Hey there! As promised, I had finished the chapter sooner than in one year XD Though it did take longer than I planned and I'm still not satisfied, especially with the second part. It seems to be a repetition from the first one... but I kinda got lost with details and could not make the chapter end the way I wanted. So I will change that part a bit in next chapter. I still hope that you will like it. Thanks for all the reviews! I did not excpect to receive so many of them after such a long break!

Chapter 16

Reality

"How could I forget you, Natsuki?" whispered Shizuru and my breathing had stopped. 'This could not be happening, this simply could not!' I was telling myself, afraid to face the reality. Just when things started to get well, Shizuru of all times had to remember me now!

"What do you mean, Shizuru?" I tried to play innocent, hoping that it was another trick on Shizuru's part and that she simply was trying to get a reaction from me. I didn't want to believe that all I was working for this whole time, was about to crush.

"Don't pretend Natsuki!" her voice had risen and she moved closer while I moved further away from her, trying to avoid any possible contact with her "You know perfectly well what I'm talking about!"

"Shizuru I…"

"Kuga…" she whispered and this time my heart sank. 'My surname… I had never mentioned it to her in this condition. So it is true, her memories are back! Damn it! Are we in some fairy tale where kiss can solve everything? If so then why am I still dead? Argh!' I was shouting inside my head but on the outside I tried to look as peaceful as possible, trying not to show my emotions.

"Shizuru, I think you are confusing me with someone" it pained so much to say those words, but I had to. Those were the rules and if I were to break them, I would be taken away from her forever, that was the last thing I wanted to happen.

"Don't play dumb with me, Natsuki!" her voice was becoming louder with each word that had escaped her lips which were trembling slightly "You are Kuga Natsuki, my friend and most importantly my only real love! You and I were together for the whole year, after the carnival had ended and then…" she sobbed some more "… and then… you died…" she whispered the last words so quietly that I barely was able to catch them.

I was speechless; there was no denying it anymore. What she just said had proved the theory, her memories were back in full power what left me only one option. To disappear and never come back but seeing her so heartbroken just didn't allow me to do it. I knew that if I were to disappear, she wouldn't hesitate to go after me. Before I could say something, she continued:

"What happened? Why did I forget you? How could I forget you? Was my love that shallow? I'm so sorry Natsuki! I'm sorry for deceiving you! I truly believed that my feelings were…"

"No!" I cut her off firmly; I could not be quiet anymore. The truth was finally revealed, there was no point in hiding anymore. If I were to leave her, I would like to do it after explaining myself, without leaving her with false guessing. The time for truth had finally come "It's not true, Shizuru. Your feelings were the purest and strongest ones, you are not at fault here" I had reached my hands out and tried to take her face, Shizuru had followed my suit and tried to put her hands on top of mine. The process was hard, the muscles on her hands were definitely getting tensed from trying to hold them in the air.

"Then what happened? Tell me! I want to know!" her crying eyes were piercing through my soul which was right before her in its full glory "And please, no more lies…" she begged quietly, emotions were overflowing her.

"Alright" I sighed "I'll tell you but before that promise me one thing" I looked at her seriously, her gaze was mirroring mine "No matter what you are gonna hear now, please don't make any rush decisions, agreed?" she nodded in agreement "Ok, where to start…" I slowly got up from bed and took a little stroll around the room, Shizuru's eyes were on me for the whole time "The reason why you have forgotten everything is because I had wished for that" I faced her to see the reaction and as expected, her eyes went wide in shock and disbelief.

"What do you mean you had wished for it, Natsuki?" she obviously was sounding desperate.

"When I told you that I'm your guardian angel, that was not a lie. I had asked for that position when I had died and God was kind enough to grant me it" I decided to start from further away, trying to put my thoughts together and prepare Shizuru for the real upcoming confession which she definitely wouldn't like "But that was not my only request" I made several steps forward "I had asked him to erase my existence from the world, make it like if I had never been born. Obviously, a lot of things would had to be changed and that is why instead of me he created memories about someone else who had never existed in the first place, that's Sango"

Shizuru was at a loss of words, her expression made it clear that she wanted to say a lot of things but right now was in struggle with herself, trying to find the right vocabulary. Her mouth had opened several times. However, no sound came and it made me bit worried.

After calming down a bit, she took a deep breath and finally spoke up:

"What?" well, that wasn't a bad beginning "How… how could you, Natsuki? Why had you wished for something so cruel?"

"Cruel?" somehow I did not expect that "I thought that it was quiet generous from my part" I protested although Shizuru seriously didn't agree with it.

"Generous? You had robbed me of my memories, my feelings! And not only me!" her voice was becoming louder "Natsuki, don't you love me anymore? Were you ashamed?"

"What?" she surely was getting the wrong idea "Of course not! I did it for the exact opposite reason. I loved you and I still do. And I knew how much pain it would cause you to find me dead. Remembering what had happened at the carnival, I got scared that you would stop wanting to live. That you would shut in yourself and in worse case maybe even attempt a suicide and …"

"Yes, I definitely would attempt it" she confirmed my suspicion with straight face.

"See, I could not allow that!"

"But we would be together then!" she protested and stood up.

"No, suicide is a very heavy crime, we would not be together"

"But it still doesn't allow you to take such harsh measures! Why didn't you ask my opinion on that topic?"

"How did you expect me to do that?" I shook my hands in slight frustration "There is no way I could ask you that when I had passed away!"

"You could have asked it before that!"

"Would you really answer me? I'm quite sure that you would tell me to stop thinking about such nonsense and start to concentrate on getting better"

"Alright, you win here" Shizuru agreed with my statement "But… if my memories were taken away, why do I remember you now?"

"Now that's a good question" I pointed out "Though I do have some guesses… during this several months you seemed to always have connection to me, you seemed to feel what I do"

"Yeh…" she admitted weakly.

"Considering that we already had that connection at the start, I think that the kiss had triggered the rest. If to think about it, it probably was the closest connection that we could get considering our situations so yeh…"

"Ara, it kind of reminds me some kind of fairy tale" she pointed out weakly but obviously was trying to cheer up a bit.

"I know!" I burst out "Actually now that I think about our situation, it seems so cliché that I want to vomit" and sat beside her with a sigh.

The silence had fallen between us, we both sat near each other and stared at the floor not knowing what to do or say 'At least one thing is out of the way, one more left… or two'. Taking another deep breath, I looked in her direction.

"Shizuru…" slowly, she faced me as well "I hope, that this sudden revelation won't change any plans of your life"

"Ara, what could Natsuki possibly mean?" she tried to look innocent but I definitely was not buying it.

"You know perfectly well what I'm talking about, Shizuru. I do hope that your relationship with Reito will stay the same as it was"

Shizuru's eyes fell "Natsuki I…"

I didn't like the way Shizuru was approaching this topic one bit "Please don't tell me that all that love that you had for him was a lie" I begged her.

At one point I felt reviled that all her love was addressed towards me and me alone. That I wouldn't have to worry about her relationship with Reito. On the other hand it bothered me even more, if Shizuru were to break up with him, her life would be ruined. She could not spend the rest of her life by talking to a ghost aka me. I don't even think that God would allow that! Actually speaking of him, I'm surprised that neither He nor anyone else had shown up yet. Didn't they notice? Or are they giving me a chance to calm things down here? Whatever it is, I must hurry.

"Actually… I don't know" she looked away and stood up taking a small walk around her own room "What I'm feeling towards him can't be compared to my feelings towards you… However," she stopped "the feelings I have for him are bigger than the ones I have for Mai, Nao, Midori, parents or anyone else… they are more powerful than a simple friendship"

I sighed in relief and closed my eyes "Good" it felt so nice to say those words after all the pressure that surrounded us some moments ago "So I don't have to worry about you ruining your life?"

"But I don't know what to do now" she moved closer.

"Do what you did before this moment, live and enjoy your life" I answered her sincerely, staring deep into her red eyes "Get married with Reito, make a family"

"I can't" she shook her head as new streams of tears started to flow "I can't do all that right before your eyes, it's like if I'm cheating on you"

"You didn't have that much problems before" I tried to sound cheerful.

"I thought of you as an angel back then"

"Well I still am your angel"

"That's different, I know who you really are now" she kneeled before me and gradually brought her hand towards my face, trying to touch it.

"Should I ask God to replace me then?"

"No!" she burst out and moved forward what caused some parts of her body to go through me, it obviously made her feel cold so she moved away a bit.

"But if you can't go on then it has to be done. If you are to stop to continue to live, I definitely will be taken away then"

"But…"

"Shizuru…" I reached out and carefully placed my hands on her face, she was shivering from cold but didn't make a single move to back away. On the opposite, she had closed her eyes and tried to enjoy the moment "… I'm dead. There is no future for us. Don't ruin your life. I came to accept the reality and I'll be happy to see you and Reito together. I never was a fond of him but after all this time I finally understood that he is a good guy. He cares about you deeply and will do anything for you. And since your feelings for him still remain, there is no point in breaking up. Just continue living" and let go of her face.

"It is much easier said than done" she answered, crying silently yet still keeping her eyes closed.

"I know, but that's what we have to do. We have to go on and accept the reality"

"Reality is cruel"

"It sure is…"

"Alright, I will follow your wishes" she opened her eyes once again "but under one condition"

"Yes?"

"You will remain here with me. You will continue talking to me and you won't run away"

"That's more than one condition, so which exactly do I have to follow?" I laughed a bit on what she glared at me "Ok ok, after all you are giving the same terms as before so no problem" I waved my hands in defense.

"Thank you" she smiled slightly in return.

"Well… I guess it is time for you to go to bed now"

"No, not yet. I want to spend my time with you, Natsuki" she shifted on the bed.

"But it is late and I did promise not to leave you"

"Please, Natsuki" she begged, puppy eyes already in full power.

"You know perfectly well that I can't do much"

"Your presence and voice is enough, just sit here… by me" she patted the bed by her side.

"Fine" I gave in "But no weird ideas" I warned her.

She excitedly nodded in agreement, wiping away her tears and smiling brightly "Ookini, Natsuki!"

The biggest part of the night we had spent simply talking to each other, sharing the memories of the past, of when we were together and of the time when we didn't know each other. Actually Shizuru was talking about herself more since she knew my past very well while I still didn't know a half about her despite being together for almost a year.

I had learnt a lot of new stuff, like for example that she had studied a year in America when she was ten. Her parents had gone on a business trip for a year and they had decided that it would be useful for Shizuru to attend American school and improve her English. Being talented and a fast learner, she had picked up English quiet a lot in that short time. Another thing that I've learned about her is that she had a pet snake in the past, no wonder that her child was half a snake too. But if child's represent the pets we had in the past, that would mean that Mai should have a dragon? I guess my theory about pets is not exact…

It looked like Shizuru wanted to make up for the lost time with me and was trying to tell me as much as possible about herself. I actually was thankful for that, it was interesting to listen about her past life and was relaxing as well. For the first time we were able to have a normal conversation without having to mention my secrets and me having to lie and hide. I wished that this moment would last forever. However, Shizuru had to go to sleep. She was meeting Reito tomorrow and for that purpose she had to be in good condition, I would not allow her to ruin her life because of me. I already made such mistake and I didn't plan to repeat it.

Shizuru agreed to go to sleep only under one condition: that I would remain lying by her side. She was visibly shaking from cold since my body was radiating cold from everywhere, but she still insisted on me staying by her side, saying that she was fine. I tried to protest though I did give up in the end. I had never won a single argument with her unless she was willing to lose.

I tried to keep my distance from her, so it wouldn't be chilly yet she still was visibly shaking. Despite that, a charming smile adored her face. It was a long time since I saw her so relaxed and happy. I kept wishing that this smile would always remain there, that she wouldn't know any sorrow and that God would not take any harsh measures because of what had happened.

The next day things got a bit tense, Shizuru had a huge urge to simply lock up in her room and spend the rest of the day alone with me. Obviously I was against such decision, she had to continue to live on and not slowly kill herself. After small argument she finally gave in and went to the shower, with me right behind. Despite the displeasure of my decision, she still continued to tease me. I was not against it this time around as long as it kept her mind occupied with something else. However, to be truthful I do enjoy her teasing at one point. But don't you dare to tell her that!

Since today was a weekday, Shizuru went to the Uni versity where she had met Reito during lunch time. He had finished all his tasks and was ready to study. Reito was as cheerful as ever and impatient for the wedding day to come. At first Shizuru had no idea how to act again but after some of my nagging, she seemed to take the grasp of the situation. The sudden memories of the past had visibly shaken her and it would require some time to get used again. Sadly we were short on the time, no one except her had the real memories back what means that no one would understand her sudden change in behavior either. Knowing that God would come after my head if things went out of control also wasn't helping.

Reito was not an idiot; on the opposite he was very tactful, observant and smart. Despite our effort to cover things up, he still saw that something about Shizuru was off today. He seemed to be quiet for the biggest part of the day nevertheless he still had asked Shizuru about her condition while heading towards limousine.

"Shizuru, are you alright?" he asked with concern.

"Yeh, just a bit tired" she smiled at him weakly.

"Are you sure? Because if something is bothering you, you can always tell me"

"I know, sorry to make you worry but I'm really fine"

"If you say so…" he trailer off.

"I do" answered Shizuru and gave him a sweet kiss on the cheek. The action seemed to make Reito relax a bit. During the day Shizuru was quiet distant towards him.

The rest of the way they had spent in silence, only their hands were intertwined with each other, showing some signs of connection between them. At the door steps of Shizuru's house they had separated with a kiss as usual. However, even I could tell that it was lacking something this time around. Sadness clearly was mirrored in Reito's purple eyes yet he said nothing. Just smiled kindly and left without a word. Gradually, Shizuru went towards her room with me right behind. The moment doors had closed, Shizuru had spoken just when I had opened my mouth to do the same.

"I know what you are going to say, so don't bother" and sat into the chair without looking at me.

"Then why? I though we had discussed it yesterday. You know perfectly well what might happen if you will keep the distance with him like that"

"I know, but it isn't easy to act normal when you had suddenly remembered so many important things in one night and when the love of your life time is floating right beside you" she looked at me sharply.

"Should I leave?" I asked again.

"No!" she jumped on her feet "anything, but that"

"Then put yourself together or were your words about Reito a lie after all? And that you don't have any feelings towards him in the end"

"I did not lie" she raised her voice "I do have feelings for him, but I can't act normal now that I know who you really are!"

"But…"

"Just give me some time, please" my eyes widened in shock when I saw tears streaming down her face "Just a bit of time, that's all I ask"

"Shizuru…"

Lowering her head, Shizuru sat back into the chair, sobbing.

After some consideration, I finally gained courage to come behind her and tried to embrace her with my transparent hands. Good thing that my muscles did not feel pressure anymore and that I could stay in that position for as long as I wanted.

"Forgive me…" I whispered into her ear, evident shivers ran down her body, but she didn't mind it one bit "I didn't mean to get angry with you. I know that it is hard on you, but try to understand me as well. If I will let you to destroy your life, God will force me to leave you. And not only that, I myself would not forgive myself for destroying your life"

"You are not destroying it, I'm completely happy to stay with you like that forever" she whispered and tried to put her hands upon my arms.

"No, Shizuru. That's wrong. I'm dead; there is no future for you with me anymore"

"I don't care about future, all I want is you!"

"No" I said firmly.

"Then if I'll kill myself to ease the pain"

Those words made me back away in horror. Within a second I was standing right in front of her "Don't you even think about it! I will NEVER forgive myself if you'll do that. And I clearly told you what the consequences are if you'll attempt it"

"I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me. And you are right, I must take a hold of myself" and with those words she hit her cheeks, like if trying to wake up "Tomorrow, everything will be fine. I promise"

"Good" I smiled back "Go to bed now"

"Will you sleep with me again?"

"Shizuru…"

"Just this once" she put her palms together in a praying manner.

"Fine, but only today. Got it?" she nodded "Good, get ready for bed now"

Smiling brightly, she ran into the bathroom, she seemed like a completely different person now. Like if the argument had never happened between us. That made me sigh in relief, maybe Shizuru will be able to take a hold of herself after all. Though today's attempt had failed and our discussion brought a Déjà Vu feeling for me.

I had hugged her from behind and as last night, she started to shiver yet still seemed pleased with herself.

"Good night, my angel" she whispered.

"Good night, my love"

Mini feed:

Natsuki: You sure love drama…

Bad One: I love it!

Natsuki: But why is it us who has to suffer? Why don't you make a story about yourself instead?

Bad One: I doubt that anyone would read about myself, I'm not popular T.T

Natsuki: If you are not popular then why the hell do you include yourself in mini feeds?

Bad One: Well I can give myself at least a bit of spotlight, can't I?

Natsuki: …

Bad One: What?

Natsuki: You suck.

Bad One: What's that supposed to do with anything?

Natsuki: But if you will become a Drama Queen, things might change.

Bad One: I'm a Drama Queen each chapter! Who do you think gets shot and attacked each time?

Natsuki: Oh, thanks for the reminder! I completely forgot about that –materializes her weapon-

Bad One: I'm an idiot -_-

Natsuki: Yes, you are. So where should I shoot you today?

Bad One: Considering that I have no living spot left on me, it doesn't matter. Shoot wherever you want -_-

Natsuki: You are no fun –hides the pistols and walks away-

Bad One: Huh? I'm unhurt? For real? Yay, being uncaring sure does work! I should do it more often!

Shizuru: Ara, I heard everything.

Bad One: S-s-s-shizuru?

Shizuru: I won't allow anyone to make fun out of Natsuki except me.

Bad One: Maybe we can make a deal?

Shizuru: Kiyohime.

Bad One: Ah damn it… -_-

Hope that it wasn't a complete dissapointment. I'll try to make next chapters better, sorry about that. I actually would have delayed the writting even for a longer time, until I would get the idea. But I decided that it might have taken a lot of time as before so I tried to come up with at least something. Because I can see them having this conversation over and over since eccepting things like they are sure must be hard despite knowing what might come.