Chapter 7

Graduation

Just two weeks after the funeral, candlelight shone from every window and illuminated the lawn and the guests walking across it toward the house. I stood near the open doorway to greet them, the up-tempo music spilling out to entice them further. Momma and the others stood a few steps away.

"You've outdone yourself again, Alice," Carlisle smiled at her.

"Yes, it's magic as usual," said Momma.

"Well, we were ready for some cheer, I think," Alice responded.

"That we were," Carlisle agreed.

Alice and Daddy had insisted on going ahead with my "graduation" party just two weeks after the burial. I guess Alice was right - everyone was ready for some cheer. The whole pack was coming, even Leah. And Billy. And of course, my whole family was there, including Poppa Charlie. I was on a jittery high. Jacob had been around all day helping us get ready and had laughed and joked with me just like nothing had changed. I tried to act the same. But this was the most time we had spent together since before the funeral, and now I was like someone on a crash diet suddenly finding a table full of their favorite food right in front of them. They can almost taste it, but can't quite enjoy it. I wanted so badly to be near him, but was terrified that at any second, I would forget myself entirely and just blurt out my feelings for him.

As evening descended over the lawn, I stood at the front door, greeting new arrivals. A car pulled up and I laughed at my own startled reaction to see Embry, Quil, Seth and Leah get out and start toward the house. I realized how seldom I had ever seen any of them drive. But they wouldn't want to phase back and forth tonight. They were dressed up, the guys in nice jeans and button down shirts and Leah in an actual dress – garnet colored, with a knee-length hem that lifted just slightly on the soft breeze.

Wow. I had never really thought of Leah as pretty before.

"Hi Nessie! Congratulations!" Seth ran the last few steps and caught me up in a hug. I hugged him back and laughed out loud, as he set me back down on the doorstep.

"Thanks, Seth. I'm glad you're here."

"Hey, Leah." I said, turning my attention to her as she stepped up behind Seth.

"Hey. Congratulations, Nessie." Her smile seemed and actually felt genuine. As she stepped forward through the opening, I saw her eyes dart to the back of the room, near the kitchen entrance, where I knew Jacob was standing. He was "helping out" there. He looked up as if called and looked straight at her as she walked in a direct line to him. My stomach twisted.

I wanted to run ahead of her and grab him, somehow claim him, mark him with a sign that said, "Mine! Hands off!" Instead, I stood there, miserably, playing the good hostess, as we waited for the final guests. Once they arrived, I was relieved of my door duty and was free to mingle. Normally, that would be a treat – spending time with all these people – but I really just wanted to spend every second I had with Jacob.

Think of everyone that is here for you, I chided myself.

I had planned a special thank you for my guests: instead of a speech or toast, I was going to use my gift to share with each person one of my favorite memories of being with them. It would be a surprise to everyone except to Alice and Daddy. I had to tell Alice because, as an event planner, she leaves no stone unturned and would have insisted on a speech of some sort.

"I love it! I love it! I love it!" she had clapped and grinned ear to ear when I told her my plan. I loved it too, with one exception: Jacob. I had two reasons. One, there were so many memories it was hard to pick just one to share. Two, I was fearful that the ones that meant the most to me were too emotion-filled, and some of my current emotions for him would "leak" out. So, I had picked a memory that was nice, but not what I really wanted to share.

Daddy knew about my thank you "gifts" because between Alice and I and all the party logistics we were coordinating, it was impossible not to think of it with him around. He loved the idea too.

I wandered through the room, finding those I wanted to start with – Momma and Daddy.

"Momma, I want to show you something."

"Of course, Renesmee," she smiled at me as I reached for her hands. Facing her and holding her hands I remembered the day she gave me her beloved copy of Wuthering Heights. We had been reading it together. Sitting out on the lawn, in the sunlight, taking turns reading it aloud to each other. After reading the last line, I closed the book. Momma had folded her hand over mine and, smiling softly, said "I want you to keep it. It's yours now."

Her eyes filled with a happy sparkle as she re-lived the memories with me. When I stopped, she hugged me tight. Daddy was practically glowing, standing next to her. He could hear everything I was relaying to her and he knew how happy it was making her. Then it was his turn. He wrapped my hands in his, though he didn't need to, and smiled down at me, as I remembered the first time I composed a little piece of music, sitting at his side on the piano bench. It was a very simple piece, nothing compared to the music he composed, but you would have thought it was Bach, he was so proud. He was proud now, all over again, I could tell by the dazzling smile he shined on me.

Next, I moved on to Alice, showing her some of the fashion shows we put on in my huge closet, and Jasper, showing him my first target practice with him. Not that we really needed rifles, but shooting was something Jasper was good at, from his days as a soldier, and I found it fun. Emmett loved my memory of our foot races. To my special Aunt Rosalie I showed some of my earliest memories – of her holding me as an infant. I wanted her to know I remembered her always being there. With Poppa Carlisle I showed a time, like many, in his office when he spent time teaching me the history of medicine and with Esme I shared a vision of us all at home together in the evening, each enjoying our own pursuits, yet somehow still together. They each smiled at me with such tenderness that I knew they looked on me with the unconditional love of a grandparent, even though outwardly they still appeared quite young.

There was one person that I could not share my gift with: Poppa Charlie. He knew I was different, but that would be too much for him to handle. Plus, we had to protect him from the truth as much as we could because his life would be in danger from the Volturi (the vampire version of judge, jury and executioner,) if he ever truly understood about our vampire family. Instead, I spoke to him out loud.

"Poppa Charlie, thank you for teaching me so much. One of my favorite memories is when I was little, and we visited you one day, and you were cleaning your fishing gear, preparing it for your next fishing trip. I sat next to you on the porch, and you taught me about what fly you use and when; the Steelhead Stone and the Spawn, the Popsicle and Mrs. Black."

His eyes glistening, he pulled me in for a long hug, which I suspect was long enough to ensure he wasn't going to cry. "You sure are a special thing, aren't you, Ness?" he asked.

After that, I went and found Poppa Billie, showing him that first time I spoke to him in Quileuete, and then moved on to the wolves. When I got to Seth, who was now standing on the back porch, I was giggling before I even started because we always had so much fun together. Like the time we had pulled a prank on Jacob, taking everything out of his bedroom at night while he was sleeping. I showed him that memory and he laughed along with me, but then, as I pulled my hand away, he caught it.

"What's wrong, Nessie?"

Seth must have caught the edge to my thoughts as I remembered Jacob's sleepy bewilderment the next morning when he discovered the lack of furniture in his room.

"Nothing."

I glanced through the window uncomfortably. Jacob was standing just inside, talking with Alice. I saw him start to turn our direction and I looked quickly back at Seth.

Seth rolled his eyes, "Uh-huh."

He did not let go of my hand, but looked down intently into my face. It was clear he wasn't buying my evasion. With all the commotion of the party inside, I took a risk, whispering, "I'm having fun tonight of course, but I can't help thinking about Jacob leaving. I don't want him to go. I mean, I know the tribe is his place, his true pack, but I feel like we're his pack too. He's been with us for so long. Ever since I can remember. It's…it's…I don't know. It doesn't make sense."

My words came out on top of each other, revealing more than I intended, but it was such a relief to confide in someone.

Seth looked stunned for a moment, then dropped my hand and quickly looked down at the grass. "Sure, it makes sense." He paused and almost whispered to himself. "It makes more sense than you know."

"What does that mean?"

"Nothin'." He looked across the yard and seemed to be staring at someone for just a moment but then looked back at me.

"Seth! Come on, tell me," I said more urgently than I intended.

Just then, someone came up behind me. Seth focused on them over my shoulder.

"Hey, Leah, what's up?" he asked, sounding too cheery, like he had not just been having a very serious conversation. I turned reluctantly, not happy about letting him get away without answering my question.

"Hey little bro, hey Ness," Leah nodded her head towards us.

"Hey," I responded, distracted.

"Quil!" Seth hollered and bounded down the steps leaving me with Leah. I thought daggers after him, swearing to corner him later.

"So, how's it going?" Leah asked me.

"Good. You know I love a party," I responded. Though it was true, I didn't sound all that convincing.

"Better you than me," she smiled wryly.

I suddenly felt uneasy, as I realized I had not selected any memory to share with Leah as a thank you. Even though we had never been close, she had been around my family just as long as the other wolves, and I should have thought about her. She had been around for many good times with us, but none of them stood out. As I looked at her now, this seemed like the happiest, the easiest I'd seen her.

"Thank you for being here for me and my family all these years, and for coming tonight" I said, touching her arm, and showing her how she looked when she arrived tonight, so light.

She laughed. "Is that how I look?"

I didn't know where she was going with that question, so I answered honestly, "Yes."

"Wow, I guess I really don't hide things very well, do I?"

"I guess…well…uh, no…" I trailed off, not knowing what to say.

"It's okay, you can be honest with me," she reassured me. "I shouldn't be surprised I look different on the outside. I'm different on the inside too."

"Oh?" I replied, baffled by this new level of openness we'd achieved.

"I was holding on to something for so long, and now I've let it go. But I'm the one who's been freed."

"Sam?" I questioned hesitantly, testing our new boundaries.

"Yes and no," she answered without reserve, and then continued. "Sam wasn't really mine to hold on to. What I was holding on to was the past. I knew Sam really loved me all those years ago. I just couldn't accept that there was something stronger than that, and I thought if I held onto that love, he might return to me one day."

What could be stronger than love? I wanted to ask, but stopped before uttering the first word as I realized exactly what could be stronger than love.

"Imprinting," I said matter-of-factly.

She nodded.

"But how could he have imprinted on someone else, if he loved you?" I blurted out. "That's so unfair!"

"Yes," she nodded. "I thought so too for a long time. Too long. I've let go of the past now, though. I know there is something better for me."

My heart nearly stopped and my next question slipped out before it registered in my brain.

"It's Jacob, isn't it?"

Mortified that I had asked this question, I wanted to turn and run, but now that it was out, I was cemented to the spot until the answer came.

"What?" she snorted. "No! Jacob? He's like a bratty brother."

My heart started beating again, double-time, but as an odd look came over Leah's expression, I knew there was more to the story.

"So have you imprinted on someone?" I pressed on, unable to stop myself.

"No," she responded guardedly.

"And he hasn't imprinted?"

She knew I meant Jacob. Instead of the "no" I expected, Leah looked away.

"Oh." I caught my breath. "He has. On who?" I tried to sound nonchalant, but it came out too quick.

Now she looked extremely uncomfortable.

"Not for me to say," she mumbled.

I was miserable. My instinct, once again, was to run, to get away, but politeness and fear of being totally obvious kept me glued in place. No words came to me and the silence burgeoned between us.

"He misses you, you know," she said quietly. "All the time he's been spending on the reservation, he feels it – being away from…here."

"Does he?" I asked stupidly.

Leah opened her mouth to speak again, paused, then looked away. "I… I gotta go. Congratulations again." She turned quickly on her high heel and strode off.