When Life Takes Hold
Chapter 4
Evelyn
War isn't always about who's right,
sometimes it's about just surviving to see the sun.
The nightmares were back. Hunting her again, stalking her the very moment she slipped into the fade. Demonic and misshapen, everything she deeply desired, unfolding, taunting. Undying promises of things she could never have, no matter how badly they were wanted. Forced to endure visions of flesh being peeled away, strip by strip from those she loved, their screams jarred her awake, panting and drenched in sweat. Those haunting screams still ringing in her ears.
When Evelyn and Compassion were one, the demons no longer came, no more whispers or promises. Now she couldn't keep them away, she'd become a beacon to them. They were drawn to her three and four at a time, trying to break her, make her give in. There was also an odd darkness that loomed at the edges of her mind, watching. Every time she thought she was close to making sense of it, it skittered off, leaving her bewildered. Being a mage, the demons always came, forever whispering, forever offering things that they knew were in your heart. Then if that didn't work, they would torture you with your greatest fears, anything that may wear a mage down, make them break. Her mother had taught her well though. Never give into them, no matter what they offered to give or take away, a mage had to stay strong and ever vigilant. She just hoped she could be.
The nightmare had been too much, and sleeping was useless at this point. Her body was aching and stiff from sleeping on the bare ground. Evelyn's whole body trembled as she sat up and sucked in a deep shaky breath in an attempt to ease her nerves, the nightmare still fresh in her mind.
The sun had just begun to rise, the hints of red and orange glowed along the horizon over the Waking sea. That would mean she had managed to endure about three hours sleep, better than most nights, when she was lucky to get only one or two hours at the most. She had to do something about this soon, her body was becoming worn, it was becoming dangerous not only to herself, but for the others as well. If she couldn't get a handle on it soon, she would have to leave and strike out on her own. She hoped it wouldn't come to that.
Pushing the thoughts out of her mind, Evelyn watched Anders sleeping soundly, his body curled up into a tight ball. Her blankets were wrapped tightly around him, only the shadows of his face peeking out of a small opening. A smile played at the corners of her mouth, he seemed so peaceful. He reminded her of a child wrapped tightly in the warmth and security of a treasured blanket. He was lucky they'd come across him when they did, any longer and she doubted she could have saved him.
Her stomach growled painfully which made her wince. That was fast becoming a problem for her as well and it wasn't like she didn't want to eat. Evelyn found that every time she tried, she would become doubled over in pain. She had tried healing, even though there had been nothing to heal, then herbs, tinctures, everything she could think of and all yielded little success. Everything was coming to a head, she could feel it. Her body and her mind could not take much more.
The fire had died down and Evelyn got to her feet. It was another day, and she would push forward like she always did. Adding more wood to the fire, the small flames slowly started to burn brighter. The dry branches snapped and popped as the fire came back to life as she quietly rummaged through her pack, pulling out an old metal pot. Inside was a package of dried oats wrapped up tight in a leather buck skin satchel. She hated the stuff, but it was the only thing she could really eat now, and she needed all the strength she could muster. Tuck would be up soon and nosing around so she thought if she had some food ready, it would hopefully set his mind at ease. There was no reason to worry him, not yet anyways. She hoped she would never have too.
Crouching down beside the fire, Evelyn began to work. It was a trick her mother had taught her when she was very young, she'd said it was one that every apostate should know. With her hand hovering over the old metal pot, her fingers begin to glow and a soft blue haze enveloped it as Evelyn began to chant softly under her breath, gently slipping into the fade. Just a touch of magic for such a simple spell. Snow formed at the tips of her fingers, the blue haze began swirling, lazily directing a small blizzard into the small pot. She smirked when it was full and hooked the now slush filled pot onto the makeshift rack above the crackling flames.
The slush melted quickly and the water was quick to boil. Dumping the last of the oats into the boiling water, her mind wandered idly as it boiled. When it was ready, she reached to remove the pot, and the fire flared, licking up and catching Evelyn on her hand.
"Ah, shit." she cursed, yanking her hand sharply back from the fire. Rocking back on her heels, Evelyn pressed her hand tightly against her chest, hissing through clenched teeth. Slowly she pulled her hand back and she groaned at the large blisters that had started to bubble up on the palm of her hand.
"All mighty elemental mage, who burns herself while trying to make porridge - wonderful," she murmured.
"I think it's the food you're supposed to be cooking, not yourself."
Startled, Evelyn teetered backwards, losing her balance and landing on the ground. Gasping for breath, "Yer awake," she stuttered wide eyed, in a futile attempt to compose herself.
"Yes, well I'm always up with the sun it seems." Anders grunted, pushing himself up off the ground, carefully steadying himself.
Evelyn watched as Anders walked carefully to kneel at her side. His hazel eyes met hers, filled with genuine concern. Gently reaching out, he took her injured hand, his eyes still gauging her reaction.
Her stomach fluttered as his light touch raised goose bumps on her arm. This was a feeling she hadn't felt in a very long time. It wasn't only his touch, he was an extremely handsome man, even more so in the light of day. It had been far too long since she had let anyone touch her. Evelyn watched as Anders pulled her trembling, injured hand into his lap.
"That looks painful," he said, continuing to frown.
"Aye, cooking isn't my strong point." she hissed, clenching her teeth, as he lightly brushed a finger over one of the blisters, examining each one carefully. She hissed again, as a sharp pain shot up through her fingers.
"Obviously," he said, smirking at her.
Anders hand hovered over the injury and blue light began to shimmer; she felt the coolness of the healing energy flowing from him into her injured hand. His magic was soothing, it had seemed like forever since she had been healed by somebody other than herself. Normally she would never have let anyone heal her, as there were few people she would've trusted enough to do so. Yet she felt she could trust him. With him near, there were complex feelings, like a pulling or drawing. It wasn't a bad feeling, it felt safe yet strange.
Evelyn had always been fascinated watching other mages heal, each touch of magic was different. Some were light, soft like a feather, others were harsher, more abrasive making the healing sometimes more painful than the the wound itself. Anders' healing touch felt cool and calming and she took comfort in it. It reminded her of her mother when she would heal. As a child she would often watch her mother healing people, she had been an exceptional spirit healer. No matter how hard Evelyn tried, she could never be half the healer her mother had been. Her own gifts lay in the elements and force, but she was still more skilled than most mages, and she had her mother to thank for that.
Anders lightly brushed over the slowly receding blisters, the pain had now reduced to a dull ache.
"Do you have a poultice? I would feel better if this was bandaged."
"Aye, in my pack," and she motioned near her bedroll. "I always try to keep a few handy. You never know when you're going to need them."
Anders nodded and stood up stiffly, his knees popping. The sound made her cringe as she watched him go and begin picking through her pack. He removed random items, setting them aside to continue his search.
Evelyn stared down at her hand again, running her fingers lightly over the mostly healed blisters. Aggravation set in as she cursed herself, 'Were things ever going to get easier?' She seriously doubted it and let out a soft sigh, not realizing that Anders had returned to kneel in front of her. He placed his hands on her knees and she felt the weight of his gaze. Evelyn glanced up and forced a weary smile.
"Are you alright, Evelyn?" Anders asked. His voice was low, and full of genuine concern.
She nodded wordlessly in reassurance. He watched her a moment longer, cocking an eyebrow then slowly, Anders extended out his hand, silently asking for hers instead of simply taking it. Normally she would have refused any offer of help, but to her surprise at feeling no reluctance, she gave her injured hand over..
This feeling of being drawn to him was unnerving Evelyn. His hands were cool and felt … safe. He tended to her as if it came naturally to him, like the way her mother had tended to the people that came to see her. There was a look of pure peace in those golden eyes and she became mesmerized, watching him as he carefully applied the poultice and finished wrapping her hand up with expert ease.
Once finished, he leaned back to admire his work and grinned. "There you go, all better."
"Thanks," Evelyn replied, taking back her hand and looking over his work.
"No thanks needed." He smiled as he stood up and made his way back to her pack and repacked it with the leftover materials.
"You do good work," she complimented. "You have the same look Mother used to, when she would heal."
"Your Mother was a mage?" he asked in surprise.
"How many healers do you know that weren't?" she replied with a slight smile.
"Sorry, silly question" he said, mentally kicking himself. He gathered the wooden carved bowls and spoons he found in her pack, and began to dish out the cooked oats, offering her one of the steaming bowls of mash.
Taking a bowl from Anders as he sat beside her, she relented. "Aye, she was and a good one at that. She taught Lucy and I everything we know about magic." She spoke fondly at the memory of her Mother, while balancing the bowl on her lap. As she stared down at the thick paste, she could feel the ghost pains prickling in her stomach.
"You were an apostate?"
"Still am last time I checked," she chuckled, looking up at him with a mischievous smirk.
"No, no, I mean when you were a child."
"Oh aye, of course, I forgot all circle mages raise children," her grin widened.
"Are you making fun of me?" he questioned, eyebrow raised as he tried to fight back his own smile.
"Who me? Never, what makes you think I'd do something like that?"
"I'm on to you. I've seen how evil you can be."
"Oh, you have no idea, 'how evil I can be'."
"Honey, you would be surprised what kind of ideas I can come up with."
"Oh aye? Do tell," she purred.
Anders expression grew serious. She knew that look, the distant internal struggle, the silent arguments. She knew it all too well.
"They just don't get it," she said, placing her bowl on the ground, untouched.
"What? Sorry I didn't mean..."
Evelyn waved her hand dismissively, "It's alright. They just don't understand human nature."
"No, they really don't do they. Was it like this for you? Everything you try and do is always harshly disapproved of, as if everything you did before was wrong."
"Aye, it was worse for me in some ways. I couldn't walk by a wounded animal without Compassion screaming in my head to stop and help. Even when we were running for our lives, if I refused, she wouldn't let me sleep for days... it became frustrating."
"Wow, I… don't know what to say. Justice just tells me I'm being selfish. Anything that wasn't to do with the mages plight was a distraction and should be avoided," Anders sighed.
"They are good at making you feel guilty about the things they think you should feel guilty about."
To Evelyn's surprise, she was enjoying this. Talking to him was comfortable. It was easy in a way, as if she knew him or part of him at least. The more they talked the more she could feel the pull, making her wonder if it had something to do with him, or with Justice. Then again, she could just be over thinking it and they just fit together comfortably.
"That's true, I never really thought about it that way before." Anders said thoughtfully.
A comfortable silence settled between them. Anders finished his bowl before diving in for seconds and Evelyn thought the man must have been truly starved before the they had found him.
"We were," she said suddenly, breaking the quiet that had surrounded them. Her stomach turned as she watched him inhaling the mash.
Anders paused, looking at her quizzically as he absently finished his mouth full of food before echoing her in confusion. "Were?"
"Apostates... My Mother was from the Circle in Starkhaven. She was lucky to get away from there."
"You're from Starkhaven then? I thought I recognized the accent, I knew someone from there once."
"Aye, everyone knows someone from Starkhaven, it is the biggest city in the Free Marches," She said with a proud smile. She picked up her untouched food again and slowly stirred the thick paste in the bowl.
"So were you also part of the Circle in Starkhaven? I thought it burned down?"
Evelyn shifted uncomfortably, "Ah, well... you see, about that," her voice cracked nervously, "It did... burn down that is"
"Where you there when it happened?"
"Aye, I was..."
"I'm sorry, I don't want to make you uncomfortable. You don't have to tell me, I understand."
"Nae, it's fine, really. It's not like it's a secret... eh, I was kind of the reason it burned down. Well, Compassion was the one who did it."
"WHAT?" Anders gasped, staring at her, a mixture of awe and horror etched across his face. "How? what? You lived in the circle with the Spirit inside you, and the Templars didn't catch on?"
Chuckling, she shook head, "They are pretty clueless. Compassion and I had been sharing a body for three years or so prior to my capture. She has learned some sense of composure since then thankfully." She paused taking in a shaky breath before taking a bite of the oat mash, flinching at the small stabbing pain as the food hit her stomach.
Seemingly oblivious to her pain, Anders shook his head, "That's... something. What about Decimus? I had heard it was he that started the fire."
"You knew Decimus?" Evelyn snapped, her voice thick with loathing.
"I didn't really know him, I was there when he was killed though."
"They followed him the fools," she spat on the ground, "the whole lot of them. They said they felt safer going with a blood mage instead of an abomination. Thought I would turn on them and that bitch Grace, spewing garbage about how I would kill them all in their sleep."
"It's not your fault, you do realize that don't you? Most people don't understand the difference between a Demon and a Spirit. Even mages can be pretty clueless."
"I know that. Tuck, Clare, and a few of the children were the only ones that I could get to come with me. Decimus wouldn't take any of the children with them, he said to leave them to die because it would only slow them down. Then I had to drag Lucy out. Newly made Tranquil are confused for a while and she didn't have a clue what was going on."
"They made your sister Tranquil?" Anders was now gawking at her in disbelief and a dawning realisation. From his expression, she knew he had figured out that the spirit now resided in her sisters body.
Evelyn frowned and stared down at her hands wrapped round her bowl, her mind flooded with memories of that day. The dead look in her little sister's eyes, the one person she had sworn to protect with her life was now... lost to her, just an empty shell of herself. "Aye they did, and it was because of me that they made her Tranquil."
"Saying sorry sounds hollow, but for what it's worth I am sorry for what happened. I don't understand though, why would something you did, make them turn her Tranquil?"
"There was a Templar. He was one of the three that captured me in fact. They got lucky," She sneered. "One of them, Ser Ramsey, became somewhat... obsessed with me it would seem. Anyway, he discovered that I harbored a spirit and to him this was no different then a demon, yet he could not bring himself to kill me. Lucy received my punishment instead, and was brought to me already Tranquil. That's when all hell broke loose and... I don't remember much. Compassion took over and I couldn't stop her."
Evelyn could feel his eyes on her but she could not bring herself to return his gaze. She did not want to see the judgment in those amber eyes, to see what she always felt. So many had died in that fire, so many innocent lives snuffed out in a heartbeat. All because she couldn't keep that damn spirit under control, because she couldn't keep herself in control. For the second time in her life, she had lost everything to cinder and ash.
Anders reached out and touched her cheek and even though she flinched at the contact, her reaction didn't stop him slipping his fingers under her chin, tugging her face to face his. Evelyn was stunned. His expression was not one that she expected. Instead of disappointment and disgust, kindness and understanding stared back at her. Her heart began to hammer in her chest, his eyes reminding her of liquid honey and she had a sudden urge to lean into him.
"It's not your fault, you can't blame yourself for this, it was nothing you could control." His voice was low and husky, the sound sending a shiver up her spine. Her throat felt dry and her mind just a jumble as words failed her.
"I... I... uhh..."
"Eve!"
A blonde streak darted towards them, plowing into Evelyn and knocking her backwards to the ground with a muffled hmph. As the child clung tightly to her shift, Evelyn's eyes widened with surprise as a laughing Tuck came sauntering up the worn path towards them.
"Mouse, what are you doing child?" Evelyn groaned, while attempting to pry little fingers from her shift.
"Can we go? Please, you promised we could go in the morning before it got too hot, please, please," the child begged.
"Aye, all right, all right, just get off me, lass," Evelyn sputtered, trying to disengage herself from the tangle of arms and legs.
"She wouldn't leave me alone once she found out I was coming up to check on you."
"Checking up on me?" Evelyn raised an eyebrow.
"I said I would," Tuck said, a little defensively but with a smile.
Evelyn sighed and shrugged, "So you have."
Tuck glanced around Evelyn's small refuge, his grin widening "You made food?" A hint of relief was in his tone before he turned to question Anders. "Did she eat?"
"TUCKER! Will you give it a rest, you daft Elf," Evelyn spat.
Tuck's smile faltered, the worry seeping back in and he stared at Anders as if waiting for him to say something to his defence. Anders looked back at him shifting uncomfortably.
Tuck sighed, "Fine, whatever Evelyn, do what you want," he growled back at her, folding his arms tightly at his chest.
"Eve, your hurt," Leigh spoke, her voice small. Tucks eyes flashed to her bandaged hand that Leigh now held gently in her tiny hands.
Taking two long strides towards them, Tuck knelt beside Evelyn, all the anger draining from his face.
"What happened?" he asked, reaching out to take the bandaged hand from Leigh.
Evelyn pulled back, balking at everyone being too close, "I'm fine, I just burned myself making the food is all."
"Well no surprise there then, let me see it, Eve," Tuck said trying for a light-hearted tone.
"Nae, it's fine really, Anders already healed it. Fixed it all up for me, now back off Tuck and let me breath for two seconds," Evelyn grumbled, getting to her feet and pulling Leigh up with her.
Tuck glared at Anders, a flash of jealously etched across his face, and Anders stared back with a look of calm reason. This could become a problem Evelyn realized. Tuck had never been the jealous type but since he had started to become more bold in his pursuit for her affections, it was becoming clear he was now feeling a little possessive. The tension in the air was thick and she would need to defuse it.
Evelyn held out her uninjured hand to Anders. "Let's go get ready, I have a promise to keep," she said, as an excited Leigh squeaked behind her.
"I'm going to go tell Arian," Leigh squealed and darted off down the path towards the camp.
Anders took Evelyn's hand letting her pull him up to his feet and he smiled gratefully to be out of Tuck's glare. "Where are we going?" Anders questioned, while brushing the dust and dirt off his breeches.
"We are heading down to the shore, all of us, before the sun gets too high."
"The shore? What's there that would warrant an entire group of mages to go down to the water and out in the open?" he asked in surprise.
"Fun, relaxation, time to enjoy yourself and let loose a little, and it's not all mages you know, we have families among us as well," she grinned at him.
"Are you crazy? There's Templars and bandits all over the coast and you want to go play in the water?" Anders almost shouted.
"Aye, that's exactly what we are doing Anders, it's safe, don't worry. We have scouts and wards all over the place. We are going down there to remind ourselves what we are fighting for. The joy to let loose and the freedom to be together with as little fear as possible. To make choices for ourselves instead of having a Templar or anyone else making them for us. Now if you don't mind, I would much rather not go play in my sleep wear." Turning on her heel, Evelyn grabbed her pack and stalked off while she went to find a place to change in peace, leaving behind a confused Anders and a laughing Tuck.
"Is she always like that?" Anders asked the grinning elf.
"Not always... wait who am I kidding... yeah... pretty much," Tuck chuckled, "Don't worry, she's mostly bark, not a lot of bite."
"Are you really going to go to play down there?"
"Yep, and so are you, so I would advise you to go and get ready too."
"Uh no, I think it best if I just stick around camp."
"Do you really think Evelyn will let you? She'll likely grab you by the hair and drag you down there kicking and screaming."
"I HEARD THAT!" Evelyn's voice echoed out from the bushes behind them.
Tuck snickered, "I would hurry up, she's not known for her patience."
"Y-yeah, she kind of gives that impression doesn't she."
"That she does, well I'm going to head back, and help Compassion with the kids, see you down there."
"You trust a spirit with the children?"
"Compassion doesn't really give you much of a choice when it comes to the children. She kind of takes over."
"Oh..."
"She's always loved the children, they like her too so it works."
Evelyn stepped out from the brush, wearing a light pair of pants and a thin shirt. Tuck gave her a slight wave before turning and heading back towards the main camp.
"Are you coming dressed like that?" she asked.
"Uh, about that, I think I should just stay..."
"You're coming." She glared at Anders, her arms crossed tightly to her chest.
"Fine, alright I wont argue. Just so you know, I still think this is a bad idea. I umm, don't exactly have anything else to wear though"
Evelyn smiled, "Objection noted, now lets go, I'm sure one of the men down at the main camp will have something you can borrow" she chuckled.
It was going to be a long day she was sure as Anders sighed and followed her. As they walked slowly together down the winding path she could see his eyes widen in shock. Scattered all over a large rocky clearing were over twenty tents, and people... there had to be at least thirty people milling around doing different chores. Some were washing and mending clothing while others mended gear and weapons. People smiled and waved as the passing pair reached the camp.
"This is pretty amazing, how does a group of mages so large get by without the Templars knowing?" Anders said in amazement.
"We stay in one place no longer than a week and we have scouts out at all times. We plan out our next move."
"Like the Dailsh?"
Evelyn shrugged and waggled her hand. "Sort of. Things have gotten more difficult after what happened in Kirkwall and I'm not really sure how to proceed. Templars are everywhere and that makes it more complicated."
"And yet you want to risk everyone to go play down at the beach?" Anders shook his head at the foolishness.
"You'll understand soon enough," she said with a smile. "Maybe you can help me with it?"
Anders raised an eyebrow and looked at her, "With what?"
"What we should do next. I have a few ideas but I could really use an extra mind in this and you seem more then capable."
"I don't know how much help I can be," he said ruefully.
"I don't think you are giving yourself enough credit, Anders, you've been an Apostate for how long?" she stopped walking and looked at him seriously.
He pause for a few moments before speaking. "A long time."
"That's what we need, someone who can think outside the box. They are your family now too and we do what we can protect them" she smiled, nudging him gently with her shoulder. "Come on, lets see if we can get you some clothes to play in."
Evelyn smiled and made sure he was following her as she made her way through the camp, waving and returning warm greetings. In short order, she'd borrowed pants and a shirt for Anders and he took up the offer of changing in private.
As she waited for him, she looked around at all the different people she had come to regard as her family, those she loved and would do anything for. Everyone who followed her, here and now, were the reason she would fight until her last breath.
A/N: Phew, this chapter was TOUGH, I apologize for taking so long for the lateness of this update. it took a lot out of me. Now here's a BIG HUGE thanks to my wonderful Betaing awesomeness ~ ArcturasB and RandomWittering for helping me so much with this chapter, I was on the verg of giving up on this. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart. Truly.
AND Special thank you to Jinkx1983 for being you and being my rock to lean on and kicking me when I was ready to give up on this whole thing. Thank you my friend, you mean the world to me.
I want to thank ALL my readers, reviews I LOVE to hear from you all! So don't be shy, I don't bite much. ;) I hope you've enjoyed this chapter and the next one, will be up sooner then a month I promise. lol