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Pretty Hate Machine

Anger propels me to search for something that makes me smile again.

Chapter 2: Looking For the Cure

I felt a hand pat my head as I regained my sense of feeling back. I was still in darkness though, but feeling someone's soft touch made me feel like I was in heaven.

I probably died last night, there was no way I could had survived that conflict with my father. But I had felt regret, because now my mother was forced to deal with him alone, and she definitely won't be able to handle him.

I moved my fingers of my right hand slightly, as I felt my way around. I was on this soft surface, had no idea what it was, but it definitely felt like I was in heaven.

I slowly opened my eyes, and was greatly disappointed that I was not in heaven, but in hell on Earth. However, the first thing I saw was my mother's tired looking face and her frizzy hair. I'm glad she's still alive, although she smelt like my father. At least that woke me up fully.

I scanned my surroundings, and I'd realised I was on a couch in front of the T.V. I wanted to get up and check if Dad's home, because he'll push me to my limits.

I attempted to sit up, but Mum placed a hand on my chest and slowly pushed me back down into my resting position. I was too weak to actually slide across the couch and move my legs.

Something must have happened last night, because most of it was a blur. I remember my father called me a failure, and with this incredible pain through my body he dropped me on the ground, in the kitchen. Then all of a sudden my energy was sapped and I lost my life.

Or so I thought I did, but I'm alive somehow. However, an upsurge of fear had bubbled under my skin, and I started to tremble. I've never felt this way in my entire life, especially when it comes to fear. I had blocked out many of my fears, but the more I thought about trying to remember what happened last night, my fear would escalate to an overwhelming level.

The memories flashed before my eyes, and every single moment was snapped like a photograph before my eyes. My father dropping me dead was- and my blurred vision all seemed to repeatedly appear before me.

My vision suddenly wavered to seeing through my father's eyes. As he drew out the knife from the block, and dangled it loosely in his jittery fingers. At that moment, I could feel his frozen emotions, there was nothing rising up within him, but I could see that entire scene shaking at the rhythm of my fast heartbeat.

Then I suddenly switched to my point of view, with my poor eyesight I could only shape out my father's legs. I attempted to look up, but when I did that, my body was running rampant with pain, and I wanted to scream.

I woke up from my nightmarish daydream without realising it, and sat up abruptly. I've never been driven by fear, but it had its control over me, and I couldn't snap out of my state.

I placed my hands on my mother's shoulders brusquely, staring deep into the pupils of her eyes, which contracted due to shock.

"Mum! Is Dad here?"

"Ulrich, are you al-"

"Where is Dad? Just where the hell is he?"

"Ulrich, you need your-"

"Is he around the house? Is he still there? Please tell me!"

The house was dead silent after my outburst. But I couldn't stand silence anymore; I wanted an answer from my mother. My hands gripped her shoulders tighter, but the trembling never ceased.

My mother calmly stroked my left cheek and replied in a very reassuring voice, "Dad's at work Ulrich. You're safe for now."

I panted loudly in response, knowing that he'll return, and he'll probably beat me up the way he did last night. I didn't want to face the rest of the day, and the rest of my life.

My mother sighed, and stated, "This has affected you more than I thought it would. I'll cook your favourite meal for breakfast time sweetheart, you just rest here."

I relaxed back down on the couch as my mother got up and went to the kitchen. I felt my body grow cold as some more of my energy was sapped away. I had nothing to do but rest, and I fell into my world of dreams.

My Dream

Thirteen years old, that's how old I was when I decided to look around the house for a portable video game console I lost. I had looked everywhere for it, well at least I thought I had searched everywhere for it at the time.

Only my mother was home at the time, while my father was at work. At least it was safe to go into my parents' bedroom at the time.

I quietly opened the door to their bedroom, and scanned the area. I noticed my parents' wardrobe and walked towards it. I knew it was rude to look at my parents' selection of clothing, but my GameBoy Advance SP had been hidden there from me before when my father confiscated it.

I opened the sliding door to the wardrobe, and I was met with a neatly organised wardrobe with my parents' hanging clothes. I could easily tell which side of the wardrobe was my mother's, so I bent down and looked on the left on my father's side.

I remembered him hiding my GameBoy in a box some place low in his side of the wardrobe and it didn't take me long to find it. I carefully pulled the rather heavy cardboard box towards me and peered into it.

There! My black GBA SP was there on top of some files my Dad had kept. I grabbed it, but I noticed a name on top of that file that intrigued me.

I read the name across it, which was: JEREMIE BELPOIS.

I gasped in shock, wondering how my father got a hold on one of Jeremie's confidential files. I opened it up in curiosity, and read the basic information it had of Jeremie, just to see if it was really the Jeremie Belpois I know.

The file had this information written on it:

Full Name: Jeremie Albert Belpois
DOB: 28/4/1992
Ethnicity: French
Age: 13 years, 2 months
Occupation: Student
Most recent GPA: 99.8

I finished reading from there. I knew from those six points that was my friend Jeremie Belpois, but my fears weren't over yet. My father may have information on my other friends.

And I was right. There were files of my friends. After Jeremie there was Odd, and then Yumi. I'm so relieved Aelita's file was kept confidential, if she even had a file.

I checked out Yumi's file just to see if it was really her that my father was checking out.

Full Name: Yumi Sakura Ishiyama
DOB: 23/10/1990
Ethnicity: Japanese
Age: 14 years, 8 months
Occupation: Student
Most Recent GPA: 87.3

That really was her. But I couldn't believe my father was trying to get information about them in all ways possible. The conclusion I made from what I just saw was that my friends are in danger if I tell them about my home life. I was going to tell them next term, but I'm afraid that I'm going to keep that one massive secret.

"Ulrich! I've made your breakfast," my mother's voice whispered in my ear, waking me up from my slumber.

Although, at that moment, it wasn't a dream I was dreaming, it was a memory from the past, a flashback. But it was something I didn't want to remember. My father knew my 'good-for-nothing' friends, not personally, but through files and documentation, mainly of their schooling.

I felt new weight on my lap, and looked down to see my breakfast of bacon and scrambled eggs. I sat up, smelling the aroma of the delicious food before me. Then I dug into the food with my knife and fork. Man… Mum's cooking was always so much better than Kadic's lunch staff's.

"Ulrich dear… Have you noticed your wound?"

I raised my eyebrows in response to that in shock to that question. I placed my fork on the plate and moved my hand up to my head, where I mainly felt the pain from last night. Under my fingers I could feel a rough bandage that covered my forehead. I pressed my fingers hard on the place where it really hurt, and it stung like hell and the wound was somewhat deep.

"Don't touch it Ulrich, it will only make it worse."

I moved my hand back down and grabbed my fork. And then, I started to question my own family in my head. Was there a reason why my Dad didn't want me to get low grades? And why does he have to aggressively treat me and my mother to make us succumb to his desires?

"Mum," I started, "Was there anything you wanted to tell me about Dad I don't know?"

My mother looked down in shame I guessed, and she didn't retain eye contact with me. It's like she was in another world when she was making her decision to tell me or not.

"Ulrich… Are you sure you want me to tell you this right now?"

"Yes, the truth is much better than making up stories."

"Ulrich, before you were born your father was a sensitive man who respected any sort of human life. I thought he was the one to spend the rest of my life with. But as soon as we had you… he changed into a completely different person. He wasn't such a perfectionist before we had you, but he became one once you were born. Then I wondered if my husband's always been like that. Your father lives in an era that doesn't exist in France anymore."

I could not see how that was related to what I was asking. But it did give me some insight on my parents' lives before they had me. I wish my father was like that now though.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, there was the time when men had rights over women, and women couldn't have the right to vote or have any say in any decision. And your father holds onto that belief like a stubborn mule. He forces me to do things against my will and never holds me with any respect, except when I look after you."

"But the things he did to us last night, and the verbal abuse and physical abuse we've suffered over the years is illegal, isn't it? You should tell the police that!"

"Your father has his ways around that… and every time I tried I failed. The only thing I can do is protect you from him," my mother responded in a trembling voice, as her eyes were welling up.

My emotions were reaching boiling point as I grew frustrated that my father was doing everything that he can to stop my mother from proving him guilty. But then again, he had two things we didn't have, money and power. I wanted to blow the fuse, and my mother could see it in my eyes.

"I'm sorry Ulrich. If I do anything about it, then your father will put me to prison, and then… your father will be the only person looking after you. I cannot let that happen to you Ulrich, no matter the cost," my mother concluded, and let her sadness out.

Tears rolled down her face rapidly, each of them were dripping off her jawbone and falling down on the kitchen bench like rain. I sadly could not feel much empathy for my poor mother at that moment in time, as my mind was corrupted with hatred for my father. My hands formed white fists, with the bones within were aching to burst out of my flesh.

I couldn't hold off my negative emotions, and I slammed my right fist on my plate, making a loud racket getting my mother's immediate attention. I wanted to rip the entire house apart, but I obviously can't.

"If you can't do anything about it, then I'll have to do something about it. I'm going to find some evidence about Dad one way or another, and then I'll make sure that the law can deal with him… properly," I charged.

"Then do it Ulrich. I will support you, but we must do it in a very secret matter. If your father sees us 'plotting' this then- I don't want to think about it. Ulrich… you're the only thing in the world I can live for."

That last sentence sent an earthquake through my world. I literately felt like I had three worlds resting on my shoulders, Earth, Lyoko and my mother's. And I could already feel my heart wanting to escape out of its chains of blood vessels and arteries, wanting to be set free of the stress and pressure I put upon it.

I could feel a drop of sweat making its way down my head, as my emotions built up inside. And I had a bad feeling I was going to break an oath today. Even if I only mention his name.

"I wish… there was a man like Waldo Schaeffer to help us," I absentmindly stated.

"Waldo Schaeffer?" Mum questioned, staring at me suspiciously, "Where did you hear that name?"

"The name came up while I was researching work for English," I responded, keeping my composure, "He's a genius, and he could figure out solutions quite easily to any problem."

"Researching for your project is fine, but… being associated with people like him is dangerous business."

Wait a second; does my mother know Waldo Schaeffer? It sounded like she knew him, or at least, heard of him. But how could anybody hear of him outside the government? I was confused, and perplexed about my mother's knowledge.

"What do you mean Mum?"

"I read an article in the newspaper about the daughter of a man who worked for the government. When the man quit his job, he and his family moved to an isolated area in France. But the government found out where he was living and took away his wife. His daughter never ended up being the same person again."

The story reminded me of Aelita's parents, where she told us she lived with only her father in the Hermitage and her mother mysteriously disappeared. It sounded like my Mum knew how Aelita's mother disappeared, but I can't imagine her knowing Aelita's family directly.

Either way, I think my mother doesn't want me to join something too influential that could turn against me. Even though I'm only up against my father, he was part of France's largest bank. And if I join up with any of the competitors to take him down, taking things into my own hands, it could potentially get ugly.

"I understand, Mum," I replied.

"Thank you Ulrich. I am so proud of you,"

"I'll try my best for you Mum," I vowed, and gave my mother a hug to reassure her.

As long as I feel loved by somebody, I won't throw my life away, unless their life was threatened. It was the same philosophy I stuck by to protect my friends. After all, we were putting our lives on the line to save the world from an ambitious A.I who wrestled free from human control.

"Thank you," My mother started, and let go of me, "Do you want to go out today?"

I was taken by surprise by the unexpected question, but I wanted to answer my mother anyway. It was also rare for Mum to ask me to go out with her. The only times I had been out with her was for grocery shopping trips and Christmas shopping.

"Where?"

"To the shopping centre to buy you something. You deserve it after all you've been through."

"I-I-"

I couldn't really refuse my mother's offer, even though my body needs to rest, I do deserve something for myself once in a while. And this would probably be my only opportunity in ages.

"I'll come. I better get ready."

"Ulrich, I didn't say you have to go out now. Besides, you need more rest."

"I know, but if we go out later Dad would wonder why we're out. It's best if we go now, I'll sleep in the car if you want me to."

"Alright, I'll grab your clothes while you finish off your breakfast. Don't want it to get cold don't we?"

Yeah, thanks Mum. I ate through the rest of my breakfast while my mother got my clothes from my bedroom. I don't know why, but today's going to be a long day.

Approximately thirty five minutes later, me and my mother were walking around the shopping centre. It was rather large, but there wasn't a lot of space to move considering it was school holidays and there were heaps of people there.

I was wearing the same clothes I wore yesterday, except I had a different pair of jeans on, but they were similar to the ones I wore yesterday. I wondered why my mother picked those clothes for me today, not to mention my mother would had preferred me to wear a different outfit every day.

A lot of people were staring at me weirdly because of the bandage wrapped around my head; even though I wasn't tall or anything like that I stood out from the crowd. And I hated the attention I was getting.

"Ulrich, keep close to me," My mother ordered calmly through the crowd.

I took a few steps closer to my mother avoiding the people around me. It was pretty hard to do that actually, especially since I'm shorter than the majority of the people here.

I stood less than five centimetres away from my mother, which was good enough to her standards as I was extremely close to her and in her sight.

"Ulrich, did you want anything specific?"

Oh great, I hate to be thinking about the gift I'm about to get. I would like to be surprised for once, but sadly I'm only surprised by what my friends give me. But then again, I always wanted this something since last year, and I could get it today.

However, from out of nowhere, a man dressed in black darted his way through the crowd and snatched my mother's handbag. As he ran past me, I spun around and sprinted after the man. Adrenaline quickly moved my limbs as the energetic substance took over my body. It was a similar feeling to last night. The same feeling that almost got me killed by my own father. But somehow I ignored all traumatic memories of that incident, because I was sick of my mother suffering from greedy men who have no consideration for anybody's feelings.

Fortunately, it was easy to stay in pursuit of this man. The people saw my bandaged head, and assumed that man had injured me, allowing me through the crowd, while the man had to push people out of his way. I was gaining on him very quickly. Soon, I was only two metres behind him, amazing since I'm not at full strength.

We suddenly reached a clearing in the shopping centre. But the change of environment didn't faze me as I kept on charging towards him. I couldn't believe I was going to take down a burglar and retrieve Mum's handbag at my current physical strength. The battle from last night still drained a lot of my power from me, but I knew I could do this.

Abruptly, the man stopped, turned around and drew a weapon in one fluent motion. I just hit the brakes in the nick of time, recognising that he had a weapon in his hand. But not just any weapon. He had a kitchen knife, very similar to the knife that caused my wound on my bandaged head. And my eyes were fixated on the weapon that almost took my life. That was wielded by my father.

FLASH!

I envisioned my father drawing out the blade from the knife block, with my mother horrified of the events that were unfolding in the background. I grew scared… I was beginning to relive the events of last night. And it was something I didn't want to relive again. So many feelings were rising to the surface… fear, duty, selflessness, devastation… hatred? No… I didn't feel hatred last night. I was protecting my mother, not fighting my father out of spite.

That knife triggered it all. The knife the robber was wielding. However, I was frozen, hesitant to move in fear of hurting myself. I was already injured in a bad place and I didn't want to make it worse for myself. But I had to stop this guy or he'll get away with Mum's money and other things she kept in there.

Suddenly, the thief lunged the knife towards me. Instinctively, I jumped back, but tripped over my heels and fell to the floor. My elbows were the first to make heavy contact with the cold, stone, marble floor.

FLASH!

A sharp pain erupted throughout my body… which was strange because my arms should only be greatly affected by this. Oh no… It was the same pain I felt last night. After I fell on the cold, stone, marb- No. This whole event was playing out like last night, except I was completely conscious and aware of what was happening.

And I was in that same position again. On the floor, with my attacker wielding a kitchen knife, about to perform the coup de grace on me. I had to stop him. I had to prevent my own death. I hate him for reviving those memories of last night!

From out of the blue, two security guards brusquely grabbed the man's arms. They quickly disarmed him and apprehended him. It all happened so fast. Faster than my own heartbeat… which was still pumping at that phenomenal speed.

However, time stood still for me. I just blankly stared at this man who was stripped of his weapon and of my mother's handbag. And all I could feel was anger and hatred. I wanted to be the man who was able to fight back an armed criminal. I wanted to overcome this memory. But I'm just a pathetic teenage boy who tried to help his mother.

"Ulrich, are you alright?"

I flinched at the sound of my mother's voice. I had no idea how I could respond. After experiencing flashbacks of that traumatic night and almost having the same thing happen was incredibly overwhelming. Overwhelming enough to silence me.

"Ulrich?"

A security guard walked up to us, with my mother's handbag in his possession. He seemed emotionless, but I could tell he was relieved that I wasn't harmed. It looked like he was depending on his teammate to secure the robber in place.

"Ma'am, your son was very brave in the face of danger. Without his help, we wouldn't be able to catch the thief. I'm sure you're very proud of him," the security guard stated, handing back Mum's handbag.

"Yes I am. Although, I must thank you for saving my son. He's very frail at the moment. His recent injury has been sapping away his energy drastically and I'm sure this has taken a lot out of him," my mother responded.

"If you don't mind ma'am, how did your son attain his injury?" the security guard enquired.

That was a question I did not want to answer. I did not want to reach into my memories again and pull out that specific moment of how that injury occurred. I couldn't watch that happen for the third time today.

"Three days ago some rough characters forced my poor son into their car. They then put his head out of the window far enough so that he would hit signposts as they were driving by. There was one time my son clipped the edge of one of the signposts and was heavily bleeding from his head. He has several thousand stitches across his head and he needs to have a bandage around his head to avoid the stitches from loosening up in the warm air. It was quite a horrifying experience. Fortunately those hooligans were arrested for their actions," my mother lied.

Wow, I had no idea she could make up a very extensive story about my injury. But… why did she need to cover the truth up? We could've been set free from my tyrannical father… unless my mother knew he would find some way to override them and say he was in the right. Damn it! I wish there was a simple way to bring him justice!

And if I couldn't defeat my father for at least some sort of redemption, at least I should've been able to take down that thief and release hell on him. Instead I didn't. I froze, like a wimp, and almost got myself killed. I couldn't release my anger, and it remains bottled up inside of me, wishing to explode into the outside world.

The security guard pulled me up to my feet. I was reluctant to stand up myself, but I had to remain strong… for my mother. I put my hands in my pocket, and stared at my mother, who looked a lot better than she was this morning.

My mother continued to speak to the security guard about what happened earlier. I remained silent, containing my anger, glaring at those who were looking at us instead of minding their own business.

I thought this would help me overcome what happened last night, but it had made it worse. Not too much, but enough for me to notice the effects of it. Looking for a cure was harder than I thought it would be.

Approximately half an hour later, we were going home. I'm relieved I'm out of the squashed up shopping centre and that I don't have to be in the same environment where I almost got killed. I've got the new game for my DS too, so I'm feeling better at the moment.

I'm in the car, reading the back of the box for my new video game. I should read the instruction booklet before I return to school tomorrow, because I left my DS in my dorm room, and it'll be a good way to prepare myself for playing the game.

"Ulrich."

I gave my mother full attention while she kept her eyes on the road. I wonder what she wanted to talk to me about.

"Is there anybody at your school now?"

Why would she ask that, I thought. It was a strange thing to ask me at this time too. Most of the dorm students were at the school, probably enjoying their time off schoolwork.

"Yeah, three of my friends are there."

"Do they have a good hiding spot for you in case your father runs after you?"

Okay… This was getting too creepy. Why was Mum asking me all these questions? Was she planning something?

"Mum, why are you asking me these things?"

"Because I believe you'll be a lot safer at school than at home."

"Are you worried how Dad will react to that?"

"Not in the slightest Ulrich. At least you're safe from him."

I don't believe Mum's doing this to me. It's absolutely risky for her to do so too, and if I get found I would definitely get beaten first then get the verbal abuse second. Although, it's her maternal instinct kicking in, and I'll think it would be best if I bow down to her wishes to keep me safe from Dad. Even though she would get hurt herself.

"Yeah. There's a factory nearby. Dad will never look there."

"Alright, I'll drop you off at Kadic. I trust you know what to do once you're there."

"Yes."

"Good… I'm sorry we couldn't spend as much together as we hoped to."

"I understand Mum."

We were in complete utter silence as my mother drove me to Kadic Academy. Listening to the car's engine kept my thoughts occupied. It was very soothing.

It took a few minutes reaching the entrance of Kadic. It was strange not seeing a single student and teacher in sight, but the schoolyard looked more peaceful. And I won't be flocked by obsessive girls. At least, for a few days.

Mum stopped the car, and paused for a moment. I stared at her saddened face before I part from her. I found it disappointing too, but it's to keep me safe from my abusive father for the time being.

"Mum, I'll miss you. I'll try and contact you as much as I can."

My mother shed a tear, and embraced me. I didn't wrap my arms around her though, I was frozen, but the teardrops from my eyes kept me warm inside. I hope my mother can keep safe somehow while I'm gone.

"Goodbye Mum."

My mother slowly let her arms slip away from my body, and wiped a tear away from her left eye.

"I'll see you later, my son."

I slowly got out of the car and showed a weak smile to my mother. At least if I don't see her again, her last memory of me would be a gracious smile she'll never forget.

I kept looking at the car until my mother drove off. I hope she can keep herself safe and alive and well as I ran off to the Factory with the video game in hand. I would usually head to the direction of my dorm room, but I can't afford to be spotted by my friends here. I need some time to myself, to contemplate what happened within the last twenty four hours.

Darting through the forest to ensure I don't get spotted by other kids here, the running thought in my mind was concern for my mother. I know she'll get beaten by Dad because she let me return to school early. I know she'll be participating in a sexual act against her will. And there's nothing I can do about it, except worry.

I climbed down into the darkness of the sewers and ran the entire way to the Factory to avoid causing suspicion by using my skateboard. If I remember correctly, Jeremie and Aelita would be hanging out in the Factory during the night, so I shouldn't move anything out of place.

I soon ascended back into the light and ran across the bridge to the Factory. I grabbed the rope and quickly reached the ground floor. Although, instead of heading to the elevator, I went in another direction to enter the Supercomputer Laboratory through a longer route. This was just in case Jeremie was in the Supercomputer Lab during the day.

In the large room with conveyor belts and old robotic arms to construct cars, I quickly spotted the small door along the floor of the room, knowing it was the other way to access the Supercomputer Lab. I ran towards it, softening my footfalls as I stepped closer to it.

I carefully opened the small doorway and peered down into the lab, scanning the room for any human beings. Fortunately, Jeremie wasn't sitting in his seat, so it was safe to enter. I descended down the ladder, and sighed in relief once my feet touched the floor of the lab.

It was the perfect sanctuary to spend my time for the rest of the afternoon. Even though I wouldn't be allowed to touch the Supercomputer in order to avoid suspicion, I felt safe in this room. It resembled the Kadic forest with its turquoise colour, and it was detached from the rest of the world.

I sat down on the floor and rested my back on the wall, staring at the Supercomputer. I set my alarm on my watch to go off at four in the afternoon. Then, I slowly drifted off to another world. A world where hopefully, it would feel warm and comfortable.

Author's Notes: Wow, this chapter could've gone on so many different directions. I really hope you guys like the direction I put this chapter in.

Jeremie's and Yumi's middle names are references to their nickname and heritage. Albert is the first name of Einstein, Jeremie's nickname. While Sakura is Japanese for Cherry Blossom, which Yumi has a Cherry Blossom tree next to her house (the end of Lost at Sea shows this).

A coup de grace is a saying that means death/fatal blow. I'm assuming it's French, but I'm not entirely sure myself.

This chapter marks the last 'reused' scene from my old fanfic, but most of it has been altered anyway, so only the beginning of it is recognisable.

Anyway, I hope you've enjoyed this chapter and look forward to the next one.