Blue

Chapter 10

Disclaimer: Jane Rizzoli and Maura Isles do not belong to me. No infringement intended and no profit will be made from their use.

A/N: As Liz Lemon would say: Things are happening!

Also, Friday is my birthday so make my day and leave a comment if you have anything to say.

Jane resolved to behave herself and maintain a positive attitude at the Christmas party. She was not going to repeat the Thanksgiving disaster. But she had to admit she was feeling pretty good anyway. Work seemed to have more purpose and being able to talk to Maura again was definitely a positive thing.

When Jane entered Maura's house on Christmas Eve she thought she had somehow been transported to the home she grew up in. There were familiar decorations hanging all around the house and even a decorated tree taking up a considerable amount of space in the living room. Milling about the kitchen and living room were some aunts, uncles, and cousins and some of her mother's friends from the old neighborhood. Jane had invited Korsak and Frost but they both had other plans already. Frankie was with a few of his friends. Jane didn't know if Maura had invited anyone.

Then Jane spotted Maura walking towards her and burst out laughing. Maura was wearing a red wool sweater with a woven green christmas tree on the front. Jane knew that the sweater had to be from Angela and that Maura was being nice to Angela and wearing it, but it was still hilarious to see Maura wearing it.

Maura reached Jane and gently circled one of Jane's wrists with her fingers. "I don't remember the last time I heard you laugh like that. It's so nice to hear. But don't laugh too hard, your mother has one for you too."

"Maura, you're too nice to her."

"I know you think I've done a lot for her, but the truth is she's done a lot for me too. She's really tried to take care of me recently. I've never felt so mothered before."

"Good, I'm glad."

They were interrupted by Angela yelling, "Jane! Jane! Come here, I have to give you something."

Jane raised her eyebrows at Maura and then went to her mother and gave her a kiss on the cheek. "Hi, Ma. Merry Christmas. This place looks great. It feels like home."

"Oh, Jane. That's so sweet. I knew you still had it in you."

"I what? Actually, nevermind. Maura says you've been taking care of her so thank you."

"You're welcome. Now put this on," Angela said and handed Jane a blue sweater with a snowman on it."

"Seriously?"

"Remember when you were little and Frosty the Snowman was your favorite Christmas movie? I thought you would love this."

Jane remember her resolution and relented, "You're right. I do love it." Jane took off the sweater she was wearing and put the snowman one on instead. "It's great. Thanks, Ma."

Jane grabbed a beer and made her way around the room and talked briefly with the other guests until she reached Maura again and said, "Everyone here is either family or a friend of my mother. Did you invite anyone?"

"No, I didn't."

"Are either of your parents going to be here for the holidays?" Jane asked.

"No, they're in Europe."

"You didn't want to join them?"

"No, I'd rather be here. Have you made any progress on the murders?"

"Let's not talk about that now. It's been such a nice evening, I don't want to spoil it."

They were interrupted by Angela again. This time she had her camera in her hands. "Jane, I want to get a picture of you and Maura. Stand over there, and don't make that face," Angela said pointing where she wanted them to stand. Angela counted to three and took the picture. "Oops, look what you're standing under."

Jane looked up at the mistletoe hanging above them. "Jesus Christ, Ma!"

"Jane, don't be silly, it's just mistletoe," Maura said as she stood on her tiptoes with a hand on Jane's shoulder for balance and gave Jane a kiss on the cheek.

Jane glared at her mother as Angela snapped another picture and mouthed 'you're welcome' at Jane. Jane just shook her head in disbelief.

Jane finished off her beer and grabbed another one. She found Frankie and joined him and his friends for awhile but only half paid attention to the conversation. Jane realized that it felt good to be around friends and family. She felt relaxed, peaceful. Perhaps cutting herself off was a mistake. If it hadn't been for Maura, though, Jane probably would have ignored her mother's insistence that she be here tonight. Instead she'd be somewhere feeling sorry for herself and getting drunk or hooking up with some woman she had no real interest in. Or just drinking alone in her apartment.

Maura looked so beautiful tonight Jane thought, even in that ridiculous sweater, and she looked like she was also feeling relaxed and Jane was happy about that. Jane noticed Maura slip outside to the patio that connected her house to the guest house. When she didn't return after a few minutes Jane followed and found Maura on the patio looking up at the clear sky, arms wrapped around herself for warmth. "Hey, are you okay? Aren't you cold? It's below freezing tonight."

"Humans have an amazing ability to withstand extreme temperatures. Think about how amazing it is that we can live in temperatures that are both below freezing and regularly above 100 degrees. But do you know what I'm truly fascinated by?"

Jane leaned against the patio railing next to Maura. "No, I definitely don't."

"We have no real sense memory for temperature. When it's really cold like it is now, I cannot even imagine how it would feel to be in 90-degree humid weather. Our bodies can't recall how that feels when we're not in it."

"Hmm. I hadn't thought about that before."

Maura moved so she was fully facing Jane. "There's something different about you since the shooting. You know, it is common for people who go through life-threatening or otherwise harrowing events to experience profound changes after."

"What, like PTSD?"

"Yes, that can happen but that's not what I mean for you." Maura paused so long Jane thought she was done but then she said, "Sometimes you're the same as you were before and sometimes it feels like you're a complete stranger and I'll never really know you again. But tonight you've been your old self again and it's confusing. How am I supposed to know which Jane I'm going to see on any given day."

"What about you? You told me you've changed."

"After I met you I changed. I opened myself up. I let my heart lead me sometimes instead of always listening to my brain. After you were hurt I wanted to go back and close myself off again. I tried to cut myself off from everyone. I spent a lot of time alone, like I used to, except this time I found I was lonely. So now I've tried to create some sort of balance. I'm not sure how successful I've been though." Maura turned away but Jane grabbed her wrist and pulled her back so they were facing each other again. "Do you think I've changed?" Maura asked.

Jane silently looked in Maura's eyes, like she was searching for something.

"You haven't answered me," Maura finally said without looking away.

Jane put a hand on Maura's neck and grazed her thumb over Maura's cheek. "I think you're beautiful." Jane leaned in and gently pressed her lips against Maura's.

For a second it felt so good, and then Jane felt Maura's hands on her chest, pushing her away. Maura stepped backwards and said breathlessly, "Jane, I can't. I just can't." Maura quickly walked back inside the house. Jane stood outside until she felt like she was completely frozen solid. She went inside and grabbed her jacket and went home.