A/N: Glad to know you guys are sticking with me on this story. It makes me much more nervous than 'Faking It' which makes your support (i.e. reviews) all the more important to me! Now, before you read this chapter, I would like to mention that I am not a psychologist or a a relationship councillor and have never met one either, so this whole thing bit is based on common sense, assumptions, and things I've seen in movies! lol
(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)
Chapter 7
"Okay, we should really go" said Parker pointedly through a fake laugh at the joke Roger Matthews had just made.
It seemed he and wife Bethan wanted to be joined at the hip with 'Alice and Paul', and though the fake couple had got as far as the door to their room, they hadn't yet managed to get inside yet. Eliot was seething underneath the forced grin on his lips, the arm he had slung around Parker's shoulders twitching in such a way, she was sure he just really wanted to hit something, or somebody. She could relate because honestly, if she thought smacking both Bethan and Roger in the head would get rid of them for not just today but the rest of the week they were trapped here, then she would do it too!
"Hopefully we'll get to talk some more later" grinned the brunette as she backed up down the corridor, her husband gripping her hand and waving with his free one as they went.
"Oh my God" Parker declared in a strained voice through her grin that she dare not let go of til the other couple were out of sight, "I don't know how much more of this I can take"
"Tell me about it" said Eliot, grateful not to have to smile anymore as they both turned and went into their room.
"You two did great" Sophie told them through their earbuds, "Very convincing actually"
"My face hurts" Parker complained as she slumped down into the chair in the corner, "Too much smiling in this job" she muttered as her hands went to her cheeks, massaging muscles that seemed to ache already.
"Yeah, well, you won't need to smile much this afternoon" said Nate in her ear as well as Eliot's own, "If you're going to be convincing as a couple that needs this retreat, you're going to have to act like it in front of this doctor person"
"You got anymore info on her yet?" asked the hitter as he sat down on the end of the bed.
"Nah, Dr Matthius is provin' to be all kinds of tricky" declared Hardison, "I been through these staff records, front to back and back to front. Seems like they employed her knowing she weren't qualified as any kind of real psychologist"
"So, we could out her?" suggested Eliot, "If nothin' else comes up, we can bust 'em for advertising experts they don't have"
"That is true" nodded Nate, pointlessly since the person he was mostly talking to obviously couldn't see him, "but it's not enough. Let's not forget what we're here for, guys. This place wrecks marriages, on purpose. They drove a man to suicide"
That got everybody's attention as it was supposed to, reminding the whole team of their objective and how much this really did matter. Sure, it was bugging Eliot to be stuck in this place with Parker and nobody he was allowed to hit, but there was a reason. They had a job to do and that mattered. He shared a serious look with his team-mate across the room as they both seemed to silently agree to try harder on this job and complain less.
"It's probably best if we offline before we meet the psychologist" suggested Eliot, prompting a squeak of panic from Parker, "We can handle it, keep it simple. I just... I can't have y'all in my head and a head-doctor too" he said, his frustration evident.
"If that's what you want" said Sophie, "but Parker, will you be okay, honey?"
The blonde looked ready to argue but as she glanced at Eliot she seemed to change her mind completely.
"Yeah" she told Sophie with a nod the grifter couldn't see, "We'll be fine" she assured her friend, because honestly, she just trusted Eliot to get her out of a jam if one occurred.
Besides, they had a story all planned out, using events from their own relationship to mirror the fake one. Paul and Alice met on the same day as the first job the team pulled together, and in the same place too, just five years earlier. Though the circumstances of that meeting had been altered, Parker had learnt her lines well, and had hardly needed any prompting from Sophie when she was relaying it all to Bethan and Roger at lunch. So long as she didn't panic, she knew she'd be fine.
Eliot was confident he knew what he was doing. Long-term grifting wasn't really his strength, but he could do it. Besides, this afternoon pretty much consisted of him and Parker getting mad at each other, which they did pretty well on a regular basis anyway. Since the day they met, he knew she was crazy, and though they at least had some trust in each other to get the job done these days, they did have a tendency to rub each other up the wrong way.
It was only as Eliot sat on the window sill now, looking across at his partner-in-crime sprawled out on the bed, munching on the last of her fortune cookies, that he recalled the conversation the two of them needed to have. With the others offline, he was safe to say whatever he needed to without Hardison pitching a fit or even Sophie and Nate making unhelpful comments in his ear.
"Hey, Parker" he called to her, causing her to sit up sharply, crossing her legs lotus style.
"What?" she asked as she swallowed her mouthful, "I'm not getting crumbs anywhere!" she protested, without him actually ever having accused her of anything.
"Did I say you were?" he said crossly as he pushed off the ledge of the window and thought about walking over to her, changing his mind last minute and shoving his hands in his pockets as he shifted a little awkwardly, "Uh, tonight you're wearing clothes when we sleep" he told her firmly, only to have her laugh at him.
"No way" she shook her head, "I can't sleep that way" she informed him as she rolled herself off the bed and onto her feet, moving to toss the packet from her food into the trash.
"Fine, have it your way" said Eliot with a gesture that said he didn't care, "You can sleep on the couch tonight" he said smartly, gesturing to the little two seater affair to one side of the bedroom that was never going to be comfortable, unless you were about three feet high.
"Why?" asked Parker, looking genuinely confused.
Eliot's eyes were even wider than hers as he failed to comprehend how she could be so baffled. Most normal people would understand that men and women did not get naked in bed together unless they were a couple - it just was not done. Of course, most normal people didn't take off their shirt as they dove into an elevator with two guys they only just met, but Parker had.
"There's something wrong with you" he told her with a shake of his head as he had so many times before, but the blonde remained unphased.
"I don't see what the big deal is" she shrugged, "Geez, it's not like we're going to have sex or anything!" she chuckled, in such a way that Eliot almost felt offended.
It was as if the idea of sleeping with him was so ridiculous that she felt the need to laugh about it, and that did nothing for a guys ego. Not that he wanted to have sex with Parker, that was insane. He was the one telling her she needed to wear clothes when they slept in the same bed, but then, he considered, he was really only doing that so he wouldn't make some kind of stupid mistake...
"Let's go to this damn meeting" he said then, tossing his earbud on the nightstand and slamming out of the door.
Parker rolled her eyes at his dumb behaviour and then did the same, still wondering what Eliot's deal was, and coming up empty.
"Okay, so... Alice and Paul MacDonald" said the lady psychologist as she sat down in her chair and looked across at the couple on the couch.
"Alice White" said Parker on reflex, "Not MacDonald"
"I see" the doctor nodded thoughtfully, "And why is that, Alice?" she asked with apparent curiosity, "Why is it that you felt the need to keep your own last name and not take on Paul's when you were married?"
"Because... I'm a feminist" the blonde replied, looking side-ways at her 'husband', not entirely sure she had said the right thing.
Eliot knew she wasn't at all comfortable from the way she was sat bolt upright, her hands on her knees, knuckles going white from the intensity of her grip. Not that he was exactly happy to be here himself, but it was a necessary evil for the job and he certainly wasn't going to panic in front of a psychologist.
"Dr Matthius, I..." he began, only to have her interrupt with a smile.
"Please, you should both call me Laura" she said kindly, "We're all friends here"
"Right, Laura" Eliot started over, "Y'know, I have no problem with Alice here wanting to keep her own name, that's cool with me" he said with an over the top smile that he was sure she would find annoying.
After all, weren't these doctors and staff supposed to be breaking up couples, encouraging them into expensive divorces, and all that. If Eliot and Parker played the part of a couple in love then these people would have to pull out all the stops to bust them apart, giving them a chance to expose all the tricks of their trade. At least, that was his plan to start off with.
"You're happy with it?" Laura checked, tapping her pencil against her chin, "I mean, it's not a problem to you that your wife doesn't want the world to know she's married to you?"
"No, I just..." Eliot tried to answer, but realised if this were real, it really would bother him, "Well, yeah, I guess it bothers me a little. Course, it'd be worse if we had kids..."
Parker scoffed at that, a ridiculously loud chuckle escaping her lips that made both Eliot and Laura look at her as if she were crazy. Immediately, she wished she hadn't made a sound.
"Alice, why that reaction to the subject of children?" she asked her with interest, as Parker's eyes flitted madly from the doctor to Eliot and back.
"Um... well" she said at length, "It's just the idea of me and him having kids is like... woah! Crazy!" she told the psychologist, her fingers making spinning patterns by her head to demonstrate just how insane the thought of it really was.
Eliot wasn't sure how to take that. They were acting, obviously, but it was stinging a little bit to hear her laugh again at his expense. First the idea of sleeping with him seemed to amuse her, and now the idea of him being a father was apparently ludicrous. He knew that he was even more crazy than she was for letting it bother him, but he just couldn't help it.
"Paul, do you see children in your future?" asked the doctor as Eliot was snapped back to reality.
"I don't know" he shrugged, his answer honest on so many levels, "I mean, I always thought it'd happen, y'know, settle down, wife and kids, but then there's work and... things just didn't go exactly how I planned, I guess"
"Okay" Laura nodded, "How about you, Alice?" she asked next, "How did you perceive the future before Paul came along?"
"I don't think about the future much... or the past, if I can help it" she admitted with a shudder that made Eliot look at her strangely.
He knew she had a bad childhood, from things she'd said and things he'd heard. She was a foster-kid, probably changed home and family more often than he changed his socks from what he knew. That was rough for anybody, and it explained why a lot of the time Parker seemed so out of whack to everybody else around her. When Eliot remembered the crap she must've been through, he always felt a little bad for calling her abnormal or similar so often, which was why he tried not to think about it, unless he was forced to.
"Well, there is something to be said for living in the present, concentrating on the task at hand" said the doctor thoughtfully as she made some notes on the clipboard resting on her knee, "So, let's start to talk about why you're here..." she said, exchanging one piece of paper for another, "Alice, let's start with you. Where do you think the problems in your relationship stem from?"
Parker looked thoughtful a moment, glancing towards Eliot and catching him glaring at her again. Her eyes reverted back to the front and she gave her answer.
"He's mean" she said succinctly, catching Dr Matthius unawares.
"Um, Paul is... mean?" she echoed, "In what way?" she asked her.
"He just gets all crotchety and weird about stuff" Parker explained with a shrug on her slim shoulders, "I mean, I was eating on the bed, and he had a complete fit because I might actually get a crumb in there"
"It's not hygienic!" her 'husband' told her with a little too much volume.
"Oh, yeah?" responded Parker, like a kid in a playground argument, before turning her attention back to Laura, "And he has this huge problem with me sleeping naked!" she exclaimed, as Eliot's eyes went wide.
He could hardly believe she was bringing this up now, in front of the psychologist. Inside, he was starting to panic some because he knew what came next and for the life of him Eliot wished right now he'd never taken out his earbud or told the guys they could do this alone.
"Paul, do you have a problem with Alice sleeping in the nude?" asked Laura gently, and yet the question still hurt his ears and left him opening and closing his mouth like a landed fish, unable to give a proper verbal answer yet.
Parker was enjoying the show altogether too much, leaning into the corner of the couch with her arms folded across her chest, all triumphant. If she was a guy, Eliot could happily swing for her right now, but then if she were a guy this would be a much simpler conversation to get out of!
"It's okay, Paul" said Laura, reaching out a hand to cover his where it lay on his knee, "Like I said, we're all friends here. You can say anything you want to" she reminded him, "I would ask if you have issues with intimacy, but... well, you two certainly seemed okay with that side of things in the office earlier" she said with a smile.
"Hey, that was all her!" said Eliot quickly, immediately realising that he was just adding fuel to the doctors fire of 'intimacy issues' and wishing he'd never spoken at all, "I just... Man, I don't know why I'm even here" he said, getting up from the couch and turning his back on both women before he said or did something else he might regret.
"I think you're right" said Parker somewhere behind him, whispering to Laura but still easy to hear in the small quiet room, "Intimacy issues"
"I do not have intimacy issues!" he practically exploded as he turned back around fast, making the doctor jump some and 'his wife' to just giggle at how mad she'd managed to make him.
"Okay, that's... okay" nodded Laura, forcing a smile as she scribbled further notes on the paper.
"See what you did now?" said Parker smartly as she looked up at Eliot, "You scared the doctor. She probably thinks you're some kind of violent maniac now"
"No, no, no" Dr Matthius quickly intervened, "No, nobody thinks that" she said as she encouraged Paul to retake his seat.
Letting out a breath she hadn't known she was holding she reviewed her notes and made another attempt at finding a way to break through the problems this couple clearly had. It seemed there was a lot of passion bubbling beneath the surface, which should be a good thing but seemed to be working against the couple as it came out in arguments and anger.
"Okay, let's try this" she suggested, "Alice, I want you to look Paul in the eye and tell him the one thing you love most about him"
Parker panicked a little then as she was forced to face her fake husband and meet his intense gaze. She didn't know anything about love, she certainly didn't know what she was supposed to say she loved about Eliot. Sure, she liked him well enough, they worked on the team well together and they got along okay. He had her back and she had his at times, which was nice, but none of that was couple stuff, was it?
"He... he's my safety net" she said too quietly, glancing at Laura who smiled encouragingly.
"Don't tell me, Alice" she advised, "Tell Paul" she gestured for her to look back at Eliot and explain herself.
"Okay" nodded Parker, swallowing hard, "Yeah, so... you're my safety net. It's like, if anything bad happens, I know you're there, and I'm not going to fall because... you're going to catch me" she told him, trying to maintain eye contact but finding it strange.
Eliot didn't smile much, not for anybody, except for that almost sadistic grin he got when he beat the bad guy into the ground. The look she was getting from him now was so genuine, such a real bright smile from his lips to his eyes, that the glow of it might've blinded her.
Laura was smiling too, though nobody noticed as she leaned into Eliot a little more and spoke softly to him.
"Your turn, Paul" she advised, "Tell Alice what you love most about her"
It took Eliot a minute to think, not because there was no answer to give but because there were a hundred, but none suitable for here and now. Love was a big word but there was plenty to like about Parker, even if she was kinda crazy. He did like the jokes she cracked without even meaning to, and the way she threw herself into things without worrying about the consequences. He had to admit, he didn't so much mind looking at her, whatever she was wearing... and when she wasn't wearing anything at all!
"Er, yeah" he said eventually, "I can't pick one thing" he admitted, not sure why he was saying this but telling himself it was just to get this whole meeting over with as fast as possible, "There's too many things about her, it's impossible to choose"
Parker smiled then, a real genuine smile, as a pinkness rose in her cheeks that Eliot wasn't sure he'd ever seen before.
As Dr Laura Matthius looked between the two of them then, she grinned too, unable to help herself. Glancing down at her paperwork, she scribbled a note at the bottom of the page:
'Unquestionably in love'.
To Be Continued...