And this is what we refer to as "a guilt post" - two in one week. Just my way of saying "Sorry I kept you hanging for 3 months..."
Lately I've been wandering
Off the narrow path
You've given me so many things that I've never had
All in all I know it's you that always pulls me through
If you reach deep inside you'll see my heart is true
"I'm sorry…what?" A million emotions coursed through me; fear, confusion, uncertainty, disbelief. I pulled the cross under the lamp and inspected it again. "Edward…I don't see anything," I said, panic clear in my voice.
"You won't be able to, Bella. It's not visible to the human eye. Which is why it's very disconcerting that you would dream of a design, hidden in a cross you never take off. Where did you get it, anyway?" he asked, pulling me from my panicked inspection and tucking me into his side.
I chewed my lip nervously as I thought about the implications of what he was suggesting. How could I have dreamt of a design I had never seen? Of a design invisibly engraved in my mother's necklace? I wasn't psychic. I had never dreamt of things before. I would have remembered. Because I definitely remembered the panicked trance I had been in while drawing the design the morning after the dream; the need to get it out of my head consuming me and allowing my incapable hands to draw a design so complex, so detailed, that even the tattoo artist had been impressed.
He had asked if he could purchase it, along with any other art I had drawn. I had laughed and told him that this was the only thing I had ever drawn and that it was not for sale.
"Bella?" Edward called, pulling me back to the present.
"What?" I answered, looking at him confused.
"The necklace? Where did you get it?"
"Oh," I wrapped my fingers once again around the Victorian cross. "It was a gift from my mother, passed down for generations," I answered.
"And that's why you never take it off? It reminds you of her?" he asked, obviously looking for a more detailed explanation.
"Well…yes and no. I mean, yes, it does remind me of her, and so it's part of the reason I keep it on. But also…she made me promise her that I would never, under any circumstance, remove it."
I rested my head against the headboard and looked up at the dimly lit ceiling. "She gave it to me on my sixteenth birthday on the condition that I wear it at all times, claiming it would 'protect me'. Protect me from what I have no idea, but she was adamant; more so than I had ever seen her before. She claimed that no one would be able to find me…." I trailed off, sighing.
"Who would be looking for you, Bella?"
I turned my head to look at Edward just in time to see a flickering of emotion cross his angelic face, though it was quickly replaced with his usual calm, preventing me from being able to decipher what it was.
"I honestly have no idea. But either way, it freaked me out enough that I just…never take it off. Well, almost never. There was a time or two when I did take it off. But as ridiculous as it sounds, I felt so…exposed without it."
"She never gave you any other explanation?" he asked.
"No," I answered, shaking my head. "We never spoke about it again. I tried…but, she would just brush me off…telling me to just trust her. And I did trust her, so eventually I stopped questioning it."
Edward nodded but said nothing. The silence stretched on between us for a few minutes before I gently leaned over and kissed his cheek, tucking the necklace underneath my tank top.
"I'm tired, Edward," I said.
"Go to sleep, Love. We can discuss it with Carlisle in the morning," he whispered, tucking my hair behind my ear.
"Why would I discuss it with Carlisle?" I asked.
Edward sighed and leaned back into the headboard. "Because…he's been around a lot longer than most of us, and because your necklace seemed very familiar to him. In fact, he's been in his study all night trying to find more information on it."
"How much longer?" I asked as I rolled onto my side.
Edward chuckled as he tucked the blankets around my shoulders, creating a barrier between my flesh and his. "Shhh…we'll discuss it in the morning. For now you just sleep, ok?"
"Ok," I managed to answer, just before the blackness of unconsciousness swallowed me.
"Edward!" I screamed as I shot up straight in bed, fear and panic coursing through my body. I whipped my head frantically back and forth, looking for him.
"I'm right here. Shhh…I'm right here," Edward answered, his face appearing instantly in my line of sight. I jumped to my knees and threw my arms around his neck, sobbing into his shoulder.
"Shhh, baby, it's ok…I'm right here. It was just a bad dream." His hands stroked my hair reassuringly. Suddenly my tears began to dry up and the overwhelming fear and panic were replaced with calm.
"Thanks, Jazz," I whispered, my face still buried in Edward's shoulder.
"Anytime, Bells," he whispered back from the direction of the doorway.
After a few moments I was composed enough to disentangle myself from Edward. I leaned back against the headboard, tucking my knees up under my chin and wrapping my arms around my legs. My gaze bounced around the room, finally focusing out the window and into the forest.
"Do you want to talk about?" he asked softly.
"I can't," I answered, still avoiding looking at him.
"Bella…" He moved so that he was directly in my line of sight. "There's no reason to be embarrassed. You can talk to me, you know."
"No, really…I can't. It's not that I'm embarrassed, Edward. It's that I don't remember. I have no idea what happened. I just remember waking up, completely overwhelmed with fear, and the only thing I could do was call your name," I answered softly, closing my eyes and desperately sifting through the fog in my brain, trying to find any fragments from my dream.
"Ok. Do you think you can go back to sleep? It's still really early," he said, rubbing his hand up and down my back. I lifted my head to look at the clock on the night stand. 5:26 am. I shook my head and placed my cheek back on my knees.
"Ok. I'll go make you some coffee while you get dressed. Come down whenever you're ready, ok?" He pressed his lips to my forehead and instantly was gone. I sat in the dark room for what felt like hours before I finally stood up and stretched. I looked once again at the clock, surprised to find only a half hour had passed. It was still at least an hour until sunrise, so I flipped the switch on the wall, illuminating the room in a soft glow from the overhead light.
I grabbed a pair of faded, ripped jeans, a deep red, long sleeved shirt and walked into the bathroom. After splashing some cold water on my face, I felt marginally better. I quickly brushed my teeth, pulled my hair into a low, messy bun and changed. I applied some mascara and lip gloss and grabbed my Uggs on my way out of the room. I need air. I need air, I thought repeatedly as I padded as silently as I could down the stairs, which was pointless in a household of super hearing vampires. As soon as my foot hit the landing, Esme was before me, looking concerned and sympathetic.
"Are you alright, Bella?" she asked, her eyes searching mine.
"I'm fine, Esme. Really," I answered softly, shifting uncomfortably from foot to foot.
"Ok. Well, if you need anything…," she offered, noticing my discomfort.
"Really, I'm ok. Just a nightmare. Not the first, not the last. But…I'll let you know, promise." I smiled sincerely at her and wrapped my arms around her shoulders, careful not to slam the boots I held in my hand into her back. Not that it would hurt her…, I thought somewhat bitterly. God, if I'm mentally attacking Esme then I really need some air.
I quickly let go and brushed past her, desperate for coffee and air. As promised, a full pot of my liquid addiction stood brewed and ready. I grabbed the mug nearest the coffee pot and poured it sloppily, spilling it down the sides of the cup. I added the cream and sugar and took a long, greedy pull as I awkwardly pulled on my boots with my free hand. I bolted across the room towards the door, letting it slam behind me as I exited onto the deck.
The cold morning air bit at my skin as I lowered myself into the large, wicker chair. I curled my legs underneath me and leaned my head back, closing my eyes and breathing in the chill, damp air.
"You're worrying me, Bella," a voice whispered. My eyes flew open as my head whipped to my right. In the chair next to me sat Edward. His eyes were closed and his face was tilted towards the sky, mimicking my previous position.
"Fuck, Edward. Can't you at least try to make some noise?" I asked, my tone more harsh than I had intended. He slowly opened his eyes and turned to look at me. I held his gaze for a moment before facing forward, staring off into the dark forest and sipping my coffee.
The silence stretched on for what seemed like eternity. If it hadn't been for the constant pulse of electricity coursing up and down my body, I would have thought he left. Finally I sighed and leaned my head back against the chair. "I'm sorry, Edward. I didn't mean to snap at you. I'm just…I just hate not knowing, you know? About the Nomad, about the necklace, my dream. It makes me anxious, makes me feel…I don't know, vulnerable?"
"We'll figure it out, Bella. Together. I promise," he answered, slipping his hand in mine. We sat in silence, holding hands until the sun had long past risen.
Turning my face towards his, I looked directly into his eyes. "I know," I whispered.
It was early afternoon when Carlisle appeared in the living room, a stack of books cradled under his arm. Alice, Rose, and I were seated around the coffee table as they tried to explain to me the dos and don'ts of this seasons fashion trends. Edward sat behind me, reading, while Jasper and Emmett were involved in a rematch of their game from Friday night.
"Are you sure?" I heard Edward ask from behind me. I looked up to see Carlisle nod.
"Sure about what?" I asked, closing the magazine in front of me and pulling myself up onto the couch beside Edward.
"Your necklace, Love," Edward answered, wrapping his arm around my shoulder and pulling me in closer to him.
"What about it?" I asked, turning towards Carlisle. He sat down in the arm chair across the room, placing the books on his lap.
"Well, something about your necklace seemed familiar to me, but I couldn't place it. Which is rare for our kind, seeing as our minds have perfect recall. But I simply couldn't remember having seen it before. And there's a reason for that. There are no photos of it, just a various descriptions based on rumored sightings," Carlisle explained.
Out of habit I curled my fingers around the cross and waited patiently for him to continue.
"I've gone through numerous texts, and like I said, the descriptions vary, but are still very similar. I believe the cross you wear, the one your mother gave to you, is called Lo scudo appeso. It means 'the hanging shield' in Italian."
I looked to Edward, but his face was turned away, his brow furrowed in thought.
"The necklace is only rumored though, correct? I mean…there is no definitive proof that it exists?" Edward asked, focusing his attention back on Carlisle.
"Correct. No one has ever had possession of the necklace, so the existence of the necklace itself, as well as the power it holds, is only rumor," Carlisle answered.
"Wait…what power? I'm not following what you are saying, Carlisle," I said, clutching the cross tightly to my chest.
"What I'm saying is that I believe your necklace is the rumored one from the texts. It is said to grant the wearer invisibility, Bella," Carlisle explained.
"Well that's just stupid. I mean…You can all see me!" I huffed, throwing my hands into the air.
"Not invisibility as in we can't see you, Love. Invisibility as in we can't sense you…" Edward said.
And then instantly it clicked. The fact that the family couldn't smell my blood, couldn't track me, the surprise on the face of the Nomad.
"You don't really think…," I trailed off, my mind trying to wrap around the possibility.
"Well, I'd like to try an experiment, if you're willing," Carlisle said hesitantly.
"Oh you can't be fucking serious!" Edward shouted, jumping up from the couch.
"Edward," Esme chastised. I hadn't even noticed her enter the room. I stared at Edward, shocked at his outburst. Suddenly his was looking straight at Carlisle, his lips moving unnaturally fast, but no sound coming from them.
"I understand the concern, Edward. That's why it's only with Bella's consent. And we will send the rest of the family, minus myself, you, and Alice, away from the house," Carlisle said gently.
"Whoa. Hold up. What the hell was that?" I questioned Edward, rising from the couch and moving to stand directly in front of him.
"What was what, Bella?" he answered, running his hand through his hair.
"Your mouth…it was moving, ridiculously fast I might add, but no sound came out. What did you do?" I accused, placing my hands on my hips and glaring up at him.
"I was just expressing my concerns about Carlisle's ridiculous experiment," he answered, placing his hands on my shoulders. I took a step back, breaking contact.
"Why couldn't I hear you then?"
"Because, it's too low and too fast for human ears to detect," he said. At least he had the good sense to look at least somewhat ashamed.
"I won't play that game, Edward. I have every right to hear whatever it is you, or any member of this family has to say when it concerns me. I am an adult, Edward. Remember that." I hissed as turned to look at Carlisle, who was openly smiling. "Now, do you want to fill me in? If you want my consent, I need to know what I'm consenting to," I said to him.
"My suggestion is that you remove your necklace, just for a few seconds, to see if it is in fact shielding you," he explained.
"Why would the rest of the family have to leave?" I asked angrily. If I was going to consent to this, why should half the family be excluded?
"Because, Bella, we don't have nearly the same amount of control as Carlisle, Edward, or Alice," Jasper answered softly from his seat across the room. My anger deflated at his confession and this time not because of his influence. I could never willing put him, or any of them, in a position like that.
"I'm sorry, Jazz. I didn't realize…it didn't click. I would never want you or anyone else to be in agony because of me," I apologized, rubbing my hands down my face. Christ, Swan, you need to control your temper…nothing like reminding them of their weaknesses…
"Only for a few seconds, Carlisle. I don't feel comfortable with any longer," I finally agreed, walking towards the window and wrapping my arms around my chest. The fear and panic from this morning reappeared. Something about this scenario seemed eerily familiar and I had a feeling this would come back to bite me in the ass…eventually.
"They are far enough away, Carlisle. I can't hear their thoughts anymore," Edward said. He was seated next to me in Carlisle's study. Alice sat on the couch to my right, her eyes closed as she concentrated, while Carlisle stood in front of us, leaning casually against the front of his desk.
Carlisle turned to look at me. "You ready, Bella?"
I nodded hesitantly, my left hand gripping the cross.
"It will only be for a few seconds, I promise," Carlisle assured.
We had discussed the plan in detail. I was to remove the necklace from my neck and place it in Carlisle's hand. He would ready it to be placed back on and after a few seconds would slip it over my head. I had fought to keep hold of the necklace, but Carlisle worried that I might still be shielded. The only way to accurately determine if my necklace was the one from the texts was for me to relinquish possession of it. Plus…Carlisle could get the necklace back around my neck faster than my human hands could.
I readied my fingers around the chain, preparing to slip it over my head.
"On the count of three, Bella," Carlisle said, placing his hand palm up in order to receive the necklace. "One…Two…Three." I quickly slid the necklace from around my neck and placed in his hand.
All afternoon I had thought a lot about what I might say to Edward in this moment. If Carlisle was right, if this actually worked, then there was only one thing I desperately needed Edward to know. One thing that I needed to say, but couldn't. If Carlisle was wrong and this didn't work, then I would simply have to find another way…
Edward? I reached out and grabbed his hand. His head whipped towards my direction, his wide, surprised eyes meeting mine. Relief washed over me as I realized he could hear me. I could say what needed to be said, without having to actually speak the words.
I love you, I mentally whispered, just as Carlisle slipped the necklace back around my neck.
Chapter Title and lyrics courtesy of 12 Stones.
You readers are so quiet...