Hey everyone! I know you want to kill me for the 100th time already and I know that I deserve it but hey! I have an update here! YAY! I'm quiet satisfied with this chapter. Originally it was supposed to be the last one before epilogue but my original ideas for ending had changed so there will be one more. I promise 100000% that I will not dissapear for several months again and will finish this story in about two-three weeks, depends on your reviews. I feel quiet inspired right now when my new ideas got in order. Hopefully you will like where it is heading. Feel free to give some of your ideas!

DISCLAIMER: Obviously don't own Mai HiME.

Chapter 19

A shell

PVC Shizuru

Four days have passed since I made a deal with God and despite such a long time, I still couldn't come up with perfect solution to our problem. For one, I didn't even have time to think of anything because everyone was getting at my neck because of my sudden break up with Reito. My family and especially his were the least happy. I did try to hide somewhere, trying to avoid the crowded places and especially those where I could bump into someone familiar. However, my plan failed drastically. Just as Natsuki said, I'm way too big of a star and was found on the second day. This concluded my idea of trying to run away, I definitely would've been found out in no time or we would constantly be on the run. I wouldn't really mind this kind of life but I don't think that Natsuki would appreciate it.

When I got found and dragged back home, the next two days I was constantly lectured by my parents who were definitely not happy. Good thing they didn't hear what I said to Reito during wedding or I definitely would've been locked in a mad house. Because of these constant talks and shouts, I simply couldn't concentrate even for a second. Just when I thought I had finally got my freedom, parents would start to rage all over again for like tenth time that day. What made things worse is the fact that Reito's parents also wanted to see me. My parents were against our meeting at first, fearing the same thing as me: them killing me... VERY slowly...

But after long struggle they finally agreed and that's why I'm sitting in the living room now, waiting for their arrival. For the first time I was finally left alone and I instantly made use out of it. I tried to forget about upcoming storm and concentrate on the task at hand. I had to find a good solution; I had to make sure that Natsuki would stay with me that we would be together again. I could not afford to lose her, not again. Even now I was feeling very lonely without her and it is only a fourth day! If I am to lose her forever, I will die. Why can't God see that she is my life? That I can't make it without her? The best solution to our problem would be for me to die but there is no way he will allow that so I have to compromise. Right before I could come up with anything, the door opened and Reito's parents stormed into the room, two of my bodyguards' right behind, ready to stop them if needed.

To be short in description, saying that they were mad was an underestimatement. They were deadly furious, their eyes were shinning with anger and faces boiled. Their scary look made me uncomfortable. Thankfully they still had their manners and tried to act calm. Slowly they went towards two chairs in front of me and took their sits. Several minutes have passed yet no one said a word, they were just silently staring at me, making me even more uncomfortable. Gulping I decided to break the tension:

"Sooo... I heard that you wanted to talk to me" I smiled politely at them, trying not to show my nervousness, it did not suit me.

"And you dare to open your mouth after what you did?" asked Reito's father sternly.

He was a quiet tall man with wide shoulders. He had short black hair which was partly white already, it was combed back, gel held it down. He also had big moustaches of the same colour as his hair. His eyes were dark brown and to be truthful the look he gave scared me a bit. His eyebrows were put together and his brownish eyes looked straight into mine, trying to see through me. Sadly for him, he chose a wrong opponent. I silently closed my eyes and took a deep breath before looking at him again, my mask was in place.

"Ara, but it is you who wanted to talk with me, not other way around"

"How could you?" this time it was Reito's mother.

She was around the same size as me, with long brown hair put into bump and purple eyes just like Reito's. Usually she is a very cheerful person and would always welcome me with a smile. Obviously it wasn't the case today, she was on the edge of crying and it actually pained to see her on the edge of tears.

"I have already explained myself to Reito" I answered calmly.

"It doesn't make situation any better!" his father shot up and bodyguards were about to take action but seeing my gaze they stepped back. If Mr. Kanzaki were to slap me, I will accept it since I did deserve it. Being left behind at the altar is the worst thing to experience, I would never want to be in Reito's shoes and that made this whole mess even more unbearable.

"I know," I lowered my head in apology "and I'm sorry" I whispered quiet enough for them to hear. I really meant it and decided that my usual mask would be an even bigger insult for them so I decided to try be myself at least for a moment.

"Your apologizes won't make Reito hurt less" Mrs Kanzaki sobbed "he did everything for you. You were his world and then you go and dump him like he was nothing!" she sobbed harder "He is totally depressed and had locked himself up in his small apartment."

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before talking again, I tried to put as many emotions as possible into my face expression, especially into my eyes "Kanin-na... but I had to do it. If I didn't, our relationships would not end up well." Before they could say anything, I raised my hand to hush them and then continued "A lot of things have happened the last few months and they had a lot of control in my life. I don't want to go into details but they had more influence than I could imagine and breaking up with Reito had to be done in order not to hurt him more in the future. I know that breaking up in the middle of the wedding is the worst case scenario and that I would probably be even more heartbroken than him but I couldn't do it sooner. I wasn't sure if that decision would be right" I tried to explain and make them understand without having to go into details "Your son Reito is the best guy I have ever met, whoever he will merry will be the happiest girl on earth. Sadly that girl is not me" I closed my eyes for another time, trying to organize my thoughts "However," I looked at Reito's parents one more time "I do not regret our relationships and will always treasure our memories together. Even though I can't be Reito's light any longer, I sincerely wish for him to be happy and find the right person... a person who will love him dearly, will respect him..." Natsuki's face flashed in front of my eyes and I knew exactly what to say next. I sadly smiled and continued "and will be willing to sacrifice everything just to make him happy" and without realizing it, a lonely tear started to drip down my face.

Reito's parents remained quiet and so did I. I had nothing else to say and would patiently wait for some kind of reply, even if I won't like it. However, I didn't lie even once just now. I really did and still do care about Reito and it pains each time I remember his broken expression. I do agree that I had to discuss it with Reito somehow before the wedding but... I'll just admit the fact that I was an idiot.

After a long pause, Mr Kanzaki whispered something to his wife and after some whispering with each other he finally spoke:

"I cannot forgive you for what you did" I lowered my head, the answer was expected and justful "However," he continued and I faced him once again "even though you broke up with my son at the worst time, I can hear sincerity in your words as well as see it in your eyes. You are not lying and I can see that you still care about him. I will not intrude anymore but will still take my guess... have you fallen for someone else?"

There was no point lying now and so I answered "Yes"

I could see them tense, despise that Mr Kanzaki's voice was still steady "Then I have one more question... did you have an affair with that someone else while being still with Reito?"

"If by affair you mean anything more than a small kiss, then no" I answered firmly. I know that it isn't the answer they wanted to hear but that was the truth and definitely not the worst one.

"I see..." was a simple reply. They sat several more moments before slowly getting up "We will take our leave now"

"I'll walk you till the door" I suggested but they refused.

When they were gone, I took a deep breath in and slammed into the chair. For unknown reasons I felt very tired. A maid had entered short after, asking if I wanted something.

"Peace..." I whispered quietly, maid had to concentrate in order to hear me "I just want to stay alone..."

"As you wish" answered the maid and closed the doors behind her.

For the first time in several days I could actually be on my own without being stressed by anyone. My mind started to go wild, trying to find solution to my problem. I thought that it would be easy to come up with something good but once I started to think about it, it happened to be more complicated than I have expected.

No matter what I thought of, the idea simply didn't work for one or another reason. Mostly because those ideas were already denied in the past. I tried to twist them around, to try to look at them from different angle yet nothing useful ever came up. Just when I thought that I have finally found it, I would instantly find a fault. I've spent about two hours trying to come up with something but nothing came. Soon the servants started to come in, informing me about dinner. I wasn't hungry. Nevertheless, I still joined my family at the table. I didn't want to hear another lecture from them. Once I was done, I went back to my room to concentrate some more but eventually gave up and decided to take a break. Hoping that tomorrow my head would be brighter.

The fifth day had arrived sooner than I expected. I did get up earlier, trying to concentrate again but still nothing. After several failures I decided to change the surroundings and picked up the phone. The idea was that if I can't come up with anything then maybe someone will inspire one. The best choice to talk to was Mai. For one she is always willing to help, she is carrying and in addition to all of that she was a hopeless romantic. However, what took higher priority was the fact that Mai went through similar situation as me, she also broke up with Reito because she fell for someone else. Of course our cases were also VERY different since Tate was not a ghost and not someone she had suddenly forgotten and then remembered. Despite all that, Mai fitted perfectly.

Mai was surprised to get a phone call from me, especially after what happened at the wedding but did agree to meet with me at the cafe. Thanking her for agreeing, I started to get ready. I had a quick breakfast and before anyone could say anything, I drove out. I happened to come a bit sooner than Mai so I decided to take a cup of tea. I must admit that tea was not the best here and made me wish to replace the place of meeting with a tea house. Luckily, Mai had come ten minutes later. She looked enthusiastic and worried at the same time.

"Hello, Shizuru" she greeted and sat on the opposite chair "How are you?"

"I'm fine, thank you" I smiled politely.

"What is it that you wanted to talk about with me?" she enquired curiously.

I sighed and lowered the cup on the table before taking a more serious tone "I need your help"

"Uh... yeh, sure. What can I do for you?" she looked a bit surprised and unsure.

"Mai, you and I happened to be in slightly similar situation... We both have left Reito for someone else and..."

"So that's why you left him?" Mai exclaimed out loud but realized her mistake and closed her mouth with a hand while looking around. She did manage to get some peoples' attention but soon they went back to their original tasks "I'm sorry" she whispered quietly, red colour of shame could be registered on her cheeks.

"As I was saying," I continued "We both abandoned Reito for someone else only my case is worse. I actually left him near the alter and I don't think I'll ever be forgiven"

"But you always looked so close and happy together, I can't believe that you have found someone who would make you even happier"

"Yeh" I smiled sadly "there happened to be someone even more amazing than him"

"Do I know him?" Mai looked fascinated.

"You... might..." I hesitated with the answer. After all she and Natsuki used to be best friends, it is sad to know that Natsuki had lost all of it because of me 'I really am a monster'.

"How does he look?" she continued to question.

"That doesn't matter right now" I tried to get back on topic.

"Oh, sorry" she flushed in embarrassment for a second time.

"That's fine. The reason I called you here is because I want to hear your thoughts on something.

"What is it?"

"You see, that person will be forced to leave the country if I won't be able to come up with any good idea of how to make us stay together. I've been thinking a lot about it yet haven't come up with anything good. So I was hoping that you might have some ideas" I tried to make up a story that would be at least a bit similar to my real problem. After all I couldn't tell her that I plan to date a ghost of my past lover who is being forced to return back to heaven because God is displeased... she would instantly send me to a mad house.

"Well... the information you have given is limited but it doesn't look like you plan to give any more details" she tried to somehow get more information out of me.

"Sadly there is nothing else I can say" since that's as far as my lie can go.

"Well, you could always try to talk to those people who want him back and make them change their mind" she suggested.

"We already tried, sadly higher ups are very hard headed" I glared at the sky and was sure that God was watching me right now, displeased.

"How about running away together? Somewhere very far."

"With my family status, I would be found in no time"

"That's true" she started to rub her head, trying to think of something else "It reminds me of Romeo and Juliet, they also couldn't be together"

"Though they were able to reunite in afterlife" I reminded her.

"Yeh" she smiled for a moment before her face paled and eyes widened in shock "don't tell me that..." her voice shook and before I could realize what is happening, she grabbed me by the hands "Don't do it Shizuru!" I looked puzzled "Death is not an answer!" finally I understood what got into her and chuckled "I'm serious Shizuru! Don't you dare to lay hands on yourself or I will never forgive myself!

"Don't worry" I slightly squeezed her hands in return and gave her a reassuring smile "I won't do that"

Mai sighed in relief, colour started to get back to her skin "Don't scare me like that" she let go of me, my smile widened. It is good to know that someone cares about you and does not plan to lecture "I really thought that you were about to follow that idea" I kept smiling at her "For a friend to die because of me, that would be horrible even if it was fake. I could not stand it especially after everything that happened during carnival"

My eyes widened and smile dropped "Fake?"

"Huh?" Mai looked confused "Oh that! Sorry, it's just that Tate had bought a new action movie yesterday and there one guy had made his enemies and friends believe that he died while conspiring against them. I just remembered the scene and..."

"You are a genius, Mai!" I jumped on my feet and was sure that I had the widest smile ever "How come it never crossed my mind? And it is such a simple idea! I feel really stupid now"

Mai looked perplexed but soon she started to understand my mumbling and jumped on her feet as well "Wait a moment! Are you saying that..."

"Yes Mai" I interrupted her "I will make everyone believe that I'm dead and then will run away"

"You can't do that! What about your family and friends? They will be heartbroken!"

"And would it be better if I just ran away?"

"At least they would know that you are alive but like this... that's cruel!"

"It is not me who is cruel, but the world"

"And how do you plan to do it? I'm pretty sure that you are being watched now after the wedding incident"

Mai was right, I have totally forgotten about the tail that my parents had sent after me. They were watching my each step and if I tried hard enough I could spot them and... ah, there is one! Sitting in the furthest corner and sipping tea while reading a newspaper, so obvious. At least they were not listening to my conversations. I already started to lose hope when I remembered something... 'Reito... he has almost as big connections as me'.

"There is a way" I stated and was about to leave.

"Shizuru!" Mai pleaded.

I faced her one more time "Mai, promise me that you won't tell the truth to anyone. And by anyone I mean everyone without any exceptions"

"But..."

"Onegai, Mai" I pleaded "Otherwise I will die mentally"

Mai firmly stared me in the eyes, searching for something, for anything that would allow her to stop me. Eventually she sighed in defeat "I understand... I think... I never was put into situation where I want to run away but after watching and reading so many romances, I can comprehend where you are coming from" she rose her head to look at me again "Take care, Shizuru" and hugged me with full might, I returned it with same force.

"Ookini, Mai"

She sobbed slightly into my shoulder "Send me a card if you can"

"Sure" I rubbed her back, tears started to gather in the corners of my eyes as well. Natsuki is the dearest person for me, but I still will miss my friends who made my life so much better "Everything will be fine, now compose yourself. You don't want to make them more suspicious then they already are" I nodded into the direction of my personal stalker.

"Yeh" she said weakly and wiped off the tears before letting me go and smiling brightly "Talk to you soon then!" she waved and started to head back.

I played along "Next time we will have a proper tea party!" I waved as well.

"That's a promise" she shouted in return before disappearing from my view.

I stood for several more moments, staring at the place where Mai was standing not so long ago. I closed my eyes for several seconds and then moved forward. Before I would put my plan to action, I had to confirm it. In order to do that I had to lose the tail for some time and the best place to do that would be toilet. Taking a deep breath, I headed to the cafe's bathroom. When inside, I took out my mobile phone and tried to imitate a phone call.

"I know you can hear me so be kind enough to answer"

"Looks like you have come up with something!" I heard God's voice above my head yet did not look up.

"So what do you think?"

"You are going to hurt the people closest to you"

"I know, but it is better than actual... thing" I tried to keep secrecy, after all God heard everything anyway so he must know what I'm talking about.

"True but..."

"I had to find a solution that would allow me and Natsuki to be satisfied. Does Natsuki disapprove this idea?"

"No"

"Then I don't see the problem"

"Fine" I heard him sigh "However, I will let you two meet again only after I will see that your plan actually works"

"But you said..."

"Your idea has a risk" he interrupted me "I need guarantees. If it does not work, you will have to wait until your time comes in order to reunite again in heaven"

I was really frustrated by this but decided not to get on His bad side and just go along "Do not worry, I will not fail" and hang up. God got the message and left.

"There is no way I will fail..."

It was already getting dark yet here I am, standing in front of a Reito's door. I stood there for several moments, not daring to move. I already felt horrible for what I did and seeing him again would not make it better. But I had to apologize and I need his help. Without him, my plan will fail. I could only hope and pray for him to agree to help me. Though knowing what kind of God we have, prayers won't help much.

After long wait I finally gathered my courage and knocked. No response came so I had to knock again yet still nothing. 'Maybe he is not here... no, he has to. His parents said that he didn't leave his flat since our break up' I gulped and spoke up:

"Reito... do you hear me? It's me, Shizuru" at first there was no response and I was about to give up when I heard some noises behind the door and soon I heard the lock click. Slowly the door opened, I gasped. I could see Reito through the small crack and my heart sank. He looked worse than I expected. His eyes looked tired and he had dark bags under his eyes. The hair was all messy and beard had grown, he looked like an alcoholic. Actually he might have been drinking these past days, trying to kill his sorrow. My heart cried in sorrow, pity and self loathing.

"Shizuru," he whispered weakly, so weakly that I could barely make out the sound "did you come to hurt me some more?" that did it for me, the last time I felt so bad was after the carnival when I realized what I had done.

"Reito I...!

"If that's the case then leave" he was about to shut the door but I squeezed my foot through.

"No, never! I could not hurt you again, especially intentionally" tears started to form in my eyes.

That must have shocked him because his expression had changed into surprise for a moment before turning into a scowl "Then what is it?"

"I need your help"

"Help? Help?" he rose his voice "You left me at the altar and now you are asking for my help? And where were you when I needed YOUR help!" he was almost shouting now.

"I'm sorry" I bowed deeply, not carrying about my pride right now. It had no place here "I'm really sorry for leaving you back then. I'm sorry for destroying your trust. I'm sorry for breaking your heart. I'm sorry for showing my face again when you clearly don't want to see it. I'm sorry for asking for your help since I do not deserve your kindness that you had given to me all this time. And I'm sorry for looking so pathetic right now but if you won't help me, I will die inside and only empty shell will be left. I know that you probably don't care anymore about what will happen to me but I promise to repay you whenever I can" I apologized and asked for help, getting lower with each 'sorry' until I was already kneeling with my forehead on the ground. I didn't dare to look him in the eyes.

Silence had fallen upon us and I waited patiently for his response, praying for his understanding and maybe at least a bit of forgiveness which I probably won't get.

"What are you doing?" he finally spoke, his voice seemed to have more life now "This is so not like you. You were always a pride woman"

"Pride has no place when it comes to sincerity"

"Please get up" he begged and I obeyed, slowly rising back on my feet "You win" he sighed "I will listen to your request but in return I want to hear full truth, no matter how crazy it may sound"

"Deal" I agreed without hesitation. He opened the door wider and I was able to enter his flat. A lot of empty bottles were lying around and some furniture was destroyed.

"I..." he was about to apologize for the mess but I stopped him and smiled.

"That's fine"

I had spent about an hour trying to tell him everything that happened since Natsuki's death. His expression didn't change even once during my story. He would quietly listen without asking a single question. I was grateful for that because it would be harder to concentrate on what I have to say. In return I tried to explain everything as clearly as I could. I had finished my tail with our break up and then waited for his response. He remained silent again, probably processing all the information 'He probably thinks that I'm crazy'. Time ticked, I could hear arrows moving on his huge clock which glass was cracked. I was getting impatient yet I didn't rush him. About ten minutes passed before he finally spoke.

"Your story sounds unbelievable" was his short response, I lowered my head in defeat.

"I see, I'll better go then" I was about to stand up when he grabbed me by the hand. The action had surprised me and I looked directly into his eyes which were piercing through my soul with its stare.

"Despite that, I do believe you"

Surprise is not enough of a big word to describe how stunned I was, I never expected him to believe me. 'Is he mocking me?' I began to search his eyes, searching for something that would give out his lie but I didn't find anything, he wasn't lying. Sensing my surprise he gently smiled at me, it was the first time I saw him smiling again after the break up, he seemed to be alive again.

"You were never a liar, Shizuru. And after carnival, it is a bit hard not to believe in miracles"

"Reito..."

"Besides now, after you told me everything, I'm having some blurry visions of some scenes that I don't remember yet they feel familiar. Blue hair is popping up as well" he chuckled a bit.

There are no words to describe how revealed I felt when I heard his soft laugh again, it felt like a huge stone was lifted off my chest. However, huger one still remained and in order to be fully free, it had to be removed.

"I'm still depressed about you abandoning me, the living, and going after your dead lover instead. It actually sounds wrong when I say it like that"

"Yeh..."

"But I want you to be happy" he took my hands in his and softly rubbed them with his thumbs "A heartbroken, depressed Shizuru is not something I want to witness again" he placed a small kiss on each of my hands "What is it you want me to do?"

"I know that idea will sound stupid, Mai really disapproved of it but I want..." I took a small pause, trying to get my thoughts together "I want to make everyone believe that I'm dead" Reito clearly did not expect such answer "I want you to help me with that, to help me create new identity, move out of the country and create a believable death scene in which everyone would believe" another pause before Reito spoke up.

"Do you realize what you are asking for?"

"Yes, fully. I know how hard it will be on people close to me and how hard it will be to prepare everything, but it is the only solution"

"Shizuru..."

"Please do not try to talk me out of this" I said firmly and took my hands back from his "If you cannot do this, say it now"

"I can" he said instantly "But... your family? Friends?"

"I will miss them a lot but I will miss Natsuki even more, especially after we got reunited again and I know that we have a chance"

"I see..." he stood up "Ok Shizuru, I promise to do everything in my power to help you. I will send a messenger to you when things will be arranged. Though don't expect everything to be ready instantly"

"I understand" I got up and went back to the door. Before leaving, I quickly turned around and placed a small kiss on his cheek "Thank you" and left.

Mini Feed:

Natsuki: Hey! Why wasn't I included in this chapter?

Bad One: You are too much of emo now.

Natsuki: But it is you who made me like this!

Bad One: Whoops! –looks all innocent-

Natsuki: I'll kill you!

Bad One: Nah ah! – about to press delete button- without me you will never be together with Shizuru again.

Natsuki: Damn you!

Bad One: Hehe.

Shizuru: Never together? –looks shocked- Can't allow that! –about to attack-

Bad One: Bad Shizuru, bad! I have a hostage here and...

BAM!

Shizuru: Look Natsuki! I have saved our future! –shows an empty word document-

Natsuki: I think you have almost killed it – looks at what is left of me-

Bad One: H-help...

So how was it? Any good or disappointed? Hopefully mini feed is still good too. Please review, they make me all fired up!