Blue
Chapter 2
Disclaimer: Jane Rizzoli and Maura Isles do not belong to me. No infringement intended and no profit will be made from their use.
A/N Thanks for all of the very positive responses to the start of this story.
After the shootings at police headquarters Maura took a week off. She refused to have any part of conducting the autopsies of any of the victims of the shootings, and frankly due to her role in the events of that day she didn't think she should be doing the autopsies anyway. She recommended the city bring in an outside consultant to sort through who was killed when and by whom as there were lingering questions about whether any other police were working with Bobby Marino.
Instead, she spent three days with Jane in the hospital. Jane's injuries were relatively straightforward. The bullet nicked her gallbladder so the doctors removed it rather than trying to repair it. Otherwise Jane was simply stitched up and required rest and rehab. Angela and Frank spent more of their time with Frankie because his injuries were far more serious. Jane only required a lot of rest at first, leaving Maura alone with her thoughts for far too long.
Watching Jane lying still in the hospital bed, Maura couldn't help but think of her as a corpse and consider how close Jane came to being on her table in the morgue. And not for the first time. Sitting alone in the hospital room, Maura vacillated between fear and anger, but sometimes she only had an overwhelming feeling of emotional paralysis. By the time Jane was ready to be discharged Maura had made some decisions.
Jane had so easily become part of Maura's life, it happened without Maura having a chance to really analyze it. Without any real effort on Maura's part she suddenly, for the first time, had a best friend. And Jane changed her. Maura didn't feel like the Queen of the Dead with Jane. With Jane she could be silly, affectionate, open, and above all else, she could be herself and be liked just the way she was.
But now Maura saw that opening herself up to Jane was a mistake. If this situation-sitting in this hospital room with her emotions raging- was also what having a best friend felt like, Maura didn't want any part of it. Maura liked logic and provable facts, not illogical, unproveable emotions. Jane filled her brain with "what ifs" rather than scientifically deduced conclusions. Feeling like this was clearly untenable and unsustainable for Maura.
After Jane was released from the hospital, Maura left town for the rest of her week off. She turned off her cell phone and left without telling anyone where she was going. Maura drove three hours across the state to the Berkshires, found a place where she could rent a cottage and created her own private retreat. She didn't talk to anyone, and spent the day meditating, doing yoga, taking long hikes, and consuming only toast and water. She purged herself physically and emotionally.
When Maura returned home and turned on her cell phone she expected there to be at least a few messages from Jane wondering where she was, but there was nothing. Maura felt a mixture of hurt and relief. Any questions Maura had about why Jane hadn't contacted her were pushed away into the new place where Maura locked all thoughts and feelings about Jane.
It was early November, almost two months since the shootings. After the first week, Maura returned to work and settled into her new routine. She had resolved to be strictly professional at work from now on. She wasn't going to be friendly with anyone anymore. She should treat all the detectives the same anyway. Her job was Chief Medical Examiner. It could compromise her professional integrity and possibly even the prosecution of cases if she was seen as too close to the Homicide detectives.
Her new demeanor largely went unnoticed at work though. Everyone was on edge or dealing with their own demons after the attack on headquarters. Lately, however, she could tell Korsak and Frost were starting to pay attention and they looked worried when she declined their offers of lunch or drinks after work. She knew it was only a matter of time before one of them asked how she doing. And when Jane came back to work people would certainly notice the change in their interactions with each other. She could only hope that no one would dare ask her about the changes.
Frankie had stayed in the hospital longer than Jane, but had been home for over a month. Maura visited him regularly to check on his rehab progress. During the time in the hospital and time spent at Frankie's, Maura witnessed firsthand the disintegration of Angela and Frank Rizzoli's marriage. Maura was more than happy to have Angela stay in her guest house. After everything that had happened with Jane and Frankie and then the divorce, Maura was glad she was able to provide Angela a place to stay. But Angela had started insisting that Maura let her cook for her. She wouldn't take no for an answer, not after everything Maura had done for Frankie and her. So the two of them had started having dinner together at least once a week, sometimes more.
But one of these days Angela was going to ask Maura what happened between her and Jane and what the heck was Maura supposed to tell her. Maura sat down at her dining table to the food Angela had prepared that evening. "Thank you, Angela. It smells delicious. You really don't have to continue cooking for me though."
"Don't be silly, Maura. I owe you so much." Angela paused and took a breath before continuing. "I just want you to know you can talk to me about anything. With everything you've done for me and my family, you're like a daughter to me and I'm here for you. Jane-"
Apparently that day had arrived. "I appreciate your concern Angela, but I really can't talk to you. Not about Jane."
"Okay. If you change your mind I'm here. I thought maybe you and Jane-"
Maura put down her fork. "Please don't. I have nothing to say about Jane," she said more sharply than she intended. "I...I'm sorry, I'm not really hungry tonight. I think I'll just go to bed." Maura got up from the table and went to her bedroom and closed the door before collapsing on her bed. She listened to the sounds of Angela putting away food and cleaning up before leaving the back door to go to the guesthouse. Then Maura curled up into a ball and cried herself to sleep.