Disclaimer: Sadly, I don't own Disworld or Watchmen, Terry Pratchett and Alan Moore do, and they get paid for it, not me.
Here arrives something from Roundworld, wanna know what it is ? Then read further !
Chapter 11: Unidentified Roundworld Object
Two weeks.
Two weeks he's been stuck in the University.
At the beginning, he thought that researching anything he could find about these first vigilantes that reminded him of the Minutemen would keep him busy for a while, unfortunately Grey Wolf was right: very, very little is known about them. In the Library, he's only found the coat of arms he had already seen and the diary of some anonymous Morporkian who had lived in the time of the Masks, with a lot of missing or unreadable pages, that the Librarian had found: the only thing he said about the Masks was that they one day suddenly disappeared and that one of them, Creosote had been killed.
And on top of it, the nurse, Mrs Sharp, had refused to get him rid of the plaster:
"Again ? You're the most stubborn patient I've ever had ! Listen to me carefully 'cause it's the last I'll tell you this: for the hundredth time I can't take the plaster off, your bones are not fixed yet, and don't tell me you feel better again ! Wait, what's this horror... don't tell me you've never cleaned yourself since you have it !" she yelled in indignation seeing the filth sticking out of the plaster, her patient decided to go away at that moment.
Moreover, he was bored stiff. He couldn't go out as Rorschach as long as his arm was trapped into this damn thing, this bloody head nurse had even forbidden him to go the gymnasium because of the plaster and his ribs she considered as still too fragile whereas he was feeling perfectly fine. It wouldn't have been a problem if the Librarian hadn't decided to help him against his will, at least that's what Rincewind told him when he translated the furious "Oook !" of the anthropoid last time he's tried to persuade him to move away from the gymnasium's door. He didn't try anything against him, fighting against the Librarian was the second most difficult task after fighting a troll. As for sneaking into it through a window, he had tried once, he succeeded to reach the window thanks to the grappling-hook but the Librarian had seen him and climbed to bring him on the ground before he could even break the window: four hands against one valid, too unfair. After this humiliating episode he decided to renounce to the gymnasium.
Things couldn't be worse.
"Rorschach, finally ! I've looked for you everywhere."
Correction, things could go worse. Since he was stuck with the wizards, Ponder had kept asking him to participate to his experiments, he had to grant something to the four-eyed wizard: he was persevering: no matter how many times he didn't answer, avoided him, threatened him, he never gave up.
"No."
"But I asked nothing."
"No need. Always the same question, always the same answer."
"It's to improve the machine that made you come here. And this experiment is inoffensive and..."
The man turned his back to him and walked away, at that moment Stibbons had a bright idea,such a bright idea that he wondered why he hadn't thought of it earlier.
"You know, the machine that allowed you to escape a certain death on Roundworld..."
Rorschach stopped. Damn, he owed the wizard for that.
"Fine," sighed the red-head
Stibbons couldn't believe it: he had finally accepted !
"On one condition."
Of course, it would have been too easy otherwise.
"Find a way to bring me back on Roun... on Earth."
"Going from the Disc to Roundworld. I don't know if it's even possible, you know... it's aldready hard and hazardous to do the contrary..."
The man remained silent some minute staring at Stibbon, who feared now that he might refuse.
"Think about it. If you find a way, you could go on Roundworld and do research here."
Stibbons thought of all the possibilities that would represent such a thing and finally said enthusiastically:
"I'll work on it. So, we have a deal ?" he said extending his hand to the vigilante, in technical unemployment for the moment, who didn't shake it. "Hmm. Follow me, will you ?"
As they walked towards the High Energy Magic Building, Stibbons bombarded the vigilante with questions about Roundworld, he ended up disappointed by his laconic answers and the rather dark picture he gave of his world, but it was better than nothing.
They entered in a room cluttered with machines where some young wizards as peaky as Stibbons were busy and didn't even notice the new-comers.
"Here is the Gateway," announced Stibbons
The Gateway was a metallic disc with a diameter of five meters covered with complicated occult signs looking like physics formulas, the older wizards reproached the lack of skulls and dripping candles, it was connected by cables to a board covered with buttons, sticks and various objects that were glued to it for no apparent reasons like a rusty strainer and an old boot (1). Others cables connected it to artifact containing little balls floating in a dark sky covered with stars. Rorschach came closer to it, not listening to Stibbons.
"Hurm. Looks like the solar system..."
Curious, he was about to touch one of the little planets to see what they were made of, but Ponder suddenly ran between him and the artifact, and caught his hand before it got into the dark sky.
"No ! Don't touch anything, you would trigger a disaster !"
"I won't break your model."
"But... this is your universe !"
"Yes, a very detailed model of the universe. Will be careful, don't worry," answered the man, sounding exasperated as he freed his hand, judging the wizard was overreacting.
"You don't understand, this isn't a model, this is your world, and the little blue sphere is really the Roundworld."
Rorschach remained silent some minutes, staring at the little blue planet, and remembered suddenly the conversation the watchmen had when he arrived on Discworld, conversation he didn't pay much attention to on the moment. They had said something about a round world wizards had created... No. No way...
'"You... created it ?" managed finally to ask Rorschach
"How do you know that ? Anyway, yes we created this world by accident."
Their world, their entire universe was the result of the experiment of a bunch of crazy wizards. Now, that was the biggest practical joke ever, the Comedian would have probably loved it.
"Er... are you listening to me ?"
The man, who was still staring at his home-world, looked at Stibbons finally, anything to stop thinking about this disturbing discovery.
"Perfect. I added this so that you can take part to the experiment," said the wizard as he took away the fabric that covered the object in question.
It was a chair glued to a metallic base covered with cabalistic formulas looking like those of the Gate, there were also leather straps on the arms and the legs and an old helmet tied to a post behind the chair, the helmet was connected to the Gate and the board by cables.
This thing reminded to Rorschach a familiar object from his world where he would like to see every criminal end up but on which many people had also wished to send him too. For this reason, he didn't feel comfortable with the chair. Why was he doing that again ? Oh yes, the feeling he own his life to the wizard, the extreme boredom and the will to see his world not only as a little floating ball he could have destroyed now that he thought about it.
"As you know already, I managed to make come an object and a human being, you, from Roundworld, but none of them appeared into the Gate (2). What I would like to do now would be make it appear finally into the Gate as it should, and more important, make appear a precise object. And that's why you're here Rorschach, you'll sit on this chair and when I'll tell you, you'll think about an object of your world, a big one if possible so that we can see it easily. Maybe you'll attract it by sympathy. Any questions ?"
"Yes. What are the straps for ?"
"For your safety, so that you shouldn't be propelled in the air when I'll send the thaumic energy."
"Thaumic energy ?"
"After all this time in the Library you don't know what it is ? It's the basics of magic !"
"Can't read magic books. Have tried once, the book bit me."
"Oh yes, it's true these books are already dangerous to manipulate for wizards."
"Let's turn back to the straps. You told me the experiment was inoffensive."
"What are you thinking ? I am not unconscious, I made experiments on a dummy before asking you to take part. And I can ensure you that I found the right formula and the right dosage of thaumic energy: at the eighth try the dummy was still in one piece and not even burned."
Encouraging. Rorschach was about to argue that he wasn't a dummy but decided to continue the experiment, thinking about the possibility of returning home, and let himself get tied up to the chair reluctantly. Stibbons took place behind the board and precised one last time to his guinea pig:
"And remember, concentrate on a big object from your world. Are you ready ?"
He just grunted.
Then Stibbons pronounced eighth times the same incantation as he was pushing the buttons and the sticks and an octarine halo formed around Rorschach who reacted as if he had been electrocuted, the same octarine light formed around the cables that linked the helmet and the metallic disc, finally a blast wave exploded in the room, making fall Stibbons' hat.
Stibbons, excited, came closer to the disc before the octarine smokes had completely disappeared. The result was... disappointing. There was nothing, absolutely nothing, just like last time.
"Hmm, looks like I've not found the right formula yet. Rorschach, are you alright ?" he asked, remembering the presence of the other.
He looked back and noticed the vigilante had managed to untie his valid hand from the strap and was untying his formerly plastered arm, formerly plastered indeed since the thaumic energy had made the plaster explode. He was almost smiling seeing his arm was free again, but the smile quickly disappeared when he realized his arms was still not moving. He finally untied his feet, stood up and walked towards Stibbons, who was beginning to step backwards, but contrary to what he feared, the red-heat simply walked towards the exit.
"Er... Do you consider..."
"No more experiment !"
"Are you sure ? All I have to do is ameliorate the formula and..."
Rorschach had just slammed the door.
·][·
The red-head, after leaving the Building of Magical Energy, came to the infirmary to get a new plaster, getting thus a roasting from Mrs Sharp who asked him how the hell he had done that. Then he left the infirmary, hoping no one would bother him now, he was wrong: Rincewind was running after him.
"Rorschach, here you are at least ! You must come to the Great Hall immediately !"
"Not coming," he grunted
"There's a strange object that appeared in the Great Hall. And looks like it comes from Roundworld."
He stood up reluctantly and followed Rincewind.
He arrived in the Great Hall and what he was there was quite unexpected.
"Archie ?"
Yes, it was the ship built by Nite Owl, called Archimedes after Merlin's owl-pet, that was standing right in the middle of the Great Hall and had broken some tables.
"See Rorschach ? It worked, it has just not appeared where it should have, once again !" exclaimed a visibly delighted Stibbons. "What is it by the way ?"
"Archie, a ship. MOVE AWAY !"
He ran towards the wizards who, curious, had gathered around the airship. He dispersed them but the Dean and the Major Wrangler seemed quite unwilling to obey him, they finally decided to move away when the airship suddenly threw fire at them. Rorschach saw then the smiling face of the Bursar looking at him through the window.
"Who let him get in ?" shouted Rorschach
"BURSAAAAR ! Get out of here ! That's an order !" yelled Ridcully
But the Bursar preferred to stay inside and push buttons randomly. Rorschach and the Archchancelor rushed into the airship before he trigger a disaster, but it was too late: the Bursar had in one way or another succeeded to make Archie fly, and the owlship with two wizards and a plastered vigilante inside broke out of the Great Hall through one the window
The owl-shaped ship flying at full speed outdistanced the top of the Tower of Art, giving to his three passengers a beautiful panoramic view of the city but none of them was in the mood for this.
Rorschach finally succeeded in regaining the control of the ship and drive it, which was difficult with a plastered arm, while Ridcully had managed to catch the Bursar and forced him to swallow a good handful of pills, which made him sleep. The piloting lessons Nite Owl insisted to give him had been finally useful, amazing he could remember how to pilot it after only one practical lesson. (3)
"Nice view," commented Ridcully. "Judging by the speed of this thing we could go to Lancre or Klatch in no time, you're not tempted by a little trip ?"
"Maybe another time. Have to land now, we're almost out of fuel."
He managed to land nose down in the University's gardens, digging a quite deep line in the freshly mowed green.
The others wizards, who had come out to look at the show, were speculating on the new Archchancelor, the speculations ended when Ridcully came out of the ship, with the Bursar over his shoulder like a potato-bag, followed by Rorschach.
"Why are you just standing there doing nothing ? Move along !"
Everyone obeyed to Ridcully except Stibbons.
"Archchancelor, may I study this ship ?"
"If that makes you happy and if you don't make it explode, why not."
Ridcully looked at the devastated green and added to himself before leaving:
"I'll ask the Bursar to give a raise to Modo when he's awoken, it should calm him a little."
Stibbons came then closer to Rorschach, who was still near Archie.
"So, you've seen it worked ? And you're still in one piece even after that accident. So, do you reconsider take part to future experiments ?"
"You have oil ?"
That wasn't an answer but he didn't say no. Encouraging.
"You mean oil like olive's oil ?"
"No, oil like black liquid underground."
"Oh, you mean treacle ?"
"Treacle ? Oh, just forget it."
·][·
Rorschach's Journal, Century of the Anchovy
Have accepted to take part to Stibbons' experiment, must have been really bored to do that. Aim of the experiment: make an object come from Roundworld...
He crossed the word out, it worried him to notice he was talking more and more like these wackjobs.
Earth. Conclusive experiment: Archie appeared. Wonder how Daniel reacted to this, guess it shouldn't miss him that much: not as if he was using it, too busy with Miss Jupiter to fight crime. Archie could be useful here, just need energy. Magic ? No, way too risky.
Have also learn a disturbing news: Earth has been apparently created by wizards, explains maybe why so many things are wrong.
(1) Wizards have have tried to take them away but like for Hex, the machine didn't work without it.
(2) The beans can had indeed fall on the Dean's head.
(3) Nite Owl let him pilot Archie only one time and never asked him to do that again. He never spoke of this traumatizing experience to anyone, even Hollis Mason didn't know about it. And neither can I tell you what happened exactly since he refused to tell me too.
About the Archie accident concerning the driving lesson Nite Owl gave to Rorschach, I also allude to this in my Simpsons / Watchmen crossover fic A watchman in Springfield but I had written this chapter for Rorschach in Ankh-Morpork long before I even wrote Watchkids, I just didn't know yet where I could put it in the story, now it's a done and I'm happy about it because it was a chapter quite fun to write for me, I hope you enjoyed it too.