CHAPTER 26

Rosalie, naturally, looked even more stunning now that she was a vampire. Her change was subtle and anyone who didn't know her well might have assumed she just spent a bit more time on her hair and make-up, but I knew she wasn't wearing make-up and her hair would look like that even if she had just got out of bed. Her lips curved into a smile of welcome when I followed Edward into the room. I smiled back and welcomed her embrace. Alice glanced from Edward to me and then back again, raising a puzzled eyebrow.

"Go on, Edward, leave her alone for five minutes. We have masses of girl talk to catch up on," said Rosalie, waving him away dismissively.

"I'll be in the library if you need me," he said, with such formality in his voice that I winced.

"We won't," said Rosalie, firmly. Edward glared at her but then turned and left, stiffly. She rolled her eyes and turned back to me. "Is he always like that? It's like he's got a whole tree up his ass!" I smothered a giggle at her very accurate description and Rosalie grinned. "Now that's better, much more like the Bella I know and love."

"How has it been for you?" I asked, curiously. Rosalie smiled widely.

"The best! I guess I was lucky, because I had already started the change; it didn't hurt as bad as it might have. Everything is stronger though; I can see and hear better than ever and..." She lowered her voice, glancing at the door to check no one was around. "The sex has been out of this world!" She wiggled her eyebrows suggestively and leaned back, sighing with such deep contentment I would have blushed if I were still human.

"What about you?" asked Alice. I looked at her and tried to smile, but my lips faltered. "Bella?" was all she got out before I dissolved into bitter sobs. Alice and Rosalie were stunned for a moment, but then they surrounded me, their arms round me, gentle kisses landing on my cheeks and my head. When I finally calmed down a little, they leaned back.

"What the hell has he done to you?" demanded Rosalie.

When I finally calmed down enough to speak, I told them how it had been for me; the excruciating pain, the blood lust, the general lust and the gradual distance Edward had put between us, even now that I was more in control.

"I think he hates me. Please, you have to help me. I have to get away from him; let him have his life back. He regrets changing me; in fact I think he regrets meeting me."

Alice shook her head, ready to vehemently deny this, but I stopped her.

"Alice, he hates me. He never touches me and he barely speaks to me. The last time he touched me was to hold me when I lost it a couple of weeks back. Since then I think he believes I am some sort of monster. I can control it now... I'm trying so hard to be what he wants me to be, but he doesn't even notice. I can't live like this for eternity. Is there a way to reverse it?"

"No," said Rosalie. "And if there were, we wouldn't tell you because this is total rubbish."

"Rose, he loved me when I was human. Now he despises me. Sometimes I catch him looking at me as if he isn't sure who I am anymore. And to be honest, I don't know myself. God, some of the things I have done... Esme and Carlisle probably hate me too..."

"Bella, trust me, I was much worse when they changed me," said Alice, with a giggle. "I wrecked the whole house. Jasper had to tie me up..."

"Ok, Alice, we're not discussing your bedroom habits here," said Rosalie, trying, I knew, to lighten the mood.

"As a matter of fact, he had to tie me up because I had Carlisle pinned by the throat in the kitchen, with a meat cleaver in my hand. I think he made a comment about the top I was wearing that I didn't like..."

"Seriously?" said Rosalie, rolling her eyes. "Yes I can imagine that..."

"But Jasper stayed with you and Emmett has stayed with you. Edward might be in the room with me, but it isn't him anymore. He's like a prison warden. Every time I move he hovers nearby and he won't let me anywhere near anyone else. This is the first time he's left me alone in forever and he still had to leave instructions. I feel like a teenager again! Even Dad was more relaxed than this. Please, I can't carry on like this... I've never been so unhappy."

"Oh, Bella," murmured Alice, tears in her eyes.

"I know vampires can be killed," I said, miserably. "I wish he would just kill me and get it done with..."

"Bella," said Alice, softly, enveloping me again in her warm embrace. But my misery had compounded and I found no comfort in her arms around me, or her gentle words.

"I'll kill him!" snapped Rosalie, getting to her feet and pacing, looking down at me through angry eyes. "This is no way to treat her! He is supposed to be her maker! Shit, Alice, he hasn't got a fucking clue!"

"Rosalie, please," said Alice. "Not helping."

"I'll get Emmett to kill him," she ranted. "No, I'll kill him myself! How dare he make my friend so miserable! Where is he?"

As she continued ranting, the man in question suddenly appeared at the door, his face tense. Rosalie crossed the room and before he could speak landed a hard slap across his face that should have knocked him to the floor. I realised that he must have seen it coming though; he'd have seen her thoughts and I wondered momentarily why he did nothing to defend himself from it. His eyes flashed black for a moment, but he maintained control of himself, clenching and then unclenching his fists.

"I would like to speak to Isabella alone," he said, tightly.

"I'm sure you would," said Rosalie, folding her arms across her chest, looking at him as if to say she had no intention of leaving me alone with him. Alice intervened though and got to her feet, gently taking Rosalie's arm and leading her away. When they were gone, Edward gave his cheek a cursory rub, flexed his jaw and then crossed the room to me. I watched warily as he sat down on the couch beside me and actually flinched when he turned to face me, which brought a look of desolation to his features.

"Did she hurt you?" I asked. Edward shook his head.

"Not really. She does pack quite a punch though, always has, even before she was changed." He fell silent and I chewed my lip, a little nervously. "Why would you think I hate you?" The sudden question made me start and I glanced at him before looking away.

"Because I am ruining your life," I said at last. "You bring me to visit with your family and end up having to change me and then babysit me the whole time. I've wrecked everything. If you want me gone, I'll go, or if you think it'd be safer to... you know... get rid of me..."

"Isabella, that is quite enough," he said, sharply. I ducked my head and then looked back at him.

"And that's the other thing. You always call me Isabella. You never used to. I was always 'Bella' or 'my love'. Never Isabella. Edward, don't you love me anymore?"

Edward sighed deeply, without answering me and I felt a flush of horror wash through me; he didn't love me. I sprang to my feet, taking full advantage of my new-found vampire speed and rushed for the door, but he caught me, wrapping an arm around my waist and carrying me up to our bedroom before I could protest. He slammed the door behind us and only released me when it was secure. Breathing heavily, he approached me slowly, as I backed away until I hit the wall. He placed his hands on either side of my head and then leaned in close.

"I love you more than you could possibly imagine," he said, in a low voice. "Do you think it is easy for me maintaining this distance?"

"I don't know," I stammered, trying to turn away from the intensity of his gaze.

"Look at me," he ordered, curtly. Slowly, I turned my face back to him. "Have you any idea what it is like looking at you as you are now? Seeing you so hurt and so miserable? If I had not changed you, you would still be happy. You would still love me. Instead you fear me. I see how you flinch when I speak to you; how you back away from me. You have never been afraid of me, but now..."

"Edward, I am not afraid of you," I said, softly, bringing a hand to his cheek. "I am confused. At the beginning, when I was so out of control, I know you had to be hard on me, but I've tried so hard the last couple of weeks... And you haven't even noticed. You still shout at me and order me about. You never touch me; you never just talk to me. I feel like you hate me."

"No! Bella, no," he murmured. I smiled as he said my name and he relaxed a little, stepping back from me, allowing me some space. "I've been so wound up about James and his cronies that in truth I barely noticed anything else. Let alone the fact that you are now more or less completely in control. It's one hell of a responsibility changing someone, let alone the person you love."

"You love me?" I asked, softly, fearing his response. He grabbed me and pulled me to him tightly.

"I love you, Bella. Of course I do! Never doubt that, never. I will do anything I can to keep you safe, even from myself."

"Yourself?" I was puzzled. He leaned towards me.

"Have you any idea how much I want you?" he whispered. My eyes widened and he laughed, darkly. "And you say you do not fear me?"

I forced myself to meet his eyes, seeing his turmoil and then leaned forwards, slightly, brushing my lips against his. His eyes closed for a brief moment, as if he were willing himself to stay in control. A flash of lust and fury raged through me and I pushed him away, violently.

"You want me, Edward Cullen? You want me?" I snarled. "Well isn't it time you took me? Do you think I am afraid of you? Afraid to make love to you? I am afraid of nothing!"

I span away from him and he watched me through wary eyes.

"Bella, there are things you don't understand..." he started to say. I laughed loudly.

"You think I don't understand? I'm sorry to burst your bubble, Edward, but I am not some naive virgin. In fact, when I was with James he would fuck me until I saw stars," I spat at him venomously. Edward stared at me open mouthed for a moment.

"It's a shame James didn't change me; at least then I could have been with someone who was my equal, who gave a shit about me..."

I hit the wall before I could react to his hand wrapped round my throat. He slammed me against it twice more, winding me.

"You want me to fuck you, Isabella?" he growled, moving his hand from my throat to the back of my head, wrapping my hair around his fist. "Do you even know what will happen to you if I do what you want me to do; if I do what I want to do?"

"Tell me," I said, hoarsely. His grip tightened on my hair, making me yelp.

"You will belong to me in every sense of the word. For eternity you will be bound to me; you will have no choice. It will be as if I have branded you..."

"I am yours anyway."

"You say that now, but when you saw Jacob, you wanted him. When you were alone with Carlisle you wanted him. You've just said you want James!"

"I want you." The words came out in a breath. Edward narrowed his eyes and looked doubtful. I brought my hands to his face and fixed him with my gaze. "It has always been you Edward, always. I wanted to change to protect myself, yes, but more than that; I wanted to change to be with you forever. And if I am to be bound to anyone, it must be you."

Slowly, I approached him and then he grabbed me, his hands hard on my arms.

"Do you know what you are asking?"

"Edward," I said, placing a finger on his lips. "You talk too much."

And then I brought my lips up to his, crushing myself against him. Suddenly, his hands were in my hair, keeping me from pulling back as his kiss became more demanding. I ground against him, wanting to feel every part of him. My hands tore at his t-shirt, pulling it from him, so that I could press myself to his chest. He growled and my own top was ripped from me and we were flesh to flesh. His hand came down tentatively to cup my breast and I moaned against his mouth as his thumb began to draw tantalising circles around my nipple. I brought my mouth down to his throat, dropping kisses across his skin and then nibbling at his earlobes. Edward gasped and then dropped his head to my chest, kissing, caressing and nibbling until I writhed against him in an agony of pleasure.

He pushed me towards the bed and I sank down beneath him, slashing his jeans from his skin, even as he tore mine from me. Breathing heavily, he leaned over me, pinning me to the bed.

"I love you, Bella," he said.

"I love you too, Edward," I replied, before he captured my mouth again. His hand came down between my legs and he stroked me gently at first and then faster and harder, as I thrashed against him, desperate to gain some release from the mounting tension.

"Patience, my love," he said, darkly. He hovered over me for a moment.

"Please, Edward," I begged. "Please, I want you. Please." He laughed, but it was a sinister sound.

"I like it when you beg, my love."

I pushed myself up against him and he leaned up, bringing his lips to my throat, but keeping his pelvis lifted away from mine. His eyes darkened and his teeth scraped my skin. I moaned loudly and then cried out, as he entered me, forcefully. Relief surged through me as I felt him fill me; he ground into me and I felt myself building to climax.

"Edward!" I cried, in sheer ecstasy. He climaxed soon afterwards and we lay, still joined. A flood of emotions washed through me, but primarily, a sense of peace I had never known. Edward pushed up and then lay down beside me, staring up at the ceiling, silently. I slipped my hand across the bed to grip his and he squeezed it, gently.

"How do you feel, my love?" he asked, hesitantly.

"Peaceful," I replied, immediately and he chuckled.

"Not exactly the response I was expecting," he said. I smiled and looked across at him.

"It is the best feeling I have ever had," I murmured. "I feel loved, protected and..." I broke off, glancing across at him, as a grin spread across my lips.

"Go on; you know I can't read your mind."

"Wow, Edward! Can we do that every day?"

Edward laughed out loud and suddenly he was on top of me again, his lips crushing against mine.

"Did you see stars then, my love?" he asked.

"About that..." I looked away from him, a little nervously.

"Yes?"

"I kind of lied," I said. "I was really mad with you and I wanted to make you feel bad, so I lied."

"James never made you see stars?" he said, with a smile. I shook my head.

"James would literally fuck and run. You never saw anything so quick. Sometimes, I would wake from sleep and he would be... inside me." I broke off, staring at a spot on the ceiling as I willed myself not to cry at the memory. " He never touched me or kissed me. It was kind of like he was scratching an itch."

"That must have been... painful for you, Bella," he said, after a brief pause. I nodded, remembering the flash of agony I would experience and his laughter in my ear. Fury swept through me at the thought of him and Edward had to restrain me to keep me from leaping from the bed.

"All in good time, my love," he said, softly. "For now, I think we have a more pressing concern."

"Really?" I asked, looking up at him; I could feel his 'pressing concern' against my leg already. "Can I help with that?"

"With what, my love?" he asked innocently. I reached down and wrapped my hand round him, provoking a startled gasp. I met his eyes and he leaned down and kissed me deeply.