Megan swallowed, "I never said I ever had anything to defend." putting the cup down with a resounding of Styrofoam hitting wood, she turned around in her chair. He raised his eyebrow, but sat quietly. "On the trip to New York I had plenty of time to decide that it was time to move on."
"And you're still thinking about doing that?" He led into the continuing conversation.
"You know the phrase, just when you think that you've figured it out?" He gave one subtle nod. "I keep going back to that—and every time it's just a little harder to come back. After assignment after everything I saw, it made my skills," She changed her word of thought, although her eyes reflected sadness. "Let's just say it gave me another view with a hard edge."
He cocked his head to the side, a line of understanding on his lips. "The other side may have been brutal, but I think we've both found that it's no heaven."
"Yeah, well it's definitely not something that I would like to do again." Megan sighed, a brief smirk of relief shadowed over her expression and she was glad that she was here and not there back in Washington D.C. Colby sat up, sitting back against his chair.
"Yeah. Me either." It was quiet between them, and Colby had an idea. "You know you may not be able to talk about those experiences, but they are always going to be there if you don't."
Turning towards him, she cocked her head to the side, with an almost amused expression. "You telling me that you've talked about every experience you've encountered while being a Chinese spy?" She asked wisely, now with a smirk just bordering on her lips.
"I'm starting to think that some of those experiences aren't meant for words. Not because they weren't meant to be said, but because not everybody needed to know what I was thinking at the time."
"And what about now?"
"I think I've wanted to but I've never found the right person to talk about it. What about you? Ever feel like talking about it?"
I've thought about it.
"Constantly." She reported carefully, picking out a file from the pile. "I'm not sure there was ever a time that I haven't thought about it."
"So much that you would think that no one would notice the change?" Her green eyes gazed at him, so much that he knew immediately that he had hit a chord. Colby shook his head. "You're not the only one who endured torture while away."
Turning the page of the file in front of her abruptly, Megan slowly started to compose herself. "What makes you so sure that I endured torture?"
"I had the same look that you've been carrying around for months."
"You know it's not the same after going through something that's life changing. Every case and victim we see and help, their lives will never be the same because they've seen another side that has changed them." Megan roughly pushed some hair back behind her ear. "Can you personally say that your life hasn't changed from what you've seen?"
Colby glanced somewhere in the distance, "No, actually it changes everything." stretching his arms out he stood from his seat, then sat back down. "When I was in the army I watched my friends die right next to me. " He shrugged, trying to shake of the feelings, the images that he saw going through his head. "And when I was on that boat I caused another person to die. Possibly even several people."
"You know that it wasn't your fault." The tone of her voice was comforting, although tired, which brought him back to the question in the back of his mind.
Colby shrugged. "Yeah, well. I guess I would owe him my life if he were still alive. I wouldn't be here if he hadn't of stepped in when he had." A short pause, "We've all been a little distant around here." One by one, his gaze traveled from each desk in thought, as if proving his point of his distant teammates. The gaze on her desk where she sat was given the most attention, followed by his own.
"More than a little distant." Megan let her chin rest against her hand, then sat up and closed the file in front of her, gently sliding it away. "I've barely been able to get one word that doesn't end in work around here."
"I guess that means you're still thinking about quiting." Standing up, he wheeled his chair back to his desk, gazing back constantly as he waited eagerly for her response. A part of him was concerned, and the other side of him didn't like seeing her like this; and yet he partially blamed himself for it.
Cocking her head to the side, she saw right through him. "We can all play the blame game, but this circle we're going in--and I've been thinking about quiting since I got back from assignment."
Colby walked back over and leaned against the wall of her cubicle. "I know. And you quiting wouldn't have anything to do with what happened back on assignment."
"That's partially why I have been thinking about. I was thinking about moving on to bigger and better things; trying something new for a change."
"What did you have in mind?" Crossing his arms across his chest, his stomach seemed to drop. She wasn't only a friend, but an amazing co-worker.
"One thought I had would to stay here and teach at the YMCA. The other that I would like to do would be to go back and get my doctorate and counsel women in prison."
"You talked about this with Larry?"
She shot him a wistful look. "We're slowly talking about everything. I don't think we're in that big of a rush to make a decision on what our relationship holds for the future." Her fingers lightly touched over the files.
Something in her tone tipped him off to ask, "Okay so no more long distance relationship, so why not now?"
"Let's just say that this time things are a little more complicated then the last time either one of us took flight."
"In what way? It's not like you and Larry are engaged..." Megan set a suspicious glance in his direction. Quickly grabbing some files she stood up, placed some files onto Don's desk and returned back to her desk. a moment later, "You're engaged to Larry."
"You really expect me to answer a question I don't intend on answering." She offered him a raise of her eyebrow, and a dry chuckle, "You'll just have to wait and see just like everybody else." Patting him on the shoulder both Don and David made their way out of the elevator and were headed in their direction.
This was going to be a long day.