Author's notes: Hee hee. This chapter was by far the most fun to write. It made me giggle, and I hope it at least elicits a smile from all of you!!

Warnings: it's Captain Carnage, guys…weird shit.

7. Captain Carnage

Rorschach leaned over Archie's console, staring intently as Nite Owl punched in the coordinates. "What's the call?" His voice was gravel-rough and tense. Nite Owl barely looked up from the console,

"Bank robbery, looks like. Possible bomb threat, seventeen hostages." Rorschach nodded tersely and sat in his seat. Nite Owl powered up his Owlship and shot into the late afternoon sky. Usually, they didn't really work days, it made Rorschach uncomfortable and Daniel needed sleep. But when Ozymandias contacted Nite Owl about a bank robbing that he "simply couldn't be there for" (like it was on appointment basis with the guy or something), Nite Owl simply couldn't pass it up. He glanced over at his silent partner, grinning, "And you didn't want to take the communicator. Imagine how irritated you'd be if you missed this."

Rorschach grunted, "Still think it's a bad idea. It's too loud, ostentatious. It's risky carrying it around, Nite Owl."

It was Daniel who turned around to fully face him, exasperation and disbelief overcoming the waves of excitement he'd been riding on moments before. "It-it's a watch, Rorschach. That beeps if I need you. Twice. It even tells time like a real watch. It is a real watch. Only it beeps. Sometimes. How is that at all ostentatious?"

Rorschach was silent. Letting it slide, Nite Owl turned back to the console, intent on the job of flying Archie. "Okay, so there's cops at the scene already. They filled me in before I called you. It's a hostage situation and the guy only wants to deal with masks. No normal police. It's weird, but I don't really care at the moment. Anyways, from what they told me, he's got a bomb and weird, new weapons that nobody can identify. Apparently, the shit glows." He shook his head, "It's like they're all trying to be like Moloch or something. Anyways, I think I should go in first." Rorschach jerked his head to glare at Nite Owl, who sighed, "Let's face it Rorschach. You're not very good at negotiations. And the guy has hostages. And big, glowing guns."

"Exactly," Rorschach growled, "He has advanced weaponry, therefore a more serious threat. Therefore, going by yourself is an extremely stupid idea."

Nite Owl grinned, "Your concern is flattering, but there are hostages to think about. And really, you're more likely to piss this guy off than I am; you're not very good with people. Don't worry, if I need you, I'll page you on your ultra loud, super obvious communicator." Rorschach growled again, sounding dangerous, but Nite Owl had already put the ship on hover and threw open the hatch. With a jaunty wink, Nite Owl jumped down the hatch into the open air, leaving Rorschach to deal with the beginnings of a headache that was not from worry.

Nite Owl had landed behind the group of police and greeted them politely, "Good afternoon, officers."

They turned, glanced him over, then the captain grudgingly stepped forward, "Uh..Nite Owl. Its…good to have you here." Nite Owl got the impression they were vaguely embarrassed that they had to ask the help of a twenty-something year old man dressed up like a big owl. Dan understood; he'd be embarrassed too. "This is Johnston. He's a trained negotiator, specializes in hostage situations. He'll be assisting you."

Nite Owl was glad the goggles were dark, so they couldn't see him roll his eyes. Oh, that'll go down real great with Rorschach, who was weirdly touchy about that kind of stuff. Like he half-expected Nite Owl to tell him to find another partner. But there wasn't really anything he could do about it, so he nodded stiffly and stretched out his hand, "Officer Johnston." The man was young, about his age, and he looked like he was trying to smother great fascination. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad. The guy was more cheerful than Rorschach, anyways. Which was in no way fair.

Nite Owl cautiously opened the door to the bank and peered around the corner. His eyes closed and he sighed, dropping his fists in disappointment, "Oh, you've got to be kidding me. You again?" No longer bothering to be cautious, he straightened and walked over to the lobby.

The bomber with the terrible, glowy weapons was the one and only Captain Carnage, dressed in a grating lime green jumpsuit with an orange "C" stamped to his chest. Behind his bright yellow domino mask, his eyes widened in delight, "Ah! The feathered dispenser of justice! We meet again! But where is your monochromed man of violence?" He pouted a little, "I did so wish to encounter him." Dan resisted the urge to slap his palm to his forehead. Barely. Because really, could this get any stupider? "What do you want, Carnage? You know I'm just gonna leave you with the police like last time." Daniel gestured to Johnston, who looked beyond confused.

Unfortunately, he was unfazed, "Ah, but this time I have obtained new technology the likes of which have never been beheld by mortal eyes! Behold!" With a flourish, Captain Carnage pulled out his aforementioned weapon. Dan's eyes widened in disbelief.

"It's a…really big water gun, Carnage. Painted purple and black. With a pocket flashlight taped to the inside. Look, you can kind of see the outline on the ins—what the hell?" He glared irritably at Johnston, "You called us out here to parley with an irritating masochist with a glowing water gun?"

Johnston immediately took the defensive, "Hey, man, from the security cameras all we could see was a big glowing gun. Don't blame us." Daniel turned his glare to the civilians, who all looked fairly sheepish.

Before Dan could say something along the lines of wow you guys are stupid, one of the upper windows exploded. Everyone jumped and a few people screamed as a tan and purple nutcase burst through the window. And not just any nutcase, Dan's nutcase. Daniel glared, "Nice, Rorschach. Nice." He was sure Rorschach was glaring daggers at him, "I got sick of waiting." He turned and considered Carnage. Dan could swear he could see the raised eyebrows, "This is it?"

The good Captain looked ridiculously offended and Dan distantly wondered how far his inclination for drama and hyperbole actually went. Carnage recovered quickly, "But you clearly do not know me, for I am the great and feared Captain Carnage!" He waved his hands with such flourish it made Dan embarrassed for him, "And the false weaponry was but a ruse to distract your ornithological comrade here from the true danger! Beware, for I hold in my hand a remote that could trigger a bomb explosion that would cleave the city in twain!" Rorschach stiffened, legs coiled to spring, fists clenched. Dan sighed heavily, rolling his eyes, "So go ahead."

Everyone was looking at him. Rorschach growled. Carnage blinked, "Wuh—what?"

Daniel pinched the bridge of his nose through his headpiece, "I said go ahead. Blow up half of New York. I want to see it." Carnage looked gobsmacked, "well-well…the—you…you cannot…I-uh. Very clever, winged justice!" Damn, he's still talking, "You discovered my plot. But I have soiled the tranquil peace of these civilians! Brought them, through my own dastardly falsities, eye to eye with their own mortality, scarring some, perhaps forever. I should be punished for these transgressions!"

"No," Dan felt like he was talking to a psych ward patient…or…no, he definitely was, "The only thing you brought these people face to face with is their own stupidity and trust me, they'll live." He glanced around at the "hostages" at large, "Anyone feel scarred for life? No? Well then. C'mon Rorschach. This was a massive waste of time." Rorschach grumbled, no doubt a little confused and maybe as disappointed as Dan, but he followed without comment.

At the Owlship, Rorschach turned on Dan, "Take it you've met Carnage before?" His voice was tight, irritated. Dan was confused, "Uh. Yes?"

Rorschach growled, "Would've been nice if you would have informed me. Once the identity of the threat had been made known."

Dan's eyes widened. He hadn't really thought of that. He'd been so annoyed with the whole situation that he'd completely forgotten about his overly paranoid partner who, from the sound of it, had been sitting in the Owlship going crazy. Shit, and Rorschach was worried about Dan finding another partner? "Ah. Hell, man. I didn't—I mean…I forgot." Shame colored his face, "I'm sorry."

"Hrn." Rorschach supplied, the verbal equivalent of a shrug, and leaned back in his seat. The rest of the ride they sat in comfortable silence. When they got to the basement, Daniel invited Rorschach up to his house. They only had a few hours left 'til patrol after all and wouldn't he like something to eat? Rorschach declined, "I have…some things to take care of." And trudged down the tunnel. He didn't really have anything to take care of, he just didn't relish the thought of sitting in Nite Owl's kitchen as the man stumbled through small talk to which Rorschach never knew how to respond.

Dusk was nearing and dusty purple shadows bathed the streets below. Rorschach crept through the halls of a half ruined, abandoned hotel, using the growing shadow to mask his stalking movements. He'd received a tip that some illicit dealings occurred here in the shadows and dust of the old corpse building. Suddenly, a burst of color shot out of one to the doors, startling Rorschach. Instinctively, he lashed out at the figure, catching two punches to the face and a vicious kick to the side. The large "C" of the man's chest gave him pause. The look of arousal and loud ragged breathing stopped him from beating him up again, just because Rorschach didn't really appreciate being startled.

Captain Carnage's eyes flew open angrily, "Why have you ceased your punitive beating? It was I who led you astray, who threatened civilians and your partner! Do I not deserve to be punished? Punish me!"

Rorschach looked at him, disgusted, "No. Pervert." He turned and walked back down the hallway. Carnage followed, shouting, "Oh, I see! Just because you feel I have a problem, a disability, you think I don't deserve punishment?! Come back here, you coward! You-you communist!"

Rorschach had had more than enough of this man. He seized him by the throat and pulled him close, "Shut. Up." He growled in his most intimidating voice.

Carnage leered and leaned into his hand, pulling himself forward so that their noses were brushing against each other, mouth nearing mouth, "Commie."

That was it. Rorschach jerked back, repulsed (and a little creeped out) and dragged Carnage down the hall by the neck. Swiftly, he swung open the door to the old service elevator and flung the deviant down the gaping hole. Carnage had been too surprised even to yell.

Rorschach growled and headed for Nite Owl's basement. The was his head was feeling, he was in serious need of some coffee.

A/N: YAY! Ok, so that was fun. Hope you guys enjoyed that! Oh, and question. I know it seems super premature to ask, but the issue may come up in one of my next drabbles. Walter's eyes, blue or brown? I know I'm trying to go really canon here, but I love the blue eyes. So I dunno. Thank you!