When Life Takes Hold
Evelyn
"I tried to hold on but somewhere a long the way I got lost."
"We all get lost sometimes."
"But for me there's no turning back."
"I have lost myself, and I' don't want to be found."
Evelyn had always loved the night, it was always so peaceful, she found it the best time for her to think and reflect. There were no real distractions, only the subtle sounds in the darkness, of many nights spent staring up at the a millions of tiny shimmering pinpricks lighting the night sky, her father had told her stories of the stars when she was a child, great battles and lost loves all on display over head, she would hang on his every word, bright eyed in awe thinking them all true as most children were lead to believe. She knew better now though, the tall tales of youth that spark the imagination shaping of young minds. Evelyn wondered if her sister still believed the stories in the end, she hoped so.
It was the peaceful serenity, that she had missed the most when she had been forced into the circle. A small shiver ran through her at recalling that night the templars had caught her and dragged her away, bound and gagged, she hated them, not only for what unspeakable things they did to her, but for what they did to her parents, to her life, and to her sister. They haunted every moment of her life, taking away those she held dear.
Living in the circle was the Maker's idea of some cruel joke she was sure. They couldn't even give her a room with a window so she could see the sky, they just happily crammed her into a little room with six others, and beds stacked on top of one another, she hated it there as did everyone she knew, but she had known the freedom most that the others were to young to remember. She knew what it was like to look up at the sky, to feel the rain on your face the wind rushing through her hair, and see the stars. To be able to go where ever and when ever she pleased.
Evelyn had never taken her freedom for granted either, her mother told them what life was like in the circle, she made sure that both her and Lucy understood that as hard as running all the time was for them, it was always better than living in the circle and she was right.
Frowning as the thoughts swirled in her mind of the past and then the present, they needed to plan their next move, time was running out, they had a few days at most before the risk of being discovered was too great, but she was far to tired and freezing, the day had been filled with running and chaos, she was drained. The wind had gusted up from out the Waking Sea up over the cliffs, and cut through the temporary refuge. Evelyn pulled her thin moth eaten blanket tightly around her scooting close to her little camp fire, she wondered how the others were settling in.
Evelyn always made her camp away from the others, it was better for her this way. After spending four years in that cramped little room, she needed her distance and even with seven years of freedom, after the fire in Starkhaven circle, she still couldn't bring herself to be that close to them or that close to 'her' for that matter. Evelyn didn't want to hate her but sometimes it was impossible not to, If the others needed anything they would come to her, making sure they knew they were always welcome.
Evelyn looked over at her new patient that had come in with the injured from Kirkwall. It had taken everything she had to keep the man alive, and now he was curled up on his side in a tight ball on her bedroll snoring softly beside her. He was quite handsome she thought with a smile gracing her lips, a stray blond hair had fallen out of it's loose pony tail, hanging down in front of his face, absently she reached out to brush the hair back, but pulling away before touching him, she fought the urge to push it out of his face. She didn't want to be fawning over this one, no matter how incredibly handsome she thought he was.
She has wrapped him in her only two thick heavy blankets had wrapping them tightly around him to help keep the biting cold at bay, she watched him sleeping peacefully feeling a little envious. He would likely wake very soon she figured, the sleep spell she cast wouldlikely be wearing off, and she wanted to be awake when he did, so she waited.
Tuck had done a good job, she was proud of the Elf, he had come a long way from the scared young man raised in the circle, she stole away from the templars.
Tuck had been her sister's best friend in the circle, and it didn't take Evelyn long to realize why. Tuck was loyal and funny, and he cared for her sister deeply. Evelyn had suspected there may have been more there but Tuck would never admit it to her, and she wouldn't pry, not anymore, she wasn't about to ask her about it either.
Tuck had healed the man's wounds better the she ever could have he never gave himself enough credit in his skills, but she wasn't much of healer either. She was still the best they had for the moment making her pretty much always drained it seemed, she found that strangely funny, seeing how many mages they have acquired over the last few weeks, and none had been very proficient as a healer, or at least they weren't admitting it.
They had been at this camp for two days already, she knew they would have to be on the move soon, the risk of being discovered was becoming too great now after what happened in Kirkwall yesterday, she had heard rumor's about what happened, but was unsure what was true, and what was fabricated so much chatter and gossip it was to hard to keep it all straight, all she knew was it had something to do with the Champion and her companions, because of them there was very few safe places anymore they really needed to move on soon.
"Still brooding, I see." Tucks voice filled her little clearing as he, came up the small incline from where the others refugees were gathered for the night, he carried a large clay bowl, that he balanced carefully in his hands. His large golden eyes flickered in the light of the fire, giving his cheery expression a ethereal glow about it, she always liked the strange colors of elven eyes his were no expectation. His once short cropped black hair had become long, and was always sliding from behind his ears falling in his eyes, driving her crazy, she begged him to let her cut it but he only laughed, saying that the woman loved his long hair.
"I don't brood, I contemplate... things." Evelyn smirked, wrinkling her nose, shifting herself, making room for him to sit next to her.
Tuck laughed, "Contemplating, huh? Well if you contemplate any harder, your face will have a permanent brooding look to it." He said as he carefully settled down beside her balancing the bowl while trying not to spill the contents on himself. His smile unwavering and bright he offered her the steaming bowl.
Evelyn sighed, staring at the bowl. "I'm not hungry, you eat it Tuck, you need it more then me you're a bag of bones."
his smile wavered, his brows knitting together as he shoved the bowl under her nose. "Take it Eve, you haven't eaten anything in days. It's rabbit stew, Clare made it, it's good."
Her stare lingered at his offering giving in taking the bowl carefully, placing it gingerly into her lap she stared down into the thick grey mixture, the warmth felt good helping take the chill from her body some.
"Thanks." she whispered.
"You're not going to eat it are you?" Tuck scowled at her.
She shrugged, staring blankly into the stew. "It won't go to waste, don't worry."
"I'm not worried about that, I'm worried about you. If you don't start taking better care of yourself I'll have to tell your sister..."
Evelyn snorted. "She's not my sister anymore, she hasn't been my sister for a long time now." Her voice grew thick, she swallowed down the lump that came up in her throat.
Tuck nodded his black hair falling down in front of his grey eyes, huffing he ran his fingers through his hair, pushing it back out of his eyes, "I know… but she's still Lucy right? Even just a little, she has her memories, that's something at least. We haven't lost her completely."
Evelyn grumbled. "That's just it, Tuck, it's just memories my little sparrow was taken from me, she was gone the moment those bastard templars made her tranquil. You were there, you heard what Compassion said, she's empty inside and there is no soul left in her, just empty memories."
The tears that used to come so freely when she thought of her young sister didn't come this time. Perhaps she was just tired or maybe her heart just couldn't take it anymore, and she began to steel herself to the loss she felt. Her sister was dead and nothing would change that, she was just a shell for lack of a better word.
"You're right, I know… I just wish."
"We all wish Tuck, no one wishes more than I do," Evelyn sighed again, picking the clay bowl up from her lap placing it on the ground. "Thank you for the stew, I'm sure our new patient will be hungry when he wakes."
"Evelyn, you're going to make yourself sick. You've drained yourself healing him, you need to eat." Tuck scolded.
"I'll eat when I'm hungry." she said flatly.
"You better, Compassion already knows you're not eating, it's bad enough that she's been running herself ragged. I know you don't want her to come up here but..."
"Tuck, please. just enough already." she snapped.
"Alright, we're all worried about you Eve, that's all."
"I know."
Tuck looked over at the snoring mass of man curled up beside Evelyn.
"How is he?" He asked,she knew he using the subject change to defuse her rising irritation with him.
"He'll live. It was touch and go for awhile, but he should make a full recovery in a few days. He needs rest to build his strength." she said, staring down at the man curled up beside her, giving in she Groaned, nervously she leaned over tucking the stray hair off his face tucking it behind his ear. He stirred mumbling incoherently, jerking her hand back as if he was lunged at her, resting her hands on her lap.
Tuck cleared his throat, fighting back a chuckle. "Yes well, that's good, Compassion seemed very worried about him."
"Is it true what she said? He has a spirit bound inside?" she questioned, her eyebrows drawn together in concern.
"Yeah, you should have seen him, it was pretty impressive with how badly he was injured, he fought like a man possessed." He chuckled.
"Ha...Ha...Ha, How very funny you are, you should go to Starkhaven, and become the court Jester to the King." she drawled, rolling her eyes giving the elf a playful shove.
"Ouch! How you wound me so Eve, such a brute." He mocked, rubbing his shoulder his lip jutting out in a fake pout.
"Psh, you know one of these days, I'll show you what real pain is." Evelyn chuckled, winking at him slyly.
"Is that a promise?" Tuck said playfully, with a hint of hopefulness in his tone.
"Ha, you wish."
"Yeah, I do." His expression had become somber, reaching out placing his hand on her arm, giving it a gentle squeeze.
She flinched from his touch, she had known that Tuck started to have feeling for her, the jokes and the innocent flirting, but she found lately he had been getting bolder in his pursuits of her it was becoming harder and harder to deflect his advances. She felt bad that she didn't share those feelings, loving him more like a friend or even a brother maybe if things had been different and that he hadn't been in love with her sister it might have worked, but not now. Sometimes she just wanted to feel someone to be close to, and love her it had been far too long since she felt another's touch. She couldn't go down that path with Tuck knowing how he felt. She couldn't hurt him like that, and she knew couldn't give him what he wanted from her no matter how much she wished she could.
"Tuck, I..."
The man whimpered, making the conversation stop to her relief. They sat watching him flinching in his sleep as he mumbled urgently.
"He has a troubled soul." Tuck whispered.
"Yes, and even more troubled spirit." She could sense it just like it was with Compassion, the flickering of the fade within him turning, restless, she felt drawing to him a kinship of sorts hoping maybe that he would understand what it was like, but maybe she was just hoping for something that wasn't there maybe they were the feelings of a desperate woman, she didn't know anymore.
He jerked awake his eyes shooting open, a blueish glow making Tuck gasp and scramble back, but was all too familiar to Evelyn, she frowned. The blue eyes flickered, dieing out turning to a soft hazel hue,. The mans eyes bulged he began to panic, shouting with arms and legs flaying in a sea of tightly wrapped blankets, magic crackling around him.
Evelyn scrambled to her feet lunging at him, without thought for her safety. Old habits dieing hard as she grasped him holding fast in an attempt to sooth him.
"Easy now, you're alright, there's no threat to you here, you're safe." Keeping her voice clam, and soothing.
The mans urgent flaying eased, staring at her confusion etched on his face, his body began to slowly relax.
"There we go, you're fine, no one will hurt you here. They would have to get through me first, and that would be just plan crazy." She smiled, giving him a little wink, regretting it as she cursed herself inwardly for flirting with the poor man. One day her excessive flirting was bound to get her in trouble she was sure.
Tuck barked out a laugh at her comment, slapping his hand over his mouth to stifle his laughter.
"You Shush." she scolded Tuck, as she slowly helped the man untangle himself from the blankets.
"Thank you." The man crooked out, as Evelyn fixed the blankets around his shoulders so he could sit up.
"You're welcome." She smiled warmly at him. She chuckled, when his stomach loudly.
"Are you hungry? There's some rabbit stew here, it's quite good." Watching the man's expression relaxed, nodding as a small smile tugged at his lips reflecting her own.
Tuck snorted. "Like you would know how it tasted." he grumbled.
Evelyn shot back a glare at Tuck noticing that he had settled back down next to the fire, but further away from the stranger.
She grumbled, glaring back at Tuck. "If you're going to be a pest you can go back to the others and pester them."
Tuck sighed waving his hands in defeat. "Fine, I'll shut up about it...for now."
Picking up the clay bowl she offered it to the blond stranger. It had cooled considerably since Tuck had brought it to her, but she doubted a hungry man would mind cold stew. Taking the bowl from her his hand shaking slightly. Evelyn settled herself beside the him on the bedroll, the man looked at her curiously from the corner of his eye before hungrily devouring the grey mixture.
She watched him with amusement, wondering if she would have to send Tuck down for some more by the way he was devouring it as if he hadn't eaten anything in days. Perhaps he hadn't she thought.
It wasn't long before he emptied the bowl, bits of gravy stained the corners of his mouth, setting the bowl on the ground.
"How do you feel?" She asked.
"Fine, a little sore." He looked from Evelyn to Tuck then around the darkened camp. "Who are you? Where am I? What happened?"
"So many questions," her noses wrinkled, smirking. "We're in an alcove along the Wounded Coast, we should be fairly safe here for a few days at least, it's very well hidden and we have precautions in place." She paused gauging his reaction to the news. "What do you remember?"
He nodded absently, staring into the fire his eyes looked troubled, frowning shaking his head. "Not much really, just fighting, and me dying." shrugging he looked up at Tuck. "I remember you, and a young girl... a tranquil."
"Compassion." Tuck said, wearily watching the man with distrust. "She found you laying in a pool of your own blood, with a dagger in your back."
The man flinched. "Ah, yes."
"Who did that to you?" She asked softly.
"I...I don't remember." He sighed, shoulders slumping forward.
He was lying, of course he was it's his story to tell, and she didn't blame him for not wanting to share it with strangers. She felt badly for him, he had been through a lot, she could see it in his eyes. The deep sadness that lingered, she knew that look all to well.
"My name is Evelyn, that's Tuck." she motioned towards the elf.
"Anders." He said, as he fidgeted nervously with the end of one of the blankets, that draped across his shoulders.
"Anders... I know that name," She watched as he twisted the end of the blanket around his finger.
"Ah, yes... well." He stammered, confused as Evelyn smiled at him nudging him with her shoulder into his.
"It's alright, you don't have to tell us now. You can tell me when your ready, and if you never are then so be it."
Anders, body relaxed again, "Thank you Evelyn, I appreciated it." his voice took on a kindness, that made her smile.
"Of course, don't worry, but I do need to ask you something Anders if it's alright?" She looked at him serenely.
"Sure..."
"Tell me about your spirit, and how you came to meet it?"
Anders body when ridged, his eyes wide he stared at her in shock. "You know?"
Tuck snorted, "Who didn't know, the way you were taking down those templars, and then the argument with Compassion, it was kind of hard not to notice."
"Oh... I don't remember...that." pulling his knees up to his chest, resting his forehead on his knees as he sighed.
"It's alright, I just want to know who we are dealing with."
Turning his head still rested on his knees he stared at her his brow furrowed. "You're not afraid of me? Of what I am?"
Evelyn chuckled, "No, I think I understand better than anyone really."
"Somehow I doubt that, I don't think anyone could really understand. What it's like to have a spirit of Justice trapped inside you."
"Justice is it? Well that explains quite a bit." She mumbled more to herself, nodding as if the thought agreed with her.
Anders glared at her. "Explains what?" Anders said, harshly edge to his tone. "That I'm poor sod to take pity on? Or an abomination that will turn on you the second your backs are turned, well I'm not!" Anders growled, his temper flared.
"What! No, no, I never said you were either of those things. I didn't mean to give you the impression that I did... I'm sorry."
Anders expression softened, sighing "Oh...well don't, I feel like just an ass." Anders frowned, pulling the blanket around him tighter groaning. "sorry for that."
Evelyn laid her hand on Anders back, pulling it back when he flinched away at her reassuring touch.
"It's fine Anders, I understand," Looking into his eyes her bright green to his light hazel as she smiled warmly. "When I say I understand, I really and truly do... you see until just recently, I, myself shared my body with a fade spirit, I understand what it can do to you."
Anders shot up straight as her words sunk in, his eyes went wide in shock as he stared at her his mouth gaping. "WHAT!"
A/N ~ I want to thank everyone who had read/favorite/alert, and reviewed. I thank you all, special thanks to Jinx1983 for beta this chapter you are a wonderful dear friend.
Some of you will notice the pen name change, the reason for this is I've always been known by Jellybonkerz or Bonkyz as Jinx1983 so lovingly named me. The change of name is just easier for everyone and cuts back on the confusion. ^.^
Enjoy! oh and Bioware owns my soul. xD