The life and times of Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez

by Kurotsuki-Tenchi

Shirotsuki-Tenchi: Ordered by Aizen all the Espada are forced to write within a journal. Follow Grimmjow as he writes about his crazy and insane life as an Espada. Because with a base full of bloodthirsty and twitchy Arrancars life can never be too dull.

3. Week Three

(Read this!!!!) Authors note: Hello again, it is I Shirotsuki-Tenchi with another chapter of The life and times of Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez. I personally think my reviewers from the bottom of my heart, both of them. ima-glomp-you and lamekirby, they are my new best friends for now. Anyway I have been running out of ideas, so if any of you want to submit me some feel free. Because if I run out of ideas there will be no more story, so please help. Thank you!

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach, or Ulquiorra. (Cries in corner) They are owned by their rightful owners. If I ever figure out where the creator lives than I will go to his house and threaten him to release Ulquiorra and Grimmy into my custody. Creators you have been warned.

Day fifteen
Sunday
Dear fucking journal,

We are suppose to be a organized group of evil villains who are suppose to kill all those who stand in our way. A group of bad guys who strike fear into our enemies and terrify those who even looks our way. So why in the hell did we, under Aizen's orders of course, have to go to the real world and go on a scavenger hunt? He even made it a competitive hunt, much to my dismay.

I swear Aizen's just messing with us, it's his favorite thing to do after all. So anyway we were sent to an abandoned city in the middle of nowhere with a list of things to get. Even worse than the prospect of searching through rubble for shit we don't know is the fact that we had to do them in groups of 3.

So me, Ulquiorra, and the pink freak were forced to look for shit together. I still haven't gotten an answer from Ulquiorra for his reason for stalking me, technically he hasn't even talked to me for that matter. I had wanted to talk to him about it today until pink freak came into the picture, now I was stuck with hearing him complain all day about being separated from that damn spoon.

I swear after today if I hear the name Nnoitra one more time I will kill someone, I swear. So there we were searching through the city for shit I could care less about with a constant complaining in my ear. At least Ulquiorra is quiet, if I was stuck with pink freak on a day to day basis I would seriously kill him.

The worst part is what we had to look for, and let me tell you it wasn't as easy as it would seem. First we had to find something called tequila, I had no fucking idea it was a alcoholic drink. I'm betting Gin was the one who put that on the list, it just seems like something he'd do. Next was a battery powered clock, what the hell why Aizen want something like that? I didn't even know what it was and if it wasn't for Ulquiorra we would've never had found it. Than we had to find an ordinate tea cup set that was in pristine condition, do you know how fucking hard it is to find something like that in an abandoned city!?

Other than that we had to find more things that do not bear mentioning, some of them still creep me out. It turned out we did win, we got a prize of no patrolling for a day. Whoopdie fucking do. It's so fucking annoying when our leader can't come up with a better prize for running around an empty city with pink freak and Ulquiorra! He had no idea how much torture I went through and sometimes I wish I could push it all onto Aizen himself.

So glad that today is over with, this is just too much.

Day sixteen
Monday
Dear fucking journal,

I finally got a word out of Ulquiorra today, well actually it was two. He actually said 'shut up' to me. Why that is a fucking accomplishment worth mentioning I have no clue. It started out as a normal day during patrol and I kept bothering him to tell me why he was stalking me. He then got really quiet, more so than usual if that's even possible and then said shut up to me.

Now if you've ever been on the receiving end of Ulquiorra's anger you knew to shut up and back off immediately. This one time I seen him get mad at one of the Arrancar who disobeyed Aizen's orders, lets just say there wasn't enough left of him to scrap off the floor. So at his glare I shut up but continued to glare back, because come on I'm evil I'm always either glaring or smiling menacingly.

Other than that one of the faccion of the others decided to play a fucking prank on me. Halibel might have to get a new one soon, because I don't know if that one bitch survived or not. She thought it would be funny to put a bowl of milk and in front of my door, it turned out to be a trap and a bucket of water landed on me. Now normally I wouldn't have gotten so mad at a simple prank, but it was water and it was cold.

Anyone that knows me knows I despise water, to the point in which I have to be literally forced to take a shower. (Even though I do like to lay in my bathtub when it's dry.) I hate cold water even more, I will not take a shower unless the water is so hot I fell my skin burn. And I got covered in freezing cold water, lets just say that bitch was missing most of her face by the time I was done with her.

I had warned them long ago not to screw with me, and she went and screwed with me. Personally I hate all faccion, they are so fucking annoying. That was why I don't have one for myself, I can't stand them. Now I understand Stark to where his is his actual Zanpakuto but still, that little brat was annoying as hell.

Halibel had glared at me after I beat the living shit out of that bitch but I just glared back. After I told her what had happened she nodded before going to warn her other followers. I don't think there will be a repeat performance, I did beat her up in front of a lot of the other fraccion so hopefully that'll teach them to watch it around me.

Other than that however the rest of the day went by uneventful. I will get Ulquiorra to tell me why he was stalking me, even if I have to force it out of him.

Day seventeen
Tuesday
Dear fucking journal,

Life officially and utterly fucking sucks, let me tell you. I think someone is reading my journal, which is something you don't want to do. I'm betting on it being fox face, and if I'm able to prove it is I swear I'm going to beat his fucking face in. I could tell because I hide this thing, and everyday when I bring it out to write in it is always slightly out of alignment in which I put it in. Yes I do notice that shit. Isn't it bad enough that I got to write in this? But now I have some idiot reading my thoughts, and they better hope I don't find out who it is.

If you're reading this whoever you are then I'm fucking coming for you! So watch your back!

Other than that I had a major showdown with Tousen, I swear I hate that pussy. Why would someone so devoted to justice work with a bunch of bad guys who like nothing more than to kill a few innocents. I swear he gets so high and mighty when I kill a few people, well if he didn't want to see this shit he shouldn't have came along with Aizen. He actually threatened me today, that fucking soul reaper. Next to Aizen he's the second on my 'I wish I could kill' list, followed closely by Gin and every single fraccion in this damn place.

Oh and I got my journal painted today, more like Aizen ordered us to but oh well. He gathered 2 of the greatest artists amongst the arrancar and forced them to paint our journals. My journal is now blue with a large black 6 on it, there is even a stalking panther on the other side which made me like it a lot. They were actually pretty good, they were both sister arrancar that didn't have much strength. But they were amazing artists, which is hard to come by in Hueco Mundo.

Most arrancar were fighters but those two weren't, they were actually very talented at art. Even more surprising I think one of them has a crush on me. Which is pretty weird, I usually don't instill those type of feelings into others. The second sister obviously likes Ulquiorra, who just ignored her in return. It was actually quite funny to see how he reacted towards her, though she didn't look as if she was actually trying to gain his attention to begin with.

She did do a good job on Ulquiorra's book however, though I only caught a glimpse. It was the same shade as his eyes, which was actually quite cool. With a large black 4 on the front and a cool bat like thing on the other side, I have to say it did look awesome. And even Ulquiorra looked pleased with the results, well as much as he could with his usual expressionless face.

When they had finished and we were leaving I notice a look passed between the 2 sisters. They looked at each other before looking at both me and Ulquiorra and then they smiled the same damn creepy smile at our retreating forms. It was the type of smile one would have when they knew everything, the type that Aizen tries to pull off but doesn't quite succeed completely. But I got the actual idea that they did know everything and it fucking creeped me out, I'll have to keep an eye on those 2 in the future.

Other than the 2 sisters and someone reading my journal everything else went by smoothly, though Ulquiorra is still refusing to talk to me. But whatever, I'll get him to speak eventually.

Day eighteen
Wednesday
Dear fucking journal,

I hate Aizen with every fiber of my being! I swear he will do stuff just to fucking mess with us! Like what happened with today, which I have dubbed swimming day. Yeah you heard right, swimming. Everyone in this fucking place knows I hate water with a passion, especially cold water but does that stop them from messing with me? No it fucking doesn't!

I'll start out from the beginning, which wasn't that interesting. Aizen had changed our patrol routes to where we had to go another completely fucking different way. We had to change our entire course in one day, do you know how hard that is!? And worse it took us right beside a large lake, yes you heard me a lake, in the middle of Hueco Mundo.

Have you ever learned of a large lake in the middle of an endless desert? No I didn't think so, and what's worse? It's the fucking size of a small city, I have never seen this lake until today. I think Aizen created it just to screw with me, he knows how much I hate water. And than making us patrol right beside it? To much of a fucking coincidence.

So me and Ulquiorra are walking around this large lake, I am walking 20 feet from it myself. When suddenly something hits me in the back of the head, sending me flying straight into the lake. Let me point out a few facts about this scenario that really pissed me off.

Fact number 1: That lake was cold, remember how I hate the cold? Yeah that lake was fucking cold, so cold in fact I'm still shivering from it.

Fact number 2: The lake was deep, which in my shock filled fall straight into the middle of said lake I forgot to swim back up. Fucking embarrassing that I almost drowned, could you imagine what people would say if they learned that the 6th Espada was defeated by water?

Fact number 3: I didn't catch who tossed me in, and that bastard Ulquiorra wasn't helping at all. He probably knew that someone was sneaking up on us, it just seemed like something he'd know. And he probably even knew who it was, but did he tell me? No he didn't even give me a slight warning that I was going to be fucking hit into the lake that sat menacingly to my right as we patrolled.

Fact number 4: There were many lower level arrancar in that lake, lower level arrancar that likes to eat things that falls into their lake. I almost got eaten by a catfish the size of Yammy and Zammari put together. Do you know how embarrassing it would be for me, to get eaten by a fish? That's just adding insult to injury, there was no way in hell I was being taken down by a fish.

For dinner that day I had fried catfish, I even got some of the other Espada to eat as well. Yammy ate of course, I don't think even Aizen could keep him from food. Stark refused, saying something about not liking fish. Halibel and Barringan didn't even bother with it. Zammari, pink freak and even that damn spoon ate some. But the most surprising was Ulquiorra who sat down and ate some as well, I think he got tired of us all gaping at him however and finished quickly before leaving.

So after my not so nice swimming day the most I want to do is sleep.

Day nineteen
Thursday
Dear fucking journal,

I figured out who fucking pushed me in the lake, and I even got my revenge all in one day. It started out by going to breakfast like I do every morning. But before I entered the kitchen I heard pink freak congratulating that damn spoon on his plan, I have exceptional hearing after all. So after listening a little longer I learned the true reason, that it was to get back at me for breaking his jaw.

So as I stood there growling I almost burst in there and beat the living shit out of him. But I stopped myself before I did that, he wouldn't be humiliated enough for my revenge if he died. So I came up with a perfect way to get back at him, a simple plan that put him in his place. I didn't care that he's higher than me in numbers, I vowed to show him not to mess with me.

So after careful planning, evil laughter along with rubbing my hands together, and Ulquiorra giving me odd looks all day I came up with my plan during patrol. It was simple really, only taking a few stealth skills, a box of permanent markers, a pair of scissors and the need for revenge to pull it off.

I think Ulquiorra knew what I was planning even though I didn't tell him, he has ways for finding these things out after all. He just watched me today as I planned as though I was going insane, but hey at least he's acknowledging my existence now. It wasn't just 4 days ago that he was acting as if I didn't exist.

It started after that damn spoon went on patrol with pink freak, when I was sure he was gone I snuck into his room. Taking the scissors I carefully cut parts off of each of his collars that looked like a large spoon. I than took the markers and on the back of said collars where he wouldn't be able to see it I wrote a lot of things that were pretty uncalled for. One of them being what he and pink freak did in their spare time. After making sure that every one of them were like that I carefully gathered my things and snuck back out.

You should've seen his face when he walked out wearing one of his outfits, I made sure to distroy the one he was wearing while on patrol in a mock spar earlier that day. The top part that was usually a spoon now looked like a spork, with a perfect spiked top. And writen on the back to which he probably didn't notice or else he wouldn't have worn that one, was a sentence that doesn't bear mentioning. It said something about the sounds that pink freak made when they were together, even better it was written in hot pink.

It wasn't until pink freak himself saw the hood did he actually realize that something was writen on the back. But by then every Espada as well as most of the fraccion had seen it by then, so he is now the laughing stalk of Hueco Mundo. I personally can't wait until he gets to the hood that has printed on the back with my own personal touch. It has a drawing of me, as good as I could draw myself, smirking and telling him not to mess with me.

I now call him that damn spork, which is infinitely more funnier to see him react to than just 'that damn spoon'. His glare intensifies, and his face turns a fetching shade of red. Pink freak's reactions are hilarious as well, considering most of those comments are related to him. He gets mad and starts to scream at me, which while doing so his voice raises into a shriek most of the time heard from angry females. I don't even have to embarrass pink freak, he does it all on his own.

After such an eventful day I can go to bed satisfied.

Day twenty
Friday
Dear fucking diary,

Well today went about normally, as much as it could with being in the Espada. Aizen still thought he was God, Gin was a creepy bastard, and I still wanted to punch Tousen through a fucking wall...twice.

I woke up like normal and ate breakfast like every other day. Most of the Arrancars were in the kitchen eating breakfast as well when I made my way there. Gin was hiding in the shadows ready to pounce an unsuspecting victim, I could actually feel his presence lingering in the room. It was like a shiver of disgust and revulsion going down my spine when I passed through the darker hallways of our sweet abode.

At least when Ulquiorra stalked me it didn't make me fell like going back to my room and taking a shower. I hate showers to begin with so if it's enough to make me take one you know it has to be bad. There was something about that fox faced bastard that made my hackles rise, and yes I did actually write that.

So after spending the rest of the day circumnavigating him the rest of the day went about normally. Yammy was still eating everything in sight, and due to the week being over Wednesday he had been killing arrancars like usual. Though something strange did happen between him and Ulquiorra today, something that made me mad for no reason.

Yammy was talking to Ulquiorra and he was replying back! I have been trying for 2 weeks to get him to fucking talk to me and Yammy just comes over and strikes up a conversation? I don't even know why I'm so pissed! I really shouldn't care but I do, more than I'd like.

So after that we went on patrol, which had me walking about 80 feet away from that damn lake. Wouldn't want another repeat of the other day now would we? I think Ulquiorra was laughing at my reaction, his expression didn't change but it felt like he was laughing at me. So I went about growling at him, which probably in turn caused him even more amusement. Well I was glad one of us thought it was funny because I sure fucking didn't!

So after such a normal day it felt good to go to bed, glad that not much had ruined today.

Day twenty one
Saturday
Dear fucking journal,

I have made 4 very crucial discoveries today, 4 discoveries that were frankly weird beyond imagination. I had made all of these discoveries in the space of a few hours, which for being such a big deal it was really a surprise for them all to happen in a row. It started right before patrol and led up till afterwards.

First off, I will never go bursting into Aizen's room without prior warning. Never fucking again! I had always thought there was something between Aizen and Gin, but now I have fucking proof. Unfortunately I had more proof than I had ever wanted to see, it was even worst than the time I walked in on pink freak and spork making out.

So after retreating to my room I attempted to erase all memories of that encounter. But unfortunately it deemed futile and that damn image of Aizen with Gin just kept popping up in my head over and over again. So after attempting to rip out my eyes for a few minutes, (Ulquiorra made it look easy.) I finally took a quick shower, (Yes it was that disturbing.) before heading back out.

The next strange thing I encountered was when me and Ulquiorra were patrolling. He had noticed something down on the ground and had bent down to examine it. I too bent down to take a good look, wondering absently why had caught his interest. Very bad idea on my part. Evidently Ulquiorra didn't like it when people breathed on his neck, which I had inadvertently done while trying to see what had caught his interest.

My ribs are still hurting from the hit he delivered to my chest. He had hit me with a simple palm hit but it felt like I got hit by a boulder, I had to actually lay on the ground to catch my breath. I think a few of my ribs were broken as well as my sternum, thankfully it took more than that to kill me. I don't think Ulquiorra had meant to hit me so hard because he came over to me to stare down at me. I growled at him for it and he just shrugged as I sat up. Well at least he didn't hit me again.

Third discovery of the day happened when I made it to the kitchen for dinner, there sitting at the table was Stark. Now normally that wouldn't deem a strange reaction but did I mention he was sitting? I hadn't seen Stark sit up straight in all the time that I've known him, just the fact that he was up was a surprise. So there was Stark wide awake with a very serious expression on his face, even more stranger was the fact that sitting across from him was Zammari.

After listening in for a few minutes I learned that Stark was having woman troubles, which wasn't hard to figure out with who. But just the fact that he was awake and was actually asking Zammari for help was enough to make the encounter seem surreal. I mean this is the guy who has never once in his life as an Espada make a attempt at anything, and now he was changing his ways for a women? Just seemed weird to me.

The last came when I headed to bed, it hadn't been that long after lunch and I was going to my room. That familiar tingle down my spine reappeared, telling me one crucial detail. My stalker was back. Now I'm confused on why Ulquiorra would want to stalk me again, especially after today. Maybe he's trying to watch me and learn my weaknesses, which after the last few weeks it shouldn't be hard to peg.

After 2 days of catnip doping, 1 day of swimming, a day of useless scavenging for junk and the horror I have encountered when I had caught my comrades with each other was enough opportunity to learn almost all of my weaknesses. Make me repeat those experiences and I don't even think I'd even try to fight, trust me experiencing that once was bad enough. These last few weeks had made me rethink joining the Espada, I'm half convinced to just go to the human world and wreak havoc until I'm killed.

So after my long eventful day I really don't care if Ulquiorra is stalking me again, at least it's him and not one of the others. I shudder to think what would want the others to follow me around, so yeah Ulquiorra wasn't the worst prospect. So I'll just go with the flow for now.

End