I Remember
By: TracyCook
Disclaimer: I own nothing. These characters belong to the creator of Sonny With A Chance.
Couple: Sonny/Tawni
Rating: T
Authors Note: Used another Kelly song, making it a trend. Ties the fic together I think… plus her lyrics are so tragic and that fits this fic… y'know?
Don't Ever Give Up On Me
I know I break your heart,
With everything I'm not…
Don't ever give up on me.
Convincing Sonny to stay had not been easy, Tawni had to practically beg the devastated woman to not immediately jump on a flight and head back to Los Angeles in time to see her husband's premier. The brunette refused to go back into the apartment with good reason after the scantily clad woman interrupted their kiss.
Finally she had agreed to go out to a small café and have a conversation with the blonde if she got rid of the woman in her apartment, which she did. Though, she honestly did feel that it was a bit of a selfish request, she did not understand how Sonny could waltz into her life after being gone for so long and make her give up the life she had been living. Worst of all she did not understand why she was so willing to do so. She just dropped everything she had made and chased after the brunette telling her to stay, telling her that they could fix things, as unrealistic as it was.
She knew that it was unrealistic. When Tawni left she never expected to make things work and for the most part she had moved on. Until she saw those beautiful brown eyes and that dorky smile she once loved again. Seeing that made her realize just how fake the world she built around her was. Not that she wanted to admit that. She did not feel that it was her place to do the chasing, Sonny deserved to chase her for once, to convince her they belonged together. It would not be her.
That was all that she ever wanted and Sonny had never chased her. Not once. She had called certainly but Tawni had left her address with the others for a reason. The beautiful girl could have found her anytime so why now? Why not earlier if she loved her? Why would she marry Chad?
Remember that we're strong,
And even as we fall…
Don't ever give up on me.
Both of them sat at the table in the café across from each other once again surrounded by awkward silence. The only sound being the soft sniffles coming from the brunette who had finally calmed down from the catastrophe at the apartment. Still breathing unevenly she did not want to risk speaking and stuttering as tears again fell, she did not know what to say. It was selfish and stupid of her to think that Tawni would be single and waiting around for her. Hell, she had been the one to let her go.
The brunette had never chased her and she could not have expected the blonde to not be with someone else. She could have waited for years for all she knew, and it was the same thing she had done marrying Chad. Even so it did feel as if her heart was breaking.
Tawni simply watched with worried blue eyes as she sipped on her coffee and awaited a conversation she was not really prepared to have. She had never expected to have to have this conversation with Sonny. She had changed so much over the years, some for the good and some for the bad, and she just did not see the brunette liking some of those changes.
When she finally got her breathing even and her sniffles to a minimal she spoke up. "Who was she?" The way she said it came out a lot more strained and upset than she wanted it to. She wanted to sound happy for her "friend."
Letting out a sigh blue eyes glanced away from prying brown and Tawni shrugged her shoulders "She was no one Sonny."
"So you just sleep with random girls now? Is that it?" Sonny spat a little more violently than she wanted to as she held back her tears and started to tap the tips of her fingers against the table anxiously. Forcing herself not to just get up and run before she could hear the answer.
"Well she was a model… So I guess not random… Besides what is it to you Sonny? You don't come and see me for so many years and then you just show up and tell me how to live my life?"
Calming herself down as she again was reminded that it was in no way her place to just interrupt her life and judge her for whoever she became. She had never been one to judge before so why should she start now. Sighing out she nodded "You're right, I'm sorry… I guess it just hurts."
"You want to talk about hurt… do you have any idea how bad it hurt hearing you married him." She would not even say his name.
"I do now." Was the soft whisper that escaped the brunette's mouth.
Blue eyes glanced up to catch brown and a soft smile formed on pink lips. It were as if they both had suddenly understood just how hard they had made things, and just how much the other cared. Not that it was going to fix everything, maybe not even fix anything, but it did earn a smile.
These tears I'm holding back,
Could turn my whole face black,
And I don't know if you'd love me,
If you saw me like that.
Would you?
"Want some key-lime pie?" Tawni transitioned hoping to change the topic from what they had been talking about. She did not want to talk about the girl or who she had become with Sonny. Luckily the brunette took the bait for the moment.
"Yeah." She whispered still holding back her tears as she tried to remain positive. The brunette was happy to just see the diva smiling again it meant the world to her. She wondered if it had been as long for her since she smiled. Probably longer, the blonde was never much of a smile-er.
"Okay good because I'm really not ready to explain things." Tawni stated a little too bluntly as she raised her hand to signal for the waitress.
Sonny reached out and took the blonde's perfect hand in her own linking their fingers together and lowering it to the table. Now blue eyes were locked to brown in a serious and emotional stare. "Tawni I really want to talk about this… I need to, it is killing me. I hide it well." She laughed a little which earned a gentle smile from the other woman. "But I need to know if this is even worth it, if you have moved on, if you want me to chase you, and if you are open about your sexuality and in love—" Catching her breath for a moment she breathed out "If you love her."
Would you follow if I turned my back?
Could you love me through this broken glass?
I know I'm not who I was or where I need to be,
But don't ever give up on me…
"I wanted you to chase me Sonny… but I don't know if I want you to chase me now." The blonde stated honestly as her voice shook slightly. When the brunette tried to pull her hand away Tawni grabbed ahold of it and held it in place forcing her to keep in contact. "It isn't because I love her though." She laughed and relief flooded through the other woman.
"But if you don't love her why did you…. Well, you know?" She asked awkwardly. Sexual things were not something she was used to talking about as she was still very innocent.
"Why did I sleep with her?" The diva questioned bluntly.
Sonny again felt as if her heart were being squeezed tightly. Even though she had known that it was true that only seemed to cement her thoughts. "Yeah…" Her voice heightened and cracked as she said it, still trying to pull her hand away from the other woman.
"Well, to answer your earlier question I am out. At first my mother was really against me doing it but honestly after leaving you I didn't care anymore what anyone told me to do and I outed myself… As for that girl, she isn't the first girl I have slept with since you Sonny… I have been with many girls."
"How many?" She could barely ask the question and she felt she shouldn't even ask the question but she had to know. For some reason it tainted the blonde that she had once thought of as hers.
"You don't want to know but it doesn't matter." Tawni stated glancing away again. This time she started to pull her hand away only to have the brunette hold onto it.
"Why doesn't it matter?" The hope in her voice was unmistakable.
"They never meant anything to me Sonny; they never pleased me like you did that night. I spent the last few years comparing each and every one of them to you hoping that they could replace you and they couldn't. I started going to therapy and she told me to focus on myself and not have such high expectations." Pausing she glanced back to the brunette holding the tears back so that she would not show how weak she was. "She said I would never be happy until I gave up on you and moved on."
Silence filled the two of them and Sonny's smile grew across her face, a real smile, large and dorky as they used to be when they were on the show together. Her heart beating away quickly not out of anger or anxiety as before but out of excitement. Maybe the cuts were not too deep to mend after all.
"But none of that matters now Sonny… You are married to him and I am moved on for the most part. If we open old wounds I will only be hurt again and honestly I don't think I could handle going through the last few years again." Moving to get up Sonny stood up with her pulling on her hand not allowing her to run away.
My heart will turn to run,
But even when I'm gone,
Don't ever give up on me…
I'm trying deep within,
If you could hold my hand,
Don't ever give up on me.
Both of them were now standing in the middle of the café, Sonny holding onto the blonde's hand both girls staring into each other's eyes. Moving her hand the shorter of the two placed her hand on the diva's hip pulling her closer to her and pressing their bodies again. Both girls being enveloped in the warmth and safeness.
After her initial shock Tawni finally wrapped her tanned arms around the woman she had always loved pulling her even closer against her. Neither of them said anything simply enjoyed feeling comfortable and happy for once in a very long time. Sonny rested her head on the blonde's chest able to hear her racing heart, earning another grin.
She could see everyone in the café staring at them and for once in her lifetime she didn't care. She didn't care what they thought of her, she didn't care if they hated her for being a lesbian, and she didn't care if everyone disowned her. All she cared about was making things right with Tawni and being with her. There had to be a way despite her friend's words.
This war I'm fighting havoc,
It turns me inside out and
I don't know if you'd love me,
If you saw me right now…
Would you?
Tawni reached up her beautiful manicured nails and started to run them through brown silky locks smiling and kissing the top of her head. She was genuinely happy. The emptiness she had always felt was feeling a lot fuller. She knew that it was not going to be as easy as "I love you" "I love you too let's be together." Maybe a long time ago it would have been that easy but not now, not because Sonny turned her down. Still, part of her knew that no matter how much drama entailed and how difficult it was the beautiful girl in her arms and the feeling she was having right now would be worth it.
"We can make this work Tawn, I'm not who I used to be… I'm not scared of what everyone thinks, I don't care if everyone disowns me I just care that I have you." Tears were now falling from her eyes landing against the exposed skin of the blonde's chest.
Too strong to cry the blonde held back her tears and smiled softly. "I'm willing to let go of everything and start new if you are."
"I am! I am so willing to do that! I'll let go of who I was and who I am and start new with you! I have missed you so much! I love you…"
"I love you too."
Though they both knew the words were not enough to fix things, they were still happy to have the chance.
How do you still believe in me?
Even when my colors bleed.
Holding out, will you love the rest of me?
S W A C S W A C S W A C S W A C S W A C S W A C S W A C S W A C
Authors Note: Hope y'all like it! Things are kinda coming out in this one… It will probably be shorter than the others… my grandma just showed up from Colorado this morning at 6:00 am and told us she has cancer and will be dead within a month so I plan to spend lots of time with her til then…. Sorry if this chapter sucks… been kinda crying a lot today and was kinda writing to distract my mind not really all in it…
Anywho thank you all…
-Tracy Cook