Authors note: Here is another chapter of 'The life and times of Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez'. First I'd like to thank a few people! Lamekirby, kriorokkz44827, ima-glomp-you, PhreshxxxBear, Mistress -Freak, Ashido-Kano, tokionoiz, Dante123, and Dior Crystal! Thank you all for your reviews! Keep it up! The more review I get the more determined I am to type so I can get more! Here is chapter 9 enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach, nor do I own the Espada, and I for sure don't own Ulquiorra. I only own Karite, Kurosu, and almost all of the ideas in this fic. There is some ideas I get from others, so I am not the complete owner.

Day fifty seven
Sunday
Dear fucking journal,

After the last two weeks of pranking, being messed with, and being humiliated I wasn't really looking forward to this week. Especially when Aizen had told us all about movie night, oh joy!

I woke up in my bed this morning with a large painting of the entire group of Espada on my ceiling. It wouldn't have been so bad if we all weren't painted as girls, well a boy in Harribel's case. I awoke to see my fraccion painting all of the other fraccion's in their opposite genders on the rest of my walls.

So I cussed her out, though I do have to say as a female I look pretty good. After ordering her to repaint my room I studied the picture closer, Ulquiorra didn't look too bad as a girl. That thought had startled me, and I left to go to breakfast. Because that isn't what I needed to be thinking, especially after Friday.

After all of the Espada gathered it was decided that the 1st Espada chooses a movie first and it goes down from there. So today was Starrk's and as I've learned Lilynette's turn. It turns out that Lilynette isn't his fraccion but himself, weird I know. Evidently they had split themselves in half because they were lonely, pretty sad if you ask me. Though I don't really care.

They chose a movie called 'My name is Nobody'. It's a western about a guy literally named Nobody, and his struggles and things. Though some of it was pretty humorous it wasn't something I'd watch just for the fun of it. Especially because I didn't understand half of it, why use those things called 'guns' when you can just cero their asses? Humans are just so stupid.

So after that we also discovered why Pink freak was chasing the damn spoon the other day. Evidently the spoon had been messing around in Pink freak's lab and mixed some test tubes up. He had dropped some unknown serum into his daily serums he takes. And it had taken about half a week but the effects had finally shown up, and it was epic.

Pink freak is now a woman, yes you heard right a female. So fucking hilarious! I laughed at him for like an hour, but I couldn't help it! It was just too funny! He's evidently trying his hardest to reverse the process but isn't having any luck, that's what I call fucking karma. He hadn't been looking for a cure for my current problem so he's having problems fixing his own.

In other news I got tripped, stealth petted and had my chair knocked out from under me more times then I can count. I have no clue who's doing it but if I find out who it is they are so dead. Don't I get enough problems with my daily life? Does the universe think that I take life for granted or something?

Also during training it turned out that Ulquiorra decided something else without my consent, though I'm not arguing. He said we get to spar each other to show our fraccion how to fight. Finally I get to fight him! Though he wiped the floor with me today, in front of our fraccion too. I swear I will defeat him! Just because he's the fourth Espada doesn't mean he's better then me, just give me a few days and I'll defeat him!

So to bed I go, thinking up ways to defeat Ulquiorra tomorrow. Because if it's the last thing I do I will beat him!

Day fifty eight
Monday
Dear fucking journal,

Today was just a completely annoying day, to the point in which I thought about sleeping the rest of the day away. It started with waking up to a painting of Ulquiorra defeating me in a spar on my ceiling. I didn't need a reminder of my defeat yesterday, especially considering Ulquiorra had defeated me without taking any damage.

So after getting up and cussing my fraccion out I headed to breakfast, only to find something slightly disturbing. Pink freak and the spoon were making out, evidently Pink freak forgave the spoon. It was bad enough on it's own but it didn't help that pink freak was wearing a school girl's uniform, and now that he was a female it only made it more creepier.

I fled the kitchen in hopes of erasing that image, it wasn't what I wanted to see this early in the morning. And ended up running into Harribel and Starrk making out in the living room, so after leaving them I continued on. But running into Gin and Aizen? While they were alone in the meeting room? Just too much for me to take. What were we? A bunch of horny teenagers?

So after that I went outside, far away from the rest of the Espada. I didn't need to see anything else that I really shouldn't. I ended up killing a few lower Hollows who thought they were tougher. Killing is one of my favorite past times, especially when the enemy makes it so enjoyable. Like yelling and panicking? Too fun to watch.

So after wandering the desert and killing a few weaker Hollows for a while I got bored and went back inside. Thankfully make out hour was over and we continued on like usual. Even with the tripping and stealth petting that is becoming a daily occurrence, though I almost found out who it was today.

If I had just turned a little quicker I would've seen them, but unfortunately my fraccion had walked up to me. Which distracted me for half a second, though that's all he needed to escape. So I didn't catch him, though I will.

Anyway it was Barragan's turn to choose what movie to watch, and it was old. The movie was in black and white, and was so grainy that we were barely able to see what was happening. Even worse is that we couldn't even tell what the movie was called, it was that old. So after that 2 hour waste of my life we headed to training our fraccion.

I lost again today, though I managed to scratch a part of Ulquiorra's uniform. It wasn't much but it felt like a large achievement, though he beat the crap out of me after that. Called me trash and then said something about ruining his favorite jacket, like I cared. So now my goal in sparing is to ruin his jacket, especially when it makes him fight a little more enthused then usual.

Next we had to spar with our fraccions. I have to say it feels good to beat up on my fraccion, especially after the painting on my ceiling this morning. She didn't enjoy it at all, especially when I buried her in the sand and left her there with only her head visible. Petty I know, but oh so enjoyable. Especially when I heard her screaming to unbury her, if she can't defeat a little sand then she's not fit to be an Arrancar.

Anyways after the day I had I can't wait to go to bed, though I really think I should've dug Karite out. Oh well, at least she won't get lost.

Day fifty nine
Tuesday
Dear fucking journal,

I knew Karite would be angry after what I did to her yesterday but I didn't think it would be this bad. She made today completely hell for me, and Ulquiorra wasn't helping. The worst part? I didn't see her till training, meaning I couldn't repay her for what she did until the evening. And even then she managed to avoid all my attempts at revenge, she sure can dodge.

First I woke up to see a picture on my ceiling of me and Ulquiorra kissing, one that looked eerily similar to the accidental kiss between me and Ulquiorra. I swear it made my eye twitch. And what was painted on the rest of my walls? I really don't want to go into it, lets just say I'm going to be traumatized for a while.

I then went to breakfast only to find something horrible in the kitchen, there were photos of me... everywhere. In every one of them I'm doing something embarrassing. And all of the Espada were there laughing at me, it took me nearly half an hour to get them all down. Who knew Karite would hold such a grudge?

After that every time I walked through a doorway a bucket of water was dumped on me. Even worse was that all the water was ice cold, chill to the bone kind of cold. So I had to put up with that and I had no idea how she even done it! How she done it is a mystery, and I found myself reluctant to go through doorways today.

And finally every time I said something today someone hit the back of my head, and every time it happened I could swear I heard Karite laughing. Even worse is that if I ignored it, the hit would just get harder. I almost got a concussion when I ignored it for 5 minutes!

Next we had to watch Harribel's movie, which she chose 'Titanic'. So not only have I been going through hell today but I had to watch a chick flick! It was horrible, and the movie had the worst ending! I was pissed when he died! They went through so much just to lose it all at the end! Not that I liked it or anything.

Surprising though the spoon enjoyed it, and so did Yammy and pink freak. Fucking sissies. I personally thought it was torture, and I'm afraid Aizen is going to use that method on me when he thinks I'm rebelling. Because he knows I hate it, because I do hate it.

Pink freak is now a male again, said something about it not being as fun as a male. That sentence I refused to comment on, refused to even ponder about. I really didn't need to know what he meant by it. Though he did tell me he was getting closer to fixing my own problem. One tail and two cat ears, just the thought of them being gone made me giddy.

After that we went to train our fraccion and I was able to repay my fraccion for some of today's misery. Though she seemed one step ahead of me and ended up avoiding most of my attacks. But she seemed more vicious today during our spar, to the point in which she was actually trying to kill me. Though I did manage to escape her dagger the entire time, she managed to catch me a couple of times with her physical attacks.

Next me and Ulquiorra sparred, and I swear Karite bribed him to mess with me today. He toyed with me instead of defeating me out right, he ended up putting me through more misery then usual. I ended up not only losing my jacket, it was a lost cause after Ulquiorra was through with it, but also quite a bit of blood. Not one part of me wasn't sore after our fight, and we were only sparing!

So I'm off to bed, glad that today is over. I already have revenge for Karite planed, and I can't wait to pull it off tomorrow.

Day sixty
Wednesday
Dear fucking journal,

I got my revenge today! And compared to the rest of the day it was the best thing that happened!

I awoke this morning to a picture of Ulquiorra doing a strip tease on my ceiling, I swear I almost jumped out of my skin at that picture. And it just made my need for revenge that much greater, why the Hell do I have to have such a crazy fraccion? Not even those annoying fraccion of Harribel's and Barragan's are that bad.

So I got up and went and searched for my fraccion, after finding her and ordering her to repaint my room she did so. But only after she asked if I had liked the show. I then fired a cero at her which made her run away to do as I ordered. I swear I hate her sometimes.

Next I went to breakfast to find that pink freak had finally made an antidote for my tail and ears, meaning I was finally free of those annoyances. Though Karite looked kind of sad that they were gone, I didn't particularly care. I was just fucking glad that I didn't have to put up with them any more. So now I'm free, though it feels weird without them.

Next we had to watch a movie chosen by Ulquiorra, though it was more of a documentary then an actual movie. It was about respect for those you work for, or for those higher then you in command. I know he chose it just because of me, he never did like it when I rebelled. He thought it was disrespectful to Aizen when I did, like I want to be respectful to that idiot.

Also I got tripped again today, in front of everyone... yet again. This time it hurt though, because I had been running when it happened. I fell flat on my face, I swear I broke my nose. So after a quick trip to the medical ward I started to get ready for my plan.

Around dinner I was able to pay my revenge against my fraccion and it was epic! Do you know all that money I made when I charged admission to watch my fraccion get her IV? Well I ended up bribing Tesla to mess with her, which he gleefully agreed. Evidently he really liked money, that and getting revenge on Karite for torturing him. So I paid him to act like he liked her, which included suddenly kissing her and writing poetry and such.

It freaked her out! To the point in which she ran every time someone even said the word Tesla. I'd say 'hey isn't that Tesla?' and she'd run off as fast as possible. It was even funnier when I snuck up on her and laid a hand on her shoulder, she ran away screaming something like 'Tesla's gonna rape me!' It was so funny, I actually almost suffocated with laughter.

So now she's too afraid to leave her room, she even skipped training today! Ulquiorra didn't seem to surprised at that, he just shrugged and we sparred again. Evidently even with just Kurosu it was enough for us to fight, though I lost once again. Which wasn't really surprising.

So I went to bed, still smug after my prank. Most people liked getting revenge by physically hurting them, with Karite it's just too much fun to mess with her mind.

Day sixty one
Thursday
Dear fucking journal,

I think I might of broken my fraccion, especially after seeing her this morning. She was sitting in the corner of my room muttering to herself while rocking back and forth. When I sat up and asked what she was doing she bolted straight under my bed, she even did it flawlessly. No crouching, no scrambling, almost as if she had it planned out exactly how she'd move.

After that I headed to breakfast, and ate my cereal like usual. I listened to the spoon and pink freak talk about nonsense, Aaroneiro fighting with himself, and Barragan complain like usual. It actually got boring after a while, especially Aaroneiro fighting himself.

Not long after that my fraccion finally emerged from my room, only to run and flee when catching sight of Tesla. Tesla looked at me in confusion I just shrugged my shoulders, like I'd understand her. I felt kind of sorry for her though, she didn't get breakfast because she was too afraid to come out of my room.

Next we watched the spoon's movie choice, which was 'The ring'. To say that movie was creepy would be an understatement. It freaked me out completely, I'm glad we didn't have to watch it more then once. Why the spoon would choose something that creepy was weird itself, though I think he did it to mess with us. But when I think about it he's creepy as well, so that might explain why.

After that experience I'm glad he doesn't get to chose again, he'd probably chose something just as creepy again. No one but him liked that movie, no one. I can't stress how much all of us hated that movie, especially because we had to watch it by Aizen's orders.

We headed to training next, which I finally managed to drag my fraccion too. Though she watched everything around her as if Tesla would jump out and pounce her, she at least participated in the actual training. Though she was quite eager to spar she didn't try as hard to injure me or Ulquiorra. Evidently she thought karma was out to get her and was afraid it would get her again, I myself thought it was funny.

Although I wasn't laughing when it was time to spar with Ulquiorra, he beat me pretty badly today. Though I did manage to scratch his jacket pretty badly but it wasn't that much of an achievement when I'm the one who ended up on the ground bleeding to death. It was suppose to be a spar but he almost killed me.

After that I had to go to the medical ward to sew me back up, I looked like a quilt. I swear something must've really been wrong with Ulquiorra today, I think he actually tried to kill me. I wonder what crawled up his ass and died, I hadn't seen so much bloodthirstiness in him ever. Though he still seemed emotionless, even in his attempt to kill me.

So to bed I go, feeling like I was a menos grade's snack bar. It hurt, everywhere. Thankfully Arrancars heal fast and I should feel better by tomorrow.

Day sixty two
Friday
Dear fucking journal,

Today was interesting, in both good and bad ways.

It started out to see Karite sleeping on the floor beside my bed, to say I was surprised would be an understatement. Upon waking her up she replied that she didn't want Tesla to get her. So sleeping beside the person who had bribed him to do what freaked her out was a good idea? Though I didn't tell her that.

The rest of the morning went by smoothly, well as smoothly as possible. That was until Yammy and Aaroneiro got into an argument over who's turn it was to go wake Starrk. Evidently after his two weeks of no sleep it had gotten to the point that Starrk has been ceroing anyone who went to wake him up. And neither wanted to risk their lives waking him up today, I just shrugged. I know when not to mess with the prima Espada, and that is when he gets serious about sleeping.

Next I got tripped as I was leaving breakfast, which caused me to stumble into Ulquiorra as he headed to the kitchen. After falling and hitting him, I found myself on the ground with him on my back. How that happened I had no clue, by what physics say I should've be the one that landed on top.

So now I've discovered that physics have no control over Ulquiorra what-so-ever, lucky bastard. Having Ulquiorra landing on your back isn't a very fun experience, especially when it happens more then once. He's slender but he has muscle, meaning that he is heavier then he appears.

Next I had the chair shoved out from under me right as I sat down for dinner, which I'm becoming accustomed to. I didn't land completely ungracefully this time, though I still looked stupid. I managed to land in a partial crouch, which was more painful then you would've thought.

After that I got to choose the movie for today, and I chose a good one. On a brief visit to the human world for groceries I had saw a movie that caught my interest, it was called 'Saw'. So that is the movie we got to watch today, and it was as good as I thought it was going to be.

Gore, blood, killing, this movie had everything. Though it did make a few of the others sick, I myself enjoyed it immensely. Nothing could get better then watching a few humans get killed in the most interesting ways. Like the chainsaw collars? I would never had thought of that! It was awesome!

Though not many of the others enjoyed it, especially my fraccion. I thought she was going to bail to go puke, she was that pale. I had to laugh at her expression, she replied afterwards that she didn't like horror movies... at all. Pansy.

Next was training, which made it sparring time again. I swear I'm going to defeat him eventually, though I had to hurt him if I wanted to win. Which I failed to do again, though I did destroy most of his jacket today. Every time I damage his jacket he gets more vicious in his attacks, makes it much more fun for me.

So I headed to bed today just slightly sore, and after seeing that amazing gory movie I was in a good mood.

Day sixty three
Saturday
Dear fucking journal,

Today was awful! To the point in which I actually thought about fleeing to the human world! Not only did I have to listen to my fraccion go through an emotional crisis but I also learn about Aizen's new orders, I had to listen to a lecture from the evil overlord himself, had to do a bunch of things a video ordered me to, and I got kissed!

It started out waking to find my fraccion sitting on my bed watching me, that made me jump back off my bed as fast as possible. After asking what the fuck she wanted she explained that she needed someone to talk to. After listening to her complain for a good 10 minutes I learned that Karite was having an emotional crisis.

Evidently she actually likes Tesla and was confused about it. I then promptly kicked her out of my room and ordered her to complain to her sister. She pouted and left, but I didn't care. I'm not her friend so I'm not going to help her with a problem, even if I did help it along.

I then got up and proceeded to breakfast, in which I found all of the Espada already gathered. Evidently I was late, by a lot. After taking a seat and eating breakfast I figured out what was wrong, Aizen had called us all to breakfast and I had missed the memo.

After Aizen lectured me about being late he had explained that he's having a pool installed in the base. He then ordered me that as an Espada it was bad to have any weaknesses, he meant my hate of water. So he ordered me that starting tomorrow I was to swim for an hour everyday until I got over my adversion.

After explaining that I couldn't swim he assigned Ulquiorra to be my lifeguard. Oh fucking joy! Not only do I have to get in water, but if I drown then Ulquiorra will be the one to save me! It sucks!

After that lovely news we watched Zammari's movie choice, which just happened to be some yoga video. It wasn't too bad until Aizen had orders us to follow along with the video! I couldn't even do half of the poses, and I looked stupid trying. Though I got to see the other Espada do it as well so it was partially entertaining.

Training came next and our daily spar did as well, though it didn't go as planned. Karite had evidently taken what I did this morning personally and went out of her way to annoy me. Which for her included push me towards Ulquiorra, show pictures of me in embarrassing predicaments, and calling me Grimmy.

Training didn't get too bad until the spar with Ulquiorra, in which he challenged me. He said whoever won that spar would get to do something to the other, no matter what it was. I was determined to win! I wanted to do something to Ulquiorra to pay him back for the stalking a few weeks back so I accepted.

Bad move that was, I lost... badly. Evidently Ulquiorra was determined to win, more then usual. Because I was down within 2 minutes, I didn't even get to cut his jacket. So I had waited to see what Ulquiorra would do, whatever I thought it was going to be was wrong... very wrong.

He kissed me! Ulquiorra Sciffer, emotionless extraordinaire came up and actually kissed me. In front of both our fraccions as well, and I think Karite had a camera. They both squealed at the same time, large smiles on their faces. I had just stood their for a few minutes and blinked, I was too shocked to even think. Ulquiorra himself had just left, shaking his head at me.

So I went to bed still a little shell-shocked, but wouldn't you be if Ulquiorra the most emotionless out of all the Espada had just came up and kissed you?

End

(Read me!!!) Another Authors note: I have been requested by my sister to do this so I will. In the last chapter you find out that Ulquiorra is angry at Loly and Menoly, whoever figures out why I will give them a prize. You may have to re-read chapters 7 and 8 to figure it out. All you have to do is put it in your review with the words 'Why Ulqui-Kun is angry:' and put your answer. Thank you for reading, and if you didn't read this then it's your loss you won't have a chance for my amazing prize. If there are 2 winners then the answer that is most accurate will win first, don't worry 2nd and 3rd place winners win prizes as well.

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