Chapter Eight

I had told her to wait outside on the porch for me, to get some air. It was raining by now, but she said she'd rather be outside anyway. I felt all the hairs on my body stand in anticipation before the first drop ever fell to the earth, one of the strangest feelings I'd ever experienced. I still couldn't figure out if it was a good feeling or not.

I felt a churning in my stomach as I walked down the steps and saw her through the windows. My instincts told me she was unsettled. I opened the door silently; maybe too silently; she didn't seem to notice. I stood in the doorway, watching her. She was so small, her tiny figure poised on the bench, strawberry blonde hair tussled lightly by the wind. She was looking out into the distance, light blue-green eyes searching for something out there. I came up and touched her arm.

"Natalie?" I said in the most gentle way I could manage. She flinched and looked at me, as if I woke her from a dream.

"Oh! Hey, didn't see you there...you tend to pop up like that..." she said distractedly.

"Sorry.." I replied. I sat down next to her on the bench. We sat in silence beforee my voice sliced through it.

"You can stay."

She looked at me, blinking in slight disbelief. I nodded at her.

"Really?"

"Ah huh."

"Oh my God...James I don't know if this is a good idea..." she said, looking down. Her eyes were shifting and her body tensed and fidgeted. "I mean I said ok and all but what if he gets mad? What if he comes to find me? What'll I do if-"

"He won't find you."

She continued, as if I hadn't said anything.

"But how am I going to-"

"You're safe here."

"Oh James I just don't know if I-"

"Natalie, stop."

She looked up at me then, a tiny gasp escaping her, and her eyes were glassy. The sharpness in my tone was unintentional, but it caught her attention immediately.

"I...I'm sorry," she said after a pause. I saw her hands trembling. Did I scare her? I sighed and said more gently.

"It's ok. And that's the point you're missin', darlin'. It's gonna be ok. You're safe here...you're safe with me." I reached over and gently touched her arm, stroking it with a rough thumb.

"James..." she began, touching my hand.

"Yes."

She looked up at me, a weak smile on her face.

"Promise to take care of me?" she said in a whisper.

"I promise," I said without hesitation. I'd made promises before, but never had I felt that this one was actually worth keeping. I felt like I had to do this. Her eyes moved away from my face, back towards the distant city. She searched quietly again, then a tiny sound came from her lips, and it took me a moment to realize it was in fact her voice.

"...where am I going to sleep?"

I thought for a moment.

"...with me."

She looked at me again, gripping my hand, which was now in her lap.

"Is that ok?" she said, interweaving her fingers with mine. "There are kids here, and it's a school, and..."

"Natalie, you can sleep with me. And if anything, I have a couch in my room too. You could take my bed. Or I'll ask Xavier for another room, if that's-"

"No, I'll sleep with you. That's perfect."

"...ok."

I swallowed. She was playing with my fingers nervously, but I let her. Her heartbeat was quickening, I could feel it pulsing through her hand into my palm.

"Ok...yeah ok..." she kept muttering. I cocked my head.

"What's wrong?"

"I don't have any of my things. What if it gets cold tonight?" She was speaking quickly, nervously, and her voice was beginning to break. I moved closer to her. "I get cold a lot, I don't have a sweater, I might need one, unless it gets too warm, but usually I just...I get so cold at night..."

Tears gathered in her eyes as she muttered on aimlessly about things that obviously weren't worrying her. She'd need clothes, a toothbrush, and where was the shower? Could she take a shower here? She trembled, tears coming down her face like the drops on the windows. The rain made the air thick with scent, but all my senses focused on her. I put an arm around her.

"Natalie...Natalie don't cry...it's ok. It's ok. Here, come here..."

She was borderline frantic, and I held her, trying to calm her down.

"James...oh James, please..." she said, burying her face into my chest. My shirt moistened with her tears, and I cradled her head in my seemingly enourmous hand. Kissing the top of her head, I sat there as she cried, the rain coming down steadily and the wind steering the drops off their downward courses, straying them towards us.

She had a way of being very emotional. For a very brief moment, something jumped inside me, a fear of attachment, a fear of not being good enough, a fear of not being able to handle her emotions because, let's face it, I didn't even know my own. But it died once she looked up at me. Her makeup was smudged just slightly, her tears grey with it. She must have noticed I was looking at the strange effect it made on her ivory cheeks, and she blushed, looking away. Without thinking, I turned her face towards me again.

"I'm sorry," she said, embarrassed. "I must seem like a wreck to you."

"You're beautiful," I said quietly. The words came out before I knew what they were.

"You're too nice," she said with a soft laugh. "I must look awful." She wiped her face, which I figured she thought made it better, but in reality it made the grey tears smudge across her face. I smiled and brought a hand up to her cheek.

"You don't," I said. This tenderness I was conveying was so alien, so unnatural for me, and yet it came unconsciously with her. I wiped the smudges from her face and under her eyes.

"Thanks," she said quietly. I nodded and brushed her hair back. I caught a few tiny knots with my fingers, but pulled through them easily. She took my hand then and put it on her collar bone, and I felt her tiny necklace charm underneath my fingers.

"Why did this happen?" she asked me. As if I knew the answer. "Why did we suddenly fall into this? We hardly know each other...I could end up hating you-" The very thought of her hating me made me want to die. "-and you could end up hating me. You may not want to deal with everything I am and everything I do...but for some reason...why did this happen?"

"Did you not want it to?"

"No, no that's not it at all. I just...I'm just wondering."

"Me too."

She giggled and looked at me.

"Do you snore?"

"I don't know."

"Well we'll find out tonight then, won't we?"

"I guess."

She stood and, taking my hand, pulled me off the bench and inside. I shut the door behind me, and when I turned around, she was fixing her hair and wiping her face. She stood straight and looked at me.

"Do I look ok?"

"No."

A horrified expression overtook her face.

"What's wrong?"

"You don't look ok," I said as I walked with her back down the hallway, arm around her shoulder. "You look beautiful, darlin'. Now quit fussing."

Was that chivalry? Well I'll be damned...