Another chapter!
Written by Komodoking, checked by GGbro. He'll probably kill me but meh.

The morning klaxon blared out. Hypo turned over in the thin-sheeted bed, trying to block out the blaring noise by covering his ears with the pillow. He groaned. It had been rough just getting terribly drunk with the stranger at the bar, then getting abducted by monkeys in sharp suits had been weird, but this was just ridiculous. He felt drained. All he wanted was to sleep in a little longer, to just get himself rested...

"MYEOW!" he yowled as Snake, who was, coincidentally, a rattlesnake, suddenly bit into his tail. "What the heck, Snake, what do you think you're doing?" he yelled as Snake retracted his fangs.

"Sssorry, Hypo, I get exited by the klaxon. I sleep closest to it." Snake hissed. Hypo was grateful for Snake choosing the bed next to the klaxon. There was his bed, then Flaky's, then his own in that relatively small tent. Snake continued explaining. "Also, did I tell you that your tail very well resssemblesss a female sssnake?"

Hypo flipped himself out of bed and shook himself. "You want female company? Talk to Flaky."

Snake chuckled. "Hypo, I hardly think that she qualifiesssss assssss female company." he hissed, turning to look at Flaky. She was tapping away at the computer keyboard, as she had been for some hours. Even though the klaxon went off at seven, Flaky would wake up at three, or five, and get to work. She would rather hack a security system than shower, but she still kept looking fresh, save the thick layer of dandruff that had built up in her quills. When the klaxon went off she would be wide awake and tapping away in the eerie silence. This had neutralised the effects of the klaxon's blare.

"Watcha doin', Flaky?" Hypo asked, looking over at her. She pressed enter and grinned triumphantly.

"Just hacked into the porcupine base. All their security mechanisms will have shut down by twelve." she informed them. Suddenly a deep voice cut through Flaky's victory smirk.

"Hypo! Flaky! Snake! Fall in for briefing!" the captain yelled at them. He was an old walrus and had an impatient attitude. Apparently he had 'been in more wars than they'd stared at beardy Scotsmen (snore)' but Hypo hadn't stared at a lot of bearded Scotsmen lately so he couldn't work that metaphor out as well as the Meerkat twins who had done a lot of things like this. With a sigh, Flaky heaved herself out of the computer chair and went to the field for morning briefing. Snake slithered out.

"Coming, Hypo?" he asked. Hypo shook his head.

"I'll... I'll come in a few minutes. I'll be there soon." he muttered. Snake shrugged (or he would have, Hypo thought, if he even had shoulders) and left. Hypo looked around. He took out a picture from a drawer. It was of him with a tall red cat with blue paws, ears, stripes, tail tip and a white karate suit and black belt, and a similar looking cat, but female, with lavender instead of red and mint instead of blue, and she was wearing a sky blue dress. How strong he looked, the male sensei cat, in that picture, Denkonodaro Darissicott, and how pretty she looked, the female cat, Celeste Darissicott, formerly Celeste Purity. Hypo smiled nostalgically. He was the young cat with the black belt and the black headband, standing in the middle, looking proud, holding a trophy. He looked pretty strong too, he thought to himself. This made him remember the words of the captain, that wise old walrus, on the first day...

Each porcupine can take out an ordinary army, but you're special, your fighting skills are outstanding, and each one of you could easily take out fifty of them, so you all know the plan, off you go...

Hypo was snapped out of his daydream by a sharp stinging pain in his left ear. The captain had entered his tent and bit him through the ear. Carrying him outside, he dropped him right next to the Meerkat twins.

"What's up, sleepyhead?" the first one asked him tauntingly.

"Can't stay awake?" the second one cut in before he could reply.

"Going to fall asleep?"

"Feeling tired?"

"Sixty seconds a minute?"

"Sixty minutes an hour?"

"Twenty four hours a day?"

"Seven days a week?"

"Eighty two weeks a year?"

"Thirteen years in a baker's dozen?"

Hypo shook his head and walked over to Snake and Flaky. He wasn't keen on those two, their incorrect facts and and arguable logic, and how they were practically joined at the hip and spoke consecutively. It reminded him too much of Harry Potter's Fred and George. Also, their names were Alan and Steve, which reminded Hypo about something, something very annoying, and how they were identical, save the fact that Alan had a black mask-like marking around his eyes and Steve's was a dark brown.

"Those guys are weird." Flaky sneered, one corner of her lip raising. She was fierce, like her fierce red quills. Hypo tightened his bandana. The old walrus blew into his war-horn. It looked like a medieval or Viking horn.

"Fall in! Today we're taking over the Porcupine base 52377." he barked. Flaky shuffled some papers and walked up to him with an utter air of confidence.

"Sir, this morning I hacked the security system." she announced. "All the coded doors malfunctioned..." she paused with a finger in the air. "...Three seconds ago. Entry will be partially flawless."

"Very good, Flaky." the walrus nodded. Flaky gave a little grin.

"There's more." she lowered her voice. "Squadron C are very religious. They always stop to pray at two o' clock."

The old walrus tutted. "Now, now Flaky. That's not very chivalrous."

"Chivalrous my ass!" Flaky snapped cheekily. A bat put his paw up.

"Hear hear!" he meekly shouted. He immediately pulled his paw down and hung his head. "Sorry, sir..."

"We rise at one thousand hours." the old army leader walrus declared, stroking his long, sharp fang. "Train, stock up, and for the love of all that is holy..."

There was a pause as everyone stared at him expectantly, waiting to know what not to do.

"Whatever you do..."

…

"Don't feed the plants."

Later...

"Nine hundred and ninety eight..." Hypo counted as he lifted the weight with his tail. "Nine hundred and ninety nine... one thousand." he put the weight down and took a bite of his bread and butter. He heard a loud horn outside.

"Come on, Hypo!" Flaky yelled from the truck. "We're leaving! Get your stuff and get over here!"

Hypo sighed. He grabbed his gun and kit and jumped into the truck. He, unfortunately, was sitting between Alan and Steve. The two Meerkats were naturally taller than him and a lot more irritating. He looked over to Flaky and Snake in the front of the truck and Bat, who, like Snake, was named after his species. Bat usually acted strong then meek, or accidentally did something tough. The bulky army truck silently stopped outside the base.

Alan and Steve hopped out of the back of the truck. "We'll cause a-" Alan started.

"Ruckus. Then you guys come in and beat the-" Steve carried on.

"Living daylights out of them." they both finished. With a squeak they dug under the ground and popped up in the conference room.

"Meerkats!" a tall green porcupine yelled. "Get them!"

"Boop!" Alan chirped, popping down. He popped up and pulled another porcupine's pants down. Steve popped up next to him.

"Got your wallet!" he laughed. The porcupines lunged at him but he dodged and passed the wallet to Alan. The two of them carried on messing about, pantsing porcupines, stealing wallets, knocking things over and raising a general ballyhoo. Finally a large, bulky orange and blue porcupine grabbed them by the necks.

"Slit their throats." the leader ordered. "Show them no mercy."

"Now!" Hypo yelled, running in and slashing some porcupines with a machete. Spinning in a circle, he slit the throats of another eight. Snake followed with a machine gin, his tail around the trigger. He fired and blasted the brains out of three porcupines standing in a row. He jammed it down the leader's throat and blasted his insides through his feet.

Bat ran in and hit a porcupine with his iron boxing glove. "Oops, sorry!" he apologised, turning around, braining another porcupine. "I didn't mean it!" he hit another. Every time he turned around he hit another until there was only three left.

"Retreat!" the tallest one said. They ran towards the door. Little did they know that Flaky was on the other side with a button box-

"Go!" Flaky smirked, pushing the button, bringing the door down and crushing the porcupines. She slammed on the button again and again, slamming it up and down and up and down, crushing them and splatting them and whacking them.

"Thatssss enough, Flaky." Snake hissed. She muttered something and opened the door. Snake, Hypo, Alan, Steve and Bat walked through the door, chattering triumphantly as they got back to the truck.

That night...

Hypo sat on the bed looking at the picture of him, Denkonodaro and Celeste. There was something that Celeste had told him before he went off on the army truck. But he couldn't quite remember...

Hypo... you can count on me... on us... if you're in trouble... you can count on us...

No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't remember the whole thing. Snake slithered up to him.

"Look at the tail on that." he hissed, startling Hypo. Hypo hid the picture under his pillow.

"Uh, nothing." he quickly said.

Snake shook his rattle-tail. "Anyway, we're going for a drink, okay? Becausssse I might jussst challenge you to a drinking contesssst."

Hypo fell back on his bed. "Nah, I don't drink like that."

Snake rolled his eyes. "Hypo, we dragged you here becausssse you were ssssskunk drunk."

"Oh well. I might as well. But if I get a hangover tomorrow, you'll be to blame."

So Snake guided Hypo to the bar. All eyes were on them as they sat down on the bar stools. Someone whispered about Hypo's hollow tail and Snake's hollow everything (leading to a cruel joke made by Bat, closely followed by an apology.).

The tall jaguar passed both of them a pint glass of beer. Hypo knocked his down in one gulp and Snake drained the glass like a vacuum cleaner. Jagger (the jaguar) nodded and filled the glasses again. Hypo and Snake simultaneously gulped theirs down and slammed them back to Jagger who filled them up. The drinks kept coming, the two of them kept chugging and Jagger kept refilling. Eventually Snake grew dizzy.

"Hypo... you're great, you're a great guy... you know that?" he slurred.

"Yeah, I knew that, buddy..." Hypo dizzily spouted.

"Pretty colourssss..." Snake muttered as he passed out.

"Hey look, I won... this reminds me of the time I stared at a bearded Scotsman... the year was nineteen seventy one and..." Hypo blinked and fell off the stool. He swallowed another drink and looked around. "Bearded Scotsmen are... everywhere!" he shouted, drunk, as he passed out and hit the floor...