Chapter 15

Seifer woke up with a gasp. He'd been having another nightmare, but the images floated away like leaves in the wind until he couldn't remember what it had been about. He expected to wake up in that dank little cell under the floor, or strapped to a gurney. But, then he smelled Memento and leather, and he knew he was safe. He could feel the warmth of Squall's body pressed against the whole front of him. It comforted him and made him forget he'd even had a nightmare in the first place.

In the blindness he now lived in, Seifer reached up so he could touch Squall's face. It was the only way that he could see him. Squall's face was burned into his memory, but he still wished desperately that he could actually look. Reaching up was brutally painful, but he didn't care. His back was extremely tender after another day of 'cheese grater' therapy, as Seifer sickly called it. Tiernan and a burn unit specialist were sloughing off the dead, burnt skin from his back, and it wasn't a good feeling. The fingers that weren't covered in casts stroked over Squall's jawbone. He could feel the swelling on one side, under the stubbled skin. He then found his mouth - God, that mouth. He felt familiar butterflies and warmth spreading through his stomach when he traced the soft skin of Squall's lips. But, there was no reaction south of his belly button like there usually would have been. The new painkillers Dr. Murphy-Seagill had him on left him temporarily impotent. Sex wasn't something he was terribly concerned with right now, but with Squall pressed so close to him and the smell of him so strong and the feel of his mouth, Seifer felt entitled to be bitter about it.

Would he even be able to have sex? What if there was more damage than they thought? What if Squall didn't want to fuck someone who only had half his genitals? He pushed those thoughts away, and just concentrated on touching Squall's face. The bridge of his nose, the scar between his eyebrows, his cheekbones, his mouth again. He felt Squall stir, and judging from the hard lump against his hip, whatever he'd been dreaming had been pleasant.

Squall blinked a few times, feeling like he was still in his dream at the feeling of Seifer caressing his lower lip. He smiled into the touch and said "Hi." He moved his hand up to Seifer's chest so he could feel his heartbeat.

Seifer exhaled as he felt Squall's lips turn upwards. God, Squall was smiling that rare, endearing and kind of dorky smile that he loved so much, and he couldn't even see it. "Hi, Kitten. Quisty here?"

"No, it's the middle of the night. Just the two of us." He pressed himself closer to Seifer's body.

"Nice dream?"

"Hmm?" He kissed Seifer's fingertips, the smile broadening. "Maybe" He didn't raise his voice above a whisper, but it still sounded playful and coy. Nobody else ever got to hear him sound that way. Not even Rinoa. "You were giving me a blow job."

"Was I?" Seifer asked innocently.

Squall bit his lip as he grinned, turning his face into Seifer's palm. The dream had actually been so vivid that he could swear he still felt the heat and moisture of Seifer's mouth around his erection, and the anticipation of giving him a face full of semen. "It was fabulous, as usual." His hand started to slide downwards, but stopped when Seifer flinched for a reason other than pain.

"I don't care about that, you know?" He knew exactly why Seifer was shying away from his hands, and it wasn't because of a drug side-effect. "The proof is kind of poking you in the hip."

"I know," Seifer whispered darkly. "I can't help it." Seifer's fingers moved away from the heaven of Squall's lips to the swollen part of his jaw. "Did he hurt you?" It was the first he'd mentioned of Astor since waking up. This was also the most awake and alert he'd been in those three weeks.

"Just some broken ribs."

"Did he hurt you?" Seifer asked again. Insistently.

"...No," Squall replied firmly, knowing what Seifer meant. "Almost, but no. He's dead."

Seifer made an unfathomable noise. He didn't exactly sound glad.

"He suffered."

"That doesn't really make me feel better. 'Sides... Xu's still alive..." His words petered off and slurred in the wake of a yawn, though he continued right on. His strength was coming back so quickly that they said he might be able to get the catheter out and go to the bathroom under his own power tomorrow. Or, at least his own power assisted by a wheelchair. It was a sad prospect when getting out of bed was something to be jubilant about. "She's the one that has to be stopped."

"We're working on it."

"Are you?"

Squall pulled back a little bit. "What are you saying?"

"It's been three weeks since I woke up, and you haven't mentioned it at all."

Squall mumbled something under his breath that was kind of close to "I didn't want to upset you."

"It's upsetting me that we're still wanted criminals."

Squall turned his face away from Seifer's palm so he wouldn't feel the frown. But, he was sure Seifer knew he was frowning anyway. "I can't believe we're having a fight right now." The erection that had been so deliciously cumbersome was now softening rapidly.

"It's not a fight," Seifer corrected. Though he couldn't see anything, he looked up at Squall with his blind eyes, now free of their gauze patches. His blindness wasn't exactly black. More like trying to look through glass that had milk poured all over it. He could see transitions in light, and blobby white and grey things. "If it were a fight, one of us would be getting shunted off to get stitches."

"Not funny."

"This is a discussion," Seifer said firmly. The correction held great weight even though they were talking in whispers. "Important one, too."

"I'm finding it hard to care," Squall answered. He flushed at the admission, because he knew that Seifer would think it was a piss-poor excuse.

But, Seifer's voice wasn't chastising. It was gentle and loving. "That's an honest feeling, Squall. It's probably easy to forget about Garden here since you're safe in the Palace. You have Quisty and your father, so everything seems okay for now."

"And, I have you," Squall interjected.

"But," he continued, whisper becoming firm. "Nobody can live like that. I've done it for too long. And, I know you don't want it. You're just detaching yourself, which is your usual tendency. And, don't make that face. You know it's true."

Squall made a noise somewhere between irritation and amusement. "Fuck. Even when you're blind..."

"Because I know you."

"We can't just go in guns blazing, Seifer." Squall's voice was churlish, but he pressed himself close to the other man again. "It's only the two of us."

"No. You have Raijin, Fujin and Irvine. And, even Rinoa from what you've said. They can help you on this end. And, Odin will help you."

"Odin? I'm not asking him for help."

"You still jealous about that?" Seifer grinned, fingers finding Squall's jugular pulse. He felt the blood pumping there. The life beating just under Squall's warm skin.

"Always."

"He'll help you," Seifer assured. "Even if you are being a silly kitty."

"'m not..." Squall mumbled, body arching under its own power when Seifer's fingers stroked a sensitive spot just below his earlobe.

"Can you tell me about my mom again?" Squall and Quistis already told him what they found out about Dinara Von Munster, but he liked hearing it.

Squall smiled against Seifer's fingers, and his body filled with warmth at the feeling. "Okay. Want me to start with 'once upon a time'?"

Seifer let out his breath in minor annoyance.

"All right, all right. Once upon a time, there was a woman... ouch." He stopped when Seifer lightly pinched his hip. "Dinara was born into the one of the leading Dragoon clans, so always knew that she might have to command their tribe someday," he continued seriously. "So, she was trained in combat, law and judicial processes as a child before leaving Wolf Haven for Esthar where she could continue in formal education." Squall recited all these details from memory. Quistis still hadn't found out a lot about Seifer's mother because of Adel's penchant for destroying and rewriting historical documents, and the segregation of different areas of Esthar from each other. But, what details they had found out were precious to Seifer. Coupled with Bahamut's original story, they fleshed out an idea for where he came from, and the family he might have ad if things had gone differently.

"She enrolled in university here. We think it was Bluefield, but we can't be certain. All her records were destroyed, but that's where Azabaashe was enrolled, and Bahamut said that they met in school. That's where she also met your father, who was in the lunar studies program." Bluefield was a very prestigious university in central Esthar. Maybe the most prestigious university in the world. "We aren't even sure what exactly she was studying. She would have been enrolled on a military contract, because she was enrolled for a time. It wasn't unheard of for a woman to join the Estharian army, but they were usually in nurse or doctor capacities, but Dinara was there as a soldier."

Seifer's body melted into Squall's, engrossed in the sound of his voice. Since Seifer was now blind, Squall and Quistis would often read to him, and the sound of their voices made him feel safe. Would his mother or father have read to him as a child? Would his father have told him about the stars and the moon and all the constellations? Would she have liked Squall? When Seifer listened to stories about her, he thought of the life he could have had, if he'd grown up with them. Learning about dragons, learning about the moon and stars. Having brothers and sisters to play with. Watching as his eldest sister, Anke, was groomed to take over the mantle of La Draconia. Living off nature. Living without Garden. Without Quistis. Without Squall.

Any life, even one that sounded as perfect as that, seemed unacceptable if it meant no Squall. Would he have gone through that life thinking that something was missing, though never knowing what it was? Like part of his soul was missing and there was no way to get it back? He found that he'd actually stopped paying attention to what Squall was saying, and instead was just listening to him, and the sound of his voice. All the loss and pain in his life had brought him to this moment, and it made it all worth it. Just to have this man next to him, touching him, loving him.

Squall felt the change in Seifer's embrace and stopped his story. Seifer's hand moving up and down his back became firmer, pressing on the small of Squall's back to bring their bodies completely flush with each other. "I thought you wanted to hear this," Squall murmured, Seifer's hand now sweeping over his ass, then to where the curve met his thigh. He let out a small, hitched gasp when the hand then came between his legs from behind and cradled his balls, which pulled up tight as the erection that had almost vanished now roared back to life.

Seifer buried his face in the crook of Squall's neck, breathing in the smell of him as deeply as he could. He could feel the shape of Squall's cock through his pants, and wanted desperately to touch and 'see' it, but was having trouble trying to get the complex button front undone. "Help," he urged desperately, feeling Squall's fingers join his broken ones, equally as impatient. He let out a shaky breath when Squall's erection was finally freed and he felt the hot hardness in his hand, the shape and heat as familiar to him as is own penis. When Seifer's fist closed around his already leaking cock, Squall found the other man's mouth. His body sang as Seifer gave pleasure to his mouth and his genitals. Seifer's tongue filled his mouth and his fist moved up and down in perfect, irresistible timing. He panted into Seifer's mouth, hands sliding down the starchy fabric of Seifer's hospital gown until he found Seifer's penis, soft and unresponsive compared to his own rock-hard cock.

Squall slipped his hand under the hospital gown, careful around the catheter tubes. He could feel the asymmetry of Seifer's missing testicle through the bandage. He gently stroked his thumb over the line of stitches in time with the pumping of the fist around his cock, causing Seifer to groan into his mouth. Just because Seifer couldn't get hard didn't mean he couldn't feel anything down there, and Squall's oh-so-gentle touch was warm voltage through his whole body. It felt so intimate and loving, touching the most private and now damaged part of him. Squall's thumb stroked over the stitches repeatedly, his breathing quickening. Seifer's heart pounded in his chest for reasons other than arousal as Squall writhed against him, thrusting his hips up to meet Seifer's fist, faster and more urgently. He moaned into Seifer's mouth and kept stroking the stitches where Seifer's right testicle once was as he felt the shudder of orgasm pulse through his body. His semen splattered, hot and sticky and wonderful, against his stomach, chest, and the front of Seifer's hospital gown.

Seifer's tongue lapped at Squall's mouth, like he was trying to swallow the small little moans that were escaping from there into his own mouth. Since he couldn't see Squall's pleasure, he wanted to hear it, taste it and feel it. Squall panted against him as he continued to stroke his fist up and down the shaft, feeling it get soft in his hand. "It wasn't the blow job you were dreaming about, but it's a start," Seifer commented lightly as he finally relinquished his loose grip on Squall. The quip was far from how deeply he'd felt about that moment - being able to touch Squall again and feel his pleasure and joy.

Squall's brow was still furrowed with the emotional intensity as he buried his face in Seifer's neck. It was the first orgasm he'd had since he and Seifer had last had sex in that stunted Centran forest. When Seifer was whole and okay and was able to enjoy it, too. Squall put his arms around his lover as gently as he could and held him tight. Seifer grimaced briefly and tried to minutely shift his weight as best he could, but he didn't protest the hug. No matter how much discomfort it caused him, he'd always accept a hug from Squall.

"I think the nurse might be mad. Come can't be sanitary," Seifer whispered into Squall's hair, chuckling. But, Squall didn't share his amusement. He could feel wetness in his neck. His mind brought forth the memory of what Squall looked like when he cried, how his eyes looked like water and he would purse that mouth in embarrassment. He hated when Squall cried, and was kind of thankful that he couldn't see it. "No tears, okay?" He asked seriously. He so didn't want crying right now. He'd had enough sadness. He reached up, searching for Squall's face in his blind world. He found his wet cheek and wiped away some tears.

He could hear the sound of Squall sucking in some air to compose himself, and then his voice replied with "you got come on my face." His voice sounded calm, but was wobbly around the edges.

Seifer laughed, then groaned because it hurt. "I guess it was like the dream, after all."

Squall sighed, his ribs aching now that the afterglow was wearing off. He caught Seifer's castless in his mouth and licked off the rest of his own semen. He wiped his cheek clean and did up his pants. "I thought you wanted to hear about your mom?"

"I know. But, thinking about the past and what you could have had really makes you appreciate what you have right now."

He said that with the complete, heavy gravity of someone who'd learned that lesson the very hard way. "You want to talk about it?" Squall asked, finally breaching that subject. Saying Astor's name earlier had been the first acknowledgement of the gorilla in the room, but Squall was still afraid to bring it up. Even if the proof was written in new scar tissue all over Seifer's body.

"Not yet," Seifer answered simply. He closed his eyes, even though it didn't really make much difference, and held Squall tighter. Right now, he didn't want to examine what he'd been through. He wanted to embrace what was ahead of him.

----

"It feels dusty," Seifer commented when he ran his fingers over a fake plant in the corner of his room. He was sure that it was the kind of fake plant that nobody would ever mistake for a real one, and it was only there to give the room a false sense of cheeriness. And, it would fail at it, too. His voice had a very dreamy quality to it, and lacked real inflection because of the painkillers. Seifer had tried to explain the concept of being stoned earlier to Serino, but gave up when the moogle got hung up on why it was called being 'stoned'.

"It's an affront, kupo." Serino made a little sniffing noise of contempt. A fake plant?! Really?! Humans, he was discovering, had even more silly practices than he could have imagined.

"Not exactly the first kind of thing I wanted to be feeling now that I have all my fingers free." That morning, after a thorough examination and another awful bout of cheese-grating his burns, Seifer had gotten the last of his finger casts removed, as well as the bandage over his face. The skin was still swollen around the seam scars, but Tiernan said he was pleased with how well the reconstruction went. The scars would be minimal after a while. Even the one that Squall had given him between his brows was now gone thanks to the skin grafting procedures. Seifer didn't know how he felt about that one. Today was also the first day he'd gotten to use the bathroom under his own power. It was nice to be able to do things for himself again, even if it did take him five minutes to lug his weak muscles out of the wheelchair and he had to sit on the toilet to piss. Ah, the small victories.

"No, I imagine not, kupo."

Seifer gulped back a snort of shock. To hear a moogle say something so acutely sexual was a once in a lifetime experience. "I uhh... I suppose you're right. But, Squall has a job to do right now. Even if a big part of me kind of wants to forget the whole thing like him."

"You're afraid to lose him, kupo."

Seifer nodded. His fingers moved away from the dusty plastic plant to some kind of ledge. A window? "I just want him to be okay."

"He will be," Serino assured. Seifer had no clue how he could possibly know that. He then peeped happily. "I can feel the love in your aura when you think about him. It feels nice, kupo."

"Is homosexuality a concept that moogles understand?"

"Of course, kupo. Maybe more than humans. Just from Squall's reactions around people when the subject comes up, I can tell there is some wariness about it. Like, you're afraid, kupo. Moogles don't care about that sort of thing. Love is love, kupo. Though, since we're so endangered, mating is top priority, even if love is not involved. It's sad, kupo. Sad, but necessary."

"Have you found any moogles?" Seifer started slowly wheeling across the room, counting how many wheel rotations it took to get to the door. His chair had the option of being electronic and driven with a joystick type thing, but he preferred to use his arms. His muscles felt very weak, and he wanted to get them moving again.

"I haven't seen any yet, kupo. But, I smell that a few have been around recently, a couple being females. I'd say within the last month. I'd say they're still in this building, but it's so big that it might take time to find them. But, it's not all a lost cause. I'm learning a lot about humans, kupo."

"Like what?" Seifer asked, interested.

"That the only strength in you is your brain. If this were the wild, I don't think humans would have survived for very long."

"No, probably not. Though, we are good at destroying each other."

"I also find it very interesting how visually diverse you are. But, I suspect that's so you can tell each other apart, kupo. You primarily rely on your eyesight to figure out who people are, and your eyes are so poor that you need to have so much physical diversity."

"Especially my eyesight," Seifer joked, though it came out very venomously.

"Kupo," Serino peeped. "Though, you probably can now notice your other senses going into overdrive? We moogles use a lot of aura sensing, but we also use smell. I'm sure you've started to notice how different people smell."

"Yes."

"Squall and his father are an interesting case, kupo. It was commented that they do not look alike, and you wouldn't know that Squall and Laguna are related, but that's a perfect example of the weakness in human senses. I think they are very much alike. Their auras show it, as do mannerisms. Physically there may not be a lot of similarities, but I would have known they were parent and child without having to be told. They are both also more connected with the spiritual world than most. Maybe that's why he was so initially drawn to Sorceress Rinoa. And, why he's so drawn to you, too."

"I don't have a spiritual connection."

"Maybe not in the same sense, kupo. But, you two do have some kind of heightened sense of each other. I wonder if it comes from your dragoon blood?" Serino peeped thoughtfully under his breath.

Serino continued to think, and Seifer could smell something that he was sure was a date as he heard Serino chewing. He continued to explore his room and tried to see if his fingers could tell the difference between the sheet and the pillowcase when he heard the door swish open. A smile immediately came to his face because he was expecting to smell leather and masculinity, or even the spicy mysteriousness of Quistis's perfume, but instead he smelled something fruity and feminine. The smile wilted and became frozen in fear when he felt magic in the air. Because magic was still working heavily on his injuries, he was more acutely aware of magical changes in the air, and he felt the heavy press of it now.

"Hi, Seifer."

His voice was completely failing him, and when he heard her gentle footsteps in the room, he couldn't help the instinctive flinch, which caused a wave of pain to move through his body. He could hear that she was walking slowly towards him, but he still rolled the chair back a little.

Rinoa faltered, seeing the wariness on his face. "Are you afraid of me because of what happened with Garden?" She asked sadly. She wasn't sure what anyone had told Seifer about her arriving in Esthar and helping Quistis and Squall escape Xu and the other SeeD. Quistis didn't talk to her about Seifer, and Squall didn't talk to her at all.

"More like because I stole your boyfriend, maybe."

"Oh." Truth be told, she hadn't thought about that much. It was so obviously over between her and Squall, and now she only really thought of her growing affection for Raijin. "Yes. That." She slowly lowered herself into one of the uncomfortable plastic chairs. She smoothed her skirt over her knees and looked at Seifer. He was looking back at her, though with the milky film over his eyes it was hard to tell exactly where he was focusing in his new, blind world.

"Don't lie to me and tell me you're okay about it."

"Okay, I'm bitter. I wish you would have told me. Or Quistis. I know why you didn't, since you were being loyal to Squall, but you should have told me," she said firmly. "Instead of treating me like I'm made of glass."

"I wanted Squall to tell you, but I couldn't do it myself."

"I know. You love him, and..."

"He wasn't ready to tell you," Seifer said. His voice was firm and a little brash, but she could see that his fingers were shaking ever so slightly as he petted Serino. "And, you weren't ready to hear it."

"I should have been told, instead of being treated like a fool," she said with anger. Anger she didn't even realize was still in her. She wasn't mad that Squall had cheated on her and lied about it for so long, but that he lied.

"You weren't ready," Seifer repeated, blind eyes narrowing. "If you'd been ready to hear the truth, you wouldn't have believed that he and Quistis could kill Cid."

"That's not fair," Rinoa said automatically. Angrily. Angry because she knew Seifer was right. She could see it in the hostility in Squall and Quistis's eyes when they looked at her. She knew it in her heart, at the sick feeling in her stomach when she thought of why she'd ever believed Xu.

"It's not fair, but it's true. But, I mean... I'm not blind to Squall's faults. So to speak, anyway." It was meant as a joke, but didn't really sound like one. "I love Squall's faults, but I know they're there. He didn't do himself any favours. And, he wasn't ready to tell you. If I'd told you instead, he would have fallen deeper into drugs and alcohol. He would have blamed himself and wouldn't have been able to come to terms with it."

"I... I guess I didn't really think of it like that. I guess it just goes to show how much I don't know about him."

"Squall doesn't make it easy to get to really know him. It's not your fault."

"I didn't want this to happen to you, Seifer. I..."

"Don't," he interrupted. "Don't apologize. You don't need to apologize for something that Astor and Xu did."

"But, if I'd believed in you..." She began, tears stinging her eyes.

"It happened," was the frank reply. "And, I should be the one apologizing to you. I should probably have more restraint when it comes to Squall, and we shouldn't have went behind your back. It was cowardly."

"I'm mad, but not as mad as I should be." She could always speak so clearly with Seifer. It had always been that way. He exuded so much confidence and brash honesty that it rubbed off on her. Even now, he still seemed so invincible to her. A full leg cast, swollen red scarring on his face and a shaved head from the facial surgeries didn't diminish that. It seemed to heighten it. "Like I said, I wish you'd told me. But, I'm over Squall. We were over before we broke up. He's so much in love with you, and I don't love him anymore. It took me a while to realize it, but I'm not. Maybe I'll love him again someday as a friend. But..." She trailed off and shrugged, then blushed when she realized that Seifer couldn't see it.

"You just shrugged, right?"

"How did you know?" She asked, mystified.

"I could hear your shirt rustle. I wonder if my hearing will go back to normal if I ever do get new corneas. I kind of like this super hearing."

"I don't know how you can make jokes. I think I'd be falling apart."

It was Seifer's turn to shrug, but Rinoa could see him do it. His body language suddenly seemed a lot more closed, and she didn't press that line of conversation. Hyne knew he probably didn't want to think about what he'd been through. He was still petting Serino's fur. She knew the temptation of touching the moogle, and saw the natural familiarity between Seifer and Serino.

"You think you'll go back out to study nature when your leg's better?"

"I want to," Seifer said without having to think about it. When Seifer thought that every breath would be his last, he thought about what he'd let his life become, and what he'd wanted it to be. "But, I don't want to get ahead of myself. There's enough metal in there now to make me part cyborg."

"Can I sign your cast?" Rinoa asked. "It looks too white, and casts should be covered in signatures."

"Okay..." Seifer trailed off, taken aback briefly. He heard Rinoa rummaging in something, probably her purse, and then smelled her fruity perfume very close to him.

"Why are you doing that, kupo?" Serino asked, black eyes glittering with interest as Rinoa started drawing little swirly patterns before putting her name on it. "Is it some sort of healing ritual?"

"No," Rinoa murmured, tongue sticking out of the side of her mouth in concentration as she started drawing a tonberry beside her name, knowing how much Seifer liked them. "It's just a way to make someone feel better. It makes them feel like people care, and are thinking of them and hoping they get better. Like a get-well card."

"What's a get-well card, kupo?"

"There!" Rinoa capped her pen and admired her doodle. "It's a tonberry."

"It is?" Serino cocked his head and bowed forward on Seifer's shoulder as he examined the drawing. "It doesn't really look like one..."

"Wha...?"

"I'm sure it's adorable," Seifer murmured. "Thank you."

She looked up and smiled. "Don't worry about it," she whispered, knowing he didn't mean her tonberry drawing.

She got up when she heard the door open behind her. She was a little worried about Squall finding her in here. He probably wouldn't be too pleased about it. He'd been far less forgiving towards her than Seifer was now, and he'd see her being here as a threat to Seifer's safety. He barely even wanted to let Tiernan in the room. But, it wasn't Squall. It was someone she was quite glad to see. Though for Seifer, he was hoping that it would be Squall. He knew that Squall and Quistis had to plan their attack on Xu away from him, because if Laguna got wind of what they were doing, he'd put a stop to the whole thing. But, Seifer missed Squall's constant companionship. He missed having the smell of Memento and leather in the air, and the feel of Squall's warm body pressed against him. The taste of his mouth, the sound of his voice, the smoothness of his skin...

"Hey, you're out of bed, ya know?!" Raijin exclaimed cheerfully. He crossed the room in two giant strides and kneeled in front of Seifer's wheelchair, beside Rinoa. "Morning," he said to Rinoa, just as cheerfully. Though Seifer had just been thinking of how he'd wanted this visitor to be Squall, when heard Raijin's unflappably positive voice, he felt a lump growing in his throat, and a massive swell of affection.

"Hi," she replied, heart leaping into her throat. Raijin smelled really good today. Squall who?

Seifer cocked his head thoughtfully, and Rinoa noticed. Had he heard the change in her voice?

"You look a lot better today!" Raijin said happily. His eyes were shining with happiness to see Seifer up and around. Seifer had always been his hero, and always would be.

"It's the painkillers."

"Hey, someone drew a dog on your cast! Or, is it a cat, ya know?!"

"It's supposed to be a tonberry, kupo."

"It is? I guess moogles can't really use a pen as well as a person because you don't have real fingers."

"I drew it," Rinoa admitted, cheeks burning.

"Oh!" Raijin exclaimed, cheeks flushing. "And, it looks awesome!" He exclaimed lamely.

"Ohhh, this is my train all over again," Rinoa muttered.

"No, it's great! It's a way better tonberry than I could draw. Seriously, ya know?! Just... don't start crying, okay?"

"I wasn't going to!" She exclaimed, swatting his shoulder lightly. "Listen, I'm going to let you two have some time together. I have to go to the labs anyway." She rose to her feet. "Seifer, I..."

"I know," he replied, wanting to save her some more embarrassment. "I'll see you later. Kind of."

She smiled sadly and leaned forward to kiss the top of his head. She also kissed Serino, who peeped happily as her magical aura brushed against his own.

"See ya later, ya know?! Want me to meet you at the labs after? We could have coffee."

"Okay," she agreed, voice lowering shyly. "Bye."

"You look sooo much better, ya know?!"

"You like her, don't you?"

"Huh?"

Seifer shook his head. He'd heard the change in Rinoa's voice, but didn't mention it to Raijin. He was obviously ignorant, and he didn't want to force the issue. It seemed an odd parallel to what'd happened with her, Squall and himself. "I could hear it in your voice," he chided. He loved Raijin to death, but there were times when he wanted to bash him over the head to open his eyes. This was one of those times. It was painfully clear, even to a blind man, that Rinoa had feelings for Raijin. Seifer didn't know if they were love or lust, but they were still there. And, he could hear that Raijin liked her too, but was completely unaware to her signals.

"Well, yeah I like her. She's fun. So what? She needs a friend since Squall and Quistis are avoiding her, even though Squall doesn't have the right to treat her like shit after what he did."

Seifer sighed. "I hope you aren't going to be mad at Squall forever, because he's a part of my life now. Hopefully until I die. I want you to be there too, Raijin."

"I... I'm just afraid he'll hurt you again."

"Yeah, it could happen. But, even if it does, I'd rather be happy for a little while."

"I guess I gotta accept it then, ya know?!"

"I think you and Squall could get along really well. You could actually talk to him about Galbadian hockey, which you know that I find boring as hell."

"Squall isn't exactly easy to make friends with."

"No, but it'll be worth it when he opens up to you." His eyelids were starting to feel heavy from the painkillers. He leaned his head into Serino, snuggling against his soft fur.

"You think you'll go out into the wilds again for study?" Raijin asked after watching the way Seifer seemed to so naturally interact with the moogle.

"Depends on my leg. I don't know that I'll ever be able to climb really hard terrain again."

"Most people would have said that they didn't know if you'd breathe again. Well... everyone would have said that. Except for Squall and Quistis."

Seifer smiled, and Serino peeped happily about something that Raijin couldn't see, but maybe he could get an idea of. The smile on Seifer's face as he struggled to stay awake in the wake of the drugs in his body... he was just so happy, even after all the horror. Raijin continued to sit on the floor, watching Seifer nap, staying perfectly still as to not wake him up. He sort of thought about what Seifer said about Rinoa, but mostly he just watching Seifer sleep, where he looked at peace for the first time in a very long time.

---

Selphie slowly drove her model Doomtrain across her desk, but it was without her usual flare and sound effects. It was more with distant apathy that she ran Doomtrain over some half-read documents, banging the face of the replica into an empty paper coffee cup. She banged the train into the cup again and again without even realizing she was doing it.

Do you mind

? Doomtrain asked telepathically. He wasn't junctioned to her, but he was sitting in a chair across from her desk. Now that Xu was using Eden, Doomtrain seemed to be hanging around her more, rather than disappearing to the summon realm.

"Huh?" Selphie looked up, realizing she'd been staring at nothing. Her computer screen was in front of her, showing the official report written by Astor about Seifer's death. The last report Astor would ever write. A report about the reason Squall murdered him so brutally. "Oh." She lifted her hand off the model of the creature who now sat across from her. Though, like Alexander and Diablos, he took a human form sometimes. He was a tall, rail thin black man whose skin was so dark that it seemed to have blue highlights rather than brown. He wore an old fashioned black coat with a high collar and intricate black embroidery on it. You could only see the variations when the light hit him. He also wore a top hat jauntily tilted forward over one eye. In the shadow of the brim, his eyes were poisonous green and glowed ominously. He only spoke telepathically to Selphie because when he opened his mouth, gaseous poison spilled out.

If you have such suspicions, you should follow them through. Isn't that your job?

Doomtrain asked tartly. Because he could see her thoughts, he really had a way of cutting through the bullshit.

Selphie stood, full of restlessness. She started pacing, Doomtrain's noxious eyes following her every move. "Squall killed Astor. We know that much. I mean... butchered him." She stopped and turned to face her GF. "BUT..." She said loudly, because she knew that Doomtrain was going to nettle her with another maddening mental comment. "I might have done the same thing, if it were someone I was in love with. Maybe if it were Irvine. But, now he's turned his back on Garden, too..." She sighed heavily, shuffling across the room and flopping into Doomtrain's lap. He was so tall and she was so tiny that it was easy for her to fold herself into his spindly arms. He smelled like metal, hydraulic oil and toxic chemicals. It was a smell that she actually found very comforting.

I've never known you to be so hesitant about uncovering a possible conspiracy.

Selphie sighed, breathing in the strangely comforting smell of Doomtrain's poison, which was engrained in his black skin like cologne. "Because then I would be wrong. And, to be wrong about this About Squall and Quistis. I mean, at least they're still alive to apologize to. But, Seifer..." She pressed her face into his chest. It was cool, more like metal than human skin. His heartbeat sounded like a train racing along the tracks.

Then, make it up to him.

Doomtrain put his arms around his mistress. There was a deep connection between them, much like Seifer and Odin had shared. They possibly could have had the same sexual relationship, but his human body's fluids were all as poisonous as his breath. Even one ejaculation would kill Selphie instantly, and no human contraception could hold back such darkly magic venom. And, she knew that. It wasn't like the subject had never come up.

"No." Selphie pulled away and stood up. "Xu wouldn't do that to Quistis. She wouldn't ruin her on purpose."

Why not? Power makes you all ugly. And blind.

Selphie crossed her arms and looked away from him angrily. She knew the last part was an insult to her.

I would never trust anyone who junctions Eden for such long periods of time. Or at all, after knowing what you now know about that power. And, it's strengthening.

"Strengthening?" Selphie asked, peering over her shoulder at him, though she kept her arms crossed to show that she was still pissed at him.

Something... strange. It's nothing that has to do with junctioning, but like it's siphoning power from elsewhere. I cannot explain it, or find the source. Eden's powers are beyond me. A more powerful summon such as Bahamut, or especially Odin, could possibly fathom it, but I don't think either of them would help Garden right now, since this very organization killed their master.

"Odin doesn't have a master," Selphie pointed out sadly. Doomtrain's comment was a knife in her heart. He knew her so well and could see through any veils she put up and she welcomed it, but sometimes his directness hurt.

Not in the traditional sense, but he came to Seifer Almasy's aid, after being defeated by him. I know Odin. He would pledge himself to the end of time to someone who bested him.

"So, what am I supposed to do?" She asked helplessly. She spread her hands out, forgetting to be angry at her GF.

What you always do. Keep digging until you've pissed off everyone and gotten to the bottom of it.

"Like... why Astor was at that facility? And, where is Luchia now?" Xu's first lieutenant hadn't been seen in a few days, and Selphie's casual questions had gotten shrugs. And, Xu wasn't even seeing anyone right now. Even Zell was getting shut out. But, even with all these juicy mysteries at her feet, Selphie was scared to pursue them. Because, if she'd been wrong all this time... God, she didn't even want to think about it. Seifer was dead and there was no apologizing for that. But, what if she found that definitive nail in the coffin? Selphie knew there would be a trial for Squall and Quistis. Especially Squall after Astor's brutal murder. What if she found something that was that one little thing that put them in the gas chamber?

Doomtrain cocked his head and looked at his mistress expectantly. He knew all her thoughts, so knew what was coming before she pounded her left fist on her right palm. "I'm Selphie Tilmitt, dammit. I solve mysteries and blow stuff up!"

Do you wish to go to Fisherman's Horizon?

"Onward, my locomotive lover!" Her tone was bright and cheerful, but the skin around her eyes was tight, making her look like she'd aged years in the span of months.

Shall we leave now?

"Sure. Just..."

If you're doing an investigation, it might not be wise to invite your friend. He is in a relationship with the woman you're investigating, after all.

"I still feel like I should tell him."

If you wish

. Doomtrain shrugged his shoulders. The gesture was almost insect-like because he was so thin.

Selphie left Doomtrain's human form in her office. But, he would just reappear wherever she needed him, anyway. She made her way to the dorms and Zell's room. The door was closed, no light peeking out from under the door. Usually, the thump of music could be heard from within if he was in there, but today it was quiet. She pressed her ear to the door and knocked quietly. "Zell?" She called.

"It's open," his voice called quietly after a long pause. When she opened the door, the room was lit only by a lamp on the night table. Zell was laying on the unmade bed, his SeeD uniform and a couple other dirty pieces of laundry scattered on the floor. It wasn't a large mess, but considering what a neat freak Zell was, it was a little disheartening.

"Hey..." Selphie sat on the bed beside his hip. It looked like he hadn't shaved in a few days. "You okay?"

Zell's pale, pale eyes slid over to her. "No," he answered dully. "What's to be okay about?"

Selphie bit the inside of her cheek. There wasn't a good answer to that question. "You look like you haven't been sleeping."

"I haven't. How could I? Every time I try, I hear Squall screaming Seifer's name, and I see him dying. I know they're wanted criminals, but... we knew him, you know?" His quite voice broke just a little.

"I know, hon."

"Xu's taking it bad, too. I know she hated Seifer, but wanting someone dead and actually having them dead are two different things. She's just gotten so removed since then, and Astor's death hasn't helped."

"You think it's okay for her to be junctioning Eden so much?" Selphie asked doubtfully.

"I think it's 'cause she's just upset," Zell muttered. "I can't blame her. Look what happened with Astor. They'd been working together for a long time, and for Squall to..." Zell trailed off. "You saw the pictures, right?"

She nodded slowly. Squall'd been in Garden his whole life, so was more than capable of murder just like the rest of them, but that level of viciousness was shocking. "I guess he wanted revenge for Seifer."

"Astor didn't even kill Seifer, though. Squall... we don't even know him anymore. He's a maniac."

"Zell, I'm going to Fisherman's Horizon."

Zell's eyes narrowed in the low light. "Why?"

"Like you said. Astor didn't kill Seifer. So, why would Squall do that to him?"

"Why would he have killed Cid?" Zell answered rhetorically. That was a question they'd asked over and over and over again, and couldn't come up with an answer that didn't rip their hearts out.

"I have to know."

"Are you sure?" He asked darkly. "Maybe the answers will be worse than the questions."

"I have to know. And... I don't want you to tell Xu."

He sighed, slowly sitting up. "Why not?"

It was a request that had just poured out. It's not like she planned for it, and the answer was just as quick to come. "What if?" Was all she said.

"You sound like Irvine. Are you going to betray Garden, too?"

"I'm going to find the truth. That's what Garden's all about."

"Even if the truth is something you don't want to know?"

"Even if." Selphie rose to her feet. "You didn't kill Seifer, Zell. His screams shouldn't be your nightmares." She leaned forward and kissed his forehead. He smiled sadly at her and let her leave. She made her way to the parking garage to get a car to drive to the train station in Balamb Town, mulling over her own words earlier. Even if.

----

Quistis looked out the window to the endless skyline of Esthar. After a long planning session, locked away in her room, she and Squall had called a break. They just needed to separate for a while and process their next move. They both wanted to be with Seifer, but he was in a long physiotherapy session to keep the strength in his leg muscles, followed by his first session with a psychiatrist. He hadn't said much about what happened to him under Astor's control, so she wasn't sure that he would talk about it with a shrink. He probably didn't need that much exercise time since it had only been a few weeks that he'd been immobile, but Seifer pushed himself almost to the point of insanity. He wanted to get better, and it fired both her and Squall up in turn. Squall, of course, hated it because it meant he couldn't be with his lover. But, he had an appointment with his AA counsellor, so that left Quistis on her own. It was a strange feeling, since she was so used to being with Squall and Seifer all the time.

But, she really wasn't alone. Jurgen stood across the hall, leaning against the wall and watching her. Like always. She started slowly walking to nowhere in particular, lost in her own head. Forming routes, planning for every contingency. All the 'what ifs' played in her head over and over again, and even so distracted by what she and Squall had to do, she knew that Jurgen was there.

She stopped in front of a small coffee shop. It wasn't strange to see little places like this peppered within the Palace. The building in itself was a small city, so there were all kinds of restaurants and little shops within the building, similar to an airport or train station. She ordered one black coffee and a green tea. She sat at a small, empty table and pushed the black coffee to the other side and took an experimental sip of her tea. "I didn't get cream or sugar in it, since I didn't know how you like it."

Jurgen looked at the coffee like he'd never seen a cup of it before.

"Well, you're going to have to sit here and watch me drink my tea, so I figured you'd want something, too. Especially because I drink it slow. Look, I even sat so your back wouldn't be to the room."

"But, yours is."

"We both can't sit facing the room, or I'd be in your lap," she pointed out logically. She bowed her head to sip her tea, wondering if it was to actually drink or to hide the flush that she felt moving up her neck.

Jurgen hovered for a bit, then finally lowered himself in the chair across from her. His eyes scanned people walking up and down the hall behind her. He played with the coffee cup, but didn't drink from it. But, Quistis did notice that even though he was so intent on watching for potential danger, his grey eyes did flicker to her now and then. He searched the crowd, but she was the only one he really looked at.

"How close are you to a formative plan?" He asked quietly, still not drinking his coffee.

Quistis nodded slowly as her only response.

"You seem like you don't want to go through with it."

"Of course I don't. I grew up there. Xu was my best friend. To say I'm conflicted would be putting it pretty mildly." And, I wonder if after all we've been through... if I'll be able to stand up for myself in the end? If I'd done that in the first place, I probably wouldn't be in this mess.

"She won't be conflicted, though."

Quistis smirked, draining the last of her tea. As she stood, she said "Maybe that's what I need right now. I don't want to be like her. You don't like coffee?" She asked as Jurgen also stood.

He looked down at the full cup. The tab on the lid hadn't even been pushed back. "Not really."

"Oh. At least I know not to order it for you again, then."

"You need weapons?"

Quistis pursed her lips. Squall had point-blank, in typical tactless Squall style, asked her if Jurgen liked her enough to sneak her out some weapons. Laguna would have done anything for Squall, but not that since he wouldn't let them leave the Palace if he had anything to say about it. "Can you?"

"Depends what you want."

"A few guns, maybe some kind of magic disruptors. Just enough for us to carry with us."

"Fine."

"In repayment, I guess I'll have to get you something other than coffee, huh? Besides that."

Jurgen's pale face instantly flushed. It reminded her of the way that Squall would get so embarrassed so quickly. "I drink water. Plain, but good for you."

Quistis cocked her head. Her hair was loose, and rippled down her shoulder and arm like a golden waterfall. "Water is the building block of life. It's hardly plain." She grinned. "Do you think that because I just bought you coffee that we just had our first date?"

Jurgen actually smiled back. Not just a grin, but a real smile with teeth and everything. She couldn't recall if she'd ever seen him smile before that. It brightened his face and made him look younger. His eyes crinkled around the edges, and his grey irises looked like liquid silver. "I guess for our next one, I'll bring you guns instead of flowers."

"If I survive, you can give me flowers next time." It wasn't exactly flirty, it wasn't exactly a fatalistic promise. She didn't know what it was between them, but she felt comforted that Jurgen didn't seem to know, either.

----

Squall felt like he'd just been beaten with a bag of oranges as he trudged up the quiet, sterile hall to Seifer's room. His AA sessions were very draining, and today seemed especially bad. He knew that he was going to be doing something very dangerous by actually breaking back into Garden, and that it could mean he and Seifer would get separated again, so it was making him want a glass of bourbon and a vial of cocaine. It made him feel weak, and his counsellor wasn't exactly easy on him. So, now all he wanted to do was see Seifer's face and curl up next to him.

When he opened the door to Seifer's room, his blood went a little cold. Seifer was laying on the bed, which was reclined upwards, and Irvine was sitting beside him. Their voices had been low, but they stopped talking altogether when Squall came in. Seifer's blind eyes looked red-rimmed, but Irvine's face gave nothing away.

"Hey, Squall." Irvine rose to his feet. This really was one of the first times he'd seen Squall since Fisherman's Horizon. He'd been staying away from Seifer out of respect, and because he didn't know how Seifer would greet him. Before all this, Irvine had sensed Seifer's hesitations about being Jupiter, and he thought that staying away might be good for his current mindset. But, he really did just want to see Seifer and know that he was doing okay. He cared about Seifer very much, regardless of the Solar System.

He put his cowboy hat back on, and though Squall didn't say anything, his eyes were filled with threats.

"Just visiting a friend," Irvine murmured.

"Irvine," Seifer said gently. His voice sounded soft and distant with painkillers. "Tell Fujin to come see me. I don't give a fuck what Raijin says, or what she thinks I'll say."

"You got it," he said, still looking at Squall as he began to leave.

"Hey, Irvine," Seifer said quietly. He cocked his head, gesturing for Irvine to come closer. When the cowboy hat's brim was near his face, Seifer said quietly, "I quit." He said it just loud enough that Squall could make it out. His breath stopped. Even though he'd been pretty drunk at the time, he remembered one of the captured Solar System members - Mars, dying in Garden custody. And, while in Irvine's care, too.

Irvine smiled gently, looking at Seifer's scarred, swollen, emotionally drained and very determined face. It was hard to tell where Seifer was 'looking', but Irvine still felt very scrutinized. "All right." He then leaned in towards Seifer and kissed him gently on the lips, holding it a little longer than what could be considered platonic. Seifer sat there, frozen in surprise when Irvine's tongue swept across his lower lip. He pulled away and grinned to himself. "Just wanted to see what it was like."

Squall's face had gone paper white and Irvine couldn't help but laugh when he looked at him. "He's a good kisser," Irvine murmured with a wink, tipping his hat as he passed. "You know... if you ever want a new job, I know of a job where your viciousness could come in handy."

Squall stood in silent, jealous rage for a few moments, shocked by Irvine's balls with such a comment. It was broken by Seifer saying "Come over here, okay?"

Squall completely forgot why he was angry when he heard the quiet desperation in Seifer's voice. He could see Seifer's eyes moving around the room in vain, trying to figure out exactly where Squall was standing. Squall strode forward and when Seifer heard him moving, he slowly opened his arms, wanting a hug really badly right then. He let in a shaky breath when he smelled Squall next to him, and swallowed back a sudden lump in his throat when Squall's arms held him tight.

Squall pressed his cheek against the top of Seifer's shaved head, stubble starting to grow back. Seifer was trembling against him, like it was a struggle just to hold his body together. "What happened?" Squall asked. He was pretty sure this reaction had nothing to do with Irvine.

"Bad day," he answered, too choked up to say more than those two words. He'd spent so much time since being in Astor's captivity trying to put what happened to him in perspective. He'd gained that perspective, feeling like he'd been reborn. But, having to dredge it up mentally was obviously very hard. Dr. Golding didn't force him to verbalize what had gone on between Astor and himself, but of course the implication was there, and it made him replay the whole thing mentally, even without having to utter a single word about it.

Squall kissed Seifer's face and didn't offer any clichéd words of encouragement. His silence was comforting. Seifer didn't feel like he was going to cry or anything. He just felt so drained. So raw. He stroked Squall's lean back and shoulders, feeling tension there. "What happened?" He asked, remembering that Squall had his own counselling session today.

"AA's not fun," Squall replied. He thought his problems seemed tiny in comparison to Seifer's, but if he wanted to hear about it, Squall would tell him. "They talk about weaknesses, and how you're feeling inside and why it's making you want to drink, and you're either a superstar who should wear a special crown because you're so awesome and you don't need booze to know that, or you're spineless and weak for wanting it in the first place. Apparently I fall into the latter category. But, my counsellor's also a complete bitch."

"My shrink is nice," Seifer muttered, breathing heavily so he could fill his nose with Squall's scent. "She just let me talk about whatever I felt like."

"What did you talk about?" Squall asked carefully.

"Xu. Astor. You."

"That's lofty company."

"That's not what I meant. But, in those few days they shaped my life as much as you have."

"I probably hurt you even more than they ever could have."

Seifer didn't answer, because denying it would have been a lie that Squall would have seen right through, and that Seifer didn't have the energy to tell.

"So, am I still on The List because of it?"

"Huh? Oh, that." Seifer smirked, momentarily forgetting his sadness. "I'd completely forgotten about that thing. I guess it's something I abandoned when I left Garden. Seemed kinda childish. But, you're still on a List. Maybe not the List, but a List."

"What kind of List?" Squall asked sceptically.

"A good one."

Squall smiled gently, glad that he could bring some warmth into Seifer's voice. But, it was very short lived.

"I lost track of how many times my heart stopped because of the electrocutions," Seifer muttered. His hand slipped up Squall's neck, until he was feeling the other man's pulse. "But, the dying part wasn't what scared me. It was that Astor would come after you. It was looking at what I'd let myself become."

The pain in Seifer's voice was so evident that Squall said "Stop. You don't have to tell me."

"I want to," he said simply. He sat up and looked somewhere near where he thought Squall's eyes might be. "You know as well as anyone that we have to share the bad stuff, too."

"We have lots of time for that."

"Maybe not."

"I thought I was supposed to be the depressing one."

"Have you talked to Odin?"

No reply.

"Squall." He pulled away, frowning. "Seriously?"

"...Whatever."

"Yeah, I had sex with him. So what? It's not like you were being virtuous, either."

"All right, all right!" Squall snapped wearily, knowing he'd lose this battle, big time. "I haven't even seen him in a while. He doesn't stand guard with the other GF."

"He's not like typical GF," Seifer pointed out. "Now that he's back to his full powers, he probably had a lot of other things to take care of. Death doesn't just stop because Garden's in turmoil. I'm not the only thing in the world."

"Maybe not to him."

Seifer felt his face flush pleasurably.

"I'm not taking Bahamut."

"Why not? I think you..."

"No," Squall interrupted. "You need him here. Besides, he's not nearly as powerful when I'm controlling him."

"Powerful enough."

"Seifer, no." If Seifer wasn't going to have arguments about Odin, Squall wasn't going to have any about Bahamut. "Garden's got spies here. I'm sure if there's even a small chance, they'll send someone to kill you. Right now, you're the only proof we have of what Xu's been doing. If you die, then we have nothing to expose her with. And, Bahamut won't come. Now that he knows you, he won't leave the only dragoon unprotected."

"Well, how can I argue then?"

"You can't," said Squall. "So instead of arguing, you wanna kiss me instead?"

"Always." Squall's mouth tasted like heaven. After tasting such gentle warmth, it was amazing to Seifer that people could think Squall was cold.

Seifer heard the door swish open, and when he didn't hear a gasp of surprise or some sort of stammered apology, he figured it was Quistis. She proved him right when she said "I hope I'm not stopping something that was going to become sex. But, if it were... you know, you could keep going."

"I'm on those pills, remember?" Seifer pointed out as Squall pulled away from him. Even in front of Quistis, he was still a little tense about showing affection. But, at least he wasn't pulling away the very second she approached. Baby steps were the only kind Squall could make. Luckily, Seifer found that attractive.

Quistis came and sat down in one of the plastic chairs beside the bed after giving both men a quick kiss on the lips. She waited for a few moments before saying "We'll have weapons."

"Jurgen?" Squall asked. He pulled away from Seifer and sat in one of the other bedside chairs.

"Yeah."

"I really need to meet this guy. Especially since he's dating my Quisty," Seifer murmured.

"Who said anything about dating?" She scoffed. "Just because the guy is giving me some guns."

"You're allowed to like boys, Quisty. Hyne knows the two of us do." Seifer grinned because he knew Squall blushed just then.

"I don't have to like them all the time. There's too much other stuff going on right now to worry about my social life," she ranted. "Besides," she amended. "If he's still around after all this is over, maybe then he'll be a prime candidate. And, he's already moving up the ranks because he hasn't A: shot you, B: sold humiliating photographs of me to a tabloid, or C: slept with a woman who pretended to be my friend and then tried to kill me."

"Please don't let those be your only criteria," Seifer murmured lowly, his head flopping back on the pillow. The pills were getting a bigger stranglehold on him and it didn't look like they would let him stay awake, no matter how much he wanted to.

"Anyway, we should be ready to leave by morning."

Squall nodded, but he wasn't happy about it. Fuck the rest of the world. He just wanted to be here and be left alone with Seifer and Quistis.

"You getting Irvine and Fujin to help you?"

"The subject hasn't come up," Quistis answered.

"I don't want it."

"Don't be stubborn," mothered the former Instructor. "We need all the help we can get. Especially trying to get to Balamb."

"What about Rinoa?" Seifer asked.

"Out of the question." This time, it was Quistis who firmly protested. "They could sense her magical signature from ten kilometres away."

"And, you don't trust her yet."

"And, I don't trust her yet."

"Odin will help, too. Especially were Eden is concerned. You two can't take that thing on."

"I don't want to, either." Squall's distaste for the great swordsman was far overshadowed by the memory of Eden's magic, wrapping around him like hands straight from Hell, trying to pull him under. And, Seifer's screams coming out of its nail-filled mouth. Instinctively, he reached across the bed and found Seifer's hand, squeezing it tight.

"I wish I could come with you."

"You're sitting this one out," Quistis ordered.

"Teacher's orders?"

"You bet. Though, I wouldn't be surprised if you ignored them, since you always were my most delinquent student." She chuckled and playfully swatted his good leg, glad he couldn't see the strain around her eyes.

---

The sun could only just be seen over the horizon when Luchia finally emerged from the seemingly endless stairwell hidden within Tears Point. The dawn winds were chilly, and Esthar was a shadowy, hulking mountain in the distance. She only knew it was dawn, but not which day was beginning. Far below the ground, in a meeting session that was still bending her perceptions, she'd lost all track of time. It could have been hours, or it could have been months. Garden seemed so small and far away.

In the background, a male Behemoth let out a great bellow. It sounded angry, or aroused. She couldn't tell their noises apart. The noise could have been happening right beside her, but she was concentrating on the small object in her hand, and the instructions running through her head. She'd been forbidden to write them down, but why would she need to? The words were burned in her mind forever. The object that she held in her icy hand seemed so meaningless - a small obsidian pendant in an antique, ornate setting. Though it was old, it wasn't tarnished. It had been very well taken care of. The oval cut stone was polished to brilliance, and was on a delicate platinum chain. Even now, when it was still just an antique pendant that smelled of the mysterious perfume that had just worn the pendant hours ago. A woman whose face had shocked Luchia unlike anything else she'd seen in her entire life - which was saying something considering what she'd just seen.

There was a pick-up truck waiting for her, nestled in the shadow of one of the grand statues, her face still cracked from the Lunar Cry. Luchia walked over to it and slid behind the wheel, the pendant's thin chain wrapped around her cold fingers. It hung there in front of the steering wheel, glinting in the rising sunlight. So harmless in her hands, and yet it was at its peak potential for great power in another's. Could she do this?

Luchia shook her head at herself as she started the engine. She would have smirked at her own moment of indecision and weakness, if she were that sort of person. A smile was a completely foreign thing to her. As she drove away from Tears Point, her almost inhuman blue eyes looked in the rear view mirror, and thought she saw the silhouette of a tall, broad man watching her drive away. It happened so quickly that it seemed like a play of light, but she knew better. She nodded and raised her hand in a farewell greeting, knowing he'd seen it, wherever he was watching from.