Spock: "You came back for me."
Jim: "You would have done the same for me."
- Star Trek III: The Search for Spock -
Healer Taori arrived about at midday and was greeted formally and ceremonially in the reception hall of Sarek's residence. She wore white, flowing robes decorated with embroidered patterns and symbols that seemed strange to Jim, but probably held a traditional meaning. Sarek, Spock and Delia were all clad in traditional robes as well, making Jim the only one who stood out. Even Delia with her pale green skin seemed to fit in better than he did.
The greeting was carried out in Vulcan, but Sarek soon switched languages for the sake of Jim, who had a good understanding of Vulcan, but still strained to keep up with the formal parlance, and Delia, who had just started to learn the first words of her paternal language.
Sarek introduced them, and Taori studied them with obvious interest. Jim could have sworn that he even heard her mouth a 'fascinating' as Sarek elaborated on Delia's parentage. Taori held out a hand in a traditional gesture of greeting. "I am pleased to meet you, child of my blood," she said, her words accented but clearly understandable, "your grandmother was my relative and friend."
Which would explain why Sarek and she were acting so stiffly. Meeting your deceased friend's ex-husband after they had had a nasty divorce could not be pleasant in any culture.
Delia bowed her head in acknowledgement, repeating the gesture Taori had just performed.
She's a fast learner, Jim said to Spock, looks like she will have no trouble fitting in.
Hopefully.
Taori now moved her attention from Delia to Jim and Spock. Her large, black eyes rested on Jim for a long moment, as if evaluating him. There was no way to tell from her physical appearance, but her eyes seemed old. Very old, very wise.
She is older than your father, isn't she?
Many years older, yes. It is considered impolite to talk through the bond while in the company of others.
Oh. Sorry.
You are new to this and had no way of knowing.
"Captain James Tiberius Kirk. It is a pleasure to meet you, too. Please receive my heartfelt thanks for your part in the valiant attempt to save my planet, even if it proved to be unsuccessful." She paused but not long enough to give him a chance to answer. "And Spock. No pureblooded Vulcan has ever done more to preserve our race and the essence of our culture than you. Does that make you proud? For we, finally, are proud of you."
"I am… grateful for what I was able to do," Spock replied slowly, "but there are too many things I regret to feel truly glad about my deed."
Taori nodded, as if she understood. "Very well. I believe I was called here in my capability as a healer, not a counselor, though." She looked at Sarek. "Many years ago, you and Amanda called me to assess whether or not your son's mixed heritage could have an adverse effect on his telepathic abilities or his nature to bond with a partner later in life. It appears that your caution was not without reason."
Sarek nodded briefly.
Taori looked back at Jim and Spock. "It is not unheard of that a bond forms itself unconsciously," she told them, "even though such an event is not desirable. Albeit Spock has learned to compensate, his mixed heritage has him at a disadvantage when it comes to controlling his subconsciousness. So far, though, this wild bond, if we can call it such, appears to have no noticeable negative effects on either of you. That is most curious, but also promising. With your permission, I will investigate the matter further, but I propose that we retreat to more comfortable surroundings." She cast a glance at Delia. "I would also like to examine you, child, if you will allow me."
Delia seemed to be considering this for a moment. "Will it hurt?"
"No. I will do nothing you are not willing to let me do," Taori assured her.
Delia nodded reluctantly.
"I would ask you both to assume a comfortable position, as we might be here for a while," Taori told them when they had retreated to small sitting room on the first floor. Sarek and Delia were waiting in the next room, their voices only a quiet murmur through the closed door.
Jim looked at Spock, shrugged and sat down on one of the sofas grouped around a low wooden table. Spock moved to sit beside him.
"Take his hand," Taori advised Spock, who promptly followed her order. Jim felt the familiar tingle and the warmth of the bound spreading through his hand and encompassing him.
"Try to regulate his heart rate and breathing and calm them," Taori continued, still speaking to Spock.
"Wait… you can do that?" Jim asked, awed.
Spock nodded. "By aligning them with my own heart rate and breathing."
"It is a technique Vulcan bondmates use to meditate together," Taori added. "It will calm your mind, which will make it easier for me to enter."
"You will enter my mind?" Jim asked warily.
"Only the part of it you share with Spock. I need to, in order to assess the bond."
"Oh."
"It will not be painful," she assured him, "and I am sworn to secrecy by my oath as a healer."
Much like patient-doctor confidentiality, Jim assumed.
"Okay."
He felt the rhythm of Spock's breathing and slowly allowed himself to follow it. "You did this this morning," he realized. "Probably without even realizing it."
"Yes," Spock agreed. "Now be still."
Jim complied and tried to relax, and found it to be surprisingly easy as he followed Spock blindly.
"Good," Taori's voice was a quiet murmur, seemingly far away. "I will lay my hands on your shoulders now and join with you. It will feel unfamiliar, but do not be alarmed. If you feel any discomfort, tell me instantly."
Her hand came to rest on his shoulder, and a moment later, Jim felt a strange presence joining in with them. His mind seemed to recoil and reject the intruder, but he forced himself to stay calm. It did not actually hurt. It was merely uncomfortable and potentially embarrassing to have a stranger here.
"This is easier than I thought," the healer stated, sounding pleased. "You are doing fine."
Jim felt her stretch out and carefully explore the bond and wished that it was already over. He did not want her here. It was too private.
"Your sentiments are natural, but it will soon be over," Taori told him and continued to examine the bond. It felt as if she was taking it apart, layer by layer, but careful not to do any actual damage. Then all of a sudden, her presence was gone.
Jim opened his eyes to see her standing in front of them, her wise eyes looking down at them.
"I am surprised," she told them. "Even though the bond was formed unconsciously and without instruction or proper preparation, it seems to be intact and fully functioning. There are no obvious flaws about it. It goes surprisingly deep and it is well rooted on mutual understanding and tenderness. If left to fully develop itself, it will be as strong as could be wished of any purposefully formed bond."
Jim felt Spock's relief. "So neither of us is in any danger of losing his mind?"
"Absolutely not," Taori agreed. "And if you permit me to say so – you appear to be remarkably well suited. It is strange, but I do not think Spock could have made a better choice, had he been consciously looking for a partner."
"There you go," Jim said to Spock, "your subconciousness seems to have your best interests at heart."
"Indeed," Spock replied, sounding faintly amused, before turning back to Taori. "What would happen if we decided to break the bond?"
She looked surprised. "I would advise against it. Even though in this early stage, it would probably not cause much harm, it is highly unlikely that you will ever find a more compatible bondmate."
"That may well be, but I would like to give my bondmate a choice," Spock replied.
"I understand." She nodded. "At this stage, it can still be broken without too much of an effort. But do not leave your decision pending for too long."
"I don't want to break it off," Jim said to Spock as soon as Taori had left to examine Delia.
Spock turned to look at him, surprise visible in his eyes. "Jim… this is a serious decision."
"I agree. And I have already decided. I love you. I want to be with you. I want to keep this bond, it feels great." He knew that Spock would feel that he had meant every word of it.
A soft, sad smile touched Spock's lips. "I love you, too. But you also want to be a Starfleet captain…"
"Well of course I do, why are you… oh." Jim cursed himself as the realization hit him. "Regulations. Anti fraternization rules. Fuck, I forgot about that. Completely."
"I know," Spock said. "It comes down to a simple truth, Jim – you cannot be with me and at the same time be Captain. It would probably possible for us to be bonded and both continue to serve in Starfleet, but not in our present capacities and certainly not on the same ship."
"No way. I am not leaving you or letting you leave! I don't want to, and it would moreover not benefit Starfleet. We are probably the best command team they've had since Pike and Number One went their separate ways."
"In that case, we will have to break the bond. Captain and first officer of the same vessel cannot be involved in a romantic relationship and that is essentially what being bonded means."
Jim chewed on his lower lip. "There's no loophole? No way around that regulation? I'll stand before a Starfleet tribunal if I have and if there's a chance we could win our case."
Spock shook his head. "Presently, I see no way around it, but we should probably take up the matter with Christopher. "
"Right. He used to be head of personnel deployment and he's probably given the matter some serious thought after he fell in love with Bones."
"I should think so. But frankly, right now I do not see how we could get away with it, Jim."
"We'll figure it out," Jim promised. "And after all… you of all people should know that I am willing to cheat in order to get where I want to."
They joined with Sarek, Delia and Taori for a late lunch on the terrace. While Spock and Sarek were explaining the components of the Vulcan meal to their young relative, who was staring suspiciously at the greenish-brown leaf-salad on her plate, Jim turned to the healer to quietly ask her how her conversation with Delia had gone.
"She has been hurt many times, but she is remarkably strong," Taori said. "I have no doubt that in time, she will overcome her past and grow up to be a very interesting person. She is highly intelligent and advanced for her age."
High praise from a Vulcan, Jim supposed.
"There is one thing that troubles me, though," the healer continued, "her mind, too, showed the traces of a bond beginning to form. Maybe it is a general condition in halfblood Vulcans that they are unable to control this part of their telepathic abilities, but I have too little evidence to support my theory. These two are among the first hybrids of our race that I have had a chance to study. Still it troubles me. In Spock's case, the bond he formed with you is healthy and appears beneficial to both of you, therefore it is no cause of concern. But Delia is a mere child. She should not even be able to form a bond, and it would likely go ill if left unsupervised. I therefore will talk to Sarek about blocking it. But first, I need to find out who the prospective bondmate is." She sighed. "That will not be easy. Delia herself is completely oblivious to what has happened, which is not surprising, given her age and upbringing."
"Maybe I can help you," Jim said, feeling sorry for Delia, who had enough on her plate already. "If it formed recently, there are not that many people who would be eligible."
"It appears to be a fairly recent development."
"Well, then it almost has to be somebody at the hospital, or one of the people she came in contact with after leaving it. That would be Sarek, Spock, Nyota Uhura, Christopher Pike, Leonard McCoy, Joana McCoy, Rebekka Roseleaf and me, unless Sarek has been throwing any dinner parties I don't know about."
"We can exclude Sarek, Spock and you yourself," Taori said. "I would have recognized either of you."
"For now, my money is on Chris Pike. He has been one of the first people she met after coming to Earth, and she likes him a lot. But that also means that this thing has to be stopped – he is old enough to be her father or even grandfather and married. Bones – Leonard – would have a fit if he learnt about this."
"It is not a man," Taori said quietly. "Delia is not exactly aware of this herself, but she is not attracted to men. It will probably be at least another three or four years until she realizes it, but her subconscious already knows."
"Oh." Jim said, for lack of anything better to say. "Well… that leaves Nyota, Rebekka and Jo. Rebekka could easily be Delia's grandmother, Nyota actually went to school with Delia's Mom and has no interest in women at all, and Jo is a thirteen year old girl, who only met Delia yesterday."
"Neither sounds like a good option, and Delia would be too young to form such an attachment in any case," Taori said. "I shall speak with Sarek."
"Poor Delia," Jim said. "Will blocking the bond hurt her?"
"No. If it is done right, she will not even feel it."
Time to reply to some of those lovely reviews I got recently. I'm sorry that I don't have the time to reply to each one via individual message, but I hope you won't hold that against me. It doesn't mean that I don't appreciate them.
Blip-Chan: I think I need to do something really nice for you one of these days. You're one of my most loyal reviewers. Got a story request? Anything you've always wanted to read but nobody has written yet?
LaurAmour: Thanks, you're absolutely right. It has to be "view" not "few". What a curious mistake to make. I guess it shows that I am an auditory learner, at least when it comes to languages. By the way, I decided to change the rating – just to be on the safe side…
T'Arrah: Interesting idea. You know, I've always been a bit squeamish about MPreg – my Mom is a midwife, so I have that little voice screaming in my head "Nooo! Not possible! You know how it works, and this isn't it!" At first, I didn't read MPreg stories at all. By now, though, I can live with them and actually enjoy some of them, but the only way I can accept MPreg is when there is either magic, or inexplicable alien technology (which, being inexplicable, would seem like magic) involved. I've never written a MPreg story myself, but I might do so one day. It's more likely to be a Harry Potter than a Star Trek fic, though… I'm still more comfortable with magic. As for this story – there's no way I could make this a MPreg, not after I've declared Spock infertile. I don't want Jim cheating on him, and the only other male/male couple in there would be Chris and Bones – and they are a bit too old and already have kids.
Also: Spock is considering breaking the bond because – as he said – he'd like to give Jim a choice. I like my heroes noble and self-denying, you know ;)
And yes, Jim knew about David. Chris told him in Chapter 10… Spock, on the other hand, knew before him, since he got the news in Chapter 2.
IronSpockMaster: Is there anybody who's into this fandom and doesn't like Spirk? I mean, honestly, the pairing is almost canon (probably even more so than Spock/Uhura). You should be happy now – no breaking of the bond in sight ;)