I can't believe that I finally finished this chapter! I'm really sorry for taking so long, I just didn't have any ideas for this chapter. But now you can finally enjoy it ;) Hope you still remeber what happened in previouse chapters XD
And thank you everyone for reviewing ;) And big thanks to Urooj who agreed to be mine beta ;)
And BringerofBadNews there are some things that I have to disagree with you :) About God...maybe he has some plans for them? Or is checking how people are acting now? Well you know Shizuru and Reito were believed to be a couple in Mai HiME. Besides you can like 2 completly different people. For example I do like two guys but they are really different! So I don't see anything wrong in it :) You know... if Shizuru had forget Natsuki after her death she wouldn't be sad... Besides Shizuru loves Natsuki so much that she could make suicide or go crazy...Natsuki knew it!
You know... I really liked fanfic The Strange Affair of the Katsu Ruins so I don't see anything wrong in it :) And you know... I still have no idea what your real nickname is XD I don't even care about it and you didn't say anything for what I should flame you :) It is your opinion which I appricate. I fully understand that none story or book can be liked by everybody :)
DISCLAIMER: As always don't own it...
Chapter 13
Happiness
I laid there, with my eyes half open and my hand resting on my forehead while thousands of thoughts ran through my mind, making me restless. But I needed it. I needed to think, so I could put my thoughts together in order to make a plan. I couldn't just come out there and start to talk about everything. There had to be a limit and now all my thoughts were concentrated on finding the limit. A lonely smile appeared on my face when I finally found some answers, the limits. It didn't take long until Jack would come back to pick me up. Lazily, I turned my head and looked at him, still smiling like an idiot. He sighed and helped me get up.
"Are you ready?" He asked with concern in his voice.
"Hai..." I answered weakly.
"Then let's go." We were pulled in by bright light before appearing in dark room.
I looked around and noticed that it wan't Shizuru's room, but the enterance hall. "Why did you bring me here?"
"I just thought it would be better for you. After all you'll still have time to think and concentrate more, if needed before you will face her again."
"I see..." I slowly moved towards stairs and stopped in front of them "Arigatou." I thanked him looking over my shoulder.
"Take care." Were his last words before he disappeared.
I stood there for some time, looking at the place where Jack stood, before slowly turning my head back and looking at the direction the stairs would go.'Am I really ready to go there? Am I ready to face her? To face him? I'm sure he is there with her...' I sighed before sitting onto one of the stairs with my back towards handrail, my lonely eyes staring up at the ceiling 'Am I?' Once more this question ran through my head, leaving uncertainty in my heart.
"Shizuru..." I whispered, closing my eyes in a slow motion. Silence surrounded me, while images of Shizuru flew through my head. 'Happy Shizuru...teasing Shizuru...smiling Shizuru...loving Shizuru...crying Shizuru...' I pressed my eyes tightly together, trying to get rid of her crying face but it just haunted me... 'Why am I seeing her cry? Don't I want to see her happy? Of course but, it's a warning for me to be more careful... and I will, I promise' I opened my eyes 'I won't let her cry again, that's what I've decided and that's what I'm going to do! I will protect her no matter what!' And opening my eyes, I stood up before heading towards Shizuru's room. When I reached the door, I stopped, keeping my gaze on it. Sighing I entered the room to find myself in darkness. It was night time after all. Slowly I moved towards Shizuru's bed and as expected Reito to be there with her, hugging her slender body. What made me feel better was seeing that they both were dressed in pyjamas 'So they didn't continue after all...Of course they wouldn't...Who would after something like this?' I looked at her face and pain started to return back.She looks so...happy. Even after what happened, even after what I had made her go through, she's still happy. 'Gomen Shizuru...' I was so angry, angry with myself 'I promise you, my emotions won't take control over me again! You are too preciouse for me...preciouse...'
I smiled remebering the HiME carnaval and it made me laugh a little. I always thought that remembering it will make me sad and maybe a little bit scared, but now I'm remembering it with smile, feeling happy. Happy because back then I found my preciouse one. Although I also wanted to beat myself right now. After all, it did take me so long before I finally accepted her. No I mean my feelings and then I had to die.
I clenched my fists but relexed when I saw her peacful face again. This time I smiled 'Even though this smile isn't caused by me I'm still happy for you, Shizuru. I promised it already and I know I broke that promise, but this time everything will be different.I won't loose myself, I will be strongfor you and only you, Shizuru...' I bent down and kissed her lightly on the head, making sure that she won't wake up, but to my surprise, her smile only widened although later she snuggled closer to Reito which he gratefully accepted. I smirked 'You better not make her cry as I did...' And with those thoughts I sat into the chair and closed my eyes.
Morning came and sun was shining brighter than ever. I was sitting in the chair and admiring it until I heard rustles from under the covers. They were awake, although it didn't look like they were going to get up any time soon.
"Mou Reito, stop it. It tickles"
"But I know you like it"
"Ahem" I cleared my throat "I'm still here you know" The rustles immediately stopped 'Damn! Why did I have to say it? Didn't I want her to be happy?'
"I'll take a shower" Responded Shizuru and jumped out of bed.
"Ah! Gomen, I ..." Started Reito but was cut off by her delicate lips.
"How many times do I have to repeat myself?" She asked sweetly "You didn't do anything wrong"
"Well you just..."
"Don't we have to go to University?"
Reito smiled smugly "Do we really have to?"
"Ara? Are you really my Reito?" His grin grew wider.
"Come on Shizuru, you know that I'm not perfect"
"Ara, how could I forget it," She kissed him once again "but we really should go, I already missed a lot and exams are nearing." She stood up. "So come on, get up" And went towards the shower, but before entering it, she looked over her shoulder, looking straight at me 'Does she see me?' Taking a deep breath I stood up and went towards the bathroom. I thought I was already ready for another blushing session, but...
"Why are you still talking with me? Didn't you say you can't? That you will stop?" I looked to the left and saw her standing next to me, near the enterance.
"C-can you see me?" 'No way! Was I wrong? Doesn't my power become stronger when I'm sad or just have big feelings? Didn't I calm down? Or wasn't it enough? Or is it already late?'
"No, but I somehow feel your presence"
"I see..."
"So..." she pushed.
"Well I thought a little..." I began while rubbing my chin "And maybe talking isn't such a bad thing?"
"Are you making fun of me?" Her voice was cold and...sad? "First of all you say that you can't, that I shouldn't try to talk with you. It hurts so much to hear it, although I still don't understand why and as we already discussed yesterday, you won't tell me why. Or maybe you changed your mind about that?"
Hearing her right now, made me shiver. She almost sounded like she did back then during carnival.So cold but she had the right to be like this. After all it was me who made her suffer."Gomen, but no. I can't tell you that, but I promise to talk to you when you wish, under one condition"
"What is it?"
"Please no more talks about what is going on and why you are feeling like this. In other words I don't want to talk about the things that we discussed yesterday. It will be better for you."
"Do you know how much that makes me feel uncomfortable?"
"I think I do but there is nothing I can do about it right now. Maybe one day I will tell you." 'Oh really? Of course not! I can't damn it! Why did I have to say it?!'
"All right, that's a promise" Finally I saw her smile "I will try to bear with these feelings, but you will promise not to dissapear on me like that ever again. Your presence is important to me."
"It's a promise!"
"Good' Her smile widened "Now, would you mind?"
"Eh?" I asked confused.
"Ara, we just became friends again and my angel already wants to peek? Ara, I have such a perverted angel! Maybe I shouldn't forgive you?"
"NO!"
"No? So I shouldn't forgive you then?"
"No! I meant that I will turn around!" Immediatly I spun around, blushing madly. 'Damn that woman! How on earth does she do it? To be angry and then all cheerful like nothing had happened?'
"Ara, is my body so unattractive?"
"Shizuru! We just became friends again and you're already teasing me?"
"Ara, but I can't be angry all the time, can I? Or does my angel wishes me to be angry?"
"No, of course not!" 'Can't be angry all the time? I wonder what that was, back then during the carnival?'
She didn't reply, but I was sure that she was smiling and satisfied with herself. Soon I heard the door to the shower, open and then later sounds of water dropping... I sighed, relaxing my ghostly body which I didn't know was tense util now. 'I can't believe that we're going to be friends again! I didn't even hope that she would forgive me so quickly! It seems luck is on my side today' A happy smile spread across my face and I closed my eyes enjoying the sounds of the running water. Finally everything was normal again, although one thing did bother me right now 'I hope Reito won't decide to join heralthough he is gentlemen.I don't think he will do it. Especially after yesterday.At least one good thing that has happened because of yesterday.NO! Wait! What the hell am I thinking?! It is bad! Bad Natsuki, bad! You want Shizuru to be happy, right? RIGHT! Then accept the fact that she and Reito are together! I can't allow her to be hurt again! Especially when we just made up again!' Soon my thoughts were stopped by the sound of the shower door opening.'It seems Shizuru has finished her shower. WAIT! I hope she doesn't plan to go to the room only in one towel!!' Quickly I turned around just in time to see towel falling down on the floor, revealing Shizuru's beatiful body. Her silk skin which was shining in the light, her delicate neck which just asking to be kissed, her beautiful shaped breasts which I longed to touch, her...'GAH! What the hell am I doing?!' Smacking myself I scolded 'PERVERT!'
"Ara, is my angel enjoyong something?" I heard Shizuru's teasing tone and raised my head, seeing a smirk on her face.
"NO!" I yelled without thinking again.
"Ara, so my angel does think that I'm ugly. I'm so hurt" Puttiing her face in her hands, she began to sob.
"That's not what I meant!
"Ara, so Natsuki thinks I'm even worse than just ugly?"
"Ehhhh?! No way! You are the most beautiful person I've ever met!"
"Ah, Natsuki is so sweet! If I could, I would give you a kiss" Steam started to run out of my ears while Shizuru giggled 'Good thing she can't see it!'
Thankfully she didn't continue to tease me anymore, instead she just simply started to dress and I was really happy for that! Soon she was finished, but she had left towel on her shoulders so clothes wouldn't get wet from her wet hair.
"Reito, you can go now"
"Already finished?" He asked lying on the bed.
"As you can see"
Smiling, he stood up holding his towel and on the way he planted a kiss upon Shizuru's lips. Jealousy awakened inside of me, but I kept it under control. There was no way I would break out again, especially when Shizuru had easily forgiven me! She really is an amazing person. As soon as Reito entered the bathroom, Shizuru moved towards her mirror where she took her hair dryer. The only thing that left for me was to sit on her bed and look at her, which I really didn't mind.
"So, what are we going to do today?"
I looked around, but Reito was still in the bathroom "Eh?"
"Yes my dear Natsuki, I'm talking to you"
"Don't you have to go to University?"
"Not for all day"
"And what about Reito? Didn't he promise to be by your side all the time?"
"Ara, so you don't want to spend time with me? I'm hurt"
"That's not what I meant!!"
"Ara,ara" she laughed "It seems I went too far this time, kanin na"
"Hmph" I pouted crossing my arms.
"So what do you want to do today?"
"I don't think there is anything else I can do except observe you and Reito"
"You can take day off"
"Don't tell me you are going to do naughty things with him and you want me to leave so I wouldn't interrupt."
"Ara,I'm not that mean. I just thought that you could use a little rest.. It must be tough to always look after me"
"I'm not tired! Really! Besides I just can't have a day off! I'll have problems later."
"Is a work as an angel so harsh ?"
"What do you think? We have always have to be with the person we protect."
"Ara, but why do so many people die in accidents?"
"It isn't our choice, that's God's choice.. Our work is to make sure that you won't die earlier"
"Ara I always thought it were our abilities and reactions that saves us"
"I thought so too..."
"Ara?"
"Ah! Nothing!" I exclaimed thankful that the door to the bathroom opened and Reito entered the room.
"Ah,what a nice shower." Sighed Reito, brushing his wet hair with a hand.
"I'm almost done."
"Well my hair is wet too,so I can wait." He grinned.
"It looks like you really want to stay."
"I do. I want to spend as much time with you as possible. Especially after yesterday's accident."
"Everything's fine, relex."
"I can't. There are too many bad things that have happened to you lately." He embraced her from behind and planted a gentle kiss upon her neck "I don't want to lose you."
"You won't…" She stroked his hair with free hand.
About ten minutes later, Shizuru had finished drying her hair and also dried Reito's wet hair, which he accepted graciously. Later, they had breakfast and as usually I sat down on one of the free chairs, observing my beloved. From the look on her face I could tell that the food was delicious and if I could, I would drool, because the food did look tasty. Finishing their breakfast, they used Reito's car to get to the University. The day in University was the same as always which was boring. Really, how can it be interesting when you have to study and write exams? Although I do miss those times...
During brakes they would always walk together, enjoying each other's company. Even though I promised myself I wouldn't feel jealous, I still did and, I tried to kill this feeling inside of me by telling myself 'You can't do this to her she is happy you can't be selfish again she forgave me to easily' And for some time it did help me control my jealous feelings.
Finally the lessons ended and Reito decided to take her to the restaurant. It seems he didn't plan to leave her alone even for a second. While we were in the University he always waited for Shizuru by the door, when she went to the bathroom. It wasn't any better here and some people looked at him suspiciously. Shizuru also laughed about it and he just smiled and said "It can't be helped."
It was already late when they came back. They were so tired that they didn't even take a shower. I smiled at my goddess who slept deeply on Reito's chest. Even though I wished it was me whom she slept on, I was still happy. For a moment my jealous feelings disappeared and were replaced by happiness and love. Before going to my chair, I corrected the blanket which had slipped of her body.
"Ookini, my angel..." She whispered catching me off guard.
However I realized that she was still asleep, and somehow she felt that it was me.
"Your welcome" I whispered softly and moved to my chair.
The next day was similar. While Shizuru was taking her shower, we had spoken a little, but nothing special. Later, she and Reito went to the University and then something different happened. Someone called Reito, to matters he had to attend too. Before he left, he had asked Shizuru to come with him, but she refused, saying that she would be fine. Reito was reluctant to leave, but he finally did, promising to call Shizuru which happened to be every five minutes! Everywhere we went, all I could hear was the distinct ringtone that notified Reito's call on Shizuru's cell phone. I heard it so much, that I was sure I'd be hearing it in my nightmares although I have to admit the ringtone wasn't so bad even though Shizuru and I had different taste in music..
At this moment Shizuru was walking in the yard, being surrounded by her usual fan club. Suddenly the phone rang again and Shizuru excused herself to a quiet place where no one would disturb her. The conversation was the same as five minutes ago like… 'How are you?' 'What's new?' 'Are you sure you are fine?' Geez! Can't he understand that nothing big could change in five minutes? Soon their conversation ended and Shizuru was planning to put her mobile back into the bag.
"Aren't you annoyed by him calling you every five minutes?" I asked standing not far from her.
"No" She raised her cell phone back to her ear, imitating a phone conversation "Does it bother you?"
"Not as much as conversation itself. It has to do more with the number of calls. I would already be pissed off if someone did that to me." And under my breath I added "It was that idiot Takeda that made me change my phone number all the time..."
"Ara, did you say something?"
"No, nothing." I straightened up.
"But I'm happy that he is so worried about me" She smiled "Although I do have to admit that it is a little too much..."She laughed gently.
"Then why don't you tell him to ease it down?"
"Don't know...maybe because every time I hear his voice I feel happy."
"I see..." Silence fell upon us for some time, being disrupted by singing birds.
"And what makes you happy, Natsuki?" The question took me off guard and I didn't know what to say.
"Me? I don't know..."
"Come on Natsuki, I know that something does make you happy."
"Well...it's usually you..." I answered quietly.
"Why?"
"I don't know," I lied "Maybe because I'm your angel and we're connected somehow? Seeing you happy makes me happy as well"
"But you don't seem very happy when I'm with Reito" She turned around to where I was standing...
"You're imagining things"
"Really?"
"Shizuru...didn't we promise not to talk about it?"
"You're right." She sighed. "Kanin na"
"And you forgave me," The bell rang signaling classes to start "You need to go..."
"Hai..." She stood up "Would you like to go to the park after school?"
"Not at all" I answered sincerely.
"Then see you later" Putting phone back, she and I went towards the building...
After the all the classes ended, we went to the park which was not far from her University. Of course some of her fan girls wanted to go as well but as always Shizuru found a way to escape them... I was always surprised at how manipulative she could be as well as scary yet still seem to be nice and polite like a goddess really. There are no other words that could describe her, well maybe a devil, but I prefer goddess more.
The park was really big and occupied with hordes of people, but still Shizuru had managed to find quiet place under sakura tree where no one would disturb us. She quietly sat under the tree and motioned for me to sit beside her and I eagerly did as she wanted. I just couldn't lose this chance. For some time we sat in silence, and soon Shizuru broke it.
"It is nice here, isn't it?" She asked looking at the sun.
"It is."
"You know, it is the first time I feel so happy and calm." I looked at her "It still makes me uncomfortable but today I want to fully spend all my time with you and enjoy every little bit of it."
"Are you sure?"
"Hai! Today I just want to do what my heart feels maybe it will help me to figure everything out"
I wasn't too sure about it, but maybe she would remember me? Yet I promised that I would never make her sad ever again...
"All right! What do you want to do?"
"Right now, I just want to sit here with you..."
"As you wish." And for anther moment silence fell upon us but soon it was interrupted by Shizuru's cell phone. Sighing, she picked it up.
"Hello Reito dear."
"Hello Shizuru, how are you? Is everything fine?"
"As always, yes…"
"I'm glad to hear it. Are you already at home?"
"No...I'm at a park, relaxing and enjoying the view."
"Oh! I'm sure it must be really nice there."
"Yes it is. We should come here one day."
"Of course we will! Oh by the ways, I won't be able to see you today. I need to go to France right now, for some meeting."
"Ara, for how long?"
"Don't worry, I'll be back tomorrow. I won't be able to call you while I'm on the plane, but I'll call you as soon as I land."
"Take care and good luck."
"Take care as well and have a nice day in the park. If something happens, you can always call on my airplane phone"
"Don't worry Reito." She laughed a little "Everything will be fine."
"I hope so, well talk to you later."
"Bye" And the conversation has ended.
During their conversation, I simply observed her, feeling content in being this close to her...
"Would you like to go to the amusement park?" She asked suddenly.
"Amusement park?" I asked surprised.
"Hai."
"Are you sure it's a good place for us to go? After all I won't be able to ride with you and what if some pervert comes after you?"
"I have you, don't I?" She smiled at me gently, making me hot.
"Well...I'm not sure if I will be able to help..."
"You are my angel, so everything will be fine, come on," And without waiting for my reply she stood up and walked away. Sighing I jumped on my feet and ran after her trying to catch up. We left the park and we were soon standing on bus stop, waiting for the bus. When the right one finally came, we got onto it. The bus was full so Shizuru had to stay on foot with me beside her. She had to bear with some pushing, but I bore with people walking through me which disturbs a lot.
Finally the bus came to the stop and we made our way across the road and towards the big amusement park. Even though I still couldn't get how Shizuru had planned to spend time with me there, I still walked behind her not asking any questions. She was already buying tickets while I looked around, searching for perverted eyes and to my happiness I didn't find any.
"Come Natsuki." Said Shizuru pushing through the crowd and with me behind.
"Shizuru, really how do you plan to enjoy the amusement park today, without seeing me or being able to touch me?"
"I can still hear you." She smiled as approached the cups ride which weren't moving right now.
"Let's go on this one Natsuki! It's one of my favorite rides"
"Really? Well all right, but I have no idea how I will ride it. I'm ghost after all..."
"Everything will be fine, come here." Showing the ticket to the worker, she sat into the cup with me next to her.
I was really worried about it; somehow I had a feeling that this ride will be similar to the ride with Yoko in her car. I violently shook my head, trying to get rid of this horrible thought. Soon the cups started to move and I tensed. I always liked amusement park, but right now I felt something good wouldn't happen and I was right when cups started to furiously turn around and around its own axle. My body started to fly from side to side and sometimes I fell from the cup into wrong one when I had meant to quickly come back. So to stay in place I had to try to get a grip on handles even though my legs were still seen from the back of the cup. However seeing Shiziru's happy face and hearing her laugh made me feel better and somehow I started to get more fun from this ride.
The ride started to slow down and finally I could sit in the seat properly. Sighing from relief, I got up but waited until Shizuru stood up as well. Still smiling she moved towards another ride.
"Did you like it?" She asked me.
"I'm sure that no one has ever ridden it as I did right now" I laughed.
"How did you ride it?" Shizuru asked curiously.
"I don't think I will be able to describe it but sometimes I found myself in the wrong cup." I laughed more "So I had to hold on, but my legs still were up in the air."
"Ara, it must be really difficult to be an angel."
"Not at all, although having a ghost form sometimes is disturbing, especially in crowded places." I said when fat guy went right through me and the smell of hotdogs was all over me "The feeling of something or someone passing through you, isn't a very pleasant thing." I smiled sheepishly even though she couldn't see me.
"Ara, I never thought that it was uncomfortable."
"Believe me, it is." I looked around "So where do you want to go next?"
"Are you sure that you want to continue? If it all makes you uncomfortable we can always-"
"Hey! Don't you dare to say that!" I warned. "I'm fine; the most important thing is that you had fun. Too many things had happened with you and I'm the biggest cause of it, so you need to relax. I also think that you went too easy on me, so I want to lessen my guilt in front of you." I answered sincerely.
"Natsuki..." She smiled "Ookini"
"You're always welcome." I smiled back. "So where do you want to go now?"
"How about this?" She pointed to 'The free fall', I gulped.
"Never thought that you'd like rides like this…"
"Ara, you are my angel but it seems you don't know me very well."
"It's impossible to know someone well." I protested "Even for angel."
"Hai, hai." She laughed " So are you ready?"
"Always"
And without a word we made our way towards Shizuru's destination. This ride didn't fare any better for me, maybe even worse. After all when everybody went down I still stayed up and then fell on my own. But on the way, I always tried to grab on the machine which was already rising. Soon I was riding it while hanging, not even bothering to get back on my seat.
To be true, it was the same in all the rides.. On the water fall I also stayed in air before falling into water and then swimming after Shizuru. I also flew in pirate ship and was almost pushed from 'Tornado', ride which was made like a wheel that was swinging high in the air and also turning around. All in all, the short rides were extreme all except the one… the big wheel, which was the last ride that Shizuru wanted to take.
The sun was already setting down, so we had to hurry if we wanted to see it. Quickly we jumped onto the ride and took seats in front of each other, gazing at the beautiful red sun in dark orange sky.
"Beautiful..." Whispered Shizuru.
"Yes..." I agreed, although right now I was looking at her with dreamy eyes and happy smile.
"Natsuki...Ookini for today." She looked at me, still not seeing me.
"You're welcome..." I was so happy right now, that I couldn't control it anymore and I let her to see me one more time.
"Natsuki..." She said surprised.
"Shah, Shizuru." I smiled more "Today I allow you to see me once more, but only today" I warned.
"Why?"
"I just thought it will make you even happier" I shrugged.
"Even though I still don't understand this feeling, which worries me so much, right now I'm truly happy being able to see you." She smiled even more, looking at me with slightly dreamy eyes, that for some time, I forgot I was dead and not with her anymore. She said that she will spend the day with only me once and that she will allow these wrong feelings to take over her only today. I remember it and even though this beautiful day and moment will end soon I'm happy. For the first time after so long I'm sincerely happy and turning invisible once again I allow my ghost tears of joy to spill.
Mini feed
Bad one: Here! Are you happy now? I didn't make this chapter depressing!
Natsuki: And what about beginning?
Bad one: Well I couldn't just start from you and Shizuru being friendly again!
Natsuki: Why not?
Bad one: It would make no sense! I already rushed everything enough!
Natsuki: What about Reito being a stalker?
Bad one: He is not a stalker! He is just worried!
Natsuki: Yeah... right...
Bad one: What in the world do you want from me?!
Shizuru: Ara, how about bed scene?
Natsuki: Yep... wait WHAT?!
Shizuru: Ara, Natsuki doesn't want it? -bad aura-
Natsuki: What?! Of course I do!
Shizuru: Ikezu... Natsuki seems to be so eager right now!
Natsuki: Shizuru!
Bad one: But I can't make bed scene! Natsuki is dead!
Natsuki: Then bring me to life!
Bad one: I can't! -crosses her hands-
-Some time later-
-Me being tight up with gun near my head and naginata near my throat-
Bad one: But I'm inexperienced yet T.T
Shizuru: Don't worry...I'll tell you what to write... -whispers something into my ear-
Bad one: 0.0 Alright I got it!
Shizuru: Good girl...
Natsuki: Shizuru what did you tell her?
Shizuru: Ara, nothing special...
Natsuki: Shizuru?!
Shizuru: Ara, I just said Kiyohime -Kiyohime appears beneath me- Ara, kanin na.
Bad one: Why me?! T.T
Hope I haven't rushed anything! Will be waiting for your reviews