The first thing Buford thought when he walked into her room was purple. Then, Jewish. Then he wondered just how old you had to be to be a Fireside Girl, 'cause apparently sixteen is still age appropriate. Then he glanced at the owner of the room. She sat at her vanity, brushing out her hair and humming some fruity-poppy sounding song. He shuffled impatiently and shifted against the closet door.

"So... What do you want?"

She put the brush down and turned to face him, folding her hands on her crossed knee. "I need your help."

"With?..." He looked at her expectantly, waiting for her to ask him to move a dresser or something. Because why else would she need him? Whatever it was, he hoped he could just get it done so he could go home. It was spaghetti night tonight, and mom promised to use REAL meatballs and everything.

Isabella took a deep breath and looked at her hands. "I need you... to date me."

There was a pause. He stared at her, hands in his pockets as he listened to the star-shaped clock tick above him. Then he figured out what she said. "You want me to WHAT?"

"Date me." She continued to notice her manicure as she explained. "See, there's... this guy I've been in love with for a long time... since the third grade..."

"Phineas." Buford deadpanned. He didn't wanna say the girl was as obvious as the sun, but that Dinner Bell didn't realize she was head-over-heels for him by now meant he must have had some form of mental retardation along with that creative mind of his. "What's that have to do with me dating you?"

She gave him a small glare before continuing slowly. "...It seems kind of like I've wasted all this time for him to realize how I feel." Her face fell for a second, then she schooled herself back to a confident look. "So I've decided, no more. My plan is to date someone else, and either forget Phineas completely or make him jealous so he'll see he loves me too." The tone of her voice made it apparent which outcome she was hoping for.

Buford blinked slowly, raising his eyebrows slightly. "Wow... You really are crazy." He ignored her glare and asked casually, "So why me?"

"Well, this could be a potentially shallow course of action, so I couldn't ask Ferb and risk ruining the relationship between two brothers. Plus, with his record with girls..." She trailed off and he nodded. Ever since Ferb brought a 22-year old to homecoming, he'd been labeled certified 'Sex God' (or 'Man Whore', depending on who you asked). "And Baljeet is nice, but he's too..." She pursed her lips, looking for the right word. "...Baljeeti. I don't really trust any other boys well enough for something like this, so that just-"

"Leaves me." He finished.

She nodded, looking him in the face with pleading eyes. "So... What d'ya think?"

He leaned against the lilac wallpaper, looking around the room again as he thought. She was right. It was shallow. Because from what he was hearing, she wasn't over Phineas, and wasn't gonna be anytime soon, regardless of who's arm she's on. And so if he agreed he'd be a tool. An enabler. Instead of growing out of the crush, he would be helping her bury it deeper which could be potentially harmful in the future. He'd have to have the worst conscience in the world to go through it.

On the other hand..."What's in it for me?"

She blinked, taken aback by this question. He wasn't sure if it was because he wanted something back, or that he might be considering it. "...The satisfying feeling that you're helping a friend and the image of having a cute girlfriend by your side?" She gave him a winning smile.

Buford's face remained stoic. "No, really."

Her smile deflated. "I'll get you a months supply of Fire Side Cupcakes."

His face brightened. "I'm in." And honestly, what did he have to lose? Yeah, it was crazy and petty and could completely ruin their friendship, but damn if those cupcakes weren't worth it.

"Great!" A look of relief swept over her and that 100-watt smile was fixed back on her face. Then she hopped up from her seat, turned and walked over to her bed. "Now come here."

He watched her with disconcerted eyes and raised an eyebrow. "Why?"

"Duh." She rolled her eyes at him and hopped onto the mattress. "So we can make out."

~O~

Wow, wow. OK, I just realized how crazy this plot is. Oh wow, oh jeez. Well I started it so I'll finish it. K. Wow.

R&R on the craziness, if you'd like.