BB's Interlude.

Part B.

We are lying on the bed, A snuggled into my chest with my arm wrapped around him. Every now and then he'd look up and smile at me, kiss my cheek, then my lips, and then settle back down. His body doesn't feel as cold as I thought it would, or as cold as I thought it might turn, he's still breathing his quiet breaths, his face is as angelic as ever and his fingers are still laced in mine. I'm glad that he's mine; if he wasn't, I'm sure I'd make him. Sometimes I can't help but feel we're complete opposites, but we work. We fit. We're perfect.

"Don't ever leave me, A..." I mutter.

"I won't...I'd follow you to hell if we ended up there" He breathes, surprising me. He hoists himself up, hovering over me. He's shaking, weak and frail. It's taking it's toll on him. I feel my energy drain too; it won't be long. He leans down, kisses my cheek, then my lips and falls to my chest with a sigh. "So comfy..." His breathing slows at a gradual pace, like one would when sleeping. He's beautiful, I can't help but stare at his light frame, like a feather on my chest. He's like a sack of emotion sometimes, so intriguing, so complex, so something that was only describable as A. He is the last thing I see as my eyes close over, my own breathing slowing down like his.

My eyes shoot open. There's the roof, the bare walls, the plain cupboards, my desk, A's stuff—

Not how I imagined our Heaven to be. Strangely, it seems I'm in the same position as I died in. How...weird. I sit up; A slides down, flopping onto the covers. I touch his arm.

Cold.

I touch his arm.

My head pounds and my body shakes, it's sheer determination to expel the drugs from my system making my head swim with nausea. I realise im thinking. I'm touching and I'm thinking.

I'm thinking consciously.

I touched A's arm.

I felt his cold skin.

I'm fucking alive.

Desperately, I look at A.

Cold. Lifeless. Dead.

But smiling.

"Fuck..." My anger gets the better of me and I lash out at the covers, kicking them away. My stomach churns at the movement, my head dives into the depths of cells; I fall from the bed and land on the cold hard flooring just as the cold hard truth had shot me. I. Am not. Fucking. Dead.

"A..." I whisper, just managing to turn around, put my throbbing sweaty head on the bed and reach for his arm. "A...wake up damnit" He didn't stir. I check his pulse with a shaky hand. "A!" I grab him, shake him, kiss him, slap him – I try to make him wake up. Try to make him throw up those drugs. Anything to bring him back. I panic, shutting down. I lie with him for a while, muttering my own apologies and promising that I wouldn't be too far behind. Then the knocking came.

The irritating banging on the door as they shouted to reach my Love and me. No. Then there's the crash, the crack...the door's gone. Their footsteps raid the building and I have no choice but to flee. I leave A's body with a parting kiss and run to the window, taking the gun from the top drawer and stuff it in my pocket. I avoid the main roads and the police until I find my way to the school building. How appropriate.

I stand there for a while... not caring. Looking out at the world, and not seeing anything good. I see people crowding around, but who cares. They aren't A. They don't need to know me and I don't need to care about them. Fucking shits. Then I hear Mello's bike. Then as it stops. Then I see his annoyance with the news woman that I hadn't recognised till then; I thought you liked the camera Mello? He rushes to the police, who lets him through. I'm sorry Mello, but you can't talk me out of this. I see as Rod turns up too, with Skyar in the navy blue BMW. I always liked the comfyness of that car. Oh, I forgot to tell Skyar where I parked the car. Oops. I close my eyes and listen. Using my senses reminded me of A – he told me to do that when I thought too much. As long as I ignored the voices I was fine. Mello's footsteps stop just before he opens the door. Are you hesitating, Mello? You don't have time to hesitate. To prove it, I step closer to the edge. What would happen if I fell? How long would it take me to die? Would the fall kill me? The impact? What if that didn't work? What would I do then? I count to ten before the door behind me swings open

"BB...hi..." I don't face him, but I don't want to make him mad at me. I momentarily think of A. He tried so hard to make Mello be happy with him. I wasn't going to taint his memory. I tilt my head in acknowledgement, but I don't know what to say. I find myself laughing, shuffling towards the edge with my arms spread out. I think I'll fall; I wonder if I'll fly, if the wind catches me and takes me elsewhere.

"BB..come on...please?...back away..." I hear Mello's footstep as he moves closer, so I move closer to the edge. I can hear I step forwards again and he steps closer to the edge. I don't want to see his face, all crumpled and desperate. If he hesitates, I'll jump. So I won't face him because if Mello doesn't know what to do, the world will end. I wonder if he knows about A already. I wonder if he's figured it out. All of this would have been so much easier if we'd 'gone' at the same time.

"It wasn't supposed to happen like this" I sigh and turn around to face my blonde friend.

"What wasn't?" The whole night plays out in my head like a scene from a film. The whole plan. I knew I should have taken ten instead of eight. Just to be sure.

"He has it all planned, organised and precise. We would go to bed as normal, none of my chaotics" I'm sure if I'd suggested we massacre one another A wouldn't have gone along with anything of the sort. I can't imaging A doing anything like that anyway. Bleeding to death was something he tried already; A always liked new things.

"It was perfect Mello, he was perfect. It was flawless. I took the syringes from the hospital, eight of them – four each. They should have been strong enough" I step closer, aware that my uncut hair is floating around my face like something out of a horror movie. Hopefully, he won't see the tears that are stinging in the back of my eyes. Because BB doesn't cry, damnit. It fucking hurts that A is gone but BB doesn't cry!

"I'm the flaw. I'm always his flaw. He's weaker than us Mello, so much weaker. But so frail... and angelic" My head stiffens and I look at him with a slight grin. I step forwards. I wonder if Mello found A angelic too?

"I loved that his face would be the last thing I saw. So beautiful..." I tilt my head at the memory of A's body lying there, cold and dead on my bed, beside me. My smile fades. I still can't work out why I woke up, and he didn't. It should have been enough to kill me.

"But I wake up, and he's paler than ever. He's cold, Mello. Cold and dead. But not me, no, not me... im fucking alive!" He falls to his knees and I dive for him, kneeling in front of him and searching his face. It'll be ok. "He left me... He promised he wouldn't Mel'..." The blonde reaches forwards comfortingly, first with a hand on my arm, then on my other shoulder and then around my back. My legs give out and I curse at them for their weakness. Mello holds me tighter and I lean into him, my body emotionless and limp. After my little outburst, it sinks in a hell of a lot more that A is gone. Then I remember them. Stupid idiots thinking they know what's what when they don't. "Then they show up; stupid shit fucks" I frown, raising my pathetic arm to fiddle with the ends of Mello's hair. "They wanted to talk, they never got A's statement and god knows what they wanted with me" They forced me to leave A's body with them...what would they do with him? Cut him up? Experiment on his pour fragile body? "I had to leave—I had to leave A with them...those bastards..." I sigh a long breath, the ends of Mello's perfectly cut hair flickering as I do so. "I ended up here – dunno why..."There's a pause until Mello speaks, holding me tighter, his voice ready to crack.

"BB...it's going to be ok. We can do this" Mello, don't cry, you never cry – don't be so pathetic; what on earth is crying going to do? Bring A back? And what are you on about 'we can do this' – we can't do anything without A! We can't leave him out! I won't!

"A's gone, Mello. There's nothing to do but waste this life just to see him again. I won't do that" God, Mello. I push him away, far too forceful than I would have liked. But he had me held tightly and I wanted to be sure that he had no chance to predict what I was about to do. I turn and run for the edge of the roof, only then turning around and seeing Mello, dazed and confused with a bleeding head, looking hurt and betrayed. I'm sorry Mello, but you have many other friends. You can make a whole new life. There is no life without A for me. I won't live without him. The thought makes me smile.

"BB please..." He scrambles forwards, his betrayed-looking face holding some kind of insecurity I have never seen in his eyes before. No – he cant come any closer. I hold my hand out and watch as he waits with agonising anticipation. My spare hand finds the gun in the back pocket, I clench it slightly before pulling it out slowly. I don't want to alarm him too much.

"I can't keep A waiting eh? He'll get scared" Mello see's the gun and his face is priceless. His eyes widen (although I feel a tad guilty he has to witness this) and –oh, there they are. Tears. I twiddle the gun as they drop from his face. It's not like he's sobbing and crying and whining pathetically, just the tears. No sounds. For some reason, that hurts more. Hmm...

"No, BB please..." I click the safety off. Mello needs to know that I'm not playing stupid. This isn't one of my thinking-too-much moments. I'm not insane. This has to happen.

"He promised never to leave me, you see..." I stroke the gun slightly with my thumb, remembering when A first found it. He made me promise never to use it unless it was a life-or-death situation. Ha. How ironic now.

"BB, don't. Think about this"

"...and I can't leave him alone, Mello. I won't" I'm really sorry Mello, truly. You should close your eyes now.

"BB-"

"We were supposed to go together" I smile at the plan, so perfect and flawless. I was the kink that ruined our plan; I've concluded that it's probably because my body was used to the drugs that I needed a heavier dose. It seems so logical now.

"Don't leave, B...please"

"I can't leave him alone Mel... you know that" I give him a knowing look. He's known all his life that I can't leave A alone; we're an item. You can't have one without the other, not for long anyway. I grin and bow slightly at him. My final act. I bring the gun to my head, precisely and unwaveringly. Closing my eyes, I look up. I'll see you soon A.

"BB-"

Bye Mello.

And thank you.