Hey guys. Well, it's been a really long week for me, but most especially MoonlitxAngel. She's been going through a really rough time. So, if you have the time, it would be great to read and review her latest fanfic, Darkened Moon Version 2. She would really appreciate all the support. Now, onto the story!
Pretty Hate Machine
Anger makes it difficult to be yourself.
Chapter 9: Away From Me
Yumi awoke from her slumber. But she barely got any sleep. Her heavily bruised left shoulder, as well as worrying thoughts about the possible XANA attack that could happen at any time during the day kept her awake at night.
She was surprised that she even woke up, blaming the sunlight finding a gap in the curtains. She slowly picked herself up and got changed out of her pyjamas. She seemed to move at a snail's pace, disturbed by the thoughts in her head. She couldn't stop thinking about Ulrich and how he was coping having someone control his every action, every word and every reaction.
"Yumi! Wake up! You're going to be late for school!" Akiko shouted.
Just as she put on the last of her clothing, Yumi yelled back, "I'm ready to go! I'll just grab a piece of toast!"
Yumi picked up her bag and exited her room in a flash. She scaled down the stairs quickly, and spent only three seconds in the kitchen, to grab something to keep her going. Once she grabbed the slice, she exited the kitchen, and the next thing her mother heard was her daughter closing the front door behind her.
Akiko stood there, stunned into silence. She grew concerned about her daughter, wondering why she didn't show her face in the home when she was awake until she left the house. Her maternal instincts kicked in, and believed that something was seriously wrong with Yumi.
Takeo entered the kitchen, and sat down at the table. He was dressed in his work clothes, with his tie resting around his collar untied. He didn't seem worried about anything, except getting to work on time.
"Takeo," Akiko called, with a hint of concern in her voice.
"Yes Akiko. Is something the matter?" Takeo enquired.
"I'm worried about Yumi. She only showed up to grab some toast and then exited the house. She left quite late too," Akiko responded.
"I really hope Ulrich's story did not make her feel horrible about herself," Takeo stated.
"It could have. His story was very… traumatizing. I'm surprised Yumi could sit through and listen to it all without feeling the same way," Akiko replied.
"She seemed fine when she retold Ulrich's story to me. But perhaps she was concealing her own feelings from us. And that is very unhealthy," Takeo declared.
"Let's try to discuss this with her when she comes home. We might find out if she feels that his story on her mind all the time."
"Alright. That's fine with me. So, is there anything other than toast for breakfast?"
Yumi rushed into her classroom, almost certain that she was late for it. She was running on adrenaline to keep herself alert and awake for anybody and anything in her path that she came across. The XANA attack last night drained her energy and kept her paranoid for the future. She didn't feel safe entering the classroom, afraid that it could happen again.
She opened the door to find every seat taken, except the seat next to William Dunbar. He was the last person she wanted to sit next to, but yet, she partly blamed herself because William was part of their group because of her. But it was only one class she had to sit next to him. She could deal with it.
Before taking one step towards her seat, Mrs. Meyer declared, "Yumi, you're lucky you just made it before I called the roll. Now take a seat, so I may start taking it."
Yumi acknowledged her teacher and approached her seat next to the former slave of XANA. He was very eager to see her; she could tell just by the way he looked at her. She placed her books on the desk, and took her seat.
As the teacher began calling names out, William enquired in a low voice, "What took you so long to get here today?"
"I slept in," Yumi answered.
As the teacher called William's name out, William announced he was here, then immediately focused his attention back to Yumi.
"Looks like you needed it. You have bags under your eyes," William whispered.
"Thanks for the complement," Yumi retorted.
Yumi then heard her name called out. She declared her presence, then attempted to organise her books. For her sake, she hoped William did not continue the conversation.
"Was there a XANA attack last night?" William asked.
Against her liking, he did continue the conversation with a question she didn't want to answer. She ignored him, getting out her graph book and opening it to the closest clean page.
"Yumi, can you please answer me. Was there a XANA attack last night?"
Yumi sighed, then responded with a tinge of annoyance in her voice, "Let's just focus on class today."
"Fine. Be that way. I still know the secret whether you like it or not, so you better tell me eventually," William stated.
"Is that a threat?" Yumi demanded.
"No, but it looks like you woke up on the wrong side of the bed as-"
"William! Stop speaking to Yumi or I'll send you out of the class!" Mrs. Meyer barked.
William glared at Yumi, then focused on the blackboard to get rid of whatever thoughts he had of her and Lyoko. Yumi was relieved that the teacher intervened and only caught William talking, as she was just about to explode. She was exhausted, and couldn't take anymore from the entire world.
As Mrs. Meyer began her lecture on Maths, Yumi felt her tiredness kidnap her head. Her mouth was dry, and her cheeks were turning red. She felt like she was ready to drop dead. It was almost like she didn't sleep at all last night.
But the teacher's droning voice kept her conscious, because she didn't want to get in trouble for snoozing off in class. She couldn't process much, except that they were on the topic of surds and she needed to pay attention to what the teacher was saying, aware that surds were difficult to calculate.
Then, her head drifted off to a place where she did not want to be…
Flashback
Yumi was sleeping in her bed, tossing and turning. Not even bothering to change into her night clothes, she could hardly sleep, knowing Ulrich was under the control of Avikar. She kept on dreaming of the pain he was going through, as she grew so worried about his very wellbeing. Being aware of what happened that Friday night, she wondered how XANA heard of this story, or some of it, to be able to manipulate Ulrich to follow his orders of his own free will.
Suddenly, she was in Ulrich's house. She was in the doorway between the lounge room and the hallway. And Ulrich was fighting his father. Ulrich wrapped his arms around his father's shoulders, and used his weight to bring him down. She remembered Ulrich telling her about that part of the fight, then his father would pick himself up quickly.
As Ulrich told her, his father seized the opportunity, rising up from the floor. He grabbed Ulrich by the collar of his blue pyjama shirt and lifted him off the ground. Then, he was suddenly shunted to the upper cupboard. Yumi couldn't believe she was watching all of this. Yet, she couldn't ignore what was happening.
She didn't feel sad, she didn't feel sorry. Instead, she felt angry. Angry that his father easily abused Ulrich's weakness. Angry that he thinks he could do whatever he wants to with his family. Angry that he could control his family by violence.
Then, she heard a thump, but it wasn't coming from what she was witnessing. She sat up suddenly, realising that she was having a nightmare… about Ulrich's night. But that was the least of her concerns. The window of her bedroom was open, and she remembered it being closed before she went to bed.
Before she could attempt to stand up, a hand slapped over her mouth. Her intruder was right behind her and she could do nothing about it. She was afraid the person behind her was one of the people in her nightmare.
"Hello Yumi," a distorted, yet familiar voice stated.
Yumi immediately knew who it was, even if his voice was distorted. There was still a little bit of him left of him, even though he was controlled by Avikar.
"Look here, you have a choice Yumi. You can scream and I'll snap your neck or you can remain silent so you can see your friends, so they can make that life or death decision themselves. Make that choice now," the XANAfied slave forced.
Yumi noticed the human hand drop from her mouth. But to safely answer the question, she had to remain silent. She felt sorry for the possessed slave, knowing that he didn't want to do this to her, but was forced to against his will.
When he was satisfied with her answer, he placed a hand on her shoulder and declared, "Lead me to the bridge. If you utter a single word I will knock you out."
Yumi complied, and stood up from her bed. She turned to face the possessed slave, confirming her suspicions. The intruder was Ulrich Stern, the unfortunate victim to both his father's wrath and Avikar's manipulation. She couldn't bear to look into his eyes, knowing that his hazel eyes were replaced by XANA sigils.
She spun around, and led the possessed Ulrich out where he came from to avoid waking her parents and her brother. There wasn't much she could do, except obey his orders, and figure out a plan to get out of this captivity.
"Yumi, are you okay? You look like you really need to go to the infirmary," William whispered, looking very concerned about Yumi.
Yumi realised she was back in reality upon hearing William's voice. A reality which she was glad to be in. But despite his concern, she didn't feel much, except she felt very hot. Burning, in fact.
"I'm fine-"
All of a sudden, reality blacked out for Yumi Ishiyama, as the last of her energy evaporated from her body.
Yumi slowly opened her eyes to find herself staring up at the white ceiling. She was clueless as to where she was, but she felt comfortable and a lot better than she was before. In particular, she noticed that her lips and her mouth didn't feel dry at all and she was at normal temperature.
Yumi sat up slightly, using the pillow as a rest for her lower back. From looking around the room, as she observed another bed, a table and some items with a red plus symbol on it, she realised she was in the infirmary. That explained why she was feeling a lot better than she was in class.
The nurse, Yolanda, entered the infirmary, sighing in relief. She approached the table, grabbing her clipboard with Yumi's medical record on it. She looked up at the clock and scribbled something on it.
"I'm glad you're awake Yumi. You frightened your classmates when you collapsed," Yolanda stated.
"How did that happen?" Yumi enquired, feeling that she had no memory of the incident at all.
"You were dehydrated and looked very tired. A recipe that could've landed you in hospital. Fortunately, you're not severely dehydrated," Yolanda answered.
"That's a relief. Thanks for looking after me. Can I head back to class?" Yumi asked.
"No. You're exhausted as it is, and I cannot allow you to push yourself in case another incident happens. I've already called your parents and your mother is picking you up soon," Yolanda retorted.
"Alright," Yumi responded distantly.
As Yumi finished her statement, the door slowly creaked open. It was the last person she wanted to see in that doorway. William Dunbar was there, with a bunch of roses in his hand, as well as a 'Get Well' card tucked in the wrapping. He was clearly overdoing things to get her attention.
"Am I allowed to speak to Yumi now?" William enquired.
"Sure. Can you please keep an eye out for her while I report to Mr. Delmas that Yumi is awake?" Yolanda asked.
"I'm happy to," William stated.
And the worse thing was, she had to be alone in the infirmary with him. Boy, her day could not get any worse than what it was at the moment. She was sure he was going to ask about the XANA attack again, and perhaps enquire what happened to Ulrich.
"Thanks, I'll see you soon," Yolanda said, and exited the room.
William placed the flowers on the table, resting them carefully against the wall. Then he grabbed a chair, and put it next to her bed, so he could be as close to her as possible, which annoyed Yumi. Then he sat down, deep in thought about what to ask her. Although, Yumi could already read his mind, he was so obvious.
"Yumi, I'm sorry to be rude, but can you answer that question for me? It's been on my mind, and I think by your reaction, I bet there was a XANA attack," William deducted.
"Fine," Yumi replied, irritated with William by his very presence, "There was a XANA attack last night."
"Why didn't you call me?" William asked.
"Because I was dangling over the edge of the bridge, so there's no way in hell I could've called you," Yumi answered.
"Okay. So why didn't anyone else call me?" William questioned.
"When they called me, they probably noticed I wasn't able to pick up my phone so they assumed that I was in trouble. And they were right."
"Why am I always the last to know about these things? I have every right to be in this group! XANA possessed me for a few months and took away my life! I deserve to fight him! I want to get the revenge I rightfully deserve!"
Yumi stopped herself from saying another word without thinking. William began to sound like Ulrich. Remembering Ulrich's intentions, to get revenge on his father for the abuse he and his mother suffered, put him in the situation he was in at the moment. Possessed by XANA, with no control of his thoughts or actions.
She could now come up with a reason why William shouldn't go to Lyoko. And it was legit too. Even though her closest friend suffered the consequences, she didn't want William to have the same fate as Ulrich.
"Seeking revenge is not the right thing to do William. It's a weakness XANA wants you to have," Yumi explained, thinking carefully about the next thing to say, "My parents told me, at a very young age, that revenge is a dark light that blinds all that see it. And when you do see it, you lose sight of everything else, and jeopardize everything you care about. You may be possessed by XANA, and I don't want that to happen to you again."
William put his head down for some time, then responded, "Alright. I understand. Can we talk, with the rest of the group, about when will be the right time for me to fight XANA again?"
"Sure, just talk to the rest of the gang about the idea," Yumi replied.
"Thanks. Anyway, I better head off. Recess is almost over," William stated.
"I'll see you tomorrow. Yolanda told me I'm going to be picked up."
"Right. I'll see you tomorrow."
William rushed out the door in a hurry to find the rest of the group. He at least wanted to let them know Yumi was in the infirmary so they would have the chance to see her before she went home.
Yumi smiled to herself, glad that William was now on the right path. She reached out for the bunch of roses, and pulled out the Get Well card from the string tying it to the flowers. She opened it and read it to herself while she waited for her mother to arrive.
Fifteen minutes later, Yumi had returned to her sanctuary, her bedroom. Her mother turned up in the school infirmary just as she finished reading William's Get Well card. Yolanda promptly arrived in the room, letting Akiko know how to let her daughter recover from dehydration and lack of sleep. Akiko then was able to sign her daughter out of school and to take her home.
Although they did walk home, Yumi was surprised her mother did not interrogate her about why she stayed up late or drink her fluids. She simply guessed that her mother would talk to her about it later in the day, when she was feeling slightly better.
Yumi was making her bed when her mother entered her room, with a drink bottle in hand. She knew what her mother wanted her to do without needing to hear her orders, but her mother was going to boss her around anyway. She knew it was just out of her concern for her health.
After her brief announcement, Akiko threw the drink bottle to her daughter. Yumi managed to catch it as her mother said, "Now get some rest darling. We would like you to make a speedy recovery."
Yumi acknowledged her mother's advice, and she closed the door behind her. Yumi grabbed a pen and her diary before putting herself in bed, wanting to write down her inner most thoughts. She couldn't sleep keeping it bottled inside.
She opened the pages of her diary, although she was just starting to get used to the flat pages of it. She had to replace her diary a couple of months ago because her annoying little brother thought he could get his crush to notice him by reading some of her secrets and revealing them to her. He ended up making the diary's paper too dirty to write on, and she almost neglected him for that act too.
As Yumi flicked through the pages, she noticed that she kept a very striking photo of Ulrich safe within the pages of the new diary. She picked it up and stared at it. Memories were flooding her head of the day she took the photo. It was a week before school began for the new year, and Ulrich revealed he got a camera for his birthday. She reminisced mucking around with him and his new device, taking high quality photos of the forest.
While they were resting, Yumi thought it would be hilarious to take a photo of him while he lowered his guard. She managed to snap a shot of him, effectively startling him. But she never imagined that he would look so attractive in the shot. He was almost like a model posing for a magazine, or even a centrefold. Ulrich allowed her to keep the photo, mainly because she took it and it was a good shot too.
With that memory of Ulrich echoing throughout her mind, she began writing her diary entry on a blank page. She made sure she wrote down every detail that she wanted in that entry. She wanted to recover as fast as she could, for tomorrow. For when the battle to save Ulrich from XANA's clutches would commence. The dehydration and her current tiredness was a blessing, as she could spend the day preparing for the events of tomorrow.
Once she finished her entry, pain shot through her right hand. She forgot how furiously writing a diary entry could cause such pain. But it was worth it. After all, she got all her thoughts down and she had a clear state of mind. However, she wanted to read it, to see how good the entry turned out. She stuck the photo of Ulrich below the entry before reading it out loud.
Dear Diary,
For the past couple of days, I had lost myself. I lost myself to despair, sorrow and anger. When I saved Ulrich from that man, I had no idea what I was in for mentally. The story he told me took a lot out of me. A lot more than I thought. I had no idea that domestic violence could affect so many people, even those who weren't involved in it at all. I spent my days worrying about Ulrich, feeling sad that he had to suffer all of this. I took it upon myself to keep an eye out for him, to make sure he wasn't hurting himself. And when I found out I failed in that duty, I felt like I failed to protect a life I saved. The pressure really got to me. And it was evident the moment Ulrich got possessed by Avikar. I just felt sorry for him and I couldn't lift a finger against him. I felt so useless, so incompetent of helping a friend. My world just crashed down. Having a nightmare of Ulrich's night made me realise how could somebody not care for the lives of their family and still serve society as a top employee of the biggest bank in France. It really pissed me off. And I did my best to save him last night. But I failed, again. I was so frustrated that we couldn't free him earlier, and how XANA forced us to worry about him today. It was the last straw for me. XANA had effectively made me physically and mentally exhausted, and I paid the price for it. I lost my fearlessness. I lost my resolve. I lost myself. To anxiety. To my expectations. To be open. I had no idea how I would recover from this. But fortunately, William gave me a glimpse to what could happen to me. If I continued down this path, I would surely ended up the same as Ulrich. I saw that dark light, but it wasn't out of revenge. I was too hard on myself. I thought that if I didn't keep my guard up, XANA would pulverize me and my friends. But that wasn't the case. And now I need to use this time to my advantage. I need to begin looking after myself first, so I can help my friends. It sounds selfish, but it has to be done. I need to rest and drink as much water as I can today, so that I am ready to save Ulrich, even if that means I have to fight him. So be it. I've never felt so determined about going to Lyoko as I am now. Saving Ulrich means our group is unified. And I know if I fail in doing so, Jeremie, Aelita and Odd will know I have done my best. But I'm not going to fail a third time. I'm going to be the one who saves Ulrich, no matter how much it hurts. Because we need him back… I want him back.
Yumi Ishiyama.
Yumi took a deep breath, feeling inspired. Her deepest and inner most feelings stirred Yumi up inside, especially when reading it out loud to herself. She felt ready to do whatever it takes to save Ulrich. And it had to begin at this moment.
She shut her diary, and placed it back on the shelf. She popped the drink bottle open, drinking some of the contents in the bottle. After feeling refreshed and calm, she lied down, slowly drifting off to sleep.
Suddenly, her phone went off. She groaned, frustrated that she was seconds away from nodding off. She quickly picked it up to read the text message sent to her. She grimaced at the message sent to her.
We all wish u 2 get well soon!
Odd, Jer, Lita.
On that high note, she finally felt peace return to her. She placed the mobile beside her bed, and relaxed herself. She fell asleep within a minute, with the affirmation that she was finally herself again.
Author's Notes: Well, this chapter was different from the original plan.
First of all, dehydration is pretty serious, especially when somebody faints from it. Believe it or not, mild dehydration causes things such as insomnia and it negatively affects moods. So, drink your eight glasses of water. :)
Originally during the infirmary scene, William was meant to exit the room after Yumi told him off, and then Hiroki comes in and helps her recover. But then I thought after fainting and after I wrote William's dialogue, I thought I couldn't do that. So, William stuck around, ended up being a nicer guy about it and he could possibly join the gang. So I hope that makes William fans happy that I changed his mind about the role he would play in my fic.
Anyway, I hope you guys liked this chapter and look forward to reading the next one!