Disclaimer: [Insert witty disclaimer here. I don't own iCarly.]
The room was dark, save for the slivers of moonlight that seeped through the blinds and the light that emanated from his computer screen. The room was quiet except for the muffled sounds of Freddie's roommate snoring in the next room through the thin apartment walls. Freddie stared absentmindedly at his screen. He wasn't sure when he'd done it. He had no recollection of it, but somehow he'd ended up on the iCarly website. He found himself watching the last webshow they'd done before he and Carly had left for college.
He paused the video on Sam, an insane grin on her face as she waved at the camera.
That had been exactly twenty-four hours before she'd broken up with him. He wondered, as he often did, if she'd known it then. He wondered if she'd been planning it all along. If she had been, she'd done a great job of hiding it…of acting like she wasn't planning on ending things between them and then essentially disappearing.
He found his lips curling into a somewhat sad smile as he stared at the screen. She seemed happy. She seemed happy with him. Maybe it was naïve, but he thought they would last. He figured that after all they'd been through, they would make the whole distance thing work. He figured she wanted that. He figured she wanted them…him. But she had had other plans.
"I'm leaving Seattle," she said matter-of-factly.
Sam and Freddie were on the fire escape, sitting lazily in the old tattered blue camping chairs they kept there. It'd become their thing to sit out there on warm nights. Sometimes they talked, sometimes they sat in silence, just staring out at the familiar Seattle skyline.
Tonight they talked. Sam sat with her legs outstretched over Freddie's lap. He absentmindedly drummed on her thighs.
"What do you mean?" Freddie asked taken aback.
It was a few days before Carly and Freddie were leaving for their freshman year of college; Carly to NYU and Freddie to MIT. They'd tried their hardest to get Sam to apply somewhere, anywhere, but she refused. 'College isn't for mama,' she'd said simply. They tried and tried, but she never budged. Eventually they let it go. When Freddie asked her what she planned to do instead, she replied plainly, 'Don't worry about it, nub.' He didn't understand why she was being so nonchalant about it all or why she expected him to not care. This was her life she was seemingly throwing away and he was her boyfriend. He didn't get it. He didn't get her. But there was one thing he did get about her, and that was that she didn't respond well to being pushed…so he didn't. He assumed she would hang around Seattle, maybe take up a few courses at the community college nearby.
He'd thought wrong.
"I said I'm leaving Seattle, Freddison. Are you hard of hearing or what?" she joked.
"But, where are you going?"
"Nowhere. Everywhere," she replied as she stared out at the sparkling Seattle skyline.
"What does that even mean?" Freddie asked, now growing strangely anxious.
"For someone who's going to MIT you're rather stupid, Freddork."
"Sam, where are you going?" he asked, the anxiousness in his voice now highly apparent.
Upon noticing his worry, Sam straightened herself up and removed her legs from his lap.
"I'm traveling. I've always wanted to have real Texas BBQ, so I figure I'll hit up Texas. I've got an uncle down in Alabama who's a pig farmer. A pig farmer! How sweet is that? He grows pigs for bacon. Never met him before, but I'll probably stop there. Oh and did you know they have this restaurant in New Mexico where they make the worlds biggest tacos? Actually, the owner of the restaurant is in the Jonas Book of World Records for world's biggest taco ever. How awesome is that?" Sam rambled, a glint and a childlike fervor in her eyes.
"You're travelling aimlessly around the country for BBQ, bacon, and the world's biggest taco?" Freddie asked incredulously.
"Well, kind of…but not really. Melanie is going to school out in D.C. so I'll be there for a while and-" she paused as if about to say something more, a nervous look now taking over her previous excitement.
"I just have a lot of things I want to see ok? Seattle is boring," she finished.
"Sam, how are you doing this? Who are you going with? Wha-?" Freddie began rambling.
"You know the doctor my mom's been dating for the past few months, well he really is a doctor. I know, crazy right? Well, he gave me some money as a graduation gift. I'm gonna use that and then just take the train or a bus everywhere. Oh and I'm not going with anyone. Why would I go with anyone?"
"Sam, what are you talking about? Of course you can't just go travelling all over the country by yourself with nothing but some graduation money in your pocket. You-"
Sam cut him off, a different, more determined glint now in her eyes.
"Mama can take of herself, Fredward. Trust me. I've spent most of my life doing it. I've got this."
"Sam, but…but what about…" Freddie paused, as if caught on the words he was about to say. It'd been in the back of his mind since they'd graduated. He had long comforted himself with the knowledge that she would be in Seattle and, when he was back in town, they could just pick up where they'd left off.
Yet again, he'd clearly thought wrong.
"What about what, Freddifer?" she asked, slightly annoyed.
Freddie stared determinedly at the concrete of the fire escape, avoiding Sam's eyes.
"Us…" he finally said, still not looking at her.
Sam was silent. Freddie looked up and saw that she was no longer looking at him. She turned her head away and was once again looking at the Seattle skyline.
"Maybe we should just...ya know…" her voice grew quiet.
"Break-up?" Freddie asked. Though he said the words easily, he could feel the lump in his throat growing and the heavy weight now forming in the pit of his stomach.
"I just…the distance…this is easier."
"Sam, but what if I don't care about the distance or what's easier? I like you. I mean, I love you. We can make this work. It's not that hard," he said pleadingly.
"Why are you such a nub?" she asked, laughing slightly, which surprised Freddie since laughing was the last thing he seemed capable of doing at the moment.
"Sam, why are you laughing? This is serious chizz. This is our future."
Sam gave a wary smile before speaking up in a false tone of Puckett bravado.
"And that's just it. You're…you. Mr. Serious. Mr. 'let's map out our ten year plan'. I'm me. I'm a mess. I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know what I want to do. I don't know where I want to go. I…look, you're going to go to some expensive school for smart super nerds like you. When you're there, I'm sure you'll meet some female version of you and fall deeply in love. You'll get married and get big time jobs where you make millions. You'll live in a pretty manicured house with a white picket fence. Your kids will do ballet and baseball which your wife will drive them to in a high-end beige minivan, and every Sunday night you'll have sappy family dinners while you all wear sweater vests and khakis."
She laughed, now breathing slightly heavy. There was a sadness in her eyes that betrayed her laughter.
"And it'll be perfect. But that's your life Freddie, not mine. I don't want you hanging around Seattle or whatever waiting for me to figure out what the chizz I'm doing. I don't know. I don't. And just…don't let me get in the way. You may be a nerd extraordinaire and a grade a nub, but you've got good things going for you."
"But what if that's not what I want? Sam, I want to be with you. I don't get why this is so hard for you to grasp. Haven't we been through this already?" Freddie asked, exasperated, as his mind wandered back to the first time she'd broken up with him. She had thought she wasn't good enough for him. He thought he'd made her believe that that wasn't true at all. He thought they'd gotten over this.
Yet again he'd thought wrong.
"Look nub, just stop. I like you, okay? I like you, a lot. Maybe I even kinda, sorta love you. But, this isn't high school anymore. Maybe it's just best we, ya know…" she didn't have a chance to finish her sentence because Freddie had grabbed her and was kissing her passionately. He wrapped his arms around her tight, as if trying to keep her from slipping away, like he felt her doing now. He didn't want this to be over. He didn't want her to leave and he knew no other way to convince her of it than this. It had worked before…that night at the mental hospital, that night on the fire escape when he'd first told her he loved her.
She pulled away. That had never happened before.
"Stop making this harder that it needs be, dammnit…" she gulped. "Just…I'm leaving on Saturday. I'll be at Carly's in the morning before I go."
And without another look back she stepped through the window and into the hall of Bushwell plaza. Freddie's mind, though somewhat numb, couldn't help but be reminded of a very similar night when he and Sam had first kissed. She'd left him sitting there in a daze, just as she had now. But there was a naïveté that he had held then that he didn't anymore. Back then, he'd had the possibility of endless time to work things out, to figure out what the kiss had meant, to figure out what she meant to him. They had all the time in the world. She wasn't going anywhere.
But that wasn't the case anymore.
Sam left that Saturday morning. Carly was a wreck of tears and high-pitched squeals of "you better write Sam…or send me a postcard…or call…or at least text me….or better yet visit me,"…followed by more tears.
Freddie stood back for the most part, cautious and anxious, a sadness growing in the pit of his stomach. He wanted nothing more than to walk right up to her and tell her rather firmly, "You're not going." He also knew that he would probably be responded to with a knee to the groin if he dared to stand in her way, so he decided against it. When Sam Puckett wanted to do something, she did it. All others be damned. He still couldn't believe she was leaving though. Just like that. Leaving everything she'd ever known…leaving him for…well, as far as he could tell, bacon. He was being left for bacon. Oh the irony.
He and Carly drove her to the train station across town. (She had decided her first stop would be Nevada. She had a cousin out there who'd offered her a place to crash for a few days. He was a plant supervisor at a fat cake factory. Sam was sold instantly.) Again, Carly was a mess of tears and squeals ("Oh come on, Carls, I'm not dying. Stock your apartment with plenty of ham, I'll be in town eventually," Sam said consolingly with a smile.) When Freddie stepped forward to hug Sam goodbye he pulled her tightly into him and kissed her lightly on her forehead, temporarily forgetting the awkwardness that had plagued him all morning.
"Oh come on, Fredward lets not make this moment more sappy than it needs to be," she joked, but he could see the vague sadness in her eyes.
"Here," Freddie said, pulling a folded plain white envelope out of his pocket and handing it to her.
"What is this?"
"A letter," he smirked.
"No duh dork. What's it for?"
"Read it. But not now. Later. When you need it," Freddie replied
"When I need it? Need what? What are you rambling about?" Sam asked getting vaguely exasperated.
"Take care of yourself, Sam. You know, I am on the same coast as your sister and Carly. Visit me?" He said simply, ignoring her question.
"I suppose, nub," she replied with a smirk before hugging him again.
With that, she picked up her bags and walked towards the entrance of the train station. Sam gave one quick glance back at Carly and Freddie, an eager yet sad smile on her face. She mouthed the words "Love you guys", before disappearing into the white light of the building's interior.
It'd been three months since that day and he hadn't seen Sam since. He'd heard from her a few weeks ago, but their contact was growing increasingly sporadic. Initially, their conversation was rather consistent. They sent each other silly messages back and forth about random things they knew no one else would care about. On one of his first nights at school, he'd gone to a restaurant in town that served a meatball the size of your plate. He'd taken a picture of it and sent it to her with the message, "This has Sam Puckett written all over it." She'd replied with, "When I'm in town, you're paying. :P". A few days later Sam sent Freddie a picture of herself with a man dressed in a nug nug costume, make-up and all. Apparently she'd met him wandering Las Vegas. Attached to the picture was the message, "Reminded me of you. The resemblance is uncanny."
But that had been a few months ago and now their contact was growing progressively infrequent. Freddie still texted and called her, but he never knew when he would be able to get a hold of her.
"Bbbbbzzzzzzzz."
Freddie was pulled out of his thoughts by the sound of his cell phone buzzing on his nightstand. His heart sped as he picked it up, hoping it was a message from Sam. His eyes scanned the screen of his pear phone. His heart dropped slightly.
"Message from: Sarah"
Sarah was a girl he'd met during his first week of classes. She'd helped him find his way to one of the dining halls at lunch after he'd gotten rather embarrassingly lost.
In the first 2 hours of meeting her, he'd essentially learned her life story. Not that he had asked, she'd just sort of started talking and never stopped. Sarah, a slim brunette, with deep green eyes and a tiny upturned nose, was from California. Her parents had their own start up tech company. It'd been set from the day she was born that she would go to MIT like both of her parents. In truth, she'd actually wanted to take a year off and join the Peace Corp. She still planned to do it one day. She had two sisters and a cat named Mr. Nug. She was the first normal seeming girl Freddie had ever met who was a big fan of Galaxy Wars.
Freddie read the message:
"Galaxy Wars marathon. Channel 23. You're welcome."
Freddie laughed, though still somewhat disappointed it hadn't been a message from Sam. He set his phone back on his nightstand and picked up the remote to his TV, turning to channel 23. He picked up his laptop, about to close it, when he stopped. He stared at the smiling Sam still paused on the screen in front of him.
He picked up his cell phone yet again and sent Sam a message.
"Watching a Galaxy Wars marathon. It is still my life's goal to get you to watch all eight movies the whole way through (without you falling asleep.) One of these days, Puckett."
Freddie returned his gaze to the TV in front of him, not really expecting a response.
A few seconds later his phone buzzed yet again. Another message. This time from Sam.
"You want me to watch them? Well, let me in, nub."
With that, there was a loud thump on the door.
A/N:
1. I got the idea for this fic when my ipod's shuffle decided to play "Comfortable" by John Mayer followed immediately by "Wish You Were Here" by Avril Lavigne. *Nudge, wink*
2. I've always seen a post-high school Sam as the wandering type, hence the story title and Sam's well...wandering. I've never seen her as the type to go to college right after high school. I think it's much more likely that she'd travel the country on a trail of food and Freddie Benson, no?
3. This is my attempt at a multi-chapter. I would LOVE some feedback because I mostly just do one shots and multi-chapters are a whole different beast for me.