Chapter Nine

It was slowly getting darker, and we were all gathered around the television. It was a Friday evening, and that meant movie night. The film of choice was "Up" from Disney's Pixar-Jubilee's choice. Despite my normally deciding to skip out on the thing, I was sitting on the couch next to Natalie; she seemed a little too excited to be watching a children's movie, but it was nulled in comparison to her radiance.

"This movie is so great," Jubilee said to one in particular. She parked herself right next to Natalie on the opposite side, right in the centre of the couch. It was "her spot." "I love the little boy in it...oh what's his name!"

"Billy? I thought it was Billy..." Scott said. He seemed absent. I felt him watching me. I glanced at him, and he just shrugged. Natalie laughed, and I looked back at her.

"No no!" she said, turning to him. I observed. Her smile was glowing, and those eyes... "It's not Billy. I don't know what it is but it's not Billy."

"It's gotta be Rudy then," Scott replied. "Or something with an 'R.'"

"Are you sure? Maybe it was some other letter..."

"Well that's specific! If it's not 'R,' then it's definitely another letter!" Jubilee said in her usual playful mocking. Laughter. I watched Natalie as she laughed with us, sat with us...

It was as if she'd always been here, like she was supposed to be and she had just come back from a long trip. Everyone had already warmed up to her, and she loved being around us, it seemed. I put my arm around her and she smiled at me before looking back at Jubie to talk about something I wasn't paying attention to.

Scott was watching me. I was getting slightly annoyed at that. I turned again to look at him, sitting in the armchair a few feet away from the edge of the couch, where I was. He had a stern look on his face, one that felt like he was telling me that we needed to talk about something. I cocked an eyebrow at him and he raised his. I narrowed my eyes questioningly, searching his face for some kind of explanation for the sudden peak of interest, but he didn't reveal a thing. He just looked back to Jean, who was setting up the DVD.

Jean then stood and put her hands on her hips, smiling at Scott before facing the rest of us.

"Everyone have their popcorn?" she asked. I found my eyes met hers for a simple moment-the green eyes that I so wanted to be held in now seemed duller. It confused me. The way her hair fell on her shoulder, her eyes flickering around like they always did...a knot formed in my chest-I decided I didn't want to think about that right now. Not with Natalie under my arm.

Jubilee bounced excitedly on the couch with the bowl in her hands, and the motion made everyone else on the couch begin to bounce as well. She nodded eagerly, and Natalie smiled with a nod. She looked at me, and I couldn't help but smile.

"What?" she asked.

"Nothin'," I replied stupidly. The bouncing was becoming an imminent annoyance, and I leaned over to look at Jubilee, who was shoveling popcorn into her face and bumping up and down lightly.

"Jubie," I said. "If you could quit..."

"Fine fine hush! The movie's starting!" she replied, crossing her legs and resting them on the table. I sighed, and Natalie leaned in against me. Her warmth felt good on my skin, and memories of the first night with her came back.

Heated, fast, eager sex. Some of the most incredibly satisfying sex I'd ever had. I was left wanting more that night, though-not because it was bad, but because I felt like there was something missing. Tenderness, feeling, passion...I'd never wanted anything like that from anyone before.

This was crazy.

"Feet off," Hank said as he walked by, interrupting my thoughts and pushing the pink-toed feet of Jubilee down off the furniture. She grunted but did as she was told, and Hank sat on the floor in front of me. Natalie looked at him and giggled.

"Why don't you sit on the couch? I'm sure there's room," she said. Hank looked back and her and smiled, revealing some very sharp, stark white teeth.

"I'll shed," he said matter-of-factly. After a beat of silence, she broke out into laughter, which was followed by a "Shh!" by Jubilee, which was followed by more laughter from Jean, and etc. I sat quietly, watching the smiles erupt around me, and I thought is this really happening? I had trouble accepting the fact that it was inadvertently my doing that everyone was so happy on this night. Natalie...

She looked at me and smiled. I smiled back, and she leaned up to kiss my cheek. I could feel my face flare when she pressed her lips against my skin, displaying affection in front of everyone. I felt so exposed, too exposed. But her lips on my skin, the gentle caress, the warmth they delivered, it was like fire through my nerves. I looked at her, ignoring the cheeky stare I got from Jubilee, and sighed lightly, unconsciously. Her eyes captivated me, and I felt myself not wanting to look away.

This woman...

"You ok?" she whispered close to me. I nodded slowly. She kissed me again, this time a tiny press on the lips, then pulled away. I swallowed. She took my hand and interlocked her fingers with mine, smiling still as she turned back to the glowing screen. I pulled her closer, but felt uncomfortable. I'd never been entirely too content with open displays of affection...or anything, for that matter, but she seemed to want it, and I wanted nothing more than to make her feel happy, or comfortable, to say the least.

Jean kept shooting me glances, and it only made my discomfort worse. It wasn't because she was looking at me-Scott had been all night-but it was because it was Jean. I stared at her, expressionless.

Can we talk?

Her voice in my head. I hated that. I looked away.

Logan, can we talk?

I sighed heavily. Natalie felt my tension, it seemed, and stroked my hand. She looked at me curiously, but I only caught it out of the corner of my eye. I was looking at Jean. Concentrating, I thought to her.

What about?

Just wanted to talk.

Scooter in on it too?

Logan...

Fine.

My head swirled. This was too difficult. I shook my head. Natalie tapped my hand and I looked at her.

"You sure you're ok?" she asked quietly. I nodded.

"Yeah," I said gruffly. "Headache or something." She cocked her head.

"You can get headaches?"

I flushed. I couldn't. I shrugged. She narrowed her eyes playfully.

"Show me where we're going to sleep," she said after a beat. "I can tell you don't want to be down here."

I glanced at the TV-a balloon-lifted house being dragged by an old man and a boy scout by a garden hose from below it. There was a dog, which was talking, and a strange looking bird, evidently named "Kevin."

I figured I wasn't missing much and stood. Jubie looked at me questioningly.

"It's not intermission yet," she said in a loud whisper. I shook my head.

"Just gonna show Natalie the rest of the mansion," I said, running my hand through my hair. Natalie stood and smiled at her.

"Don't worry," she said. "We might be back before it's over."

"Doubt it," Jubilee said, turning back to the screen. "This place is huge."

Natalie giggled as we walked away. I felt both Jean and Scott staring at my back. What could they possibly want to talk to me about? Was it Natalie? Did they have a problem with her? I suddenly got very agitated and unconsciously quickened my pace down the hall. Natalie followed curiously, her tiny steps trying to keep up.

So what? Why would they need to give me a "talking-to" just because I brought her here? I wasn't breaking any rules, Chuck had said it was fine, why were they suspicious? I'd found a possible source of happiness, maybe even peace, and not even a day into it and already things were getting in the way. Maybe I was taking it too personally. I arrived at my door, opened it quickly, and turned to face her. She was alarmed.

"Are you.." she started to say meekly. I sighed heavily and leaned on the doorframe.

"Sorry," I said. "Just...thinking."

"Do you always get so scary when you think?" she asked playfully, but there was a twinge of fear in her voice that I sensed immediately. I closed my eyes and shook my head.

"Sorry, darlin'," I said again, more gently this time. "Didn't mean to scare ya."

She shook her head, and her earrings jingled lightly.

"It's fine," she said. "You didn't scare me."

I looked at her up and down. She stood very...defensively. Apparently I did too, according to Storm. She hugged her arms and leaned her weight on one leg, and she slouched a bit. I touched her arm.

"We gonna go in?" I asked. She nodded.

I flicked on the light and looked around. My scent was incredibly strong in here, and only now did I notice it. It wasn't messy-the bed was made up haphazardly and my clothes were put away in their rightful drawers, dresser standing in the corner next to the window, only slightly dusty. No curtains, only blinds. Small nightstand next to the bed with some change, ash tray, few cigars and a lighter, and a lamp. No clock. I broke it.

The closet door was broken-I had done that one too, I think-and it leaned on the wall next to the opening. The closet itself was hardly filled; only three jackets, a suit that hung in the back (given to me by the professor; I'd never even touched it), two pairs of boots and a pair of too-old-to-be-worn sneakers, a scarf, a stack of books and papers Xavier had given me to read but I never did, and a duffle bag with a few essentials in it, just in case.

I wasn't embarrassed by the room, but I felt like maybe it was a little too...rugged for such a dainty thing that was Natalie. She looked around.

"It's very homey," she said. "Feels nice."

"Really?"

"Mmhmm. Very you."

I shrugged.

"Just a room."

She sat on the bed and looked at me. Seeing her there, this speck of beauty in an otherwise dull and uninteresting place...I shut the door behind me and sat next to her.

"I'm sorry," she said. I blinked.

"What for?"

"You're so...quiet," she started. She faced me. "You're reserved, contemplative, deep."

I snorted.

"You are," she persisted. "I'm just...I know that someone like me is a big change for you. I don't want you to be scared away."

"You're not the one who's gotta worry about scaring people away, peach," I said. "Not exactly Prince Charming myself."

She smiled, but it was sad.

"You're the closest to him that I've found," she said quietly. I watched her, waiting. When she didn't say anything, I spoke.

"Natalie," I said, tucking her hair behind her ear. "I know I ain't entirely too...put together. You're right, I'm reserved. In fact, sometimes I'm damn well near emotionless, and maybe you're right, someone like you is a big change for me, but darlin', if you can manage me bein' the way I am, I sure as hell wouldn't mind managing you...and the thing is I don't even have to..."

She blinked at me.

"I don't have to because I don't have to manage, to just make do," I said. This was difficult. "I'm no good at this...but...well I like you the way you are and if you think you can handle me, then we don't gotta worry about a thing."

"You make it seem so easy," she said quietly.

"It is."

"How?" she asked. She escalated. "How is it easy? What if I'm annoying to you? What if I probe too much? I don't know where you're comfortable, what makes you upset, anything! Maybe..." She looked away.

"Maybe this was a bad idea."

I didn't say anything. She was right, she hardly knew anything about me. How was she gonna know that I wasn't gonna hold her hand or kiss her in the subway station, or that I wasn't gonna laugh or smile as much as she probably expected? That I wasn't spontaneous or romantic or anything even remotely close to that sort of thing. But I was determined to make this work.

"If it's one thing you hit right on the head," I said. "It was that I was no good at conversation."

"Yeah..."

"But that don't mean I'm not gonna talk to you, Natalie. I'll tell you anything, just give me time. I gotta warm up to this too. But if it's anything I dislike more about interacting it's not being open, straight forward, true. You shouldn't expect anything out of me other than the truth. That's a promise that I have to keep, not just for you but for myself. Understand?"

She nodded and looked at me then, smiling radiantly. She was breathtaking.

"I love you," she said. I swallowed.

"Wh-"

"I love you so much, James," she said again, leaning into me and wrapping her arms around my waist. She nuzzled my collar bone and kissed my neck. "Don't say it back...not yet. Just know that I love you."

Love...did I love her? Was I going to say it..ever? Feeling her mouth on me again was electric. I sighed contentedly, but the relief was alien.

"Natalie..." I breathed, running my hands up her back. The urges brewing within me began to stir, and she started to kiss and suck at my neck more deeply. I melted under her touch. I'd fantasized about other women-Jean and Storm being some, even-but never had anything I'd imagined given me the intense sensations of pleasure that I felt when Natalie simply touched me. I kept thinking, should I say it? Do I love her? Would I even know if I did? Hell, I'd had no experience in this stuff, and if I did, it was locked away somewhere long ago in the memories that I had only just become acquainted with.

The memories...Charles had worked day and night as we grew closer, and finally, once the "barrier was broken," as he said, they came rushing back. I had cried that night, right there in the room with him. Uncontrollable, trembling, fierce hot tears of realization. The emotions I was exhibiting were indescribable. I couldn't fathom the impact until it hit me. I cried and cried and I shook with the forcefulness of it all. My mind had shattered and what emerged was a never-ending spew of pictures and sounds and smells and moments that I thought were lost. I remember Charles' face; calm, understanding, waiting for me to regain myself. I couldn't even feel embarrassed. I was terrified, numb. I let them come, all of them, the things I so wished for finally flooding my brain. I had cried so hard and nearly vomited, stomach churning with such an overload. And he sat there, his hand on my arm, then my shoulders, my head...

I came back to earth, and she was there, touching me, feeling me weak under her warmth. I had my eyes closed and my body was rigid, and she muttered between kisses.

"Relax, James. Relax."

She swung her legs over and sat on me, straddling me on my lap. I was surprised and raised my eyebrows at her.

"What?" she asked, her hands on my shoulders.

"Nothin'," I said thickly. "Just didn't know you were into that."

"Into what?"

"Well you look like you're about to ride on me like a cowgirl," I said with a toothy grin. She smiled coyly. This was better than what was in my head for now.

"That ok with you?" she asked leaning in close to me. I licked my lips and breathed deeply.

"You've got no idea, darlin'," I said hotly in her ear. She sucked my earlobe and said gently.

"Take my clothes off."

"Ok..." I whispered back absently. My hands were already working off her shirt, now fiddling with her bra clasps.

"Damn these things," I whispered. She giggled and undid it herself. Tossing the underwear to the floor, she started shimmying out of her jeans while I peeled my shirt off. Bare skin touched, sparking more intense urges within me. I smashed my mouth against hers and in a frenzy of desire we managed to take the rest of our clothes off.

"Why do they call you Logan?" she asked suddenly. I was just about to move her hips on top of me so I could slip inside her, but I stopped. She looked at me.

"What?"

"They call you Logan. Why?"

I grunted, moving her closer to me. I wanted to skip the chatter and have her ride me like she planned to, but I gave in.

"Up until recently, I never knew my name was James Howlett," I said, the name still sounding strange on my lips. "I'd always just been called Logan, so Logan was my name, as far as I knew."

She looked at me then, strangely. The mood was dying. I frowned.

"Let's not talk about this now," I said, leaning into her and trying to regain the intimacy. She stiffened.

"No, wait a minute" she said, curiously. I sighed against her, my head resting between her breasts.

"What?" I asked quietly.

"How could you not know your name? I mean, did you get amnesia or something?"

"Natalie...I can't concentrate on telling you this right now."

I was struggling to push all of my new memories and thoughts out of my head and concentrate on this lovely naked woman on my lap.

"Can we talk about it later? Tonight?" she asked. I looked up at her.

"Yeah," I said offhandedly. "Can we please-"

"Really, James," she said. She looked stern. How could she think about things like this while we were doing...this? I sighed.

"Yes, we will," I said. "Now, can we please..."

She sighed, closed her eyes, and smiled.

"Sorry," she said. She ran her hands through my hair. I went back to covering her chest with kisses.

"It's ok," I muttered between them.

Finally, she started to rock tentatively against me, and I took it as a signal to get the ball rolling. I grasped her hips and, thrusting my own hips towards hers, pushed myself inside her.

She gasped and clutched my hair, making my nerves tingle and shivers run down my spine. We rocked against each other, slowly at first, but increasingly faster as we both started to lose control. The touch of her hot, sweating flesh, her potent scent, her tightening and relaxing around me...my senses drank up these sensations and despite my best attempts, I found myself moaning ever so lightly against her. Panting, I gripped her body and pressed it close to mine as my mouth hungrily explored her perking breasts. They weren't entirely large, but by no means were they unenjoyable. I savored the soft, tender flesh beneath my lips, and her back arched in response.

I knew I couldn't last much longer with her riding like she did, moaning like she did, occasionally gasping and crying out like she did, and my senses told me she had to be close. Finally, I let go, hoping she'd follow. A groan of pleasure escaped my lips, and clutching her trembling body to mine, I thrust hard into her.

In that moment, I realized that sex with passion was far better than sex itself. Her body gave into mine, we reached our peak together, and for just a second, we both became part of each other. Simultaneously, we responded to the other's desires and entered each other's ecstasy. The raw, pheromonal instincts that two animals such as we would share in this moment came into view, and we were burning with these sensations like fire and brimstone. This was bliss.

I sighed against her heaving chest.

"Natalie," I whispered against her damp skin. Her scent was everywhere. It was intoxicating.

"James," she said back, brushing through my hair with her fingers. "James that was brilliant."

"Mmm."

"You're brilliant..."

I moved out of her slowly, and after she rolled sort of clumsily off of me, we lay on the bed, exhausted, side by side.

I breathed deeply.

"What are you thinking about?"

"Nothin'," I said tiredly. She chuckled.

"You say that a lot...about a lot," she said, turning to look at me. I looked at her.

"I do."

"Why?"

"Dunno. Just never think much about anything I suppose."

She smiled. She was beautiful.

"Where's the shower?" she asked quietly.

I pointed to the door next to my closet-the one that wasn't leaning on the wall.

"In there," I said roughly. "It's a small bathroom, but it's got a shower and stuff. You can use that."

She sat up. I watched her, propping myself up on my elbows. I felt strange. I was laying there, naked, completely exposed to her, and her to me. Natalie looked at me, gave me a once over. I flushed.

"Your body is perfect," she said, almost amazed. I looked down at myself.

"Nah," I said. "Too much hair."

She giggled and traced my happy trail with her finger.

"I kinda like it," she said distractedly. "Very...rugged. Manly. I like it."

"Thanks."

"...you really are very hairy though, aren't you?"

"I am."

"That why they call you Wolverine?"

I shrugged.

"Maybe."

She gave a short laugh and pat my stomach. I grinned at her.

"I'll be out in a few."

"Ok."

She got up and walked over to the bathroom, and I watched her naked body slink gracefully across the room and into the doorway. So beautiful...so radiant...

A knock came at the door. I snapped my attention towards it. A sniff.

Jean.

"Logan?"

"Mm."

"Where's Natalie?"

"Shower."

"Oh..."

I sat up and reached for my underwear, slowly pulling them on before my jeans. My legs felt filled with sand, my clothes like bricks. I was tired. I moved Natalie's clothes into a small pile on the bed, making sure to put her delicate intimates beneath the rest.

"Can I come in?"

I zipped and buttoned. Screw the shirt-it was lost somewhere under the bed.

"Yeah."

The door opened and she came in.

"Oh," she said, looking at me, then around. The room must have smelled like sex. "Did I interrupt something?"

"Nah," I said, waving my hand dismissively. "What's up Red?"

She crossed her arms and stood there, watching me, waiting. I shrugged.

"We're finished if you're wonderin'." I offered. She nodded.

"Logan," she said. "This is a school."

"Ah huh."

"You shouldn't-"

"Save it Jeannie. Teacher's wing is fair game. And relax, we aren't gonna make a fuss."

She sighed, but it was through a smile. I smirked.

"What'd you wanna talk to me about?" I asked, patting a spot next to me on the bed. She hesitantly sat.

"Natalie," she said. "What's going on with her?"

I shrugged.

"Dunno," I said honestly. "Just...we're takin' in in stride."

"Stride," she said. "Mmhmm. Well you seem to be very...interested in her."

"Is that a problem?" I said defensively. I looked at her. Gorgeous eyes, beautiful hair...this woman was the object of my hidden desire and possible affection for so long.

"No, no of course not," she said, looking away. "Just...well Logan you..."

She didn't know how to say it in a way I'd understand. I knew this, we'd had conversations like this before...about Scott, mostly.

I touched her arm.

"Jeannie," I said. "You won't hear much of this outta me, you know that. But I gotta confess this to you. I think...well I really think I have feelings for her. I asked her to stay with me. I wanna be with her, be around her. I told Chuck; he thinks it might be good for me. I mean..."

I shifted. I was uncomfortable with this.

"I mean, how'd you know?"

She looked at me.

"Know what?"

I nodded over at the door.

"Scooter. How'd you know with him?"

"Oh...well I just..."

She blushed, looking away again. My hand dropped. I figured she realized what was going on, but she was just half-way understanding.

"I just knew," she said finally. I nodded.

"I think I know, Jeannie," I said. I looked away. "Thought I knew with you..." I said quietly. She looked at me.

"Logan..." she started. She put her hand on my knee. "It's good you found her. Maybe it'll work out. You can't be certain with these things you know. I mean, get used to surprises in this."

I smiled.

"This whole thing was a surprise," I said. "Never thought I'd like one."

She smiled at me.

"That's the thing about surprises, Logan," she said as she stood and straightened her clothes. She looked back at me as she made her way towards the door.

"You never know."

The door shut. I sighed. Her scent lingered, and I found myself taking it in contentedly. I shook my head. No way was I gonna screw this up. Not for the world. I looked down at my hands. Hard, rough, dark. I unsheathed my claws. Nine-inches of death. I swallowed.

"Feed...bind...allow it to settle. Then cool. Feed it in...nice and slow..."

"You think you're better n' me, Jimbo. Well I got news for ya, ain't no one gonna love a runt like you. Not even Rose...not even your stupid dog!"

"Wolverine, that's what he is. A wolverine. Tiny one, ain't he? But man, what a machine. Somethin' about him..."

"Gonna break you, Jimmy boy. Gotta learn to be broken in order to break things. Them claws ain't gonna be good enough. Gotta have more."

"You are a weapon. That is what you were meant to be, that is always what you were meant to be."

"You...you animal! You disgusting animal! My son...an animal! Get out, you filthy thing! Get out, get out, GET OUT!"

I flinched when Natalie touched me, and she moved away. She was in a towel, her hair damp. I swallowed and quickly retracted my claws. She looked at my hands.

"Are you...are you ok?" she asked nervously.

"Yeah," I said quietly. "Just thinking."

She looked at me, and her eyes showed fear. I sighed.

"Natalie, I won't hurt you-"

"Do that again."

"...what?"

She pointed at my hands.

"Show me."

I brought my hands up in front of me and felt the metal slip between my knuckles once again, pushing through and breaking my skin. I watched her as she stared.

"I'm not dangerous," I said, almost pleadingly. "I just..."

"This is your power?" she asked. She went to touch one, but I moved my hand.

"Real sharp, darlin'."

"But this...this is your power?" She was nearly fascinated. I nodded.

"Yeah," I said. "Got claws. And I can heal."

"And you have that animal thing," she said, gesturing to her nose. I swallowed.

"Yeah..." I said, bringing my claws in again. "Animal thing..."

She sat next to me quickly then, realizing the word stung, and put her arms around me, kissing my face.

"I know you're not dangerous," she said. "I trust you. But you have to tell me. Tell me everything. I want to know you. I want to be part of this."

I found myself fighting tears, and I shook my head and grunted.

"Ok," I said quietly, weakly. "Ok."

She kissed me sweetly on the cheek.

"Keep me safe with those things," she said. "I know you will."

"I will...always."