Disclaimer: Discworld and Watchmen are the properties of Terry Pratchett and Alan Moore, I just borrow their character without being paid.
Thank to Rakaziel for his review and to the others who've read my story, hope you enjoyed it
In this chapter, Rincewind appears and Rorschach discovers the Seamstresses Guild, enjoy !
Chapter 3: Rincewind and Rorschach
The Patrician was playing Thud against himself in the Oblong office.
Drumknott, his secretary, entered:
"Sir ?"
"Yes, Drumknott ?"
"The Archchancellor is here with the masked stranger."
"The one who threw away a window a thief and nearly killed an assassin ?"
"Himself, sir."
"Fine. Let them come in."
"Good morning Archchancelor Ridcully and sir, how should I call you, Kovacs or Rorschach ?"
Rorschach noticed the man was well-informed. Some Veidt's equivalent maybe ?
"You're guilty of a terrible crime in Ankh-Morpork: disturbing the members of two honorable guilds in their activities, you make unable to work for a while the honorable Nimble Fingers and Mr De Mort is seeking for compensation. Very nice for your first day in Ankh-Morpork."
"I'm accused of arresting criminals ?"
The Patrician thought he had been lucky with Carrot: when he first arrived in Ankh-Morpork, he arrested a thief for stealing but didn't harm him and, the most important, he learned quite fast he mustn't arrest licensed thieves.
"No, of arresting professionals. You see, here in Ankh-Morpork crime is organized: the Thieve' Guild must respect a definite quota on theft and robbery and assassins only accept to kill, in an elegant way moreover, in exchange of an important amount of money and they don't kill people without any importance."
"To make it short: high class professional killers."
"You can say it so," replied Vetinari joining his fine fingers. "But avoid saying it in front of them. And they take care by themselves of the unlicensed thieves and assassins, this way order is maintained."
No, he didn't want to create an utopia, just maintain a certain "order", definitely nothing in common with Veidt.
"As for you, the Thieves' Guild would like to replace the skeleton decorating their weathercock, some unlucky unlicensed thief who wasn't fast enough, by yours, as for the assassins... better not talking about it. But, fortunately for you, we have found an agreement: you shall remain inside the University and if you want to go out you will have to be with a wizard, do you agree with that ?"
"Hurm ?"
"I shall take that as a "yes". The fact you are a stranger who's not aware of the customs and laws of our beautiful city has a great importance in this leniency, so the next time you want to face a thief or an assassin, choose the unlicensed ones, or even better, let them to the Watch or the concerned guilds. I hope you will enjoy the time you'll spend among us. Don't let me detain you."
A chaperon ! They dared to stick him with a chaperon !
·][·
In the Unseen University, an emaciated wizard had just left his classroom, once again he had seen no student, it was heaven ! It must be said that the Cruel and Unusual geography, the discipline he was teaching , was a powerful repellent against students and he didn't want to see them. In short, everything was perfect. But for some years, everything had been going too well for him, nobody had tried to kill him or drag him into some adventure. The Lady and Fate were probably preparing something particularly horrible for him for having let him in peace such a long time.
"Ah, Rincewind, here you are !"
Speaking of the devil...
"Er... hello Archchancelor."
"Have you heard of our guest, Rorschach ?"
He showed the faceless man, immobile like a statue, who was standing next to him.
"Yes."
"But you haven't seen him yet ?"
"I have been actually trying to avoid him since his apparition."
"I have a work for you.
An alarm unclenched inside Rincewind's head: when your superior arrive with a sentence like "I have a work a you" it didn't announce anything good.
"What kind of work ?"
Rincewind's eyes were looking everywhere for a potential way to escape.
"You're gonna keep watch on Rorschach, you will have to be with him every time when he's out of the University. You're entirely responsible for him, if anything happens, you'll be accountable for it before the Patrician."
They stared at each other for a moment. Rincewind was scared by the mask whereas Rorschach was surprised by the chaperon's choice.
"You should make him visit the city, what do you think about it Rorschach ?"
He thought about it: that would be a good way to get more information about this world and eventually find a way to escape. Rincewind, as for him, hoped he would say no. The last time he had been asked to show the city to a stranger , the stranger was TwoFlower... and this one appeared to be worse than the tourist, for what he had heard, the man had fought an assassin, a thief and watchmen, so he looked more like a younger version of Cohen the Barbarian, which frightened him even more.
"Yes."
"Perfect, I'm leaving you. Have a nice day !"
Rincewind made a quick summary of his situation: a masked man, coming from an unknown place, quite a lot aggressive and disturbed, and he was responsible for him, which promised to drag him into dangerous situations. Great, just great.
The man named Rorschach was about to leave.
"You want to go outside ? Already ?"
He turned towards the wizzard.
"Hurm."
"Well, let's go."
That was gonna to be fun...
·][·
Once they were outside, the masked man began to ask him questions.
"Ankh-Morpork. What can you tell me about this city ?"
"Er, Ankh-Morpork was born from the union of two cities, Ankh and Morpork, and the legend tells it has been founded by twin brothers brought up by an hippopotamus and another legend tells that it was born from the dunghill ejected from a great boat on which a guy had taken on board every animals..."
"The organization ?" asked Rorschach who was not quite fond of foundation myths.
"The Patrician Vetinari has organized the city into various guilds, such as the Assassins' Guild, the Thieves' Guild, ..."
"Know them already."
"... the Beggars' Guild, the Seamstresses' Guild, the Dogs' Guild,..."
"Dogs' Guild ?"
"I know, it's unbelievable, but it does exist."
Rorschach shook his head: this Discworld where he ended up was definitely a crazy world.
Cut-Me-Own-Throat-Dibbler approached.
"Hi Rincewind ! Still alive ? Oh, a stranger, hey ? Visiting our beloved city ? You should try some local specialties, ya know."
Why not ? After all, he was hungry.
The streetseller kept speaking.
"Pie , sausage-in-a-bun..."
Some kind of hot-dog probably.
"A sausage-in-a-bun," he turned towards Rincewind. "Want something ?"
"N.. no."
The stranger took the bun containing a sausage guaranteed cent per cent by Dibbler, anyone would have thought he implied "cent per cent pure pork" but thinking this way, they couldn't complain about the fact it didn't taste like pork afterward since Dibbler had never explicitly said the word, and he got away with it. (1)
Then Dibbler looked to Rincewind.
"Hey, wizard, guess you're paying for that ?" he asked on a ton that implied he would cut the throat of Rincewind if he didn't pay.
Rincewind paid and rejoined Rorschach who had raised up his mask until the nose and was eating.
"You should have told me you were hungry, there're many place where the food is way better, little klatchian restaurants for example, they made a delicious curry, or the agatean food. Wait... You've already eaten all this ? Er, did you like it ?"
"Was fine."
"Oh."
The stranger had definitely strange tastes.
"Wait !"
He backed up and looked at Rorschach.
"Er, you coat is a mess."
"Hurm ?"
"You should look at it, really."
Rorschach took off his trench-coat and looked at it: the back was completely torn into shreds ! Why hadn't he noticed it before ? He must have put on his coat too fast when they gave him back his clothes.
"How ?"
"They must have used the improved machine to wash clothes of Bloody Stupid Johnson, they've discovered it recently and the Archchancelor wanted absolutely to test it one day or another."
The other kept on staring at him, or more exactly a white face with moving black stains was staring at him, what was rather disturbing, but he supposed the man was expecting more explanations.
"Bloody Stupid Johnson was a very prolific inventor but his inventions didn't always work, at least not for the use they were designed for. For example, he invented an improved manicure device they're using to peel potatoes in the University's kitchen."
"You've spoken about a Seamstresses' Guild earlier, right ?"
"Er, yes."
Rorschach put his coat back on and moved.
"Let's go."
Rincewind had to follow him but he thought the stranger would at least let him in peace the time he visited one of Mrs Palm's girls.
·][·
It was a rather calm day in Rosie Palm's house, we must also say that most of the clients come during the night, that's why she's been surprised to see two clients passer the door, two rather strange clients by the way, a masked man and an emaciated wizard.
The masked man came to Rosie's desk.
"Is it the Seamstresses' guild ?"
"Yes, pretty face."
Ridiculous. How could she say if he had a "pretty face" or not with this mask ? Ridiculous and insulting. He mustn't hit her, she was maybe a little strange like this, he shuddered with the thought, Mrs Whitlow from the University, he had to refrain himself, he needed her help.
"Come to ask you a service."
"But my girls are here for that, sir."
He began to take off his trench-coat.
"Er... sir, wait to be in a room to take off your clothes, it's a house of good reputation here."
He threw the foul-smelling coat, clothes gets dirty very fast in Ankh-Morpork, whose the back was torn into shreds on the desk. Rosie Palm mentally took notice to ask the cleaning lady to especially take care of this piece of furniture.
"You could sew it up ?"
She didn't answer and look at him speechless: it wasn't a client. Definitely. Oh gods ! It didn't happen since the creation of the guild.
"But..."
He interrupted her.
"If you don't have time, just give me brown thread and a needle, can do it myself."
"Sir, we are not this kind of seamstresses."
"Hurm ?"
"Er, Rorschach, I think you misunderstood the word "seamstress," said Rincewind. "We use this word to speak of ladies of negotiable affection... HEY !"
"Whores ! You little..."
He grabbed the wizard by the collar and pinned him against a particularly expensive quirmian tapestry.
"Hey ! You're the one who asked to go there, remember !"
"Excuse-me," said an unknown voice
Rorschach and Rincewind looked towards the direction the voice came from.
There was a rather skinny teenager wearing grimy coat and pants and a brown cap letting some red locks out.
"Oliver !" cried Mrs Palm. "When have you come in ? And where did you put the clothes ?"
"When the hooded guy has nabbed the wizard, and don't worry 'bout the gear, I've left them to Miss Scarlet."
He turned his smiling face spotted with freckles, or more exactly the giant freckle spotted with little white stains he has for a face, towards Rorschach.
"Seriously sir, you didn't know what was a seamstress ? Where d'you come from ?"
Rorschach growled in a threatening way whereas Rincewind was trying to warn he young foolhardy one.
"Er, kid, you would better not talk to him like this, believe-me."
"Don't worry, wizard," he searched his pockets and took out of it a reel of brown sewing thread he reached out to Rorschach. "I've heard you needed it I think..."
Rorschach was about to take them but the teenager took off his hand quickly.
"Hey ! They're not for free ! Ten pounds cause you looks like a good fellow to me. You take or you go, your choice."
The boy could gave you a good idea of what a typical Morporkian is: someone who never misses a single opportunity to make business.
Rorschach turned towards Rincewind who, after looking up, exasperated, gave the kid his money.
"Thank sir and welcome to Ankh-Morpork !"
Welcome, yes, this city was maybe not so different from New York finally, except the presence of wizards, trolls and God only what else. But he had to deal with it until he find a way to come back.
He left the house, sat on the floor and began to sew up the coat whereas Rincewind was waiting next to him wondering why the gods did that to him and why the hell such things only happened to him.
·][·
"Here for the delivery young man, for the delivery and a special treat for getting us rid of the nutjob."
"Thank Ma'am, a pleasure working for ya Ma'am, see ya !"
The young delivery boy went back home, in Mrs Cake's pension on Elm Street, and unfolded the fabric. The black, red and blue stains which were dancing had intrigued him but now he knew what to do with it. Oliver took out scissors, sewing thread, sewing needles and equipment to measure. But, before he started to work, he wondered briefly how the man could see and breathe through this thing. Anyway, if this guy succeeded, there was no reason he couldn't.
(1) For the translation of this passage I considerably changed the sentence because I have found no way to translate the french pun in English.
For those who hadn't read the french version of the fic, here the original sentence:
« L'étranger prit le petit pain contenant une saucisse garantie 100% pure cochonnerie par Planteur, qui n'a cependant jamais précisé qu'il s'agissait de cochon et encore moins de viande, et s'éloigna avec. »
The word "cochonnerie" could be translated in English by "junk", here for junkfood. I have done in this phrase a pun between "cochonnerie" and "porc" (pork) because "cochon" ("pig") is a synonymous of "porc" in french and "cochonnerie" comes from this word. If I had translated the sentence literally, it would have be:
"The stranger took the bun containing a sausage guaranteed cent per cent pure junk by Dibbler, who had however never said it was pork, and also never said it was meat, and he got away with it."
That's all until next chapter, speaking about it I must tell that I have already written most of the following chapter, but they're uncorrected, untranslated and the final chapters have not been written, and mostly I don't have precise ideas for the ending. So until, I got more precise ideas for the last chapters I will maybe not post for a moment, so please excuse for that. This is also because of my evaluations at college.