and faster, so I can get to him. Finally, I am right behind him. Before I can touch his back, I fall to the ground, succumbing to the pain. I stretch my arm out so I can just barely touch his foot. It's as cold as ice.

Turning around, or rather, falling around, I see that a dagger has pierced through his stomach. He collapses next to me. Looking at his face, it is pale white and there is a stream of blood trickling out of his mouth. I yell in pain. I'm going into labor.

Gale shakes me out of my nightmare. "Katniss!? What's wrong?" He is screaming at me.

I catch my breath and clutch my stomach. The nightmare had seemed so real. I get up quickly, almost too fast. The blood rushes to my head. Gale reaches out for me, but I'm already headed to the bathroom. I don't even have time to close the door before I vomit. Gale comes in and pats my back as I empty my stomach. My lip is quivering and I'm shaking. Instinctively, Gale starts rubbing my belly. He has no idea what is really going on. I have to tell him. I'm about to when he helps me up and says, "Katniss, you'd tell me if there was something wrong, right?"

I nod. He must already know. Why else would he say something like that at a time like this? So, I figure now is not the time to admit what's happened to me. There is a knock on the front door. Gale tells me to go back to bed. I do as he says. Our fathers are back. I wonder how long I was asleep. I rest my head on my father's soft pillow. In a few minutes, Gale comes in with some buttered toast. I eat it slowly, unsure of how my stomach will react. I spend most of my time staring up at the ceiling. How many nights has my father done the same thing? The staring, I mean. After a while, I fall asleep. No nightmares this time.

The next day, my father is looking over me when I wake up. I've been spending a lot of time in bed lately. "How'd you sleep?" he asks.

"Pretty well," I lie. Anyone could tell from the messed up bed sheets that I was tossing and turning all night. Where did my father sleep?

It's almost as if he can read my mind, because he says, "I slept on the couch."

I manage to smile a little bit, "How did you sleep?"

He stretches out his back, "It was a little rough, but I managed."

"Where's Gale?" I ask leaning over to peer out of the bedroom door.

"Now, now, Katniss. You'll see him soon," he talks to me like I'm five.

"Ok," I mumble.

The day seems to pass very slowly. Finnick comes in during the afternoon. We talk a little about the Games. He purposely avoids any mention of Annie and I don't bring her up either.

Madge also comes in for a visit. She explains why Gale was being the way he was. Gale had apparently been confiding in Madge about his feelings for me. Even though I try with all my heart to believe that there was no affection between Gale and Madge, I find it hard to convince myself of it. Like that glance Madge shot Gale when he touched me. Was there a hint of jealousy? She also explains that District 13 should believe I'm completely in love with Peeta to give something more to fight for. Madge and Gale should appear to be a couple. I just keep nodding, hoping she'll finish talking and leave me to rest. After some time, she notices my fatigue and leaves me be.

When Haymitch visits me, he doesn't say much. Our discussions quickly die out.

"What time are the Tribute Profiles on?" I attempt to make conversation.

"Eight," he says.

"Oh, ok. are you going to watch with us?"

"We'll see."

Several minutes would pass before either of us made another attempt to talk. Finally, after I can't take the silence anymore, I inquire, "When should I tell them?"

There is no need to clarify what I mean. Haymitch sighs and takes his time to say something. "Do it when they are distracted," he eventually resolves.

"Ok," I reply while I think over what he's just said. Everyone is already distracted with a lot to think about. When will everyone be more distracted? When the Games start? I can imagine all of us, sitting around the TV, and the announcer yelling, "Let the 75th Annual Hunger Games begin!" Then I picture myself standing up in front of the television and saying, "Did I mention I'm having a baby?"

No. I don't think that's what Haymitch meant. He leaves me and I rest up for another hour. When I wake, I check the time. 7:48. Slowly, I make my way out of bed. Although I still feel miserable, my condition has slightly improved.

I walk out of the bedroom and into the living room. Finnick, Gale and Madge are seated comfortably on the couch. My father and Mr. Hawthorne are each in individual chairs. Haymitch is standing by the door. I wonder where Plutarch, Beetee, and Leanore are. And what about anyone else that was on the hovercraft?

For the first time, I notice I'm wearing different clothes. I wonder who changed me. Gale, seeing my confusion, calls out, "You're a heavy sleeper."

So it was Gale. I can't lie. This makes me feel uncomfortable. Maybe what Peeta had said in the elevator about me being pure was true. The idea of Gale stripping me down and putting on other clothes while I sleep makes me a little squeamish. Is there something wrong with that?

I think I may have blushed when he said that. Finnick scoots over to make room for me next to Gale on the couch. I like how in my father's house no one has put on an act. So, I curl up next to Gale and throw my arms around him. The warmth of another person is a feeling I long for. Even if it is Gale and not Peeta.

I whisper into his ear, "Thanks for staying with me last night."

"No problem," he replies.

The television is turned on and we all become absorbed. The anthem plays and President Snow comes on screen.

"Good evening ladies and gentlemen of Panem. Are you ready to learn some more about this Games' tributes?" Everyone in our living room just stares at the television, "Ok. Our first tribute, Annie Cresta, is an old friend of Katniss' from way back when."

Finnick takes deep breaths. I do too. Not because I'm angry, but because I'm starting to feel sick again.

President Snow reviews some footage of Annie and goes over her stats. I wonder why Caesar Flickerman isn't hosting. Then, President Snow says every tribute is given one minute to say something to all of Panem.

Annie is in a dark room with just a small light hanging over her head. A clock is running above her head. A countdown from one minute. She stares at the camera. After about ten seconds, she begins her speech, "Finnick, I miss you. I want you. I need you. Help me. Help Katniss." She pauses after each one and her minute goes by very slowly. It seems like she is struggling to say everything. "Finnick, I love you. Remember when we were young, how we…"

She is cut off. I look over at Finnick. His eyes are teary. The whole presentation for Annie only lasted about three minutes. The next thing I know, they are talking about Cinna. During his minute, he talks about me and what a great opportunity it was to work with me. He talks a little about Portia. Overall, he is just saying thanks. No good-byes. No regrets. Just, thanks for a shot at life. I wish I could approach life the same way he does.

I sit through every profile. All the footage. The last minute to say anything they wanted to. I start breaking down when we get to Peeta. They spend a little extra time on Peeta. They review an emotional scene from the 74th Games. Then to entertain the Capitol, they count out all of the kisses we've shared on screen. I lose track after our engagement.

Peeta doesn't waste any time during his last minute. "Katniss, even though I know you may never hear this, I have to tell you some things. Firstly, I've been in love with you ever since the day my father pointed you out to me at school. I don't even know if you knew me back then, but I sure did know you. You lit up my life and I never could stop thinking of you. When the Games came around, I was devastated. I knew I wouldn't be able to see you die, so I did everything I could to keep you alive. And I did," he laughs half-heartedly, "in a way. Secondly, I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I don't care where you, what you've done, I love you," he starts to break down. Cold tears start streaming down his face. I notice I'm crying too. Here I am with Gale. Peeta has always loved me. Gale hasn't. I know what he is saying is true. He isn't just putting it on for the cameras. Peeta is speaking directly to me.

"I love you Katniss Everdeen."

I stand up, nudging Gale aside. Going up to the screen, I touch his face and say the very words I've been holding back for well over a year. "I love you too, Peeta Mellark."

Everyone behind me is quiet. There are no cameras. They all know this. I truly and sincerely mean what I have just said. Peeta's face is gone from the screen and I go back to my seat. All their eyes are trained on me. My solemn face, my tears. I ignore them all and watch Peeta come up on the screen again. This time he is holding my hand in the chariot. They are showing Portia's work. I remember what was going on in my mind at the very moment. I wasn't thinking any loving thoughts. But circumstances have changed. I've changed and so has Peeta.

For the rest of the show, I just sit quietly and watch. No comments. No more tears. All of it is going on inside my head. When the show is finally over, President Snow says he has one final announcement. "This is going to be a very special Quarter Quell. Because of it, we need a lot of time to organize and perfect the Arena. After all, the Gamemakers usually have on year to make it work! So, unfortunately for everyone, the Games will be delayed for eight months."

Eight months! My head darts around with thoughts. Finnick stands up in shock, "Why could they possibly be delaying the Games for eight whole months?"

The anthem plays and it hits me all in one moment. I know why.

Haymitch says, "It will give us more time to plan."

Finnick retorts, "Then why on Earth would they do it?"

I speak up, "It's because I'm pregnant."

At first, everyone is silent. Mouths remain ajar, half-formed theories still on the tip of their tongues. Gale is the first to swallow them.

"Oh?" he gives me such a nasty look that I nearly fall over. I guess he didn't know about my pregnancy after all. "Is that so?"

He starts pacing back and forth very quickly. Flailing his arms, rubbing his temples, he says, "And I suppose Peeta is the father?" He curses, "I didn't think you'd fall for any of that sappy romance stuff. Jeez Katniss, up until about an hour ago, I thought... I thought…"

Haymitch speaks up, "She's about 6 weeks along. Gale, I swear she just found out the other day."

Gale glares at me. It is not a look of dislike. It is a look of hatred.

Mr. Hawthorne has carefully slipped into the bathroom. My father looks shocked, almost disappointed. Finnick is exchanging glances with Madge. The whole time, Gale keeps an intense stare at me.

I gasp for air. "Gale, it's not like that! It wasn't planned or wanted. Listen to me, Gale Hawthorne!" I start to break down. Maybe it's just my hormones, but my head is going rampant between Peeta and Gale. I run to Gale.

"Gale Hawthorne," I grab his face in my hands. He tries to push me away, but I hold onto him. "My relationship with Peeta is not superficial. You need to understand this! He does things for me that you can't do. He protects me. He comforts me. He loves me, Gale! He loves me more than anyone and anything and I… I feel the same way."

Gale looks hurt. His anger as passed.

I lean into his face very close, creating a special bubble for just the two of us. "When Peeta sleeps with me, I don't have nightmares."

"And how often do you sleep together?" His lips brush against mine ever so slightly.

I ignore his question, "His presence soothes me and I lose all my troubles. Gale, you just add to them."

"Sorry." That's when he kisses me, even with everyone watching this exchange between us. It seems to last forever and I go limp. He holds me up. When he is done he says, "Peeta won't be a very fitting father."

"I never wanted to have children. I never wanted to marry. Circumstances change things," I say as I catch my breath.

"Ha. Yeah, I know."

"But I have to save Peeta. We've got to rescue him even if I'll be a balloon by the time the Games start."

"I'm going to help you through this, Katniss."

"Through what?" I say. My fingers release his face and travel down his back.

"Through your… condition."

"I'm not sick. I'm just--"

"Don't say it!" Gale cuts me off.

"Just accept it. Don't be childish."

"I'm not being childish. I just don't want to talk about it."

"Gale, you aren't the father. You can't just assume you'll take Peeta's place," It's ridiculous how Gale is reacting to the news.

"I need to help you," he replies, "You can't go through this alone."

I don't say anything, but I think inside, I don't want to go through this with you! I'd be more comfortable with Haymitch, or even Finnick. Gale is definitely going to make things more complicated. But I nod and sigh.

I let go of him and look around at all the people in the room. Gale is right about one thing. I can't go through this alone. I need support. Madge comes up to me and gives me a hug. I thank her silently. She is the only female support I have.

Haymitch leads my father into the kitchen and they talk for awhile. It's getting late, so I climb into bed. I try to shut out my problems, crawl out of the hole I threw myself in to. What have I done?

When I wake up, no one is in the house. I empty the contents of my stomach in the bathroom and then warily proceed to make myself some breakfast. I feel miserable. After last night's confession, I wonder if I was too early. Did Haymitch want me to tell them so soon?

Another thing that was bothering was that if I'm correct, if the Capitol postponed the Games because of my pregnancy, then how did they find out it was true? Wouldn't they think that Peeta had made up everything he said? There's no way to know for sure, but for some reason, it bothers me that I don't know.

Around noon, my father finally comes back home. I'm just lying in bed again.

"Where'd you go?" I ask almost as soon as he comes in. He comes to the bed and sits down.

"We had a conference. Everyone thinks it's best if you don't come to the meetings. We've made a few decisions. Because you'll be physically unfit to come with us when we save all your friends, you shouldn't know what the plans are," he says with a slight edge to his voice. He sounds a bit angry.

I think this is completely unfair, but I don't really feel like arguing. "So, what am I going to do? Just stay in bed for seven and a half months? Sounds like loads of fun to me."

"Madge is going to take care of you. We all decided it was best to separate you and Gale."

"Why?" I ask out of general curiosity. I have to admit I'm half relieved and half annoyed.

"Things are going to be very hard on you emotionally Katniss. We can't have you suffering because you have conflicting feelings for Peeta and Gale."

I swear the man is in my head. "I've never talked to anyone about it," I say.

"You've been keeping it all inside. I think you should talk to somebody about it," he grabs my hand.

"Alright. Are you willing to hear about all the drama?"

"Of course."

For nearly an hour I explain my life with Gale and Peeta and how I feel for both of them. I undergo an emotional roller ride. One minute I've given my father all the reasons for why Gale and I should be together and then the next moment, I'm telling him about how much I love Peeta. I tell him everything. All my feelings, all my lovers' characteristics, exactly what went on between Peeta and me in the first Games. After I've poured out my heart, my father says I should get some rest.

I ask him a question, "If you were me, and you weren't so emotionally distraught, who would you pick?"

He kisses my forehead, "You know I'd want a real connection. But I'd also want the best for myself. I'd want to feel loved and cherished and remembered."

"So your answer is…"

"Suicide?" he says with a humorous expression.

"Not funny dad."

"Without a shadow of a doubt in my mind," he lowers his voice, "I would pick the boy with the bread."

And so, my undying love for Peeta begins.