A/N: I would like to thank ladygris for all her assistance with this chapter. She had great ideas and helps me turn my "meh" ideas into great ones as well. God Bless!
Not a Hero
Chapter 30
Unplanned Moments
Employing meditation techniques from the DVD he'd gotten from Tish, Evan was just barely able to keep the Goa'uld eye-flash from occurring as he turned to face the man who'd given up a lifetime with an amazing woman. He hadn't planned on ever speaking to the man and now here he was being forced to do so. "Help you with something?"
"I am Kanaan. Teyla and I were to be joined until you came to Atlantis."
Evan attempted an apology. "I'm sorry. I never…"
"What are your intentions?"
"Excuse me?"
"She has no family aside from what remains of our people. It is in place of her family that I ask what plans you have for the future with Teyla." Kanaan had not relaxed his stance and Evan followed his lead.
"Teyla and I barely know each other. And as far as my intentions toward her are concerned, they are none of your business." Evan turned to go, stopping when Kanaan grabbed his arm and spun him around.
"You will tell me!"
Looking pointedly at Kanaan's grip on his arm, Evan, with the utmost calm, peeled the other man's fingers away. "I'm not telling you squat except that you should take this up with her. She's an adult and more than capable of speaking on her own behalf. In fact, I think she'd prefer it."
Some of the stiffness went out of Kanaan's spine, his hand dropping to his side. "She and I have already spoken. After my anger at what I perceived as infidelity was spent, I returned prepared to present her with a token."
"And?"
Casting his eyes downward, Kanaan shrugged-an Earth gesture he'd no doubt learned from the Atlantis personnel. "I believe your people would say she…kicked me to the curb."
"I'm sorry," Evan told him sincerely.
"I believe you. But that does not answer my question. What are your intentions?"
"As I told you before, my intentions are none of your business. Now if you don't mind, I need a shower, food and sleep, in that order." Turning to go, Evan was again stopped by Kanaan but this time the hand that spun him around was followed by a strong uppercut. Evan stumbled back, falling onto one of the benches that lined the halls of the city.
The anger he'd managed to suppress until now rushed through him as if it were a flood headed for a rope bridge and just as dangerous. His eyes flashed as he launched himself at Kanaan catching the taller man in a body slam he'd perfected playing high school and college football. The impact of their combined weight hitting the wall produced a grunt from Kanaan and a growl from Evan.
Though the men were both warriors, their emotions took over and the conflict turned into an old fashioned barroom brawl.
Kanaan's fists came down on Evan's shoulders forcing him to pull back. He was pursued out into the open area at the three-way junction, the other man's eyes narrowing dangerously as he drew back his right arm in preparation for a roundhouse that was meant to knock Evan unconscious. What he got instead was a forearm block with the left and a punch to the solar plexus from the right.
Doubling over, Kanaan was in the perfect position to slam his shoulder into Evan's chest, but Evan sidestepped and Kanaan hit the wall with a thud. Spinning around, the Athosian pushed off the wall, dropping into a boxing posture, again probably learned from someone in the expedition. Copying him, Evan did the same, body turned to present his strong right, feet shoulder width apart, knees slightly bent. They circled each other, dancing forward to strike then retreating again, pummeling each other.
Both had split lips. Kanaan's cheek had been scratched by his face-first impact with the wall and Evan had the beginnings of a black eye. And neither of them noticed that they had drawn a crowd.
Chuck moved through them taking bets, entering them into a handheld device of Ancient design half the size of an iPad. Conversations came and went as people changed allegiances from Evan to Kanaan and back over and over.
Activity came to a stunned halt, the sudden silence almost deafening, when a deep and commanding voice shouted, "Stop!"
All faces turned toward Caldwell, a squad of armed Marines behind him. The military personnel came to attention while the scientists merely looked chagrined at getting caught wagering on a fist fight. The expedition commander didn't say anything for a long time, his eyes scanning the crowd taking note of who was there committing the names and faces to memory. "Captain Garcia, see to it that these two gentlemen are taken to the Infirmary. Once their injuries have been attended to, Kanaan is to return to New Athos and Special Agent Lorne is to be taken to his quarters. For the remainder of his stay, he is to be escorted to Dr. Zelenka's lab, the Mess Hall and the Gym. Nowhere else. Am I clear?"
"Crystal, sir."
"Sergeant Campbell. Front and center." The crowd parted and Chuck came to attention. "There will be no more book-making while I'm in command."
"Yes, sir," came the sheepish reply. It was followed by a muted groan from the assembled group.
Caldwell made an about face and disappeared from sight leaving the dark-headed Marine Captain, backed up by his squad, in charge. He gestured Evan and Kanaan toward the left hallway. "You heard the Colonel. Let's go." The subdued and disappointed crowd parted, closing ranks behind them and watching in dismay as Chuck deleted their bets one at a time.
~~O~~
Teyla hadn't been present during the fight between Kanaan and Evan though many had made it their business to be sure she heard the story, and in great detail. When the most recent person came to her, a member of the science department under Rodney, she shut the man down, sending him scurrying for the exit.
Radek had just passed her without even looking up from his tablet and she was in the Gym, so that left only one place Evan could be. Shoving her Bantos rods into her gym bag, she headed for the Mess Hall.
As she approached Evan sitting with several of the scientists, she also noted that a guard discretely stood watch, his eyes seeming to look into the distance though she knew better.
"Evan, may we speak?"
He glanced at his companions then over his shoulder at his guard. "Sure." Pushing away from the table, he followed her out onto the patio. The guard automatically fell in behind them but when he tried to leave the Mess Hall, Teyla stopped him.
"We wish to have a private conversation, Sergeant."
"But…" the young man gulped when she hit him with a glare. "Yes, ma'am."
It was a rare cloudy night signaling that rain would fall before morning. Teyla could smell it in the breeze that flowed over her skin, rippling her hair and the panels of her skirt. A slight glow high in the sky came from one of the moons though not strong enough to create shadows.
"Tell me what happened between you and Kanaan." She could see he was trying to keep his features in a neutral aspect, but she knew him, had known him since the moment they met. "It is not in your nature to pick a fight."
Fingering his black eye, the same one that had been blackened in his fight with Sheppard, he glanced at her. "I know. And I'm sorry." She watched several emotions flit through his blue eyes, never settling on one. "But he started it."
~~O~~
Though he'd meant it tongue-in-cheek, Evan knew it was the wrong thing to say by the way her feet moved. The toes flexed, a small indication that the rest of her had stiffened in anger. How had he gotten to know her so well after only a few encounters? His eyes came back to hers, seeing that they'd become even darker with the strength of her emotions.
"You are a strong man, Evan. To blame your actions on another is a sign of weakness, and I did not believe you capable of such a thing. It lacks honor and self-control. Both of which I know you to possess in abundance. Please do not insult us both by blaming Kanaan."
He didn't respond to her criticism because he knew she was right. Closing his eyes, he prayed for guidance to say the words that would diminish her irritation with him and Kanaan but nothing came to him. When he opened his eyes again, she was gone.
Area 52
Despite the presence of Sparky and her efforts to cheer him up, John still felt…disconnected, out of touch with those around him. He thought again of going into town for a beer. It was becoming a habit he'd have to stop or risk becoming an alcoholic.
After checking on the cat, he picked up his wallet and phone on the way to the door, almost jumping when he saw Angel standing there, one hand upraised to knock.
"Hey. Heard you had an addition to the family. Thought I'd stop in and meet her."
At seeing her smile, his stomach did a little flip and he immediately felt better than he had in days. He stood back to let her in, drawing her over to the bed where Sparky was sleeping in the exact center, her tattered ear held aloft as if it were a flag of honor. His voice low, he said, "Found her at the hotel. And you know what's weird?"
"What?" Angel leaned down to look closer at the bright orange ear with the uneven edges long healed.
"I've been feeding her and stuff, but I get the idea that she's taking care of me, not the other way around."
Shrugging, Angel faced him. "Never had a pet." Watching his face as he looked at the cat she could see that he had found something to care about besides himself. Taking on the care of a pet was a long-term commitment, and the fact that he'd done so willingly was a major step forward from the man she'd first met over a dead body. "I hope the two of you will be very happy together."
One side of his mouth turned upward. "Strange as it may seem, I think we are."
"So where you headed?"
Shaking himself out of his thoughts, John gestured for Angel to go ahead of him and softly closed the door behind him. "To rent a tux for the DC conference. You?"
"Stopped to see if you wanted to go to dinner. Just you and me." She bit her lip nervously. "Alone."
The thought of spending time with her caused another small thrill to tickle his stomach. "If that's your way of asking me on a date…I accept." He guided her toward the motor pool with a hand on the small of her back.
~~O~~
Doing her best to keep her breathing even, Jennifer waited while John checked out her favorite H3. She knew both he and Evan favored the pick-up, and it gave her a thrill that he chose the one he knew she preferred.
Waving to the guards, they pulled onto the Interstate. Once in town, they went to one of the many tuxedo rental shops where Jennifer watched him try on several different styles of tuxes wrinkling her nose at each one until, in self-defense, he finally tried on one in the classic style. When he came out of the changing room, she inhaled and forgot to exhale again he looked so handsome and…sexy. Like a movie star on Oscar night. As if he was meant to wear such clothing on a regular basis.
She'd finally read his full profile and found that he was the eldest son of Patrick Sheppard, the founder and CEO of Sheppard Industries, a multi-national research and development firm that had strong ties to the government. His brother ran the company now that their father had passed away. David Sheppard had taken his father's Fortune 500 Company and turned it into one of the world's most influential corporations. She was as certain as she could be that John had no idea how far entrenched in the Stargate program SI had become. With the demise of Devlin Medical Technologies, they not only made the components for most of the program's technology, but the medical supplies and equipment as well.
His industrialist father had disowned him just before he joined the Air Force and, to her knowledge, he hadn't seen his brother since. Had not even attended his father's funeral. It made her sad for him when she thought about never seeing her dad again. She sighed and put on a happy face she hoped he wouldn't see through knowing he wouldn't want her to pity him. And she didn't. But that didn't stop the sadness.
When the sales associate had completed fitting the tux, John and Jennifer walked back to the
H3 where they debated the merits of a couple of restaurants, settling on a small bar and grill on the outskirts of town. It was situated far from the maddening crowd of gamblers and entertainers. A jukebox sat in the corner to one side of a stage for live entertainment, empty at the moment, and a small wooden floor encouraged couples to get up and dance.
~~O~~
"…I can't believe you conned flying lessons from Dr. Rojas. What were you thinking?" Jennifer let a small amount of disapproval seep into her voice. If Caldwell found out, they'd both be in trouble. Her for bringing him to Atlantis, and him just because the Colonel didn't like him.
He took a drink of his beer and set it aside, getting a faraway look in his eyes, and she knew he was once again back in Pegasus flying through space, the moons of New Lantea falling away and nothing but stars in front of him. "I was thinking that the moment I sat in the pilot's seat it was…it was like I'd finally found a place where I belonged, like the missing piece I'd been searching for all my life…had just found me."
Jennifer couldn't help being just a little resentful and mentally rolled her eyes at herself. She was jealous of a machine that seemed to have taken her place in John's life. "So now you feel complete? Like all the pieces are in place?"
"I'm workin' on it."
He said it with his characteristic smirk, making her smile. Choosing to accept it as truth, she smiled, taking his hand in hers. His fingers twitched, as if he'd started to pull away then changed his mind. She watched the dancers, legs crossed and her foot swinging to the beat of Don McLean's "American Pie." When it ended, the lights dimmed and the couples moved into each other's arms as the soothing strains of Bill Withers' "Ain't No Sunshine" began.
~~O~~
Angel's eyes closed, a dreamy expression coming over features, and John knew, in that instant, that what he'd felt for Caitlin paled in comparison to the way he felt at this moment. Without letting go of her hand, he stood and led her to the dance floor. Gathering Angel into his arms, he brought her against his chest, their clasped hands tucked between them. Wisps of her hair brushed the side of his face as they swayed to the music.
He almost gasped out loud when her fingers touched the back of his neck, grazing the short hairs at the nape. Warm breath stroked his ear as she let her head rest on his shoulder. His palm on her upper back made a slow trek down her spine to her waist where he resisted letting it go any farther.
When the song ended he turned his head to whisper, "Let's get out of here." His idling arousal climbed higher when she softly said one word.
"Okay."
~~O~~
On a dark and secluded dirt road, far from the lights of the city, a black H3 was parked where it couldn't be seen from the road. Facing toward the ridges and mountains in the distance with a crescent moon above, the occupants were heedless of the beauty of the desert at night. Their focus was on each other rather than the outside world.
John sat in the front passenger seat pushed all the way back, Angel astride his lap. His arms held her tight to his chest, caressing her through her clothes, her hands in his hair as their lips and tongues battled. She gasped, just a short quick indrawn breath when his questing fingers slipped under the edge of her top to touch the smooth skin of her back. "Mmm. Angel."
Kissing along her jaw to the sensitive area below her ear produced another sound at once the same yet different from those she'd been making. When his teeth lightly nipped her earlobe, she said something that sounded like "promise me."
His eyes flew open and just for a second, Angel's face was replaced by another, one with light auburn hair and blue eyes. The vision was gone as quickly as it came, but that momentary peek into the past and the memory it carried with it had destroyed the mood. At least for him. He forced himself to remove Angel's hands from around his neck compelling her to lean back, the firm cheeks of her backside resting on the tops of his thighs.
"Is something wrong?" Her voice was concerned, more for him than for herself. He could feel it in her touch.
"No. I hadn't planned for this to happen. We should slow down before we lose control." His eyes wouldn't meet hers.
Her face, flushed with the insistent demands of her body, now showed confusion as well. "I don't understand. I thought you wanted to…"
Equally exhilarated, he tried to calm his breathing. "I do. It's just…you deserve so much more than…" one hand waved at their surroundings, "…this."
Angel opened the door, the brightness of the dome light making them both blink as she climbed down to stand in the wedge of light cast in the darkness beside the SUV, one hand on the open door and the other on her hip. "So what do I deserve?"
"To start with, more than a…tumble in the back seat of a car."
Her mouth turned up in a wry smile. "This isn't a car and we weren't in the back seat."
"Fair enough."
Crossing her arms, she leaned against the side. "What else you got, Sheppard?"
Stepping out to stand in front of her, he took her wrists and tugged until he could hold both hands. "You deserve a man who isn't haunted by a past that has left him scarred and afraid to give his heart away because the last time he did, she died without knowing how he much he cared.
"You deserve romance and flowers and music and champagne and dancing.
"You deserve strolls in the moonlight followed by long nights of making love.
"You deserve a man who would give you the moon if he could."
~~O~~
Jennifer's mouth had dropped open when he began his speech and the more he talked, the more she wanted him to say he would be the one to fulfill all of her wants and desires. But from the look in his eyes, that wasn't going to happen. Not tonight.
"John…"
"I'm sorry I can't be that man. Not yet. Maybe not ever. There are so many… unresolved issues I still have to work through before that can happen."
"But John, I…"
Moving out of her way, he helped her into the passenger seat, closed the door and got behind the wheel. They made the drive back to Area 52 in silence, not even the radio on, leaving Jennifer with nothing but her thoughts to keep her company. And they were lousy company. She'd almost told John she loved him and now she was glad she hadn't. He had enough to think about without having a lovesick female around further upsetting his mental apple cart.
He parked the H3 in its assigned space outside the motor pool then escorted her inside. She shook her head when he offered the use of his room just as he always did. Instead, she transported up to the Daedalus where its commander, Kevin Marks, was more than happy to accommodate her request for a place to sleep, though sleep was the farthest thing from her mind.
The next day, she returned to Atlantis, burying herself so deep in research she didn't have time for worry and anxiety…and the possibility of heart-breaking disappointment.
The Next Evening
The night was like most nights in Nevada. Hot at first then cooling off once the sun had been down for a while. Still, John drove with the windows up and the a/c going. His left hand steered the pick-up, his cell gripped in his right hand. His thumb rubbed over the call log key, scrolling down to the number he'd tried a few weeks before and had just that morning added to his contact list, pressing just hard enough to dial. Bringing the phone to his ear, he waited, no idea what he would say if…
"Sheppard." Again his brother's voice caused the breath in his lungs to thicken and a prickling to start behind his eyes. "John?"
He almost dropped the phone. How could Dave know it was him?
"I know it's you, John. Say something."
He opened his mouth to say…what? What should I say? "How you been?" "I miss you.""Can I come home?"
"John?"
He lost his nerve and again ended the call without speaking but before he could toss the phone into the passenger seat, it rang. A quick glance at the caller ID almost made him slam on the brakes.
Dave
How had his brother gotten his private, super-secure, government-issued cell number? He watched it blink, the name seeming to taunt him with the things he wanted and didn't think he deserved.
~~O~~
It was almost midnight, the Commissary nearly deserted, just a few people minding their own business for a change. Evan grabbed an apple and joined Cooper and her cohorts for a late snack. He'd just bit into the Granny Smith when his cell rang.
"Lorne…Yeah, that's me…Excuse me?" Evan's voice raised in pitch on the last word. "I'll be there as soon as possible…No! Do NOT let him leave." He hit the end key with more force than necessary. "What're you guys doing for the next hour or so?"
Withers, the stocky African-American man on Evan's left shifted in his seat. "Nothin' much. Why?"
"You up for a quick road trip?"
TBC
A/N: "American Pie" is a folk rock song by American singer-songwriter Don McLean released in 1971.
"Ain't No Sunshine" is a song written and performed by Bill Withers from his 1971 album Just as I Am.