Chapter 10 - Guilt
After I finished my soda, Austen and I took a stroll down the main street, chatting casually, - Or at least I tried to make the conversation casual, seeing as he didn't quite trust me yet - while I window shopped. Window shopping is one of my favorite sports you know.
"So, is Carlisle still a doctor?" I proceeded to ask at random. - Sort of random, considering all the questions I'd asked so far had to do with his family.
"Erm, yeah he is. Have you had him before..?"
" Oh no, I was just wondering. One of my..friends, had him before. She was in a little incident with a van, and this boy Edward saved her, thank goodness, but still had to be looked over. "
I smiled smugly to myself. Ah yes, Edward was (is, possibly) quite the man.
" Dad? Oh yeah, he's really great. I mean, now that he's older and stuff. Kind of. I mean, he's older technically, but you know..he uh, acts like a kid? No..um.. Heylookanairplane!" He wasn't quite as good a liar as his supposed father was yet, it was apparent. Yes, Edward had to have more skill than to have ever emitted this kind of..well, to be fair, rather apparent falsehood.
The rest of the time we spent together is pretty easy to sum up in a few sentences. I asked fairly innocent questions, while Austen struggled to make up excuses every time he spilled on info that might lead me to think he was a vampire. Or half. I wasn't quite sure of which yet.
It was good that he was talking to me, and not another human. At least I could keep a secret, and God knows which secrets those are.. Let's review, shall we?
Firstly, I happen to be some hacked up version of Violet Incredible. Second, I have some freaky 'gift' that can - maybe - make anything happen; including all things dangerous. Third, I knew quite well that, a.), Jacob and his pals were indeed werewolves, as well as the fact that b.), Austen and his 'family' were indeed vampires. Wow.
You see most teenagers in high school would be worried about grades, and boyfriends, and homework. But me? Ohhhh no. I get to freak out about vampires and werewolves, and keeping my freak-dome a secret. No pressure, right?
On the bright side, at the moment, everything was going pretty well. Christopher was back alive and well from his...illness. I myself wasn't doing so bad, - now that I knew I wasn't a murderous wretch, but let's not ruin the optimism here - I had made a new - hopefully - friend in Austen. And so far, no one had a clue that well over half my life was overruled by some sort of weird ability, rather than hormones. A screwed up happiness, but hey, we all have to work with what we get. Unless of course, you are Tarzan. In which case, you can just swing around on avid jungle vines, and everything will work out.
I flopped down on my bed, kind of bored after being so tentatively happy all day. Being happy usually makes me like, the energy bunny, but today, I'd been so relieved, it was nearly tiring. Plus Italian sodas don't do much for me after all the sugar is out of my system.
I glanced across the room at my make-shift desk pushed up against the window . The thing was really just a holey old desk from circa B.C 400 or something, made to look slightly functional by having a long strip of burlap pulled taut over the surface. Atop the leathery workspace was my laptop, along with various sketches, painting, doodles, etc. etc., and a couple pencils. Huh. I hadn't used Barfo for ages.
"Barfo" was really my ramshackle laptop, as the shell was painted a vomit-like green. A little piece of torn paper rested lightly on the keyboard. Wondering idly what it was, I hopped off the bed and crossed the floor to examine the scrap. I could see a few words scrawled messily on one side, written in some sort of pen. It was a nice color, that pen. A sort of mossy green.. Entirely unlike the disgusting pallor of my old DELL. It read:
C-
Just thought that maybe you could e-mail me sometime. I have this Yahoo my sister forced on me a while back, so.. The user's, Ontherun77. Yeah, Rach thought it was hilarious for some reason.. Well it seems you've been busy lately or something. Write if you want. See you at school or whatever I guess.
-J
Crap. I'd totally forgotten about Jacob! Aghh!! He probably thought I was ignoring him or something weird. I clapped a hand over my forehead. What if he thought I was all happy now because Chris was back?! Well I was, but not in that sense.
With acute panic, I slammed down the power button on Barfo, nearly giving myself a brain hemorrhage waiting for it to "Get it's ass in gear", and boot up. It took all of twenty dragging seconds. When the thing finally started to cooperate, I signed into my e-mail account like lightning on a can of cola, and started typing in a remorseful message even before I realized that I wasn't sending it to anyone. Hastily clicking out, I shoved the keyboard away before taking a good deep breath and letting out slowly, yoga-like. Feel the zen and all. After a minute, I slid the computer back towards me, and went to my contacts list, selected "Add New Contact', and typed in his address. A few seconds later, the name Jacob Blackshowed up on the "Online list". Eek! He must be so angry with me! How could I have completely ignored him for the past four days?? Well four if you counted today that is. God. And instead of going to him to celebrate, I just pick some vampire boy out of some random coffee shop. Ack. I was in some deep trouble there.
Lottie 23 has entered Ontherun77's chat room
Lottie23: hey Jacob..It's me Charlotte..
I braced myself for the anger. Oh god. He's typing. 3..2..1..Impact.
Ontherun77: oh so you're speaking to me now?
He didn't sound that mad..Maybe a joke would help..I had an uncanny sense of humor right? Kind of..?
Lottie23: well not exactly, y'know, since we're only IM'ing. Haha..?
Ontherun77: Oh I'm so amused. What the hell is going on with you??
Not good. I could lie but..Jake was so good at seeing through me. Maybe it'd be better to fuzz up the truth a bit. Sound vague. He might just let it go. Might. I crossed my toes. Fingers are needed to type.
Lottie23: I...something happened on Monday.
Ontherun77: And?
So much for that theory.
Lottie23: I can't...tell u. Or anyone. I was just sad ok? Please don't make me tell u.
Ontherun77: why not??
Lottie23: bc it'd freak you out and you'd nvr want 2 C me ever again. Trust me, you don't wanna know.
What was I supposed to say?? "Well Jake, because I'm an invisible witch and maybe those kinds of girls just aren't you're type." ?
Ontherun77: You really don't want me to know? I think I could understand. My life is pretty weird too. Trust me.
Yes Jacob, I know you're a werewolf. But you didn't almost kill one of your classmates, now did you?
Lottie23: Ha! I know more than think. Unfortunately, that isn't always a good thing.
Ontherun77: Okay fine.. I'm just a little..annoyed I guess. Screw it, I'm pissed. Even if you were supposedly "just Sad", you could've at least acknowledged that I was alive. All you did was sigh and
Lottie23: Sorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorry! There. Am I forgiven?
Ontherun77: Sigh..fiiiine. But u owe me!
Yes!! I did a little victory dance before returning to the desk.
Lottie23: Yay! I wanna make it up 2 u. can we hang out sumtime?
Ontherun77: ...Hang out?
Did he think I meant go out? On a date?! Ahhh! Nonono!! Panic filled the space between my ears completely. I clarified teasingly, desperately praying that he didn't let on to the request's double meaning.
Lottie23: Yeah. Like, we do something? Together? Hullo? Ablas Engles?
Ontherun77: Oh! Haa, sorry I..spaced for a second there. How's tomorrow sound?
Phew! My heart rate gradually lowered, and I could think clearly again.Once the terror died down, I looked again at his words, and laughed, surprising myself.
Lottie23: haha very funny. We have school! Don't you do homework? Shame Jacob, shaaaame. V__V
Ontherun77: Yeah, yeah. We can do homework! I can be very diplomatic I'll have you know!
Lottie23: Fine fine, u win. I'll c u then. L8r G8rz!
Ontherun77: Wait!
I paused, my finger lingering on the power button.
Ontherun77: I have a question.
Lottie23: What's up?
Ontherun77: "Lottie23"? I thought your name was Charlotte.
I felt my face flush. Lottie had been my nickname when I was a little girl. A boy I played with always used to call me got along so well, I never forgot the sound of his voicecalling out my name.
Lottie23: Oh that. It's just an old nickname my friend used to call me. You know, charlotte, Lottie..Oh I have to go, mom's home.
I heard the key jangle in the lock. Mother was the last person who needed to know that I had just spent the last 10 minutes instant messaging a boy I hadn't known since pre-school.For some reason, making plans with guys didn't bother her at all. My guess was that she thought no contact communication meant things were serious. Yeah, my mom had always had kind of weird logic.
Ontherun77: Oh. Sure. ...See you later, Lottie.
He called me Lottie!! For some reason I was filled with schoolgirlish excitement rather than annoyance. Odd. I'd always hated it when someone used that name with me.
Lottie23: Right back at'cha, Jake.
Ontherun77: Ohhh, I'm so insulted.
Lottie23: meanie! Ur name is too normal! :x C ya 2moro!
Ontherun77: Yeah. C u.
Lottie23 has left Ontherun77's chat room
Ontherun77 has left Ontherun77's chat room
Jacob's POV.
I was dawdling around on the computer; something I hadn't done in..well, years really. It wasn't something I'd do now, but I was in need of a good distraction. My life sucked. Charlotte was ignoring me, I'd been out on patrol for he past 3 nights non stop, Billy kept on treating me like a little kid, - okay, he always did that, but still - Leah was making all of us miserable, and I had hideous hair.
Seriously. The last time I looked in the mirror, I nearly had a heart attack. My hair was nearly down to the middle of my upper arm. I looked like a girl! Normally, I wouldn't give a shit, but Charlotte was always around at school, and if she thought I was girly-looking..Well to put it bluntly, it would majorly suck for me. I mean, wants to be with a guy who looks like a girl from the shoulders up? Not that I cared. I sighed. Charlotte.
Dammit! Why the hell wasn't she speaking to me?! She hadn't been smiling, or talking, or laughing at my stupid jokes. Whenever Charlotte smiled, I swear, the entire world brightened, it lit up not only the room, but the universe. Her coral pink lips parting over flawless teeth, shimmering slightly, though you could tell she never smothered them with lip gloss like the other 99.9% of the girls at school, or anywhere else for that matter. I missed the way her jade green eyes sparkled when she had something interesting to say. The delicate pattern of her breath, the sweet aroma of cherry blossoms escaping her lungs, filling the air with her scent. Her face, quiet and gentle, softly smiling at no-one in particular; thinking inquisitively. Her beautiful dark hair, shining under the dull light of afternoon. Smooth as liquid ink waving gently to her shoulders, and then falling to her waist in dozens of glossy curls.
She was so tantalizingly magnetic, so kind, so..Charlotte. It was difficult to be mad at her, but the feelings of anger still coursed through my body now and then whenever I thought of the dazzling smile, wiped clean of her face. I wouldn't let her see I had forgiven her if she ever snapped out of this infuriating attitude. I'd given her my e-mail address early on in the week, hoping she'd at least write to me about what was wrong, but no dice, I hadn't heard a word from her since Monday. Verbal or written.
I'd thought I'd made a friend who understood me, but it turns out I was being left..again. The long since familiar feelings of nausea and betrayal overwhelmed me. It had been so long since I had thought of losing her..I didn't want to think her name, but I knew I had to face up to it sometime or other. Once Charlotte and I were talking, and she told me that very often, people are afraid of fear itself, not actually the thing they think they're scared of. Her upbeat expression renounced itself in my head.
"We have to face our fears, and show the world that we're brave enough, even if it's only something small. Even if we don't get any recognition or praise, we still have to overcome the frightening things, the little challenges. That, is true inner strength."
I stared at the computer screen, thoughts of the girl who was beginning to take hold of a very big part of my life, whizzing through my head. Suddenly the name Charlotte Swanson flashed up on the screen. My mind was cleared of everything but two little words in that moment. Holy. Shit.