Faithful, unwavering, undying, beautiful love and admiration. This is what Sirius Black wanted to offer Remus Lupin. It was the only thing he felt. Well, that and a shit ton of horrible, relentless guilt. He was very, incredibly confused. He sighed, rolling over in his four-poster. He had left his curtains open just slightly to keep an eye on the object of his affections, but the wolf had not stirred. Sirius sighed.
He had thought everything was unquestionable when it came to him and Remus' relationship. Yes, they fought. But they worked through it. In the several months that had passed since they had gotten together, not once had Sirius thought about girls. He was completely gay; this was something he didn't even question… at least until two days ago. Brennah Lewcots completely jumped him in the library while he was looking up information on how to best calm a werewolf during his change. He wanted Rem to tear fewer chunks out of himself. But before he knew it, Brennah was there behind him, mutilating his neck with her mouth, her hands eagerly working at his balls through his pants. He quickly spun around to push her away; he knew it was not Remus' touch he was feeling. But before he could remove her from his person, she hungrily captured his lips. He wanted to push her away as she lifted her thigh to his hip. He could feel her heat pressed against him and he could feel his own growing desire, as well. So he held her there. He moaned as she ground her hips into the desire she knew was stirring in him. "I can't do this," he had said, really meaning, "I'm in love Remus." But instead, he allowed her to kiss him, having no idea what came over him.
And then his world came crashing down around him.
There stood Remus, heartbroken, angry, and destroyed. Remus threw Brennah to the ground, punched Sirius in the face, and cursed him all in a matter of minutes. Of course, later that night, he saw Remus in the arms of someone else, resulting in another horrendous confusion. He had watched as his best mate and his ex snogged in front of all of their friends like it was the most normal thing in the world. Frankly, James was straight. And he was possibly now confused as well.
Sirius sighed. He loved Remus. He just felt… sketchy. If he was completely gay, wouldn't he have not had a physical attraction to that girl? But, everything that she had done to him made him feel nothing that Remus did. As much as he wanted to say physical aspects weren't a big deal in a relationship, they were, and he knew that. He knew that because the emotion behind everything that transpired between he and Remus, it was that much better. Because it involved love…
And he went and destroyed that. He was honestly everything that Remus had accused him of being. He was a horrible, selfish bastard. He was a cheating son of a bitch. He hurt Remus. He felt the corners of his eyes start to burn. Leave it to the wolf to make him cry more since they got together than he had since he was a toddler. Leave it to himself to destroy the only person he ever had a true, loving relationship with. Sirius sat up as he felt his shoulders begin to shake. Angrily, he jerked his wand off the table beside his bed and cast silencing charms around his curtains. Then, he allowed himself to break down.
What he had forgotten was the small crack he had left in his curtains.
Remus rolled over, his sleep still escaping him. Of course he had gotten hurt. He had gotten himself in too deep. Long ago, he had realized when you were a werewolf, you needed to go through life alone, because no matter how hard you may try, you will never get a happily ever after. His parents made that quite clear to him. How could they handle their son now that he had been bitten? As a moronic adolescent, he had explained (as well as any 5 year old could) that he didn't think girls were pretty, but that the neighbor boy made him feel special. His life had taken on a downward spiral from there.
And then there was Sirius Black. The moment Remus laid eyes on him, he knew he was in for trouble. But as he, James, Peter, and Sirius became closer, it was enough for Remus to just be close to Sirius. Of course, as they grew, Sirius became sexier and sexier and slowly became the object of the female population of Hogwarts' affections. He knew he loved Sirius. He knew Sirius loved women. Until one night a few months earlier…
James and Peter had feigned a shared flu bug, leaving Sirius and Remus alone in a booth at the Three Broomsticks. "I've been meaning to talk to you," Sirius said, standing and moving to squeeze in next to Remus as opposed to across from him. "I've been meaning to tell you for a while… I…" he faltered, looking up into the wolf's beautiful eyes. Lightly, he touched their lips together. Remus' eyes grew as he watched Sirius' close and felt the boy's lips move against his own. He had waited for this moment for years and now that it had happened, he felt lost. Was it true? Was it a joke the boys were playing? But as Sirius blushed furiously when he pulled away, Remus knew. It was for real. He had the love of his life to himself now.
Remus was pulled out of his thoughts suddenly as he heard someone crying. The sobbing slowly grew louder, so he pulled open his curtains and got up to see where it was coming from. His stomach rolled as he found the source of the emotion. It was Sirius.
Every fiber of his being wanted him to reach out to Sirius, to comfort and love him. But he couldn't bring himself to do it. He would never manage to forgive the boy for what he did. From this point on, Sirius would have to deal with his own problems.
Hello, kiddos! You'll appreciate this slow-moving chapter when you read the next one! Be prepared for a lot of action. A LOT OF ACTION. It will be intriguing. It may be hard to handle! But it will certainly get your attention. Be prepared. And thank you to my beautiful reviewers! And to "Meep" my unsigned reviewing angel! I appreciate your lovely input (= Until next tiiiiiiime! Love from, Kurama