Operation: Mariposa

by Scarlet Fever

Seifer/Squall slash! Rated M for Graphic language, violence, sexual content and drug/alcohol use. What do you do when your whole world turns against you? Been a while since I posted a fic on here! Work In Progress!

5. Chapter 5

Chapter 05

"Look interesting?" Nida asked Irvine as they checked through their mission file.

"Bodyguard work?" Irvine murmured. He and Nida were standing in Xu's office, looking at their newest assignment. Xu was leaning against her desk, eyes never leaving Nida's face. "I'd hardly call that interesting."

"I know, I know." Xu gave them a wry grin. "But, the money's too good to pass up."

"Whoa, hot chick alert!" Irvine suddenly exclaimed. He held out the picture of their client's teenage daughter, who was indeed hot and blonde and very bosomy and completely couldn't hold a candle to Quistis, at least in Nida's eyes. "You can guard the guy. I'll guard the wife and daughter."

"I don't think the Galbadian finance minister would appreciate you sullying his daughter's chastity while on duty," Xu quipped.

"This one's not chaste."

"How can you tell?" Nida asked with a roll of his almond-shaped eyes. "It's just a photograph."

"I can tell. Believe me."

"Oh, I believe it," he muttered, to which Irvine gave him a gentle elbow in the ribs.

"Can you be ready to leave by tonight?"

"Sure thing, boss." Irvine tipped his hat to her. "Though, I can't imagine who'd want to kill a finance minister."

"In Galbadia?" Nida asked rhetorically.

"This is true," he replied. Galbadian politicians were always trying to off each other for some dumb reason or another. "Yeah, we can leave tonight. Guess I'll just have to change my evening date into an afternoon delight," he added to Nida in an undertone.

"You're unbelievable."

"And, you're jealous." Irvine winked, waved to Xu, and sauntered out of the room.

"I so am," Nida admitted. "Thanks Xu. Guess I'll see you when I get back."

"Nida, wait." She reached out and gently touched his shoulder. "Can we... can we talk, maybe?"

Nida sighed and looked down into her dark brown eyes. "Xu, I already told you..."

"That you only think of me as a friend because you have feelings for Quistis?" Xu finished. "Quistis is with Squall."

"Don't tell me you're believing that bullshit too. You're her best friend!"

"Quistis has been in love with Squall for a long time," Xu pointed out. "I don't want to believe it," she insisted, eyes watering up. "But, I'm not naïve, either."

"Until I hear Quistis say it from her own lips, I refuse to believe it. And, you should feel the same way."

"All she ever talks about is Squall..." Xu trailed off.

"I'm sorry, Xu." He stepped away from her, her arm dropping unceremoniously to her side. "I don't want to hurt your feelings, because I value your friendship, but even if Quistis and Squall do wind up together, that won't change things. I'm sorry." He shook his head and left the office to follow Irvine.

Xu's tears instantly dried up. "We'll see," she whispered bitterly. She put her hands on her hips, drumming her fingers. Her bitter feelings towards her best friend intensified greatly in just that one moment. Quistis coming out on top again. Again. She was the one who became an Instructor. She was the one that everyone praised as being the SeeD prodigy, the youngest ever to graduate. She was the one that got her face in magazines, and was being offered cosmetics contracts that she didn't even want. She was the one who was being offered the Headmaster position. And, she was the one who held the affections of the only man that Xu cared about. And, Xu was the one who did all the work. She was the one who earned all those accolades. And, Quistis and Squall were going to reap all the credit.

She pulled out her cell phone, and saw that Zell had called her while she'd been in a meeting earlier that afternoon. "Hi, Zell!" She greeted cheerfully when he answered his phone, her expression not matching her voice at all. "I saw you called me. Sorry I didn't get back to you earlier."

"That's okay," Zell answered, his voice crackling because of a bad connection. Xu could hear some sort of loud noise in the background.

"Where are you?" She asked, putting a finger in her free ear.

"The training center. Hey, listen... I was wondering if you were free for a movie tonight."

"Oh, sure! But, uh... I just sent Irvine and Nida on a mission, so I guess that plan's shot."

"Actually, I was thinking maybe just the two of us."

Xu's eyebrows raised, and a slow smirk spread across her heart-shaped face. "I'd love that," she answered, daydreaming that it was Nida who was asking her out instead of Zell. "I'll come meet you down there if you want. I haven't actually fought any monsters in a while."

"Hey, the more the merrier!" He exclaimed. "See ya."

"Yeah," she echoed as she closed her phone. In the two months that Quistis and Squall had been in the Kashkabald, Xu had started to spread more rumours about the two of them. Anything to lower Garden's confidence in them, not only as potential leaders, but as people in general. Soon, people would see that Xu was the one that should be Headmaster. Soon, Nida would see that Xu was the woman he was supposed to be with. But, he was being so stubborn. But, it wasn't like Quistis would have nothing. Once she and Squall were away from Garden, and away from the Headmaster's seat, they could be together in their ruin. It's what Quistis had always wanted - Squall in her arms and in her bed. She could be happy.

Xu hummed a waltz to herself as she headed down to the training center for her mini-date with Zell. She cared nothing for him sexually, but if she nuzzled up to one of Quistis and Squall's closest and most loyal friends, it would be easier to discredit them.

"Xu, wait!"

"Yes? Oh, hi Rinoa!" Xu greeted brightly.

"Going to the training center?" Rinoa asked, eyeing Xu's pair of razor-sharp sickles.

"Yeah, meeting Zell."

"You two are spending a lot more time together." Rinoa knowingly cocked an eyebrow and chuckled.

Xu just smiled.

"Anyway, I wanted to know if you'd heard anything about when Squall's coming back?" Rinoa asked, her toe tracing the pattern in the carpet. She'd asked Xu this question often since Squall and Quistis went to the desert. Now, it was becoming a daily thing.

"Actually, they made contact late last night."

Rinoa's face brightened.

"She and Squall are going to spend a couple days at Edea's before coming back to Garden." Xu left out the fact that it was because Quistis had gotten injured, and she'd stopped so Edea could heal her with magic.

"Why?" Rinoa asked, confused.

"To see their Matron, I guess." Xu shrugged. She bit her lip and made her face look doubtful.

Rinoa took the bait. "You don't think that's the reason, do you?"

"Squall didn't call you?" Xu asked, feigning bewilderment.

Rinoa shook her head slowly.

"I'm sure it's only to see Edea." Xu put a hand on the young Sorceress's shoulder. She shook her weapons a little. "I better go. Don't want to keep my date waiting." She winked, but let herself show compassion for Rinoa, who looked like she'd just walked off the edge of a cliff.

"Tell Zell hello for me," Rinoa murmured sadly. Xu got in the elevator, the glass doors encasing her. As she descended to the first floor, she watched Rinoa disappear from her view, frozen in place.

---

"It will be so nice to eat something that didn't come from a can, ya know?!" Raijin was waxing nostalgic about foods he hadn't gotten to eat since coming to Centra two months earlier. "I tell you this much, man... I'm never eating anything with the word 'jerky' in it again, ya know?! I think I'm going to have like, eight cheeseburgers when I get back. With lots of pickles and tomatoes, ya know?!"

"If you don't shut the fuck up about food, I'm going to dismember you with a band saw," Seifer threatened in a low, angry hiss. Their feet were kicking up dust as they walked up an incline towards the Good Hope Orphanage after their long stay in the wilds of Centra's desolate plains, reptiles and monsters their only company. Seifer's legs were ready to give out from under him, so the flower fields around the white-washed building were a welcome sight indeed.

"Maaaaaaatwwwooonnnnn! Auntie Quistyyyyyyy!" A little girl shouted, her voice lisped by the gap in her smile where her two front baby teeth had fallen out. "Look!"

Edea looked up from where she was putting a bandage on a young boy's skinned knee, and she smiled brightly when she saw Seifer and Raijin coming. The children that were outside with her shouted happily, running down the hill, throwing themselves on Raijin like he was a ride of some sort. Quistis waved happily. A small boy was practically melting into Edea's long black skirt, clutching it in a small fist. His dove grey eyes kept looking up at Seifer, but only very briefly.

"Careful, now!" Edea chided lovingly. "Don't run down the hill, or you'll fall!"

"Okay, okay... get on, I guess..." Raijin grumbled as a trio of kids grabbed onto his bicep and squealed with delight when he lifted them in the air. He was smiling the entire time, though. "Hi, Instructor!" He called through a throng of small arms.

"Hi," Edea whispered when Seifer came to stand before her. She reached out and touched his cheek. "I'm not used to seeing you with a beard."

Seifer instinctively reached up and touched his face. "Oh... right. Yeah, I'd really like a shower right about now." He looked at Quistis in confusion. "Instructor Trepe, this is a surprise."

"We just got back from a mission in the Kashkabald. Taking it easy for a couple of days before going back to Garden."

"I didn't mean that you don't look nice" the Sorceress murmured, her golden brown eyes warm with affection. "Though, you're more than welcome to the shower. Raijin, too." She looked over with motherly instinct to check on the children, and laughed with them as they piled on top of Raijin, nearly completely covering him from view. "They were talking all afternoon about seeing him." Edea's orphans loved when Raijin came with Seifer on visits, and Raijin really liked it too. He loved children, and wanted to have several when he found the right woman.

"I'm going to go up." He gestured to the house.

"Did everything go okay?" Edea asked. "You've got a nasty bruise on your arm." She reached out and started murmuring under her breath, pouring magic into it.

"You don't have to. It doesn't hurt. I just banged it on a rock."

"A Knight always protects their Sorceress, and the Sorceress protects her Knight in kind. There." She inspected the bruise as it faded away. Though that time was gone, and she already had an 'official' Knight in her husband, Edea still thought of Seifer in that role.

"So, is... is Squall here?" Seifer asked dubiously.

"Yes..." She trailed off at his reaction. "He went for a walk." She shook her head. "Oh, Seifer... you and Squall aren't still at each other's throats, are you? This rivalry between you is just silly!" The shy boy, named Balthasar, was still shadowing her, and she crouched in front of him. "Why don't you go play, sweetheart?" She offered, giving him a kind smile.

The boy just nodded and shuffled off. Edea was sure he'd find some solitary corner and just watch the others, desperately wanting to join in, but too shy to do so. It reminded her a great deal of Squall at that age. The adults went into the house, the children still using Raijin's large body like a pony.

"We don't have a rivalry," he muttered, trudging up the stairs. The staircase, and everything about the house, was exactly like it had once been. Edea had really done wonders with all her renovations. Edea's eyes followed him upwards, frowning. She knew Seifer very well, and knew when he was troubled. Balthasar watched him too, then picked up a discarded book and went to the play room. Quistis sighed and flopped into the nearest kitchen chair, her leg throbbing. She took out a half-finished sock and started knitting as Edea checked her pantry and made a list of supplies she needed. "I should have made this pantry bigger when I remodelled," she muttered to herself.

"Mrs. Kramer, ya know?!"

"Hmm?" Edea turned, flipping some of her straight ebony hair over a shoulder as she wrote down 'sweet red beans'. "Yes, dear?"

"Allan got stung by a bee, and wanted you to make it better."

Edea smiled as Raijin brought in a boy of only three, who was crying quietly into Raijin's barrel chest and cradling his hand.

"Don't worry, Allen. It will be all better soon." Edea took the boy from Raijin's arms, and brought him into the kitchen.

"Aww, Matron will take care of it!" Raijin urged as Allen cried and rubbed his eyes with a small fist.

"It hurts!" Allen wailed as he was plopped onto the table.

"Well, what about this, ya know?!" Raijin started fumbling in his pockets, and came out with a stone. "Look what I found."

A couple of the children who'd opted to stay near Raijin rather than go into the play room to watch television made 'ooh' and 'ahh' sounds as Raijin held up the shiny stone for Allen. He gulped down a couple of sobs, his wet eyes widening as the rock twinkled in the light. "What is it?" He asked, completely distracted as Edea swabbed the bee sting with some alcohol before picking at it with tweezers to get the stinger out.

"Found it at the Centra ruins, ya know?! Might be magical..." He trailed off with a wink. It was merely a small magical stone piece, something quite common to people like Edea, Quistis, Seifer and Raijin, but to an orphaned child, it was something wondrous.

"The Centra ruins!" One girl with two brown braids exclaimed. "There's monsters there!" She breathed.

"Big scawy ones!" The girl with the missing teeth agreed.

"Very scary ones!" Raijin exclaimed back. Edea had pulled the stinger out, and was now using magic to soothe the pain. "Here. You can have it for being so brave."

"Really?!" Allen exclaimed as Raijin dropped the stone into his tiny hands. "Wow!"

"Show meeeee!" The girl with the braids demanded as Edea helped Allen back to the ground.

"Me too!" The other girl exclaimed as Allen took his treasure and ran into the play room.

"You're really good with them," Edea praised.

Raijin just smiled, Quistis grinning at him as her fingers worked her knitting needles with quick dexterity.

"Raijin... how's Seifer doing?" The Sorceress asked.

"Better now that we're back in civilization, ya know?!"

"Is he... happy?"

"I guess so," Raijin mumbled.

"It seems like he's hiding something from me."

"He's like that sometimes, ya know?!" Raijin was starting to feel uncomfortable with this line of questioning. It's not like he was known for his secret-keeping abilities. His eyes kept darting over to Quistis, and he was sure the Sorceress was noticing.

"Has he met someone?"

"Nah," he lied.

"Raiiiijjjjiinnnnnn!" One of the kids shouted from the playroom.

"Don't shout!" Edea chastised, sticking her head into the hallway.

"Come read to us, please?!"

"And do the funny voices!"

Raijin sighed in relief, saved from the conversation. "Coming, ya know?!"

Edea only shook her head, and started pulling things out of the refrigerator for dinner. One of her nannies had already cooked dinner for the children, so she was free to make a nice family dinner for some of her other 'children'. She only wished that Cid could be here, too. She was used to him being so far away all the time, but it still got lonely.

She looked up from making gravy when she heard Squall's quiet voice asking "Matron?" His cheeks were pink from being outside, having taken a walk down towards the lighthouse, in deep thought all the while. "I thought I heard Raijin. Are they here?" He tried to sound disinterested.

"Just arrived. The children already commandeered Raijin, and Seifer went upstairs to shower. I hope you two boys can be civil. It's so silly to still be at each other's throats."

He didn't reply. Matron lovingly patted his cheek, but frowned when she could smell the faint undercurrent of booze lingering on him.

Squall looked over his shoulder when he heard the creaking of stairs. It made him think foggily of his childhood and memories that were there somewhere, but weren't clear to him. Seifer appeared in the kitchen, yawning. He stopped when he met Squall's gaze. Squall felt suddenly awkward, because the other man's expression gave nothing away. The sound of Edea chopping carrots, Quistis's knitting needles clacking together, and the distant sound of children's laughter from the play room seemed amplified in all their silence.

"Ah, Instructor... knitting as always, I see," he replied, breezing past Squall without saying anything. Squall opened his mouth to say something, anything, but couldn't find words.

"I wish you wouldn't keep calling me that. It seems like you're taunting me."

"I'm always taunting everyone," he muttered, pouring himself a glass of water from the tap. "What happened to you, anyway?"

"Kashkabald civil war," the blonde woman murmured. "It looks worse than it actually is. How was your trip? Is it over?"

"Yeah. It went really good," Seifer answered between sips of water. He sat at the table across from Quistis, still trying to pretend Squall wasn't in the room. "Tonberrys are really fascinating." He frowned. "Hey, Quistis... how much do you know about Guardian Forces?"

"Why?" She asked, leaning forward. She sensed an educational question, and rose to the occasion.

"We were camped out in the Centra ruins, and I could have sworn that I felt a presence in Odin's Chamber. But... I killed him. Can GF really die?"

"It's hard to say." It was Edea who answered as she started boiling potatoes. "Dr. Odine liked to keep his research rather fragmented and private. He's a paranoid man in general, but I believe it was mostly to keep it away from Adel. He says he invented them, but I wonder..." She looked over her shoulder. "Squall dear, can you get me the butter, over there?" She gestured with the paring knife she was holding.

"I'm sure Odin would have a lot of interest in you," Quistis said wryly.

"Maybe he'd like to return the favour."

"Maybe we only see one projection of them?" Squall questioned, crossing his arms. He stared intently at Seifer's profile. "More than one person can junction the same GF."

"Maybe..." Seifer echoed, now looking at Squall fully. His eyes were so blue...

"Ooh, hang on." Quistis closed her eyes, and suddenly a miniscule version of Diablos, no bigger than a crow, appeared mid-air. The tiny demon seemed put-out, and flopped on Quistis's shoulder, whip-like tail swishing. His wings were droopy and sleepy.

"What?" Diablos asked, his voice holding infinite resonance despite his shrunken form. "I was sleeping." His demonic eyes narrowed dangerously at his mistress.

"Can GF die?" She asked, looking sidelong at him.

"Everything dies. Planets, stars, galaxies."

Quistis rolled her eyes, as if talking to an old friend that was being annoying. "I'm not asking about planets. Seifer thought he felt Odin's presence in the Centra ruins. Could he still be alive?"

Diablos shrugged, his wings making the gesture look even more dramatic. "I don't know. I'm not Odin."

"You've been an enormous help," she murmured sarcastically.

"I don't know if I'd want Odin to be alive if I were you," Diablos said to Seifer before he disappeared with a pop.

"Wow, Quisty. Thanks so much!"

"I can't help it if my GF is a jerk," she said as she went back to her knitting.

"Boys, can you get the china from the hutch in the hall?"

Seifer nodded and got up, Squall slowly following behind him with stiff posture. Seifer started taking silver utensils out of drawers of the antique china hutch, handing them to Squall without looking at him, while Squall stared very closely at the side of his face, eyes like lasers.

"Are you going to pretend I'm not here the entire meal?" Squall asked as some napkins were flung at him. "Aren't you going to say anything?"

"What do you want me to say?" Seifer asked, tone clipped. "Aside from the fact that you've really gone out of your way to stalk me all the way here." He turned to face the shorter man. "So, what? Did you ask Matron to tell you when I was going to show up?"

"I wanted to apologize..."

"You went through all this insane effort just to apologize?" Seifer's voice showed his scepticism.

"I wasn't... stalking you..." Squall mumbled, his shoulders hunching as they did whenever he was feeling particularly shy. "It was only waiting in Coal Hamlet a day or two more, and Quistis was hurt anyway."

Seifer snorted and opened his mouth.

"Would you have let me apologize if I'd tried to call you?" Squall asked before Seifer could get anything out. "And, don't bother denying it because I already know the answer."

"Well, if you have all the answers, why did you bother coming to me for an apology? You know what I'm going to say." He started angrily pulling dishes out of the hutch.

"Because I don't want you to be angry at me."

Squall's voice sounded so sincere and modest that Seifer couldn't help but stop and look over. Most people would have been flabbergasted to see Squall Leonhart like this, but Seifer knew that his coldness was just to mask this deep vulnerability he was showing now. But, so baldly asking for the chance to apologize - that was new.

"Going through this much effort to say you're sorry... Rinoa really has moulded you."

Squall sighed, knowing that Seifer said that to be hurtful, because he himself was hurt. "I'm gonna tell her," he whispered over the clink of dishes. "As soon as I get back to Garden."

"And, what are you going to tell her exactly?"

"The truth."

"Which is what? That you have a sexual attraction to men? That you want to have sex with them? That you want to have sex with me? Do you want to leave her to be with me? Do you hope that she forgives you so you two can live happily ever after? Are you doing it just because you think you should because you feel guilty?"

"I..."

"Squall, you don't know what the truth is." He shook his head and brushed past the other man into the large kitchen that also served as a dining room.

Over dinner, Seifer, Quistis and Raijin talked quite amiably, but Edea noticed how listless Squall was, and how unhappiness hung on him like a mourning shroud. He only half-heartedly picked at his food and mostly looked at his lap.

"Matron, how's Rinoa doing?" Seifer asked, which caused Squall to raise his head. "I mean... in terms of being a Sorceress?"

"Oh, well... scared, of course. I can see the fear in her eyes, but she's really trying. I know how she feels right now. When you first become a Sorceress, it's so frightening to have all this power at your fingertips. It's no wonder that so many of us go bad. You can lose yourself in the magic, and let it consume you. When Ultimecia... came to me..." She trailed off. "It felt like it did when I first took my powers. Like there's something possessing you. And, because Rinoa was possessed before becoming a true Sorceress, she must be extra frightened. But, she'll come through, and I think she'll be legendary. I'm not worried about her giving in to that temptation."

"I really admire her strength," Quistis admitted. "Maybe I wish I could be more like her."

"What's wrong with being like yourself, ya know?!" Raijin asked. "It's not like Rinoa has a fan club in Garden, unlike some people sitting at this table."

"I don't think you and Fujin can count as a 'fan club', but it's nice that you think of yourselves that way." Seifer winked and Quistis couldn't help but grin.

"If Fujin were here, she'd kick you under the table, ya know?!"

"My arrogance did get a smile out of Instructor Sourpuss, so a kick would have been worth it."

"I remember a time when you were in a fan club yourself," Edea mused, smiling wistfully.

"Oh, no... Matron, don't."

Her grin grew wider. "I'm sure today Laguna would think it was very sweet how much you idolized him."

"You were in a fan club for Laguna?!" Squall asked, agog.

"Because of that film he was in," Edea responded, smiling very widely now. "You wanted to be just like him!"

"Oh, God..." Seifer loudly slapped his forehead with his palm.

"I think you had a little crush on him," Edea mused. Quistis and Raijin both laughed, and Squall looked disturbed. "It was adorable."

"I think your work here is done," he muttered, face getting redder and hotter by the second.

"Oh, Squall!" Edea exclaimed playfully at the look on his fair face. "Don't look so horrified! Lots of people think rather... um, fondly of your father."

"Like you?" Quistis asked with raised eyebrows and a happy expression on her face.

"I'm a married woman," Edea pointed out solemnly.

"Uh-huh."

Dinner continued pleasantly enough, though Squall slipped into a deeper silence. Edea tried to bring him into the conversation, or ask him about his father, but he just replied with grunts and shrugs. He was thinking about the way Quistis and Edea had praised Rinoa. All of the things they said were very true, and things Squall would agree with completely, but it made guilt rise in him like vomit. Especially when he couldn't stop looking at Seifer. He wanted Seifer to forgive him. He wanted him and Seifer to be okay. He wanted Seifer to... what? Fight for him? Tell Rinoa himself?

"Squall, you hardly ate," Edea scolded as she took his plate away, Seifer helping her. "Oh, Seifer! I know you'll probably shoot down this idea off the bat, but"

"Well, that sells it completely," he interrupted sarcastically as he started filling the sink with water for the dishes.

"There's a young man in town that I think would be perfect for you."

Squall nearly dropped the glass he was picking up, and his back straightened.

"What...?" Seifer asked hesitantly.

"He works at his father's salvage company. He's very sweet, though a little shy."

"Matron..."

"And, he's very good-looking, which I know is important to men."

"Matron..."

"I think you should go and meet him."

"Matron..."

"He thinks you're very handsome, and seems interested."

"Please don't try to fix me up," he demanded, shaking his head.

"Oh, are you seeing someone already?"

Seifer's brow contracted, and he cast the slightest sidelong glance to Squall. "No. I'm not."

"Well, then I don't see what the problem is. I can give you his phone number." She cocked her head when she heard the faint sound of crying. "Oh, dear. Coming!" She called. "Don't bother doing those dishes. You're guests."

"I'll come too," Raijin offered eagerly.

"I wonder if Matron has more handsome men she'd like to give away," Quistis muttered grumpily. Her leg was starting to act up, but Edea's magic was starting to work deeper into her body, making her sleepy.

"Seifer..." Squall began.

The tall blonde just shook his head and exited the kitchen. Squall could hear the sound of the front door opening and closing. Squall looked over to Quistis helplessly. "Just give him some time. You know how... he... is..." Her words were peppered with yawns. "But, I can't really blame him," she added sternly once she'd gotten her yawning under control. "I think you should worry about yourself before you worry about him," she continued as he helped her up.

"I told him I was going to tell Rinoa the truth."

"Well, good. Do you mean it?"

"Yes," he answered coldly.

"It's a valid question," she sniped back. "You've chickened out when you said you were going to come clean before."

Squall didn't answer, helping her up the stairs to her room.

"I think you should go into rehab, too."

He remained silent.

"You're an alcoholic, Squall."

"I'm fine."

"You're not."

"I don't have a problem!" He shouted loudly. Quistis jerked and glared at him. "I don't," he insisted again, voice dropping down to a whisper. "I'm not addicted... I just... enjoy it."

"You're using it as an escape."

Squall flung his hands out as if to swat away her words. " ...Whatever."

Quistis only made a disgusted noise as he stalked out of the room. I don't have a problem, he told himself. What's wrong with wanting to have a drink once in a while? I don't have anything to escape from. Just... everyone expecting me to save the world all the time, putting all kinds of pressure on me. Maybe I don't want to be in charge of everything. This is the whole fucking Ultimecia thing all over again.

---

Squall sat on the second-to-last stair, holding his head in his hands. Everyone always expected so much from him. Cid expected him to become Headmaster. Rinoa expected him to be a perfect boyfriend. Everyone expected him and Rinoa to get married and have dozens of children. He didn't want children! He could see the expectation in everyone's eyes. Even the eyes of strangers who followed his personal life in the papers like it was their business, too. Laguna expected him to be this perfect son. Squall could see it in his father's eyes... that he must have been thinking of Raine every time he looked at his only child. I can't be her! What does he expect from me? Is he... disappointed? I'm sure he had ideas about what kind of person I would be, and I'm sure this isn't it. Is Rinoa upset that things aren't going as well as they should have? She must have had a different vision of what our relationship would be. Have I let her down? Have I let everyone down?

Squall watched the door, wondering where Seifer was. He still hadn't come back inside. He checked his watch a few times, and internally worked himself into a panic attack about his life. He'd been thinking and waiting for an hour before he stood up and just went outside anyway. Being in Garden all the time, Squall rarely got to see the stars as clearly as he could see them now, twinkling next to the bright, half-full moon. He found Seifer sitting at a weathered picnic table under a large apple tree just beside the flower field. Where he and Rinoa had promised to wait for each other.

"I was waiting for you to come back inside," Squall murmured, coming to the picnic table.

Seifer didn't look up from his notebook, and made some notes.

"Do you mind if I sit?"

"Go ahead," the blonde muttered, flipping a page. Squall lowered himself onto the bench beside the other man. He looked at the top. There were paint smears all over it. He got a vague memory of finger-painting at this very table. Maybe he'd even sat beside Seifer while doing it, like he was now. "Do you ever sometimes feel the loss of our memories like a punch in the gut?" Squall asked, tracing a line of dried green paint with a gloved finger. A cold wind picked up and blew his bangs into his eyes. "Like we lost our entire lives?"

Seifer put down his pen and looked over at Squall seriously. "Sometimes," he replied. "But, since I don't junction GF anymore, I've started to remember more. Mostly me being a huge brat."

"You kinda were," Squall answered. "Still are." He pursed his lips. "I... I really am sorry."

"I know," Seifer answered, picking up his pen again, though he did continue to look at the other man. "Me, too. I flew off the handle. Like always."

"What are you doing?" Squall gestured to the notebook.

"Just checking over some of my notes."

"Anything interesting?"

Seifer cracked a grin. "Wow, you must really be sorry to pretend you care."

"I'm not pretending."

"Where's your huffy 'whatever' and snobbish turn of the head?" Seifer asked, grinning.

Squall glowered.

"It's like you're a completely different person. A delicate, sensitive flower now."

"... Whatever."

Seifer laughed. "There you go." He bumped Squall's shoulder with his own, laughing. "Nice to know Rinoa hasn't completely assimilated you."

"She hasn't..."

"No, I know." Seifer's grin faded. "It's just that you're actually showing that side of yourself now, instead of bottling it up and never letting anyone see that you're more than what you project yourself to be."

The corner of Squall's mouth turned up in an almost-smile. "I can't believe you were in a fan club for Laguna."

"Why is that so hard to believe?" Seifer asked, wrapping his scarf tighter around his throat as the wind got colder. The scarf had been a gift from Quistis. "You find it hard to believe that anyone could have a high opinion of your father?"

"It's... not that... It's just kind of strange to think of him having fans."

"Selphie has an internet page dedicated to him," Seifer pointed out. "I wanted to be him so bad. Laguna Loire was my first crush."

The expression on Squall's face made Seifer laugh loudly.

"Please don't ever say that again."

"Oh, Hyne... are you actually jealous?!" Seifer asked, side hurting from laughing so hard.

"I think more nauseous."

"Grow up, Squall." Seifer made a few notes. "Your dad's hot."

"Gross."

Seifer just chuckled, flipping a page.

"So, are tonberrys still as cute as you always thought?"

"Even more so. I can't believe nobody's bothered to study them before. Though, I'm really curious if they mate for life, but I'll have to go back for a few more breeding seasons to find out. They're really very complex, and it's a miracle they can survive for so long around the forbiddens." He closed his mouth. "I'm sure you don't want me to bore you. I could go on for hours."

"I don't mind," Squall murmured quietly. He was becoming very aware of the warmth of Seifer's body pressed against his side.

"I think people are scared of them because whenever anyone goes into the ruins, it's for monster farming, or some other reason that makes the tonberrys scared, and of course they'll defend themselves. Those knives are the only way they can against the forbiddens. And, they use them to forage for roots and underground water."

"They didn't attack you at all?" Squall asked, looking over Seifer's broad shoulder at his notes.

"A couple times they tried if we startled them, and right when we got there, but they got used to us. There was one that would come up to us all the time. We caught her sleeping in our packs once or twice. Sunny was the only one who came into Odin's chamber at all. I wonder if it's kinda a religious spot for them..."

"Sunny?"

"I gave them nicknames for in my notes. It's actually really easy to tell the males and females apart. Males are smaller, and have tails that come to a single point, rather than forked. They also have rounder eyes." Seifer became internally reflective. "I was actually more scared of being in Odin's throne room than anything. Even more than the forbiddens and imps."

"Do you think he's still... alive?"

"I dunno. I don't know if GF are really alive in the first place. I'm not sure if they even have memory or a capacity for revenge. It's not like Diablos was much help."

"I'm sure Quisty will open all her GF textbooks as soon as she gets back."

"Well, I fucking hope they don't have a thirst for vengeance, because I don't really want to get chopped in half."

Squall and Seifer shared a long look and the corner of Squall's perfect mouth turned up. "It was pretty badass when you killed him..."

Seifer's eyebrow cocked. "I'm sure you didn't think so at the time."

"Well, no... I was pretty pissed off at you," Squall said quietly. They were leaning closer together without even realizing they were doing it, until their sides were pressed flush against each other. They were becoming acutely aware of their closeness to each other, and how their heads were coming closer and closer together, so that eventually their foreheads were touching. They didn't try to kiss, but just felt the closeness.

"A far cry from following tonberrys around all day, and boring people with every tiny detail about them." He found that his hand was now moving of its own accord, and twined itself with Squall's, the leather of their gloves creaking as Squall completed the touch, his hand strongly closing around Seifer's.

"I like how passionate and romantic you are about it. Well, about everything. You and Rinoa are a lot alike that way. Maybe that's why you two got along so well. Maybe that's why I like both of you so much."

"Maybe that's your type," muttered Seifer bitterly, leaning back and wrenching his hand from Squall's.

"Now you sound jealous."

"Of course I do!" Seifer hissed.

Squall opened his mouth, but nothing would come out. He desperately wanted to ask Seifer about what the future held for them, and if there even was a 'them'. But he became terrified of the answer, especially in the face of all the hostility in Seifer's peridot eyes.

Seifer waited to see if Squall was going to say anything, and when there was only silence on the other man's behalf, the tall blonde slammed his notebook shut and rose from the picnic table. He started going back to the house when he heard Squall say something that was lost in the wind because it had been such a fragile whisper.

"What?" Seifer asked tensely, turning around. Squall was looking down at the paint-stained table, his face unreadable in the shadows.

"Do you want to be with me?" He asked, not looking up. He felt like he'd just ripped his heart out of his chest and offered it up to be stomped upon.

Seifer stood there, dumbly. The completely raw and unguarded emotion laced in that question made Seifer lose his equilibrium. When Squall looked up and they made eye contact, Seifer felt like he was falling. "You don't know the answer to that?"

"I should," Squall replied. "I know you better than I know anyone. Just looking in your eyes, I should know. But... I don't." It hurt him to admit that, because he and Seifer were always so in tune with what the other was thinking. He searched Seifer's face, the angles highlighted by the bright moonlight. "I will tell Rinoa."

Seifer sighed bitterly and looked away. He just couldn't keep looking in Squall's eyes like that. "I want to believe you. But, I don't know if I can," he admitted sadly before going back to the house, leaving Squall sitting alone at the picnic table in the cold, lonely wind.

Squall walked up the front steps of Balamb Garden like he was walking towards the gas chamber. He was standing close to Quistis in case she needed his help walking, but she refused his arm. She wanted to walk under her own power. When Squall saw Rinoa standing there, waving at him, his will faltered. He knew he had to tell her, but looking at how pretty she looked in that same blue duster she'd been wearing when he realized he loved her, it became much harder to tell her the truth. That he'd been lying to her for pretty much their whole relationship, and that while he loved her, he loved someone else, too. How could he break her beautiful heart like that?

When he looked over at Quistis, he saw that her sapphire blue eyes were locked on him. He could see the unconditional friendship and love there, and it gave him resolve. He knew he had to do this. He had to fix things. He had to fix his life.

"You're doing the right thing," Quistis muttered out of the side of her mouth. Her leg started throbbing badly, so she had to finally put her hand on Squall's arm and used him as a living, breathing cane. Cid was standing beside Rinoa, smiling jovially.

"Nice to have our two top SeeD back!" Cid beamed, bouncing on the balls of his feet. "I'm heading away to a conference in Deling City, so I was hoping to get to your report now" He frowned and adjusted his glasses when he saw Quistis limping. "Edea called to tell me you were injured."

"It's just a little sore, Sir. Hi, Rinoa." Quistis reached out and squeezed her friend's shoulder with her free arm.

"Hi," Rinoa replied stiffly. Her eyes moved to where Quistis's hand was gripping Squall's arm. Quistis noticed and frowned.

"You look pretty," Squall commented lowly, not feeling comfortable kissing her in front of the Headmaster.

Rinoa just stared at him, looking between his face and Quistis's.

"Sir, I'll give the report," Squall offered. "So Quistis can go see Dr. Kadowaki."

"That's fine. Want to go to my office?" Cid gestured for Squall to walk with him.

"Thanks!" Quistis called after him. "Oh, man... even with Matron's magic, my leg is still killing me," she said cheerfully to Rinoa. "How have things been going here?" She asked a little nervously. Rinoa was still eyeing her in an unfriendly manner. Her cold shoulder was downright Squall-esque.

"How was your mission?" Rinoa asked, feeling so conflicted inside. She couldn't ignore all the rumours flying around Garden, or the fact that Squall hadn't even called her when he'd gotten back within the presence of a phone. She couldn't ignore how close Quistis was to her boyfriend. But, she also couldn't ignore the worry she felt when she watched her friend limping.

"Okay, I guess." Quistis frowned as they started walking towards the infirmary at a slow pace. "Rinoa... do you think we should try an intervention for Squall?"

She pursed her heart-shaped mouth. "I've thought of it, too. Was he drinking...?"

Quistis nodded.

Rinoa sighed. She had no idea what to do about Squall's drinking problem. She looked over at Quistis's profile as the blonde chatted about the mission and Edea. "Are you and Squall having an affair?" She blurted out, quiet enough that no students walking past them would overhear.

Quistis's step faltered as they stopped in the hallway leading to the infirmary. It was deserted, save the two women. "What?"

"Just tell me the truth!" Rinoa demanded desperately, her voice wobbling. "Are you?!"

"Why would you think that?" Quistis asked, shocked.

Rinoa looked down at her feet, tears pooling in her coffee brown eyes.

"So, you believe all the rumours?"

Rinoa's head snapped up at the pain in Quistis's voice. "You spend more time with Squall than I do..." She trailed off lamely.

"You believe I'm the whore that everyone says I am, right?" Tears were also forming in Quistis's eyes, so much so that Rinoa was blurry before her.

"No, but I know that you've been in love with Squall for years!"

"Rinoa..."

"Just tell me the truth!" She demanded, magic starting to crackle around her in agitation.

Quistis's mouth trembled as her tears fell down her cheeks. The pain in her leg was nothing to compared to the shredded feeling in her stomach. "Yes, I love Squall, but like a brother. Like a best friend, the same way I love you."

"I had to tell you what I feel!" Rinoa exclaimed defensively. "Are you?" She asked again, hands clasped in front of her bosom.

Quistis wiped her cheeks with badly shaking hands. "What's the point, Rinoa? You won't believe me, not matter what I say." Her voice was stuffy with the crying fit she was trying to suppress. "I thought at least you would have believed in me." She wasn't able to control it anymore, and dashed into the infirmary as fast as her injured leg would let her, sobbing into her hands.

"Quistis!" Rinoa called, hating herself but still suspecting deep down that her suspicions were correct. She was now crying just as hard as the other woman. "Quisty, wait!" She took a step towards the closed infirmary doors, but stopped and instead turned and went the other direction, not knowing what to believe.

Squall's brow was furrowed in its typical manner when he finally made his way to his dorm room. He'd stopped at the infirmary to check on Quistis and tell her how the report went, and to also get some last-minute support from her about his impeding conversation with Rinoa, but she'd been crying really hard, and Dr. Kadowaki had shooed him out before he could find out what happened.

"Hey," he called to Rinoa, closing the door behind him. His heart was beating so fast that he was surprised he wasn't dropping dead from a heart attack. "Listen... umm... Rinoa, we have... we have to talk," he sputtered. He could taste bile on the back of his tongue.

"Talk?" Rinoa echoed. She'd been sitting on the edge of the bed, feeling lost. She could tell that it was something important, otherwise Squall wouldn't be so flustered.

"Yeah," he muttered, sitting on the edge of the bed beside her. "It's pretty important."

"I'll bet," Rinoa muttered under her breath, her magical aura starting to become charged.

Squall really looked at her, and noticed that her eyes were red-rimmed. "Have you been crying?" He asked, brushing some hair off her cheek.

She slapped his hand away. "You don't need to 'talk' to me. I already know, Squall." She stood up with her arms crossed, and looked down at him angrily. "Why didn't you and Quistis just tell me that you were in love? Or, at least that you wanted to have sex with each other?"

"What?" Squall frowned. "What are you talking about? Wait was Quistis upset because of you?" He rose to his feet, and also crossed his arms, anger rising in him. "What did you say to her?!" He demanded, raising his voice.

"I asked her to tell me the truth!" Rinoa shot back, her voice also raising.

"How dare you accuse Quistis, especially after all the bullshit that's going on!"

"How dare the two of you go around behind my back! It's so obvious, like you weren't even trying to hide it." She stepped forward and poked Squall in the chest with a finger. She could smell alcohol, lingering under the smell of mouthwash.

He slapped her hand away roughly. "I am not having an affair with Quistis. You call yourself her friend to just go up and act like a total cunt and hurt her feelings?"

"What did you call me?" She snapped. Magic, crackling like lightning, coiled around her hands. She balled them into fists to quash it.

"You heard me," he hissed.

"You're drunk," she said sadly. Bitterly. "I just can't believe..."

"So, I'm not allowed to be friends with women because it will crush your fragile ego?" He interrupted. He was being meaner than he would have if he were sober, but he was angry on Quistis's behalf. She truly was his best friend, and he cared more about her reputation than he did about his own.

"It's more than friendship, right?"

"I'm not fucking Quistis, you idiot!" He shouted in her face, so loudly that she gasped and jerked in shock.

She blinked at him, tears falling from her eyes. "I think you should leave."

"Good," he muttered coldly. It made Rinoa's lips tremble.

"I can't put up with you like this, Squall!" She reached out and grabbed his arm. "This isn't you! What happened? Why did you start drinking?" She shook him. "Why won't you tell me what you're thinking?!"

"Maybe an annoying, nosy girlfriend who believes nonsense rumours about people she claims are her friends is the reason I started drinking." He yanked his arm from her grip. His skin burned under his clothes from contact with her magically charged fingers.

"So, are you saying you want to break up with me?"

Squall just shrugged, body still thrumming with anger, fuelled by the quadruple scotch he'd snuck in his office before attempting this confrontation.

"Don't just shrug, Squall!" She put her hands on her hips. "Why does it always have to be this way with you? Didn't you learn anything from all that's happened?!"

"...Whatever."

"Fine!" She huffed. "If you don't want to make the effort for us, then fine!" A couple of stray books on the desk danced and flopped because of Rinoa's magic. "Just go. Go and be with Quistis! Go and get drunk like you always do and never face anything in your life! I just wish you actually wanted to try and work this out! Why does it always have to be this way?! Why don't you tell me what you're thinking?!"

"Fuck you."

"Get out."

"Fine by me." Squall stormed out and slammed the door behind him.

---

The wind coming off the Dollet Sea were bitter, the waters mingling with the currents from the Sorbald Ocean. It cut right through Seifer's motorcycle jacket. He parked his bike between a compact, eco-friendly electric car, and one that looked like a gust of wind would dismantle it. As he walked towards his modest apartment building, he put down his gym bag and crouched to pet a cat sitting among the bushes near the metal steps. It belonged to a guy named Ivan in the building that he saw around campus sometimes. He was in a completely different program than him, but they were on speaking terms, which Seifer didn't mind because he was pretty good-looking, and they flirted rather shamelessly together. Seifer was considering asking him out.

"I don't have anything." Seifer spread his hands out when the cat started to sniff at him. It meowed at him as he picked up his bag again and started trudging up the stairs. Being a relatively cheap apartment converted from an old hat factory, there were no elevators. Seifer could have afforded to live in the Parkheaven district of Dollet, where all the posh lofts and uber-expensive shops were, but that might have made some people question where he was getting the money for such a lifestyle. After all, you weren't a secret assassin if your secret got out. In fact, he'd just come from that neighbourhood, killing a man by the name of Power Waterbottom. Seifer had no clue why the client had asked Sol to kill him, but wondered if it had something to do with his stupid name. He'd laughed and asked Eris if she were joking, but she's just stared at him icily and said "I never joke", which was pretty true. She and Fujin probably would have gotten along great.

Seifer opened the door to his floor, and faltered when he saw Squall waiting near his door. He was leaning against the wall with his arms crossed, staring off into space. The other man looked up at the sound of the door closing, and their eyes met. Seifer became aware that he was holding a gym bag full of gun parts, and tried not to let the bag jostle too much, so Squall wouldn't hear the metal pieces within banging against each other. Squall might have noticed the secretive look in Seifer's eyes if he'd been a little more sober, and if his mind wasn't so preoccupied in other realms.

When Seifer came to a stop in front of his apartment door, his eyes were fixated completely on the other man, roaming all over his face and body. Squall had been on a train to Timber to catch the connection to Dollet within an hour of his blow-out with Rinoa, and before coming to Seifer's, he'd stopped to pick up a new three-piece suit in pure black, perfectly tailored and paired with a deep navy blue shirt. He'd wanted to look enticing and inviting, and knew he'd succeeded by the way Seifer was staring at him. He also wore a cologne that Seifer had mentioned he liked, once upon a time when they'd both still been students.

"Wh... what are you doing here...?" Seifer asked, surprised he could even talk. "Wait a minute." A glimmer of clarity beamed its way into his muddled haze of desire. "How did you know where I lived?" Squall opened his mouth, but Seifer held his free hand up. "You know what? Never mind. You wouldn't be a very good stalker if you didn't."

"Can I come in?" Squall asked, voice much calmer than the inside of him was.

"Why?" Seifer demanded.

"Can I come in?"

"Is that Memento?" Seifer murmured, smelling the masculine scent. "I always liked that cologne."

"I know."

Seifer dug his nails into the inside of his palm to keep himself grounded. And, to not let his dick take complete control of him. "How long have you been waiting here?"

Squall shrugged a shoulder. "Maybe twenty minutes. Can I come in?"

Seifer bit the inside of his cheek. He didn't know if letting Squall inside was a good idea, but even if Squall had come all this way to tell him something like 'Quistis said hi', he would never want to talk in a hallway. "Fine."

Squall only briefly looked around Seifer's threadbare apartment, noticing the piles of books, both educational and recreational. His eyes weren't for what furniture Seifer had.

"So?" Seifer asked, carefully putting the duffel bag down. He heard the sound of something banging together in there and really hoped Squall hadn't noticed. "What's so impor--"

"Rinoa and I broke up," Squall interrupted.

"Oh. I'm sorry to hear that. But, a phone call couldn't have sufficed?"

"You know why I came here."

"Despite how slutty you think I am, I don't just fuck any man that comes to my door," Seifer said breezily, moving towards the kitchen.

Squall stuck his arm out, preventing an escape. "Stop being infuriating."

"But, I'm so good at it." He found himself pressed into a corner, boxed in by Squall's arms on either side of him, gloved palms pressed against the wall. "Squall. Don't."

"Don't what?" He asked, stepped closer. "You mean you don't want to fuck me? And don't lie, or else I'll know." Squall's body was now entirely pressed to Seifer's.

Seifer made an exasperated noise of irritation and brushed Squall's arms out of the way, though he didn't move. They just stared at each other, and Seifer kind of forgot why he was objecting to this. But, when he realized this, his body had already told his brain to screw off, and he had Squall pressed up against the wall so hard that the door to the coat closet rattled. Squall was pushed up the wall so that his feet dangled, and he wrapped his legs around Seifer's hips and thighs as their mouths assaulted each other with fervour. Seifer's hands moved under the jacket of Squall's suit and ran up and down his ribcage, fingers working at the fastenings of the waistcoat.

They only came up for air long enough for Squall to pull Seifer's t-shirt over his head, then their lips mashed together once more. Squall's shirt got unbuttoned between their bodies, and Seifer's hands touched Squall's bare flesh for the first time that he could remember. He let his fingers hover over the lean lines of Squall's abdomen, and let himself soak in the softness of his flesh, the warmth coming from underneath it. How his chest rose and fell under Seifer's palms. How Seifer was actually feeling Squall breathe. How he was feeling him live. That he was there and real.

Squall did some quick, fancy handwork to get his gloves off in fractions of a second so his hands could stay in almost constant contact with Seifer's body, hard with muscle and raw desire. He'd fantasized for hours in the dark of his office or bedroom about how it would feel to touch Seifer's body, and to have Seifer's hands all over his own. Inside his own.

He felt Seifer's strong hands suddenly grip his thighs, and he was being carried. He felt like he weighed nothing in Seifer's arms like this. He probably wouldn't have been able to walk anywhere right now, anyway. The only parts of his body he could feel were the parts that were being touched by the other man. He felt himself landing on something soft, and realized that they must have been in Seifer's bedroom. He brushed his bangs out of his eyes so he could look up at Seifer, who was kneeling between his splayed legs. The moonlight was coming through the open curtains, highlighting the contours of Seifer's perfect torso. The jacket and waistcoat of his new and rather expensive suit were unceremoniously dropped to the floor in a pile destined to create nasty wrinkles, and when Seifer started undoing his belt and pants, Squall became a little nervous. He'd always been very, very self-conscious about his body, being so naturally thin. He had to work really hard to build muscle, and he really envied men like Seifer and Zell who seemed to get rock-hard muscles through very little effort. He found that he couldn't look in Seifer's eyes when all his clothes joined the jacket on the floor, and he was laying naked under the scrutiny of Seifer's hands and gaze. His cheeks felt like they were on fire as the silence stretched on, Seifer's hands still and unmoving on his thighs. Squall's bright blue eyes narrowed and he managed to look up when he heard Seifer laughing.

"What are you laughing at?" He asked, starting to feel ashamed.

Seifer cocked his head, still chuckling when he met Squall's gaze. "You," he answered firmly, like it was the simplest answer in the world. "How you come here all coquettish and like some seductress, not subtle at all about it being for sex, and you're still shy about me seeing you naked?" He tried to stop, but couldn't help that he was still smiling widely. "It's so... cute. And, so you."

"Don't make fun of me," he muttered.

"I'm not," Seifer replied huskily. He'd been struck dumb by finally seeing Squall's naked body. Since he'd become sexually aware, what Squall would look like naked had been his staple masturbation fantasy. And, looking at Squall's body now, anything he'd dreamed up paled in comparison to the real thing. His body was filled with willowy grace, his stomach hard and flat, his penis long and straight, perfect and inviting. "So, you can get that worried look off your face."

"I'm not..." Squall mumbled, embarrassed. He reclined so he was resting his weight on his elbows.

Seifer chuckled again.

"...Whatever."

"Aww, our first during-sex 'whatever'." Seifer's hands started moving down Squall's torso until they found his genitals that Seifer so much wanted to feel, touch and taste. "How adorable."

"Stop making fun... of... me..." Squall's voice hitched when Seifer's fist closed around the base of his penis and he started masturbating him.

Squall's eyes closed and rolled up under his eyelids. He wrapped his arms around Seifer's shoulders and found his mouth. He rose to his knees and melded his body to Seifer's, thinking it was quite ridiculous that he was naked, and Seifer was still wearing pants. It was completely wrong. As he unbuttoned Seifer's pants, he had to keep stopping when he became overcome with pleasure, moaning into Seifer's mouth, or rolling his head onto Seifer's broad shoulder, Seifer's mouth chasing him and scorching a trail down his neck and across his shoulder. Squall's nerves sang wherever the hot warmth of Seifer's mouth touched him, like he was being branded.

His hand slipped into Seifer's pants and freed his genitals. He made a very masculine noise in the back of his throat when he felt the throb of Seifer's pulse in the engorged veins, when he felt the masculinity, the largeness. He closed his fingers around the thick base possessively. He pulled back far enough so he could ravish Seifer's body with his eyes. He wanted to stare at Seifer's cock for hours. He wanted to admire and explore it. And, he wanted it inside him more than anything. Their hands got to know each other's bodies, and Squall pulled Seifer down on top of him, mostly by his cock, which caused Seifer to groan.

He didn't have to say 'fuck me', because it was written all over the dark lust in his face, and it was etched in his eyes. And, he knew that Seifer could read it, just like he knew that Seifer wanted the exact same thing that he did. He moaned when Seifer's weight pressed down on top of him, and his legs were spread wider. Though their actions were fierce and direct, the way that Seifer kissed him was far more... romantic. Like it was about more than just relieving the sexual tension that had been building between them since that kiss they'd shared in Squall's office just over a year ago. Like maybe Seifer actually did love him.

Squall lazily opened his eyes when Seifer sat up. The other man was looking down at him with kiss-bruised lips and peridot eyes alight with lust. There was a small smile on his lips, and Squall could read his expression perfectly. That he just wanted to enjoy the moment. It made Squall feel closer to him, to know what Seifer was thinking just by looking into his eyes. And, that it was the same for Seifer. Seifer would never say 'tell me what you're thinking', because he already knew. Squall sat up when Seifer leaned over towards a beat-up nightstand. He started kissing Seifer's neck, and held him firmly, exploring his shoulders with his tongue. When Seifer let out a groan, he knew he'd found a sweet spot. He gently bit the skin, which elicited a louder groan. Squall slid into Seifer's lap, biting that spot again, a little harder this time. His fingers found Seifer's nipples and started stroking them in small, quick circles, pinching them to make Seifer groan again.

It was Squall's turn to groan when he felt Seifer's hands move all the way down his back. One hand moved between his buttocks, and stroked the sensitive skin around his anus. He gasped into Seifer's ear when a finger pushed into his body. Seifer's brow furrowed as he felt Squall panting against the side of his neck and face. His breath was warm and balmy, and made the whole thing seem far more real, that this wasn't just some wonderful fantasy that he was going to be rudely awakened from. Squall pulled Seifer down so they were laying on the mattress. He pushed Seifer's hand away, and positioned his hips against Seifer's, feeling the head of the other man's cock pressing against his rectum. Squall groaned as he was penetrated, pushing his hips against Seifer's to fill himself faster. There was discomfort as his body had to expand, but he found that he actually really liked the pain of it. He liked how his body was conforming to the shape of Seifer's penis, how the tingling moved up his spine, at how stupid it was to call this 'discomfort'. The pain felt wonderful.

Seifer started slowly working his hips against Squall, looking down at him. It was nice to see Squall with such a relaxed, care-free look on his face. The inside of his body was very hot and tight and articulated. When Squall's rectal muscles squeezed around him, the wave of pleasure bowed Seifer's back, and he pressed his face into Squall's neck as their hips found a slow rhythm. Seifer's mouth moved down his chest and closed around Squall's right nipple. He arched his back up and thrust his hips hard against Seifer's, groaning in delight when Seifer's cock pressed deeper within him.

Their bodies moved as one, in perfect unison, matching each other's paces as if they'd done this together hundreds of times. He could hear Seifer breathing his name, and he wasn't even sure what he was saying as Seifer pulled out, then jammed back into him in one hard, fast, possessive and utterly perfect thrust. Squall could feel it all the way up his spine, and he could feel sweat growing on Seifer's muscular back

Seifer smothered Squall's mouth with his own, wanting to devour his full lips and swallow the breath from his lungs. Squall's hand took his own and moved it down around the shaft of his penis. As Squall's hands touched him, as he stroked his genitals and felt Squall from the inside, he wondered why he'd hesitated at Squall's advances, why he hadn't fucked him in his office that day. He could have felt this so much sooner. This intense physical pleasure coupled with complete emotional familiarity. He moaned when Squall's internal muscles coiled around him, and he felt Squall's mouth smile against his.

Squall's legs, which had been holding his hips up, gave out when an orgasm started to flow through his body, breaking like a tsunami. The shockwave moved up his spine, debilitating him. He could only hold onto Seifer's sweaty shoulders and let it rush through him, Seifer still thrusting against him. In the haze of the blood rushing at top speed through his body, he searched the dim light for Seifer's eyes. His heart raced at the intimacy of looking into Seifer's cat green eyes at the point of the other man's orgasm. They were both panting and moaning as their bodies shuddered and sang together, hips still rolling together to milk the last ounces of pleasure they could from each other.

Seifer's weight collapsed on top of Squall, and he lay his head on the other man's chest, listening to his slowing heartbeat. He could feel Squall's fingers lightly stroking across the back of his shoulders, and across the nape of his neck. Squall's semen was a sticky mess between their sweaty torsos, but neither was in much of a hurry to move to clean it off. Sex with Squall Leonhart was something Seifer had fantasized about forever, and now that it actually happened, he had this huge, inexplicable feeling within him. Growing possibility for more? Fear that nothing would come of it? He wasn't sure. He felt Squall's lips press against his forehead, and he slowly lolled his head so his chin was resting on the other man's breastbone, and they were meeting each other's eyes. Squall had a contented look on his face that made Seifer's heart start beating fast once more. And, when he smiled, blood started rushing to his genitals all over again.

"You're really beautiful when you smile," Seifer murmured, voice quiet with afterglow. His hands slowly traced the lines of Squall's waist and hips.

"And, I should do it more often, right?" He asked with the air of someone who got that comment frequently.

Seifer lazily shrugged a shoulder. "Wouldn't be as special if you did it all the time."

Squall tried not to let his face show how touching that comment was to him. "The same thing could be said about you," he replied instead.

"Hey, I smile all the time."

"An arrogant smirk isn't a smile."

"You got me there," was the muffled answer as Seifer pressed his mouth against the side of Squall's neck, kissing his warm and damp skin. Squall's arms tightened around Seifer as the other man's lips found sensitive spots on Squall's throat, and did wonderful things to them.

"You know..." Squall trailed off as Seifer's mouth moved upward and was teasing his jaw line. "I think I really like anal sex."

Seifer chuckled as their lips found each other and they shared a lengthy kiss. "I do still have half a box of condoms to use up."

Squall tried to pretend that he was wholly disinterested in that idea, but his body kind of gave him away. His and Seifer's limbs twined together, mouths fused as their breath and their bodies mingled as one. It wasn't until well near dawn until they were both sated and fell into deep, unmoving sleep where it was hard to tell where one body ended and the other began.

---

"I'm sure he'll come back soon," Selphie assured. She and Rinoa were sitting in the library, talking quietly. Selphie had Rinoa's hands between her own as the novice Sorceress sniffled, her eyes puffy and red. "It's Squall. Garden's the only place he has to go."

Rinoa tried to smile, but just couldn't muster it. Instead she looked away from Selphie's gaze and scratched Angelo's ears.

"Why would Quistis do this?" Selphie exclaimed angrily. "I don't know why she would want to hurt you. I never thought she could be such a bitch." It was very rare for Selphie to speak ill of someone, especially a close friend like Quistis, but she felt very angry on Rinoa's behalf. She'd become their 'Princess', just like she'd been with the Forest Owls.

"I don't think she did it on purpose..." Rinoa trailed off. "Squall was so mad, and I don't know where he could be."

"You should call him."

"That would just make him angrier," the dark-haired girl snuffled.

Selphie bit her lip. "Yeah, that's probably true." She cocked her head and looked over her shoulder when she heard voices coming into the deserted library sitting area.

"So, you're sure?" Xu asked, making sure her voice carried.

"I am," Quistis answered. "It's for the best." When they came to the sitting area, and saw Selphie and Rinoa sitting there, stiff and staring straight at Quistis with darkness in their eyes, Quistis froze. Xu kept her voice blank, though she'd chosen to come here with her friend on purpose, Astor having told her that Selphie and Rinoa were in here.

"Oh! Hi, guys..." Quistis trailed off sadly. Rinoa still had wet tears on her cheeks, and Selphie just shook her head angrily.

"Where's Squall?" Selphie demanded, rising to her feet.

"I... I don't know," Quistis muttered. She had a very good idea about where Squall had gone, though.

"Don't lie!" Selphie exclaimed angrily. It was so alien to see that kind of look on her face.

"I'm..." Quistis began.

"How could you hurt Rinoa like that?"

"I didn't!" She protested quietly.

"He's been gone all weekend," Rinoa whispered. She tried not to look at Quistis, because it was making her stomach swoop in anger, and also in bitter sadness. It was surprising how quick she'd come to consider the blonde to be her dearest and best friend, so this betrayal was even harder to swallow. "Just... tell me if he's okay!"

"I don't know," Quistis snapped. "But, Squall can take care of himself," she continued frostily. "And, maybe he doesn't want to come back right now." A big part of her just wanted to blurt out the truth, but her loyalty wouldn't allow her to betray Squall's confidence like that.

"Quisty, maybe we could talk somewhere else," Xu pointed out, internally gleeful at the strife between the girls.

"You don't have to be a bitch about it, Quistis," was Selphie's low reply.

"And, it's nice to know you'd give me the benefit of the doubt. You and Rinoa both would rather believe some newspaper or stupid rumour than believe me. I shouldn't have to defend myself to people who claim to be my friends," she hissed, getting angry. "Maybe when I'm in Galbadia, Rinoa will start to wonder if you're fucking Squall."

"Stop it!" Rinoa exclaimed, standing. Angelo made a noise of distress at her mistress's sudden outburst. "Just tell me where Squall is!" Magic was starting to leak from her in all her agitation , and because of her emotional state, she was having a problem getting it under control.

"Rinoa!" Selphie exclaimed when crackles of white light flowed from Rinoa's body, making loud popping noises.

"No," Rinoa moaned to herself, balling her hands into fists, magic exploding from between her clenched fingers like fireworks. Books flew off a nearby shelf, and a chair flew across the room, smashing against the wall. Pieces of broken wood cracked one of the windows. "Stop, stop, stop, stop!" She urged herself.

"Rinoa!!" Selphie exclaimed as the other girl's body turned white with magic, translucent angel wings exploding from Rinoa's back. "Oh, God!! Rinoa!" The sprightly brunette started to run towards her friend, beams of light making it hard to see.

"NO!" Quistis shouted, grabbing Selphie by the back of her t-shirt. A sound like a bomb ripped through the library, and Quistis flung Selphie and Xu away, instinctively shielding them with her own body as everything went white, Rinoa's screaming muted by the thick, oppressive silence of magic.

When the blinding light cleared, it left stars in everyone's eyes. Xu and Selphie were splattered with the hot, red wetness of Quistis's blood from a large gash in the side of her neck. Rinoa was curled up on the floor, panting and sobbing.

"You okay?" Quistis asked, blood pouring down her arm. She could feel the stinging pain of burns on her back.

"Yeah..." Xu trailed off, shaking her head to clear the spots from her vision.

"Rinoa!" Selphie exclaimed, batting Quistis's hand away. She crawled across the floor, gingerly putting her hands on Rinoa's back. It felt like touching a running machine. The vibration of energy was prominent under the cashmere of Rinoa's camisole.

"You should go to the infirmary," Xu told Quistis, whose face was quickly getting pale from the blood loss.

"Is she okay?" Quistis asked thickly.

"What do you care?!" Selphie exclaimed.

Rinoa was able to sit up only with Selphie's help. She felt like she'd just gone through a juicer, and all her nerves were on fire. She could see all the blood on Quistis's chest, and the pool of it that was growing around her knees. "Oh, Hyne..."

"It's okay," Selphie whispered, stroking Rinoa's bangs off her sweaty forehead. "It wasn't your fault," she murmured, hugging her friend and giving Quistis an unfriendly look.

"Come on," Xu urged, lifting Quistis up by the elbow, casting some quick cure magic on her to prevent the bleeding until Dr. Kadowaki could do something more permanent.

"You should go to the infirmary," Selphie told Rinoa gently. "And, I'll call Matron."

Rinoa could only nod. Selphie started to help her to her feet, but she slumped when she noticed Angelo laying nearby. "Angelo, come on."

The dog was unresponsive.

"You okay, girl?" Rinoa flopped back to the ground, and crawled over to her dog, whose eyes were open, the dark brown now white and filmed from the heat of the magical explosion. "Angelo?" Rinoa asked quietly, voice cracking. "Angelo?!" She reached out and shook her dog's body. "Angelo??! No, no no no no!! Angelo!!?"

"Rinoa..." Quistis trailed off.

"Just go away," she whispered, burying her face in Angelo's fur, her body already starting to go cold.

---

For two days, Squall and Seifer spent little time out of bed. They discovered every inch of each other's bodies through hours of intimate exploration. Seifer teased Squall about how exacting his oral sex technique was, though he really did quite enjoy it, and Squall knew it from the reactions he got from Seifer's body and voice box. Like what was currently happening. Seifer was sure he was going to rip out one of the posts in his headboard as Squall's tongue worked the engorged, sensitive shaft of his erection. His other hand was curled with Squall's, fingers digging into the back of his hand. He'd been trying to hold off ejaculation as long as he possibly could, but even Seifer's iron resolve could only hold out for half an hour, and he came hard into Squall's mouth, moaning his name and panting like he'd just run a marathon.

Squall wiped some saliva off his chin and lay himself out against Seifer's side, hand splayed on his muscular abdomen so he could feel it rising and falling quickly with Seifer's breath. He felt Seifer's hand run through his hair, and felt a great air of contentment. He didn't have to worry about anything here. It was the perfect escape, and he didn't have to feel like someone was expecting him to save the world.

"I'm thinking maybe we should actually get out of bed," Seifer said when his voice was able to work properly. "Maybe we could go out for dinner."

Some of the worry he was escaping from came back, like a cold worm in his stomach. "Oh... Maybe we could just stay in?"

Seifer could feel Squall tensing up beside him. "Why? Are the cops after you about Evan or something?" He teased.

"Evan?" Squall echoed.

"Yeah. They came here a few days ago."

"Why are they after you?" Squall wondered. "What did you do?" He asked, giving Seifer a knowing look.

"Nothing!" He protested. "They were just asking me about him."

"What about him? When you beat him up?"

Seifer's scarred brow creased. "Uhh, about his death. You didn't know?" He asked at Squall's sudden surprise.

"No."

"He died in Deling City under strange circumstances."

"Strange how? Fatal gunblade wound?"

"I didn't have anything to do with it," Seifer muttered. "I was on a boat to Centra at the time, so my alibi's pretty air-tight. Though... I kind of wish I had killed him. He spontaneously combusted. They're thinking magic, but magical murder is so hard to prove."

"I guess he might have had other enemies..." Squall's fingers traced the lines of Seifer's chest. He wondered if Quistis would be pleased that he was dead. Maybe not, though. She wasn't that vengeful.

"So, steak? Pasta? There's a great sushi place not far from here." Seifer asked, not wanting to talk about Evan anymore, especially not when he was laying next to Squall like this.

Again, Squall went tense. "Maybe just stay in."

"Why?" He asked, starting to get suspicious. "You worried to be seen in public with me?"

"Well..."

Seifer's eyes narrowed, afterglow turning quickly to annoyance.

"Not like that," Squall stated firmly. "I just wouldn't want Rinoa to know before I told her."

"You didn't tell her?" Seifer snapped, sitting up. Euphoria was completely gone now. "You said you broke up with her!" He hissed. "Were you lying?"

"No." Squall also sat up, brushing his bangs out of his eyes. "I started to, but then she flew into me about me and Quistis. Before I could explain, she and Quisty had this big row, and I just snapped and started yelling at her. I stormed out before I could tell her about us."

Seifer's expression showed his displeasure.

"Don't be angry."

"So, even though you broke up with her, we're still sneaking around."

"I'll tell her. As soon as I go back to Balamb. She deserves more than hearing it over the phone. I promise," he added firmly when Seifer still looked highly doubtful.

Seifer just shook his head.

"I can make it up to you." Squall leaned in and started kissing Seifer's earlobe, licking it and pressing it between his cheeks. "I could dig out one of my Garden uniforms, if you want," he breathed against the curl of Seifer's ear.

Seifer's peridot eyes rolled into the back of his head at the ministrations. "Well, I suppose," he playfully grumped. "But, I really am actually hungry. I guess we can order something in. What do you want?" He asked, dragging himself out of the rumpled, sweat-dampened sheets.

"Whatever," Squall answered, watching Seifer's naked form as he walked across the room. Moving for him was a bit more of a task. Though he'd penetrated Seifer a few times, and really enjoyed it, he vastly preferred to be the bottom, and he could feel it when he tried to stand, a stiffness that moved up his spine as he stretched. The two men shared a joint shower. They were too burned out on sex to have yet another romp under the stream of water, but still enjoyed the close proximity of one another.

As Seifer made a take-out order over the phone, Squall discovered the downside of leaving Balamb so quickly. He only had the clothes he'd been wearing. He knew he's have to wear his suit back home, and all the other man's clothes were way too big on him, so he had to settle for wearing a silk bathrobe that had the smell of Seifer's soap and shampoo embedded in the fabric.

"This robe is nice," Squall commented, feeling the silk between his fingers as he sat on the couch, actually inspecting Seifer's apartment, aside from the bedroom, for the first time.

"Matron gave it to me on my birthday," Seifer replied, voice wafting from the bedroom as he got dressed.

Squall started thumbing through a textbook. When Seifer was dressed, he came out and hovered in the open doorway between the living room and tiny kitchen, looking at Squall. The hazy sun, hidden behind overcast clouds, hit Squall's wet hair, making it look auburn. It highlighted the smoothness of his skin. The robe was too big, so it slouched at the shoulder and gaped at the leg, exposing pale, naked flesh. It was still hard to believe that he was here, and real, and all of this wasn't some dream. Squall found an interesting passage in the biology text, and started concentrating on reading, oblivious to the way Seifer was looking at him. Seifer could have watched him forever, even doing something as simple as reading.

"You want to watch a movie?" Squall asked distractedly, looking at a diagram of a simple organism's anatomy.

"Hmm? Sure, whatever..." Seifer only looked away from the other man when there was a knock at the door from the pizza delivery. They sat very close together while eating, and then even closer still while watching movies in silence. Seifer's hand had worked under the silken robe, and came to rest on Squall's naked thigh, and Squall's hand was flat against Seifer's stomach, their lips occasionally seeking out each other's, or trailing over one another's throat, cheek or temple.

Partway through the second movie, both of them could hear a shrill noise distantly. "What is that?" He asked, knowing it wasn't in the movie since he'd seen it several times.

"Oh... my phone. Let it ring."

"I think they're not going to hang up," Seifer murmured into Squall's hair when the phone was still ringing after three minutes.

Squall grumbled in annoyance, trudging to the bedroom to find his phone amongst his long-discarded clothing. Expecting to see that it was Rinoa calling, he was only a little surprised to see it was Quistis. "It's Quisty," Squall remarked, coming back into the living room. "Should I answer it?" He stopped and stood in front of Seifer, the phone still ringing.

"Yeah, you better. Quisty's stubborn enough to let it ring for days."

"Hello, Instructor," Squall greeted, which caused Seifer to chuckle as he leaned into Squall's body, loosing the knot of the robe's sash.

"Do I even need to ask where you are?" Quistis asked dully. She was in her office in Garden, packing up some of her belongings, a thick bandage taped to the side of her neck.

"If you don't need to ask, why are you calling?" Squall wondered as the robe was opened, and Seifer's hands stroked the now exposed line of naked flesh down the center of his body, paying particular attention to Squall's genitals. He lowered his body into Seifer's lap, smiling when the other man's lips started kissing his chest. "Did you hear about Evan Phaighn?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah... Xu told me. Can't say I'm sorry," she muttered.

"If there isn't anything important" Squall trailed off, free hand running through Seifer's closely cropped hair as his mouth moved lower and lower.

"There was an accident," Quistis said bluntly.

"What...? Are you okay?"

Seifer looked up at the worry in Squall's voice. The scar he'd given Squall crinkled as he frowned, listening to what Quistis was telling him. "Is everyone okay?"

"Yes," Quistis answered. "Well, sort of. Angelo's dead. Rinoa's pretty broken up about it. She keeps asking for you."

"Is she hurt?"

"Not physically, we don't think. We'll know more when Edea gets here."

"I... I'll be on the next train." He closed his phone and stood up, biting his lip in thought.

"What happened?" Seifer asked seriously.

"Rinoa had a magic accident. She's in the infirmary."

"Is she okay?" Seifer asked, concerned. Just because Seifer had been fucking her somewhat ex-boyfriend all weekend didn't mean he wasn't worried about her.

"They'll know more when Matron gets there. Angelo died in it, so..."

"Oh, no." Seifer wasn't a big fan of dogs, and as his memory came back, he realized it was because he'd been attacked by one as a child. But, as far as dogs went, Angelo was a pretty awesome one.

"Quistis sounded... off. She wasn't telling me everything. I have to go back." Squall slowly pulled away from Seifer, and went to fetch his clothes.

"Well, yeah..."

Squall quickly got dressed, Seifer watching him with regret the entire time. He knew Squall had to go back, but the selfish part of him didn't want Squall to go anywhere.

As Squall was knotting his tie, he caught Seifer looking at him, and correctly read the expression on his exceedingly handsome face. "I'm not going away forever," Squall murmured.

"Don't try to comfort me," Seifer answered flippantly. "You and comfort are kinda a bad match."

"I'll be back soon." Squall smoothed his tie and put back on his jacket, though looking into Seifer's eyes, he just wanted to stay and rip all his clothes off all over again. "Maybe next time I'll plan ahead and have more than one outfit."

"Tell Rinoa I'm sorry about Angelo," Seifer murmured. "And, well... about everything, I guess." If Squall was going to go back to Balamb, that would mean he'd tell her the full truth, including what he'd been doing for the past two days.

"I will." Squall kissed the other man firmly. "I'll call you as soon as I know more. I promise." He lingered in the doorway for a few moments more, hands and lips mingling with Seifer's for as long as they could. "Bye," he whispered when he was finally able to tell his body to disentangle, Seifer watching him leave with very mixed emotions.

---

"You have everything?" Xu asked, looking at the small pile of Quistis's bags sitting beside her.

"Yeah. If I forgot anything, you can just send it." She, Xu and Nida were standing in the parking garage, waiting for Squall to arrive. He'd called Quistis earlier when he'd arrived in Balamb Town. Irvine was standing off near a car, having a quick cigarette. He would be Quistis's chauffeur to the train station.

Nida opened his mouth to say something, but just closed it again. Xu was purposely standing between him and the blonde woman, so he wouldn't be able to have a deeper goodbye with her. "It wasn't your fault," Xu insisted quietly, bumping her shoulder to her friend's.

"I don't know if I believe that," she muttered, so quiet that Xu barely heard it.

"I'm sure Rinoa will be asking for you to come back after a few days."

Quistis looked over at her friend, and smiled sadly.

"I'll miss you, girl." Xu collected her in a tight hug, internally gleeful that Quistis would be leaving, and going far away from the Headmaster's position, at least for a little while. Enough time that Xu could secure herself as the future leader of Garden, and as the only woman in Nida's heart. But, seeing the way he was looking at Quistis, that was going to take quite a bit of time.

"Me, too." Quistis felt an overwhelming affection for Xu. "A lot, actually. And, you and Zell make a really good couple. Don't let him get away, okay?"

"Yes, ma'am." Xu gave a SeeD salute. "So... does this mean I'm the CC King now?" She winked.

"You can hold my crown until I get back." Quistis smiled genuinely, for the first time in a while. "But, don't get too attached to it. Maternity leaves don't last forever."

"Quistis, I..." Nida stepped forward like he was going to hug her, but she took a step back and stuck her hand out.

"I'll see you when I get back, Nida."

He looked sadly at the gloved, extended hand, but didn't take it. They all looked up when they heard the sound of a car, signalling Squall's arrival.

"Quisty, is she okay?" Squall asked, coming straight to her.

"She's resting now. I think once Matron's here, they're going to call in a specialist from Esthar."

"It's that serious..." Squall cocked his head, looking at her neck. "You're hurt."

"I'll live. She's been asking for you."

Squall then noticed her bags. "You going somewhere? Do we have a mission?"

"No, Squall. We don't have anything," she murmured. "I'm going to Galbadia Garden for a while, to teach."

"What...?" He asked, lost in confusion. "Teach?"

"One of their instructors is going off on maternity leave. There have been a lot of instructor retirements, so they really need people."

"But, you're not a teacher anymore..." Squall felt like the floor was giving out from under him. First Rinoa had some sort of near-fatal accident, and now Quisty was leaving him? The latter seemed the much scarier to him.

"I may have been fired from Balamb Garden," Quistis answered bitterly, trying not to collapse at the growing fear in Squall's eyes. She really didn't want to leave him "But, my instructor's licence is technically still valid."

"And, you weren't going to tell me?" Squall asked incredulously.

"I'm telling you now," Quistis said, maybe more coldly than she should have. After all, maybe if Squall had told Rinoa the truth from the start, she wouldn't feel the need to leave.

"No!" Squall exclaimed with steely anger. "I won't let you."

"You don't have a say." She picked up a suitcase and started going to the car where Irvine was waiting. Nida only helplessly watched her, while Xu tried not to look ecstatic.

"Don't leave me!" He whispered, filled with terror and deep emotional hurt.

"I have to," she whispered back, turning to face him. Her voice cracked as she looked into his blue eyes. "It's not like I'm going to be gone forever, Squall. Just... for a little while."

"But, I need you." What would he do without Quistis? She was the constant in his life with all his turmoil about everything else. She was always there, his best friend.

"You've always been able to take care of yourself," she pointed out, reaching up and touching his cheek.

"No, I haven't," he admitted.

"You need to make a decision about your life. You can't go on like this, Squall. Please... go to rehab, okay? I'll call, or email or whatever."

"Quisty..."

She reached out and collected Squall in a hug. "I'll miss you." She broke the embrace, and had to look away. She couldn't look into his face, because it would break her resolve. She needed Squall's friendship as much as he needed hers, and right now this was the hardest thing she'd ever done - leaving her home, leaving her life. "Okay," she told Irvine. "I'm ready."

Squall turned away and made a lonely walk to the infirmary, chest aching. All the way here from Dollet, he'd wondered if Rinoa could be more serious than Quistis let on. What if she was dying? What if she couldn't control her magic, and this kind of thing happened again? What if this was all his fault for fighting with her? How could he tell her about him and Seifer now? Would she lose control again? He asked himself these questions over and over again, right up until he was laying eyes on her. She was very pale and clammy looking, though awake and sitting up in bed, propped up by some pillows. Zell was standing at the foot of the bed. When she saw Squall, her face broke out into a tired smile.

"Are you okay?" He asked seriously, sitting in the chair beside her elbow.

"Not really," she answered feebly, reaching out for Squall's hand. He slowly reciprocated the touch, feeling the thrum of energy in her fingers. "How did you hear?" She croaked. "Did Edea get hold of you?"

"Quistis told me."

"She said she didn't..." Rinoa trailed off, coughing. "She said she didn't know where you were," she finished when she could talk again.

"She didn't," Squall lied. "But, she knew I'd be worried, and she was worried, too."

"I haven't seen her at all," Zell murmured, looking over when he saw Xu come in. He gestured for her to come over to him, and put an arm around her shoulder. "Where is she?"

"Gone," Squall answered, heartbroken.

"Gone?" Rinoa echoed, her heart lurching. She knew Quistis had been hurt in the accident, but she'd seemed okay What if...?

"She's going to Galbadia Garden for a while," Xu replied, putting an arm around Zell's waist. "For a change of scenery. She kinda feels... responsible."

"Maybe she should," Rinoa answered with uncharacteristic bitterness. "She's..."

"Shut up!" Squall shouted, loud enough that his voice echoed. "Quistis has only ever been worried about you!" He exclaimed, voice slurring a little because he'd had quite a few drinks in the train's club car. "You're supposed to be her friend!"

"Squall, please...!" Rinoa cried meekly, balling her fists. Magic scorched the sheets.

"Rinoa, calm down!" Zell went over to her and put his strong hands on top of hers. "It's okay," he soothed. She started crying.

"Maybe we should leave," Xu offered, internally giddy at Squall's drunken outburst. When Zell joined her again, she murmured to him. "That was really sweet of you, thinking only of her."

He smiled at her compliment, taking her hand. "Uh, see ya, Squall." Zell nervously patted him on the shoulder before leaving. The smell of scotch was palpable.

"I'm sorry," Squall mumbled, slumping in the chair. "You're hurt... I shouldn't be getting mad at you."

"How... how long is Quistis going to be gone?" Rinoa asked. She couldn't get rid of the nagging feeling that Squall and Quistis had something going on behind her back, but there was also the part of her that loved Quistis like they were sisters, and hated this tension between them now, and hated herself even more for thinking badly of her. Selphie had so many other friends and was such a social butterfly, that it had often just been Rinoa and Quistis hanging out together, and they'd bonded fiercely.

"Dunno," Squall answered sadly. "She's covering maternity leave." He reached out and took her hands, which felt so cold. "I'm sorry. About Angelo."

Rinoa's coffee brown eyes filled with tears, and Squall brought her into a hug. She sobbed into his chest, clinging to the lapels of his suit jacket as she mourned Angelo. She'd had the dog since she'd been a puppy, for all her teenage years. The fact that Rinoa had caused her death was an impossible pill to swallow. Angelo had only ever given her unconditional love, and this is how Rinoa repaid it?

"It's okay," Squall whispered into her hair as her whole body shook with the greatness of her sobs. Eventually she cried herself right to sleep, with Squall glued to her bedside the entire time.

He felt incredibly guilty as he watched her rest, as he watched Edea and the magical specialist from Odine's labs in Esthar poke and prod her and give her all kinds of tests. He felt such stinging self-loathing as he watched her cry in fear, as he watched her desperately try to control more magical surges. This went on for days, Squall a constant sentry at her side, taking her hand when she'd desperately call out his name, light flowing into her skin at an accelerated pace. He'd hold her at night when she'd sob into the pillow, trying to hide that she was crying. And, he'd hate himself for thinking about Seifer while touching her. He'd promised the other man that he'd call him as soon as he could. He promised that he'd come right back. Just like you promised you'd always be there for Rinoa. Just like you promised her that day in Matron's flower field, remember?

On the sixth day since Squall came back from Balamb, he pulled out his phone. He'd been too busy with Rinoa to pay much attention to it, and expected it to be full of messages from Seifer, and maybe even some from Quistis. But, they hadn't called him. No calls from Seifer. No text messages from Quistis. There was only a couple of messages from Laguna and Ellone. He excused himself from the infirmary while Odine's scientist planned to run some more tests on Rinoa, and made his way back to the dorm, where he slowly dialled Seifer's number. He hung up a couple times before he finished, then flipped his phone back open again to start over.

When he finally pressed 'send', the phone rang for a painfully long time. Was Seifer there? He normally always had his cell phone on him. It kept ringing and ringing, and finally the line clicked, but there was only silence that stretched on and on and on.

"Seifer?" Squall asked quietly.

Seifer let the phone ring so many times because he knew what Squall was going to say. He was sitting on a stone bench under a big maple tree on the university grounds, the leaves turning fiery oranges and reds. He didn't know if he wanted to hear Squall's excuse, but the stupid part of him, the hopeful part, wanted to hear otherwise. To be told that Squall was coming back today.

"Rinoa's going to be okay," Squall answered. Normally, he was the master of the silent treatment, but he found it awkward now, and wanted to say something. Anything. "They should let her out of the infirmary today."

"Good," was the icy reply. "Rinoa is a very forgiving woman, no?" He asked, full of wintery accusation.

"I couldn't tell her."

"Uh huh."

"She'd just accidentally killed her dog! She could have died!"

"She's not made of glass. Rinoa's stronger than you give her credit for."

"Rinoa needs me right now," Squall said with painful finality.

"Then, I wish you two all the happiness in the world."

"Seifer..." The venom in the other man's voice was acute, even across an ocean.

"Don't call me anymore."

"Seifer, wait!" Squall exclaimed quietly. "I will tell her. I--"

"Goodbye, Squall." The line clicked dead.

"I love you," Squall murmured, his words lost and unheard by the person they were meant for. He listened to the beeping dial tone for a while before closing his phone. He sat on the bed, looking out the window at the clear, blue Balamb sky. In Dollet, Seifer was also looking at the sky, which was a slate grey with the promise of cold rain. It matched his mood. He felt like his heart had been ripped out of his chest, and he hated himself for ever believing that there was more between him and Squall than just a fantasy. When the snow started coming down, he felt the cold flakes hit his face, but they were nothing compared to the coldness encroaching inside him.