The life and times of Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez

by Kurotsuki-Tenchi

Shirotsuki-Tenchi: Ordered by Aizen all the Espada are forced to write within a journal. Follow Grimmjow as he writes about his crazy and insane life as an Espada. Because with a base full of bloodthirsty and twitchy Arrancars life can never be too dull.

5. Week Five

Authors note: Hello! It is I Shirotsuki-Tenchi with another chapter for 'The life and times of Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez!' Be warned however that the Ulquiorra and Grimmjow couple starts to become more apparent in this chapter so if that offends you please leave. I'd like to thank xTexyArkx, ima-glomp-you, lamekirby, Chasingyesterday, and FrEaKyAoIFaN for their lovely reviews for my story. I hope you keep it up and enjoy this chapter! Now go my minions! And read!

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach, the game 'I Never', Linkin Park, or the nickname 'Trash'. If you think I did than I will be obligated to sell your body to science, I'm sure Szayel would like more specimens. But I do own Karite and Kurosu, so ha!

Day twenty nine
Sunday
Dear fucking journal,

After that damn play last week and the fact that I no longer have to take happy pills I had finally thought that things would return to normal... well as normal as a bunch of deadly psychopathic killing machines living under the same roof could be. But no, life had once again saw fit to fucking mess with me as much as it could.

So with hopes high this morning I had went to breakfast in a lighter mood than I returned in. It turned out that pink freak still hadn't found his experiment and he was becoming frantic, almost to the point of hysteria. But now that I am 100% catnip free I didn't give a damn so I just stared at him as though he didn't matter.

He then went about muttering about how he liked my old self better, I just shrugged. Like I care what he thinks. But the missing experiment still bothered me slightly, because if it goes like my life has been lately I most likely will be the one given the experiment by whoever stole it. I mean come on it seems to be the entire Espada's past time to screw with me.

During breakfast however Ulquiorra had came to me telling me Aizen had requested our presence. So with a bad feeling in my gut I went to see the so called evil overlord, which lately it seems he was becoming less of lately. So we arrived to see no only him but those 2 artists that painted our journals standing beside his chair, which was confusing. Did Aizen want something else painted? Because there was nothing else those 2 could actually do, their reiatsu was that weak.

But it was worse than I had thought, evidently Aizen saw great promise in their powers so he ordered us to train them. So now I had an honorary fraccion that I wasn't allowed to kill, Aizen specified it himself. I tried arguing with Aizen but he just released his reiatsu and I gave in without anymore fighting even though I glared, why the hell does he get to be so fucking strong?! I also wasn't allowed to send her off on meaningless missions like I did my stupid followers, I had to train her daily after patrol. It fucking sucks!

I ended up getting the one who liked Ulquiorra, her name was Karite I think. She was tall with black hair and red eyes. She also liked to talk... a lot. I swear she could go on for hours just talking about her favorite things which happen to be; Sleeping, eating, painting, and Ulquiorra. You cannot believe how much I've heard about the fourth Espada today, I swear I'm going to go insane!

Ulquiorra seemed to get the one that liked me thankfully, meaning I wouldn't have to put up with her. She was shorter than the other by about 3 inches, with white hair and lavender eyes. Her name was Kurosu and she liked to stare at me, all the time. Every time I see her she's staring at me, it was fucking weird. What was worse they both just wore those damn smiles that made it look as though they know everything. I hate that damn look.

So with a new fraccion living next door my life officially cannot get any worse, I mean now I have to put up with a female Arrancar that still looks and acts like a teenager. Fucking kill me now.

Day thirty
Monday
Dear fucking journal,

When I had thought my life couldn't get any worse life itself just turns around to show me how much it fucking can. Sometimes I wonder why I hadn't killed myself yet to get myself away from this shit.

It started out when I woke up to see Ulquiorra in his released form bearing down upon me. I had quickly jumped out of bed and hid in a corner, because lets face it I am no match for Ulquiorra even when he's in his normal form. But as nothing happened I looked up to notice that it was nothing but a very life like painting on my ceiling. Upon looking around the rest of my room I was horrified to discover my entire room, ever square inch was covered in paintings of Ulquiorra in many different poses.

I then noticed my fraccion covered in paint sitting on the ground finishing the last picture off in a corner of Ulquiorra shooting a cero. I knew having a fraccion was a fucking bad idea especially an artist, why don't you think I ever have any! So after yelling at her in which she only smiled I ordered her to repaint my entire room white.

While she sat about doing that with a pout, I looked up and pondered how she painted the ceiling. It was awfully high up, more confusing was how did she know what Ulquiorra's released form looked like? Only the other Espada were suppose to know what we look like in our other forms. That and how she managed to paint such detailed paintings in only a short night, it completely baffled me.

After that I headed to breakfast with a not-so-happy fraccion that didn't care about voicing her opinions following along, but I didn't care and ordered her to shut up in which she did with a pout.

When everyone saw me with a follower they all chuckled until I explained to them the orders from Aizen, in which they only laughed harder. But when Ulquiorra walked in followed by a follower of his own they all fell silent, yeah they all laugh at me but not him. I swear only being the sixth Espada sucks.

I also discovered something else, something that sucks much more than my room being completely painted with my rival over every square inch. Evidently where I took catnip pills for an entire week it seems that I have some adverse side effects, such as suddenly relapsing into my affectionate self that is now dubbed Grimmy. It happened during breakfast while pink freak was still worrying about that experiment. I was suddenly nice to him and comforted him again, which freaked not only him but also my fraccion and myself out.

Pink freak than thought about it before telling me that I could relapse every now and then due to the steady stream of catnip I had taken. I then promptly turned back to normal before cursing so profusely that had even that damn spoon stepping back in surprise. So after that my fraccion now follows after me with a space of five feet and she watches my every move cautiously. To that I say good for her, I might not be allowed to kill her but there were other things I could do that made her wish I did.

The next strange thing that happened was during patrol, while me and Ulquiorra and our fraccion were walking. Evidently Kurosu and Karite had something up their sleeves because they kept whispering to themselves the entire time looking between me and Ulquiorra. Now I had exceptional hearing and yet didn't hear a damn thing that they were saying which pissed me off.

I also relapsed into Grimmy again during the patrol and sat about talking to Ulquiorra in a happy manner again. I heard Kurosu giggle behind me but I didn't care, too intent on making myself shut up. But it was even more surprising when Ulquiorra talked back to me, though it wasn't what I wanted to hear. He had told me to shut up, which pissed me off. Unfortunately however I was still in happy mode which meant I just smiled happily at him and stopped talking.

It wasn't till after patrol did I return to normal, so during training my fraccion I practically ran her to death. I had to get the anger out of my system one way and this was considered progress in her training so it was a win win situation. Though Karite didn't think so after she passed out 4 hours into intensive training, I am surprised she managed to go that long.

So I just left her there to sleep before heading in, because why should I care? So after entering my now white again room I headed to bed, glad that the day was finally over.

Day thirty one
Tuesday
Dear fucking journal,

Do you know the days that you go through in which you wish the entire world would explode and hopefully take you with it? Yeah I had one of those days, and my newly appointed fraccion wasn't helping in the least.

It first started out when I awoke to a large black gothic number 4 staring down at me from the ceiling. I knew immediately who was responsible and went about cursing her as I got out of bed. Upon getting out of bed I realized that my entire room was covered in the number 4, lots and lots of fours. With a green back drop that was the exact shade of Ulquiorra's eyes.

Upon questioning my fraccion she said that she wasn't allowed to paint Ulquiorra so she chose the next best thing. I then growled at her and ordered her to repaint my room white, again. She did so grumbling, and I had to force myself not to kill her. But only just. I than asked her why she didn't just paint her own room in which she replied her room was already painted with Ulquiorra. I think someone needs to check her head about the obsession, it's not normal... or healthy.

So after we headed to breakfast, which didn't go quite as planned. Karite had thrown a peice of toast at the spoon, (He got his shirts fixed unfortunately.) and hit him in the eye. Upon laughing he had retaliated by throwing his bowl at my fraccion who ducked, the bowl ended up landing on Yammy. Who in turn thrown his own breakfast into the fray, knocking Zammari right in the side of the head. Pink freak and the spoon than got involved and teamed up, they ended up using the spoon's collar as a catapult. Least to say it got some distance.

What came next was dubbed 'The greatest food fight in all of Hueco Mundo'. Food covered everything, even funnier was Ulquiorra was in the room and didn't stop it. Though I don't think even he could have stopped it after Harribel got involved. So the most strongest and badass killers in Hueco Mundo became part of a food fight which would be more commonly seen in a middle school lunch room.

It wouldn't have been so bad if it wasn't for the damn spoon emptying an entire pot of coffee down the back of my shirt. I ended up getting 3rd degree burns all down my back, I turned to him with a glare and he then replied that he didn't know it was hot. Yeah fucking right! I saw him pick it up off the burner with a smirk. I then beat him to a bloody pulp, even if he was higher rank than me. Even my fraccion who was covered in scrambled egg cheered me from the side lines and thrown food at him while I beat him up.

After the ordeal we had went on patrol again and it was finally getting to the point in which I could walk around the lake without putting more than 20 feet between us. Bad fucking idea that was. My fraccion and the other one, Kurosu, was talking amongst themselves secretly again. That made me suspicious, that and the fact that they had paper in their hands.

Now they say curiosity killed the cat but I never knew it could be so fucking literal. Upon approaching them Karite freaked and jumped away, did I mention they were closer to the lake than me? So I jumped at her again as she ran closer to the shore, bad idea. In my angered state I had put more power into my jump than I should have. In retrospect Karite can dodge pretty well, at least she had some skills.

So I went straight into the fucking lake, which was as cold as the last time I fell in it. Do you remember the Hollow animals that like to eat things that fall into their lake? Well I was one of those things they like to eat, and this time it wasn't no fucking catfish. It turned out to be barracudas, a lot of barracudas. Did I mention these barracudas like to eat people er Arrancars? Because if I didn't well you know now.

It also didn't help that I relapsed into Grimmy and tried to pet them. So not only was I wet with a large 3rd burn on my back, but I was covered in literally hundreds of bite marks. Though the biting did snap me out of my happy mode, so I ended up ceroeing all of the barracudas which in turn evaporated half of the water in the lake. After which I glared at my fraccion who in turn hid behind her sister. Instead of killing her on the spot I waited until her training time and put her through more Hell than you could imagine. She didn't even last an hour before she was down for the count, and I still didn't care.

So leaving her there to sleep I returned to my room, still slightly curious about the papers she had. I let it go and headed to bed, hoping for the life of me that tomorrow doesn't go as bad as it did today.

Day thirty two
Wednesday
Dear fucking journal,

I swear I really should be allowed to kill my fraccion, especially after this morning. She is the only thing right now that I want to kill more than anything. Not even Ulquiorra or the damn spoon is anywhere close to the level of anger I harbor for her.

Upon wakening, which I'm starting to dread in the mornings, I found myself blinded by what was on my ceiling. The Ulquiorra and the 4 was bad enough, but the damn spoon and pink freak making out? What in the fucking Hell was she thinking? Was she trying to make me go blind?

So after getting up I saw her in the corner painting another picture of the damn spoon being decapitated, which wasn't such a bad picture. I cursed her out yet again, for the third time in a row and she went about repainting my room white even without my orders this time. I asked her why she did it and she just shrugged and said she wanted to paint something different, she wasn't allowed to paint Ulquiorra after all.

After I got done with that I finally noticed my room was ransacked again, upon asking my fraccion she only said it was like that when she snuck in. So after looking around I discovered that a pair of my pants were missing, if my cloths keep disappearing like this I'm not going to have any to wear.

I also found out my journal was being read again, but I knew it couldn't be my fraccion because someone was reading it before she came along. If I fucking figure out who you are, Aizen be damned you're dead! So I sat pondering this as she repainted my room white... again. I also wondered where she kept getting that paint, there wasn't many places in Hueco Mundo that you can get that amount of paint to paint my room three days in a row.

I also wondered how anyone could get into my room to read my journal, ransacked my room and steal a pair of pants while I slept like a baby, and than my fraccion could come in and paint my entire room in the space of a night. It just didn't fucking seem physically possible! Something wasn't adding up and I'll be damned if I don't figure it out.

Anyway I went on patrol like usual and listened to my fraccion and her sister talk and laugh amongst themselves like usual. I hate it, and turning into Grimmy right in the middle of patrol? Not one of my favorite things, though Ulquiorra has a new nickname for me. Everyone else he calls garbage, but me no I'm different I'm 'trash'. I swear I hate my fucking life.

Even worse Ulquiorra decided, without my permission might I add, to train our fraccion together. Something about training them both together would developed certain skill or something like that. So I had another person to torture during training today, though she had more endurance than my fraccion. Karite however was more flexible and able to dodge more quickly, where as Kurosu was able to last longer during training.

I also discovered something new today, it was actually by accident that I found out about it. It seems Ulquiorra's fraccion also likes to paint things on his wall, I heard Karite muttering about it. So I wasn't the only one to wake up to odd pictures in the morning, hopefully she didn't paint me on Ulquiorra's wall it'll just seem creepy. I already had to put up with pink freak and that damn spoon painted on my own wall once, I don't think more than one of us deserves that.

So after working my fraccion into exhaustion again in which she grumbled at me, I went back into the base. Karite who was too tired to even move was left outside again, and yet again I didn't care. So upon going to bed I really hoped the wake up call I had this morning didn't happen tomorrow.

Day thirty three
Thursday
Dear fucking journal,

I have officially decided that my life sucked, and not the kind that teenagers complain about on a daily basis. No I mean sucks as in the kind that makes you question why you haven't killed yourself yet. And I owe it all to Aizen, his little shinigami sidekicks, all of the Espada, their annoying little fraccions, and last but certainly not least my own fraccion. The current bane of my existence.

I'm getting use to waking to finding things on my ceiling. Today it just happened to be a picture of Aizen pointing at me, with big bold letters at the bottom saying; "Aizen-sama is watching you!" I swear I'm going to kill her. The rest of my walls were painted with pictures of Gin and Tousen, and almost every one of them they were dying in some gruesome death. Well at least we had some things in common.

As soon as she saw me wake up she smiled and went about repainting my room white again. I didn't even get to curse at her today, that took most of my fun out of the day. I personally think she does it to mess with me in the morning, to see me react to the many things she paints on my ceiling.

So after that we headed to breakfast, only to be waylaid by Gin. Now seeing that creepy smiling face in the morning is one of the most annoying things in the world. So with a glare I asked him what he wanted, evidently Aizen had called a meeting for the Espada. He also said to bring my fraccion, which was odd. I wondered why Aizen didn't just blast reiatsu through the building like usual but as soon as I thought it he did it. So now I proceeded to the meeting room with a headache and a fraccion who looked as though she got beat up.

So after heading to the meeting I discovered that Aizen had ordered Ulquiorra's fraccion to come as well, she stood beside her sister with a smile. So as we sat down Tousen brought a large create in and than handed my fraccion a video camera. It turned out that that large create was filled with sake. But I didn't know where the video camera fit in to all of this, but I had a feeling I wouldn't like it.

Aizen then announced that we were going to play a drinking game... at 9:30 in the morning. Why the Hell he would want to do that? I had no clue. I sincerely think that Aizen had never been sane, and the 'events' he puts us through just solidifies my beliefs.

It turned out that we played, 'I Never'. A game where everyone takes turns saying they never did something, if anyone else had done what they said then they had to take a drink of sake.

I just shrugged, it wasn't everyday that you randomly got to drink in the middle of the day. Also evidently my fraccion was going to videotape it in case no one remembers it tomorrow. That kind of scared me a little, but I shook it off. It was better than catnip after all. He than warned us that if we lied we'd be issued an electric shock via the chairs we sat in, supposedly he had us rigged up to truth detectors somehow without our knowledge. Probably complments of pink freak, he's able to make anything he puts his mind to.

So after a long game of 'I Never' the day eventually went blank, as if my memory of the last half of that event no longer existed. Meaning I was drunk out of my fucking mind. Though I do remember some of it, like pink freak saying 'I never slept with a woman'. In which everyone drank except Ulquiorra, Harribel, Gin, and the spoon. That was a fucking surprise! I thought the spoon was straight before he and the pink freak started going out, it looks like he's gay through and through. Gin however just creeped me out, he had always went on and on about a girl he had back in the Soul Society. Evidently he never got into her pants, the pansy.

But even more surprising was the fact that Ulquiorra hadn't drank to that statement, which shocked about the entire room. He than looked at us with that emotionless look and we didn't think it was shocking anymore. Even if it was just for self-preservation.

So it is now midnight, and I have a massive gap in my memories. I also have this damn hangover that has been causing me more pain than you could imagine. My head feels as though it's splitting in two, and my fraccion isn't helping either. She's over in her room listening to music that she got from the human world, it was from a band called 'Linkin Park'. Never heard of it but it doesn't sound too bad, I probably would like it if it wasn't for this splitting headache I have! It also didn't help that she was listening to it at it's highest volume, I wonder why anyone hadn't killed her yet. I would if I could, but yet I can't.

So to bed I go, with hopes of remembering what happened earlier today. Because if I fucking embarrassed myself, than it was on camera held by my fraccion. And not only am I not allowed to take it from her but the entire Espada are going to watch it the next day. Oh fucking joy.

Day thirty four
Friday
Dear fucking journal,

We reviewed the tape today and it fucking sucks! I've never been so embarrassed in my life. Before I start to rant on and on about it I'll start out with the beginning of my day.

Karite painted my ceiling... again. It was a large portrait of a band with large letters below saying 'Linkin Park'. So now I know that my fraccion has another obsession other than Ulquiorra, and yet again I don't think it's healthy. I mean she painted them to the last detail, it actually looked as though they were on my ceiling.

Even weirder was the fact that the rest of my room was painted with them as well, I could just fucking die. So after seeing me wake my fraccion said good morning before repainting my room to it's normal white color. Where in the hell did she get so much paint!? She has painted my room for 5 days in a row and yet she still has enough paint to repaint my walls to their original color? How does she keep getting more?

Anyway... after that we assembled into the meeting room to review the tape of the day before. So after everyone was present and seated, even though many of the Espada were groaning in pain from their hangovers, the tape started.

I learned a few interesting facts from this tape:

#1- The spoon was and always have been gay, along with Pink freak. That really wasn't too surprising, I mean I did find them making out in the kitchen. And plus they both literally screamed 'gay'. Also Ulquiorra had never slept with a woman either, which I remembered from yesterday. Nor had Harribel which wasn't surprising in the least.

#2- The spoon along with Aaroniero had both at one point tried to rape pink freak. With the spoon I don't think it was really rape, but Aaroniero? That just creeped me out. Evidently that was why Aaroniero was the way he was now, he should've known better to mess with an evil scientist... Especially one higher ranked than him.

#3- Aizen, Gin, and Harribel had all pantsed Tousen at one point. With Gin that wasn't too surprising, or Aizen for that matter if you think about it. But Harribel? When questioned she only said he stole her chocolate candy bars and never repaid her for them.

#4- Evidently Gin was the one who convinced pink freak to put catnip in my coffee that day, and that royally pissed me off. I fired a cero at him but in my drunken state almost hit Tousen who luckily wasn't drunk and was able to dodge it. Tousen hadn't drank to anything up to that point yet, the pansy.

#5- Also Yammy and pink freak were the only ones to have actually ate anyone after we were turned into Arrancars. Personally I don't want to eat anyone, how they could baffled me.

#6- Even more surprising was that Yammy had actually tried to eat Aizen at one point. That I found hilarious, to the point in which I had to laugh much to the dismay of the other hangover Espada. I still wonder why Aizen hadn't killed him for it, I know he'd kill me if I tried.

#7- It turns out that a few people had tried to kiss me without me being aware of it. First was the spoon, who during the truth and dare torture ritual we had to endure had tried to kiss me, that one I was aware of and I let it pass. He didn't succeed after all. Next was Gin, that asshole just wants to mess with me I know it. But even more surprising was Ulquiorra drank to that, now that just freaked me out. I don't even want to ask about that one.

#8- It seemed as though Tousen did drink once, he evidently attempted suicide at one point in his life. That made me chuckle, I kind of wished he had succeeded.

#9- It turns out that I wasn't the only one to flirt with Harribel when we first met. Starrk, Gin, Yammy, and even Tousen had all flirted with her, which was surprising in the least. Though now that I knew her I know better than to do that again.

#10- The one that creeped me out the most however was the 'I never slept with a man' one... Lets just say I want to scrub my brain out with bleach. Aizen, which made me shudder when I though about it had drank. Gin had as well, which wasn't really that shocking. The pink freak and spoon drank as well which wasn't surprising either. Harribel drank but considering she was a chick made it not surprising in the least. But Ulquiorra hadn't drank to that one either, nor had he slept with a woman. Did that make him asexual? I didn't know.

Also did I say that when I'm dead drunk that I'm extremely affectionate? If I hadn't than you know now. It didn't help either that I went Grimmy at that time, meaning that I was extremely lovable more so than I would've been. Towards the end of the tape some of the Espada were out of their chairs, many unconscious on the floor already. I was curled up on the floor, when I had looked up to see Ulquiorra still seated. I then without prior warning pounced him and proceeded to lay on him, the whole while purring. It was totally mortifying.

So after that embarrassing event I wanted to kill some people. The number one being Aizen for making us do that. The next on the list would be Gin for convincing pink freak to put catnip in my coffee that one time, which then I noticed he had managed to escape. The bastard. I then turned to see if Ulquiorra was still in the room, hoping that he hadn't watched the last part of that video. But there he sat in his chair, his eyes still staring toward the blank screen of the TV. I cursed my luck.

So I headed to bed, my mind still buzzing at what I learned. It was a little to much to take in so I left. I had to keep my sanity intact somehow right?

Day thirty five
Saturday
Dear fucking journal,

It sucks, so much. My life sucks so much that I'm thinking about going to sleep and never waking up, it would be a defendant improvement to my current life.

It first started out to waking up so see a picture of Tousen being pantsed by Harribel on my ceiling. though it was funny it wasn't what I wanted to see this early in the morning. So after getting up and seeing the rest of my room covered in various pictures that were depicted off the video I sighed. There was even a picture of me laying on Ulquiorra while I was drunk.

The picture that disturbed me the most however was the one above my bed (How she managed to paint it without waking me was a mystery.) It was a picture of me sleeping with Ulquiorra hovering over me. It looked as though he was leaning in to kiss me and it freaked me out.

So after seeing my fraccion sitting on the floor I than ordered her to repaint my room while cursing her out. She smiled at my reaction before repainting my room. Evidently she found my reaction to it amusing, well I didn't. It was weird seeing that on my wall, especially because it annoyed me so much.

Anyway I than proceeded to breakfast without my fraccion, leaving her to repaint my room. So the rest of the day proceeded like normal, that was until patrol. Do you remember that experiment that pink freak was missing? Yeah I found it. Unfortunately not the way I wanted to.

It turns out whoever stole the experiment had decided to use it against me like I figured. Just my fucking luck. Even worse when I figured out what it was suppose to do.

So now I have a tail, along with large cat like ears on my head the same color of my hair. It was so fucking mortifying, especially when my fraccion had jumped me to pet them. It is so fucking weird! Especially since I had to cut a hole in the back of my pants to allow for my tail, there goes a perfect pair of pants.

So I ended up cornering pink freak to get an explanation out of him. He explained that the experiment was designed to react to a Arrancar's personal attributes and strengthen them and make them more effective. Unfortunately he told me it was still experimental meaning he hadn't worked all of the kinks out. I almost fucking killed him for it.

He than explained to me that he couldn't come up with a way to reverse it yet until he knew the full effects. Did he have any idea what I had to put up with today alone!? I got pounced by no less than 5 female fraccions, evidently I am more adorable because of my new additions. So after beating up not only all of Harribel's fraccion (Don't worry they are still alive) but also torturing mine, and Ulquiorra's fraccion during training they had finally got over the urge to glomp me. Finally.

So after all I had to endure this week I also had to put up with a tail and ears? Usually in my released form I don't really notice them because I'm in my natural form and they fell a part of me. But being an Arrancar with these attributes? Fucking annoying. Do you have any idea how hard it is to sit down with a tail? Not easy in the least.

So with the new additions to my body I'm going to go to bed, and hope that life would give me a break. I mean I've been hit with almost everything the universe could throw at me, I deserve a break.

End