A/N: Hey guys! So are you ready for some Crimebusters fail-fest?? Yay! There was actually a chapter that was supposed to come before this, but it stopped being funny and started being ANGSTY and I have no idea why. Sooo… this comes first because it flows better, I think.

Warnings: none.

16. Crimebusters

"C'mon, c'mon, c'mon Rorschach, we're gonna be late!" Dan was rushing Rorschach through tying an unconscious criminal to a lamppost, which Rorschach did not appreciate.

"Nite Owl, we have an airship. Not going to be late. Shouldn't rush things." Rorschach glared at his impatient friend who was currently bouncing on the balls of his feet in excitement, "Don't see the hurry anyways. Not going to be like another Minutemen, Nite Owl. Shouldn't want another Minutemen either. Had enough problems as it is. Don't expect new generation is going to offer anything more than new problems. Besides, they all lived together."

Daniel, who up to this point had been ignoring Rorschach's grumblings, looked at him in surprise, "Yeah… some of them did. I'm pretty sure you don't have to. Hollis didn't. Is that what's bothering you?"

"No." Which Dan took to mean yes but I'm not gonna admit it, "Merely something to consider. You might end up in a room next to Dr. Manhattan Daniel. Wouldn't be so amazing re-living Mason's life now, would it?"

Dan snorted, "Right. Or you might end up across the hall from Silk Spectre. That's what's really bothering you, isn't it?"

Rorschach looked vaguely scandalized at the suggestion, then shrugged, "Not wholly. Just shouldn't get your hopes up, Daniel. Past isn't always a wonderful place."

"Yeah, I know. It's just… Okay, so you know when I was a kid I was really into mythology and stuff?" Dan explained, blushing.

"Still interested in mythology and stuff. Named Owlship Archimedes. Going to assume it wasn't after mathematician."

Dan laughed, "No, it was after--"

"Merlin's pet owl from Sword in the Stone, yes Daniel, I know."

Dan looked surprised, "Did I already tell you…?"

Rorschach shook his head, "No. Surmised it from previous conversations and your penchant for asinine Disney movies."

Daniel laughed harder, "Haha, you'll never forgive me for that, will you? Look, I know Walt Disney wasn't the greatest guy ever, but that doesn't mean I can't like his movies."

"Book is superior."

"Well, yeah. They usually are… Oh nevermind! This is not the point I was trying to get at! Okay, so as a kid- and yes, now- I was really into King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table. I mean, when I was a kid, I wanted to be like Sir Galahad and ride around the country saving people. This crime fighting thing sorta came out of those fantasies. So to hear that Captain Metropolis is trying again… I think it's fantastic."

"Chivalry was only shown to women of high rank and noble birth among knights. Historically, knights would take advantage of those of lower rank, especially feudal serfs. To demonstrate their authority, or merely because of boredom."

Daniel frowned, "Thanks man. I'm not sure what you're trying to--"

"Am trying to tell you, Daniel," Rorschach looked over at him, "That things are not always so good and noble as the past paints them. Establishments are rarely so. It is up to the individuals whether or not they wish to be pure and good." He paused, staring intently at Daniel, "Don't need to be part of a group to do good."

Daniel smiled, "Yeah, okay. Thanks." He opened Archie's hull and started up the engines, "You know that even if this thing goes through, you're still my partner, right?"

Rorschach was silent for a moment, then he looked at Dan almost teasingly, "Not so sure, Daniel. Seemed quite enamoured with Silk Spectre last time we saw her. Would make excellent partner."

Dan laughed again, "Aw, shut up you creepy jerk."

"Am not creepy Daniel."

***

"Well, firstly, let me say I'm pleased to see so many of you here. Very pleased," The man in an Air Force style uniform and blue cape beamed out at them all, "Secondly, for those who only know me as Captain Metropolis, the name's Nelson Gardner. Call me Nelson," Rorschach shifted nervously beside Dan, who gave him a reassuring look, "Third, uh, I guess I should welcome everybody to the first ever meeting of the Crimebusters!"

A man in leather armor with combat boots on the desk belched. Dan glared at him pointedly, which earned a pointed glare shot his way from his own partner. Rorschach had something of an inexplicable hero-worship for the Comedian. Dan couldn't see why, the Comedian was rude, ruthless and, from what Hollis told him, not a whole lot better than the people they arrested on the streets. It was actually kind of disturbing how Rorschach was willing to excuse or ignore the Comedian's past misdeeds, only accepting him as a hero and a costumed veteran. It was like how Daniel saw Hollis. Only Dan wasn't delusional about it.

"Bullshit." The word and a breathful of smoke billowed out of the Comedian's sneering mouth, interrupting Nelson's speech. Nelson looked shocked.

"What?"

"I said bullshit," the Comedian continued belligerently, "This whole idea, this Crimebuster shtick, it stinks."

"Th-that isn't true." Nelson stammered, looking for all the world like a kid getting picked on in the playground. Dan was compelled to speak up.

"Uh, listen, let's not throw the idea out right away," Dan raised his hands in what he figured to be a diplomatic gesture. Rorschach shifted behind him and suddenly, Dan wondered whose side Rorschach would take if it came to it. The immature jerk in Dan decided to test it out, "Me and Rorschach have made headway into the gang problem by pooling our efforts."

Dan could tell Rorschach knew what he was doing as he glared at the back of his head. "Obviously, I agree," he said, trying to sound as neutral as possible, "But a group this size seems like a publicity exercise somehow. It's too big and unwieldy."

"Surely that's just an organizational problem?" The blonde man Daniel recognized as Ozymandias spoke up for the first time, "With the right person coordinating the group, I think--"

"Oh, an' I wonder who that would be?" the Comedian's voice was pitched high with false thoughtfulness, "Got any ideas, Ozzy?" he smirked at the blonde man, voice pitched normal, "I mean, you are the smartest man in the world, right?" His tone implied that he had no doubt of it, and also thought it was the most useless thing in the world.

Ozymandias, to his credit, looked unfazed, "It doesn't require a genius to see that America has problems that need tackling."

"Yeah, but it takes a roomful of morons to think they're small enough for you clowns to handle. What's going down in this world, you got no idea. Believe me." Suddenly, he looked deadly and serious and Daniel got the impression he was looking at a man who knew every horrible secret there was in the world. It made him shiver.

"I think I'm as well informed as anyone. Given the correct handling, none of the world's problems are insurmountable," Ozymandias countered coolly. Dan admired his calm. "All it takes is a little intelligence."

The Comedian snorted, "Which you got in spades, right?" He turned to the group at large, "You people are a joke. You hear Moloch's back in town and you think 'oh boy! Let's gang up and bust him!' You think that matters? You think that solves anything."

"Well, of course it matters," this would be the only time Daniel would ever hear Rorschach sound unsure of himself, "If--"

"It don't matter squat. Here--" He reached in his back pocket and pulled out a lighter, ignoring Nelson's weak protests, "Lemme show ya why it don't matter." He lit the display on fire. "It don't matter squat because inside thirty years, the nukes are gonna be flyin' like maybugs," He lit his cigar and strode out the door, "And then Ozzy here," he taunted over his shoulder, "Is gonna be the smartest man on the cinder. Now, pardon me, but I got an appointment." He laughed, harsh and cold, "See you in the funny papers."

There was an awkward silence before Dan heard Dr. Manhattan's girlfriend, Janey whisper to him, "Jon, I think I'd like to go home now, please." Her voice full of hurt and anger. Probably because Jon was making eyes at Laurie the whole time, Dan thought uncharitably. And she's what? Fifteen? And he's older than Daniel. Dan turned to Rorschach only to find him halfway out the door himself. Dan turned hurriedly to Nelson, "Listen, uh, Nelson…this isn't working out. Maybe…"

"Please! Don't all leave!" Nelson pleaded with the retreating backs of the next generation of costumed heroes. Daniel gave him an apologetic look and hurried out the door after his partner. Nelson's words, "Somebody has to do it, don't you see? Somebody has to save the world!" ringing in his ears.

Dan saw Rorschach waiting patiently for him outside the Owlship. He forced a smile and opened the hatch. They flew halfway to Daniel's house before Rorschach broke the silence.

"Understand you're disappointed Daniel. Can't say I'm surprised, but am sorry for your sake."

Dan grinned wryly, "It's okay buddy. I guess it wouldn't have been the same anyways."

"It wouldn't." Rorschach affirmed, "But you still would have done good."

"We would have done good, you mean," Dan grinned at him, "We're partners. Sorry I put you on the spot back there against the Comedian."

"Ehn. Should know better than to cross masked veteran Daniel."

Daniel smiled, "I almost thought you weren't going to say anything."

Rorschach turned fully to look at him, "Wouldn't embarrass you like that."

"I know. I'm sorry." There was a pause, and then Daniel chuckled, "You know what I almost told him, at the beginning when he was drinking that shit from that flask?"

"What?"

"That maybe we should agree to no drinking at meetings. Just to see what he'd say."

Rorschach groaned, "Glad you didn't embarrass me like that. Would have been the stupidest thing you've said in a while."

Daniel laughed, "Yeah, I know. But still. I kinda wish I had. I only didn't because I was a little intimidated." He grimaced, not liking to admit it.

"Comedian is intimidating man." Rorschach shrugged, "It's understandable."

"Yeah, and you were worried about me and Silk Spectre!" Dan teased, "What about you and the Comedian? There's a match made in hell."

"Now who's being creepy Daniel?"

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A/N: Yaaay! Fail-fest! Whoo! Well, this was written in about a half an hour right before dinner. It's not the most exciting thing to ever reach the screen. Haha. And you may have noticed that, as tempting as it was, I didn't go movie!verse on this one for a few reasons. One: there was no Nelson. This I found to be unacceptable, I love Nelson, he's adorable. Two: "Why don't we all agree to no drinking at meetings" Dan?? Really? I thought it was a silly thing to say. Adorable, but silly and I feel like Rorschach woulda punched him or something for it. And I reeeaaallly wanted to put in the "JUSTICE MATTERS" line because that scene made me scream, but it didn't fit with "OMG IT'S THE COMEDIAN" That Rorschach was being right then. Well, hope you enjoyed, the next one's a tad angsty and I'm going to go eat. I'M HUNGRY.