A/N: Happy belated birthday to Dandy Fairy Lily for yesterday. I hope 23 is everything you want it to be.

So, I'm real nervous about this chapter. I haven't had such a heavy dialogue chapter since LIALM, and the story with Lucy isn't the nicest one to tell, but I'm guessing you've probably figured that out by now.

Chapter 19

Elena was just starting to loosen her grip on Damon a little, when he turned into a street on the very outskirts of town. He stopped in front of an old, dirty white weatherboard house. Judging by the overgrown weeds, and decrepit state of the garden out the front, it was currently unoccupied. Damon turned off the bike, dismounted, and offered Elena his hand, so she could do the same.

Once she was off the bike, she took her helmet off and shook out her hair. Damon thought she looked like she belonged in a shampoo advertisement. He spent a moment imagining her in a leather jacket and stilettos. God, he was in a bad way; his and hers matching leather jackets next.

He led her around the back of the house. Next to the backdoor there was a window missing a piece of glass and Damon put his hand through the hole and fiddled with the lock. Elena watched him with a worried expression.

"Relax," he told her. "No-one lives here."

"I'm more worried about you cutting yourself on the glass."

"You're here for first aid."

Once he'd unbolted the door, he removed his arm, turned the handle, and pushed the door open. It groaned as if it hadn't been opened in a very long time. While Damon walked right in, Elena hesitated briefly, before stepping over the threshold.

She didn't like the feel of the place at all. It was more than the dirty windows, and floors. It was more than the fading sunlight which made the house feel dark. There was something about this place that made her want to shiver. Damon led her through a washing room, and into the kitchen, with ugly green laminate benches, and finally into a large open room with wooden floorboards and a fireplace filled with old newspaper.

"This is the first house I remember us living in," he said to her. "My father was a salesman at one of the car yards in town. He made good money. Mom said he could sell ice to Eskimos."

He was smiling, but there was a faraway look on his eyes.

"Your grandmother said, Salvatore men could be very…charming," she told him.

"She was right. Anyway, around the time I was seven, Dad stopped coming home for dinner every night. I asked Mom why he didn't come home anymore. She told me he was working late."

"But he wasn't working late," she guessed.

"He wasn't working the caryard, which closed at five pm every night." He paused. "One night, after Stefan and I had gone to bed, I heard Mom crying. I walked in and found her right here, at our table. When I asked her why she was crying, she told me that Dad wouldn't be coming home at all anymore."

It happened. It was always hard when it did, but it happened. She nodded, wanting him to continue.

"It turned our whole world upside down. He took our savings out of the bank and left town with some nineteen year old he'd met at the bar one night, and we lost everything; had to move in with my aunt. Mom hadn't had a job since I was born, but faced with two hungry mouths to feed, she found a job in town waiting tables. As soon as she could afford to, she went back to school, and studied business."

After being left for a younger woman, Anita had just got up, brushed herself off, and kept going.

"Wow," Elena said. "She was tough."

"She was because she had to be. Come on, I'll show you the rest of the house." He led her along a darkened hallway. "It used to be a nice place. That was my room."

To Elena it was just am empty room, but to Damon it was obviously more; perhaps a reminder of what was in his past. He went on to show her the rest of the house, before they wound up back in the room with the fireplace.

Damon threw his jacket on the dirty floor, and motioned for her to sit, before plonking himself down next to her. The sunlight was dwindling rapidly now, and Damon took a box of matches out of his pocket, lit one, and threw it into the grate. She watched the newspaper jump to life as flames devoured it. Damon reached in front on him and picked up a few scattered papers, before he scrunched them up, threw them into the grate, and continued on with his story.

"Between school and work, we didn't see much of Mom," he told her.

"That would have been hard on you and Stefan."

"We managed."

"You played big brother."

"I helped out around the house, chased Stefan around. I learned how to cook," he shrugged as if it was nothing.

"You did your part."

"I knew this wasn't the way Mom would have chosen it, but she just got on with it."

Elena nodded. The pride he felt for his mother and the way she'd handled things was obvious when he spoke.

"Eventually, she had enough money for us to move out of Aunt Lydia's and into our own rental. When she finished school, she got a job managing a dance studio in town. She worked nights at the café, and days at the dance studio, and after five years or working two jobs, she had enough for a deposit on a house."

"Wow, that's really incredible, Damon."

"I was eighteen when I met Lucy. She started going to the dance studio Mom worked at."

Elena nodded. He already had her undivided attention, but if possible she was listening even more closely now.

"She was the same age as me. I thought we were just having fun at first, but a few dates turned into a few more dates, and the next thing I knew I was in a relationship."

He turned to face her and gave her a self deprecating smile. "It was different, but it wasn't all bad. To start off with."

"What happened?"

"We were using condoms. Onetime one broke."

Elena tried not to gasp.

"It was only the one time unprotected, but four weeks later, a test confirmed she was pregnant."

"You were just eighteen?"

Damon nodded. "As if that wasn't a big enough shock at the time, Dad turned up on the doorstep about two weeks later."

It would have felt like his whole life was spinning out of control at once. "Completely out of the blue?"

"Totally unexpected. I didn't want Mom to let him into the house, but she insisted everybody deserved a second chance. She thought Dad had changed in the time he'd been away."

"He just moved back in?" Elena asked.

"Like he'd never even left. For the first few weeks everything was fine," Damon continued. "Lucy decided she wanted to have the baby, and Mom was glowing because Dad was back."

"She was happy," Elena stated.

"Over the moon, if you can believe."

"And you were…?"

"I was completely freaking out," Damon told her. "I was eighteen. I had no real money other than what I was making working at the hardware store at the time. I'd grown up hearing all this stuff about Salvatore men. I didn't want Lucy to have that baby."

Between what had happened with his own father, and what his paternal side of the family had been telling him since he'd been a young child, she could only imagine what he was thinking about everything.

"What happened after those first few weeks?" she asked him.

"One night I came home, and Dad was still out. I knew something was wrong, even though Mom insisted everything was fine. I walked straight out of the house to look for him."

"Where did you find him?" Elena was dreading the answer already.

"In the first place I looked – the bar. He was hitting on one of the girls in there. I went straight home and told Mom what I'd seen."

"She didn't believe you?" she guessed, judging by the look on his face.

"She didn't believe it was anything she needed to worry about."

Elena shook her head. "That would have been frustrating."

He must have thought history was repeating itself all over again.

"I thought she was being so stupid," he told her, and she could hear the anger in his voice. "After everything she'd worked towards, I couldn't understand why she wouldn't kick him out."

"Did you ever ask her?"

"She told me she loved him. It was like that explained everything. Dad was still the same sack of shit he'd always been, and I knew he wouldn't change. I begged Lucy not to have the baby, after that. I didn't want that child to grow up and experience what I had. Lucy outright refused to have a termination. I should have handled things differently, but at the time…I was just so angry. I couldn't think straight."

Elena could also see he hadn't just been angry. He had been scared; petrified even, of becoming his father all over again, of inflicting the messed up youth he'd experienced on another child, of Lucy winding up just like his mother.

"I started drinking a lot."

She braced herself. Had he hit Lucy? When she'd been pregnant? Anger, alcohol and frustration were a bad combination for anyone. Her face must have reflected where her thoughts were headed.

"I never hit her, but I may as well have. I was what some might call verbally abusive, and I started sleeping around. I wasn't subtle about it either. I flaunted a parade of women in her face."

Elena ached inside for both Damon and Lucy. They'd both been so young, and neither of them had had any idea how to handle the situation or each other.

"The more I hurt her, the more convinced I became that I was just like my dad; that I was just behaving normally. My family had predicted it after all. It was who I was."

She wondered if Damon's family had any idea just how effectively they'd destroyed his self-image.

"Did it go on like that for long?" she asked gently, when he stopped talking.

"Long enough. She was about fifteen weeks when she miscarried." He laughed bitterly. "I was in bed with one of her friends at the time. When I got to Lucy in the hospital, she was heavily sedated, but once she got home, she said it was my fault she'd miscarried. She called me a murderer."

"Oh, Damon."

Elena moved closer to him, and took his hand. His eyes never left the fireplace. What a tragedy, Elena thought. She could almost feel the guilt he'd experienced. At fifteen weeks, there was no telling what the cause of the miscarriage might have been, but both Lucy and Damon had placed the blame on him.

"She slit her wrists a week later. I found her on the kitchen floor of her house, bleeding out. I thought she was dead. I spent the entire ambulance trip to the hospital thinking I'd killed her as well."

The look on his face was pure anguish.

"God, Damon. I'm so sorry."

"Once the doctors told me she would survive, I left her with her mother and friends and got the hell out of there."

"Where did you go?"

"I went home, and got into a huge fight with Dad. Lucy's mother had called when I was on the way, and told them everything. Dad called me a royal fuck-up, and I told him if he wanted to see a fuck-up he should look in the mirror. He tried to kick me out of the house."

"Your mom wouldn't let him?"

"She was upset about Lucy, but no, she didn't want me to leave. She told Dad that it was too late to come home and be a father, when he'd been gone so long, but I wanted to leave anyway. I had my bag packed within an hour, and I drove to Chicago."

"Did you ever speak to Lucy again?" she asked somewhat hesitantly, wanting to know the end of the story.

"I called her six months later, but Alice answered the phone."

"The friend of Lucy's you met on tour?"

"The one and only. She told me never to call her again."

She nodded, thinking he had been happy enough with that answer.

"So, what did you end up doing in Chicago?"

"I took a job selling cars, would you believe? Turns out I was just as good as Dad at selling bullshit."

Damon remembered the haze of booze, sex and experimentation that had been his time in Chicago. He'd actually started writing his first book there. At the time it was meant to be like a warning for women, but when it had come to publishing the book, the marketing team had thought an egotistical asshole would be a much better angle for selling books. By the time it had come to that, he hadn't cared; he'd just needed the money.

"Why did you come back to Mystic Falls?" she asked him.

"Mom called me one day, and told me Dad had been in a car accident. Twelve hours later, Stefan called me and said Dad had died from heart failure."

At no time had Elena realized that Damon's dad was actually dead.

"I didn't realize…"

Damon nodded, and continued. "I didn't want to come home, but Stefan told me Mom was a mess, and she wanted me there." He shrugged his shoulders. "I hadn't really made any permanent ties in Chicago. I quit my job, and came back the day of the funeral."

"Anita and Stefan must have been happy to have you back."

"They were too busy sorting out the gigantic mess that Dad had left behind." He shook his head. "My uncle, my grandfather, and even my great grandfather all have their own stories to tell, but Dad, he was…"

Damon had no words for what his dad was. Just thinking about him, made him want to punch something very hard.

"Dad had a gambling problem. Stefan said it started while I was away, but there's no way that's the truth. I think he was well on the downward spiral before he came back."

"Do you think it was the reason he came back?" Elena asked.

"Mom was nothing but a meal ticket and a way to feed his addiction. He was a clever son of a bitch to hide it so well. He talked Mom into remortgaging the house, to cover the debts he owed."

"She didn't," Elena said. "Not after all that hard work."

"Oh, she did. Of course, at the time she didn't know that he'd been stealing petty-cash from the dance studio where she'd been working."

Elena shook her head. "That's-"

"Bad, but it's not the end of it. The whole time he'd been back, Mom had kept a separate bank account. She called it her retirement fund. She was so proud," he told her, "to go from being dependent on a man, to saving for her future. It was a huge accomplishment for her."

Elena was just waiting for what he was going to say next.

"The day Dad had his accident, he'd found where she kept her keycode. He'd withdrawn as much money as he could from the machine in town, and taken off. Between that and the stealing from her work…Mom was a mess."

"I can imagine," Elena said quietly.

"The day he took the money, was the day the day the police had started asking questions at the dance studio. He had no intention of coming back here, Elena. He had the car accident as he was speeding away with part of Mom's retirement fund in his back pocket. Mom had reached her limit for usefulness."

"I'm so sorry. For all of you."

It was a tough lesson to have to learn twice, and something Stefan had said from their date came back to her.

"Damon was right in the end, but by the time Mom and I realized it was too late. I don't think Damon ever really forgave either of us for giving Dad another chance."

"You're sorry. Jesus, have you not heard a word I've said?"

She was taken aback by how furious he sounded. "I've heard everything you've just said."

"Then by now, and after meeting my family, you realize that Salvatore men are everything that you should stay away from."

His face was taut, and she could hear the frustration in his voice. "What you've told me doesn't change the way I feel about you, or what I think about you."

"How can it not?" he asked her, staring at her. "It should change everything, Elena. What I did to Lucy; what Dad did to Mom, how can you not think less of me?"

"You've made some bad choices," Elena started.

"Bad choices," he repeated, almost looking disgusted by her analogy.

"Yes, bad choices. It's not who you are now. You can't let those things define you."

"I don't know who I am because I haven't had a relationship since then. I don't know if I'd do it again."

"Would you do that to me?"

"I don't want to think so, but-"

They turned to face each other properly now. "Look at the fact that you've done everything you possibly can to protect me from yourself. You could have taken advantage of me so many times, but you never did."

"You could have been, and still could be, in a lot of trouble because of me."

"It's my life, Damon. Only I can take responsibility for what I choose. You don't get to take that on."

He was shaking his head as if he disagreed, but couldn't quite work out how to make her see his point.

"Is that everything?" she asked him. "I mean about Lucy, and your father?"

"That's everything that I can think of right now."

"Then you've given me all the information. What I do with that is up to me."

"And you still want this? You still want to try this relationship thing?"

"Yes," she breathed. "Of course."

He nodded, as if it say, 'okay then'. "There's one more thing I have to tell you."

"What's that?" she asked, holding her breath, because if anything he actually looked nervous, which in turn made her feel nervous. Most of the paper had burnt quickly, and the remaining bits of paper were glowing eerily.

"I don't want children, Elena. Or marriage. Ever. It's just not on the cards for me."

Under the circumstances she could understand that completely, but that didn't make it any easier to hear. She wanted those things, and while it was far too early in their relationship to be thinking about that, she could understand why he'd felt the need to state that now. Even looking at the tightness in his face, and his posture, she could see this was something he meant with every part of his being. It wasn't up for her to negotiate, or talk him out of.

She couldn't help but feel he was robbing himself of something that he would excel at, given the chance. Becoming a father would go a long way to repairing the damage his own father had done. He'd make a good father. She knew that instinctively. When she'd seen him with Joey earlier, she'd witnessed a softness to him that she'd never seen before. However, he didn't think he was capable of escaping the pattern the men in his family had set before him.

He'd learned from his mistakes, but he couldn't see that. The fact that he regretted them, and felt bad about them; and the fact that even now he was trying to do things differently with her proved that. But she couldn't, after everything he'd just said to her, tell him he was wrong. He'd suffered through his own childhood, and he'd suffered through inflicting pain upon others. He was quite clearly putting the boundary down and saying no more. It would be selfish of her to push the issue because she wanted it.

So now she could either continue dating him, knowing that this relationship would have a time limit on it. Marriage and children were not something she was willing to compromise on; they were her future. Or she could simply end things between them now.

Looking at his face it was obvious what he was expecting her to do, but she was very much in love with the man in front of her. She'd done everything she could to stay away from him, but it hadn't been enough. The pull between them was too strong, and they weren't close to done yet.

"Children and marriage are something I want," Elena told him.

He nodded. "What does that mean for us?"

"I'm not ready to end this."

"I'm not ready for that either, but you have to understand I'm not going to change my mind, Elena."

God help her if she ended up pregnant. "I do understand that, Damon, and I don't expect you to."

"We'll never really have a future together."

He was right. Their relationship would never really move past where it was now, with his no kids, no marriage rules, but she wouldn't expect anything different now. There was a chance he would change his mind, despite what he said now, but she couldn't count on that.

"Then let's not think about the future. Right now, in this moment, I want to be in a relationship with you."

"You really think it's that simple?"

"I do. We're two consenting adults. I don't see why we can't keep doing this until one of us decides it's not working anymore."

How could she possibly want to be with him, Damon wondered, after everything he'd just told her? He didn't understand it at all. She should be running out the door of this place where dreams came to die, not trying to convince him she wanted him to stick around.

"What else would you suggest?" she asked him, moving right next to him, and wrapping her arms around his waist.

"I don't know," he said to her, rubbing his chin over the top of her head.

He'd given her all the facts. He'd warned her. If this was what she wanted then what else could he do? He'd hoped that this place in his past would show her what she could expect if she stayed with him, but it didn't seem to have made any difference at all.

She put her hand on the side of he looked at her. Her eyes were filled with a tenderness that was misplaced. No-one should be able to look at him like that, after what he'd done. She moved onto her knees, leaned forward and kissed him softly, before pulling away and leaning her head on his shoulder for a moment.

"I love you," she whispered. "Can we go home now?"

He'd actually planned on taking a drive out to his favorite lookout, but instead he took her back to her place and headed home. For some reason he had a burning need to write after all the emotions that had been stirred up today. Elena had been disappointed he'd left so quickly, but when he'd mentioned he wanted to write, she'd looked downright pleased. He bought a burger, from his favorite burger joint, on the way home, and walked in the door with the intention of eating next to his typewriter. The sound of someone clearing their throat, however, had him stopping in his tracks.

"Very brave of you to come here," he said, upon finding Katherine sitting on his couch.

"Did you really think you'd seen the last of me? I told you, you would regret it, Damon."

"What do you want?"

After a day spent divulging his personal shames, and a family get together, he was spent.

"I need your help."

"Too bad. We're not together anymore."

"I was hoping it wouldn't come to this, but I have something I think you should see."

When she took a DVD out of her bag, he prayed it wasn't what he thought it was.

"Put it on," she said to him.

He didn't want to, but he had to see what was on it. He snatched the disk out of her hand, and put in the player, turning on the TV at the same time. All the blood left his face as he stared at the picture on the screen. It was footage from the first hotel stop on his book tour. It had been taken in the elevator, on the first night. While no-one would be able to see what he had been doing under Elena's skirt, his arm was quite clearly around her, and he was kissing her neck.

"As you can see," Katherine started, "I'm holding the winning hand."

He turned on her. She was the most manipulative, self-serving, woman he'd ever known. He would rather do anything else but help her, but she had the leverage she'd been looking for. There was nothing he wouldn't do to make sure Elena never had to see that.

"What is it Katherine? What do you need my help for?"

A/N: Two more chapters and an epilogue to go. Thank you to all my anonymous reviewers who I can't thank personally. Some more information about Kat will come out next chapter, for the reviewer who asked for it.

I know you were all hungry to hear about Lucy. Thanks for your patience, and as always, thanks for reading and please review.