When Life Takes Hold:
Chapter 5

It all comes down to the beginning of the end,
what you do in the middle is all that matters

Anders knew he shouldn't have been watching her. Justice disapproved of it, muttering something about being inappropriate. Since when was watching someone cook inappropriate? He tried to argue the point but Justice just ignored his arguments, nothing new there. Sure, she didn't know he was awake or watching her, but he really didn't feel like moving right then since he still ached all over. At least this way he could watch her and maybe learn something about her.

Justice scoffed at that and wondered what Anders could possibly learn by staring at her backside. Anders had to admit she had a very nice backside, and front side for that matter. Who was he kidding, she was very easy on the eyes all over. Justice disapproved of that thought too. Of course he did, the spirit did the same thing when he thought Hawke was attractive too, and that turned out to be a disaster.

She seemed to be all thumbs, Anders mused as he watched her fumble with the pot, hearing her cursing under her breath as the flames surged up, catching her hand. That got his attention and he quickly rose and went to her aid. Even Justice's stopped his tirade and voiced his concern for her.

"She helped us, we need to help her."

"What do you think I'm doing, I'm not about to let her sit there injured."

Touching her was nice, the feel of her soft skin, and she smelled like wild berries mixed with the sea. She looked nervous when he took her hand, even flinched slightly. It must have been the pain. It was a really bad burn and was satisfied as she relaxed when he healed her. Evelyn watched him, transfixed, as he cast his magic on her. Anders watched her out of the corner of his eye and was surprised when she opened up to him. Their chatting started with a playful banter then turned to open flirting. Justice quickly scolded him but Anders was unable to help himself.

"You should not talk to her like that, she is injured, have some respect."

"She's not dying, and she started it."

"That does not matter, you still should not lead her on when nothing can come of it."

"Hey, I'm not leading her on... you know what, never mind."

Evelyn had seen the conflict and understood, she talked about how things were for her with Compassion, things that made him glad that Justice wasn't quite that neurotic. Her accent reminded him of Sebastian and the rage the man had for what Anders had done. The guilt was back and it felt like it would swallow him whole. He should tell her but he wasn't sure if he could.

He was surprised to learn that she had come from the Starkhaven circle. She talked about what had happened to her sister and the crazed Templar. He could tell there was more to it than she was telling him, but wouldn't press her about it. Her words began to slowly click into place in his mind. Evelyn and the Tranquil had the same eyes even though Evelyn's were a more brilliant shade of green, like lush grass in the summer.

They had the same small nose that turned up ever so slightly at the tip, that looked utterly adorable when something made her wrinkle her nose. The similarities were unmistakable, he could not believe he had missed it. Lucy was younger, of that there was no doubt, maybe four years between them in his estimation. Far too young for one to be turned tranquil even though it happened more often then it should. Justice flared in anger at the thought of the injustice that had been done, not only to Lucy but to Evelyn. That Templar had damaged them both.

Then there was the pull he felt when he was near Evelyn. It reminded him of the feeling when a Warden was near, but not the same. The Wardens pull was like fire licking at your blood, uncomfortable and slightly unsettling. This pull was warm, almost soft. Drawing him in, making him feel the need to be closer and to stay near her. When he looked at her, she looked ashamed. She blamed herself for what Compassion did to the Starkhaven circle. He understood that feeling, after what he did to the Chantry. All those lives lost, the guilt he carried about it could be overwhelming. Justice settled down again.

"I am sorry Anders, we did what had to be done."

"I know... it doesn't mean I don't have regrets."

Anders understood her pain, but as far as he could see, she was not to blame. She was the victim of her emotions and the fire was the Templars fault, not hers. Yet she still blamed herself for something she had no control over.

He touched her cheek, and Justice withdrew allowing Anders to comfort her. She flinched but he persisted. The pull was strongest when he touched her. Sliding his fingers under her chin, he needed her to see and to understand that she was not to blame. Those eyes, Maker, they were such a beautiful shade of green, and every fiber of his being wanted to just lean over and kiss her, but he thought that might be bad. She would most likely blow him to bits. Anders wanted to reassure her but his words failed him. It was Justice that gave her the reassurance that she needed and he was grateful.

OoO

The child was crazy, adorable but crazy. He wanted to laugh at the sight of Eve and Leigh,

the child all arms and legs, begging for whatever it was that Evelyn had promised. Tuck seemed light hearted and satisfied. The Elf seemed like a good sort and seemed to care a great deal for Eve. He could understand that, she seemed to be an easy person to care about. But when the light conversation turned harsh...

Anders knew that look. A blind man would know THAT look. Tuck was in love with her and Anders was pointedly not welcome. Tuck yelled at Evelyn again about not eating, and she yelled back. Andraste's tits could she yell. Who would have thought someone so small could bellow like that. However Tuck was right, even while they had talked he'd noticed she'd only taken a mere mouthful and that seemed to be a struggle for her. Then the Elf looked at him as if he wanted Anders to do something about it. What did he think Anders was going to be able to do? It wasn't his business anyway, yet he cared that she wasn't eating. He wanted to do something, say anything but he didn't feel it was his place. Justice scolded him.

"The boy is right, she should be eating. You should do something about it."

"What? Me? What am I supposed to do? Hold her down and shove the food down her throat?"

"If that is what it takes, it is what you should do."

"Why do you even care? Since when you do you care about a single person."

"She helped us, it is only right to make sure she is well."

"Bullshit! There's more to it than that. You can't tell me that's the only reason."

"Do you not wish to help her? You are always telling me I need to care for more than just the mage's plight."

"Oh, so now you suddenly care?"

"Do you not?"

"Of course I do..."

"Then what is the problem?"

"... why do I feel like you just talked me into a corner?"

"What does that mean?"

"Nothing... never mind."

The look Tuck gave him when she told him Anders had been the one to heal her burns, was not unexpected. Tuck glared at Anders and oozed jealousy. Anders knew it was best not to react, but he could feel Evelyn's discomfort as she looked between himself and Tuck.

"This is why you should not involve yourself in matters of lust."

"Shut up Justice..."

Evelyn stood and took charge by changing the subject. Thankfully the tension seemed to seep out of Tuck as Eve spoke of promises and... going to the beach? Had she lost her mind?

"You can not let her endanger the others for this foolishness."

"And how do you think I should stop her? Jump on her? Tie her down? I bet that would go over well."

"You do what you must."

"The only way I'm going to tie her down is if it involves a bed and lots of rope."

"Why must everything with you come down to mating?"

"It's been a very long time Justice, can you just let me have this one?"

OoO

Before he knew it, Evelyn was pulling him down towards the camp, but he didn't want to go on this foolish trip. Justice protested non stop, making his head throb. Anders didn't know what to expect when he reached the camp. A few tents? A handful of scared mages? Most apostates lived in constant fear and he expected no less here.

That wasn't what he found though. There were people all over the clearing and it was incredible. Mages and families all working together, all doing ordinary things. Anders watched as Evelyn interacted with some of the people and introduced him to them. He doubted he would remember half the people that he met but it was a relief to see them all at ease with him.

She laughed and seemed so comfortable with everyone. She stopped to speak with a man. He was tall like Anders but stockier, and definitely not a mage. His brown hair and dark bushy beard reminded Anders of a bear.

The man glanced at Anders with small, piercing dark eyes. Anders hovered closely behind Evelyn, smiling up at the large man as he chuckled then disappeared into his tent. When the man emerged, he pushed a set of clothing into Anders' hands and grinned.

"They might be a wee bit big for yeh, but they will do fer going down tae the water," the large man said, giving Anders a sound slap on the back which made him stagger. "Yeh can use ma tent tae change if yeh like. Just be quick about it, I want to git down there myself."

Anders shifted the clothes so he could offer his hand, "Thank you ser..."

"Nae Ser, just Barrick. I'll not be havin' any of that Ser crap." Barrick laughed heartily then turned and went back to join others gathered in the clearing.

Evelyn chuckled, rolling her eyes, "Go, get changed. We don't have all day you know," she said lightheartedly, giving Anders a small shove towards the tent. "I'll wait for you here, don't worry, I wont peek."

"Alright, alright, I'm going, bossy woman," Anders chuckled. He hadn't felt so light hearted in years with everything that was always pressing down on him and this felt good, like what he did was really worth it and the crippling self doubt eased just a little.

The tent was small and dark. A small beam of sunshine seeped through the cracks of the flap to afford him enough light to dress. A large pack sat in the corner with a sword leaning against it.

"We need to stay and help these people."

"Since when do you care about a handful of people Justice?"

"Their cause is a good one. There is much justice to be sought and we can help them achieve that."

"This wouldn't happen to have anything to do with a certain Tranquil would it?"

"Nonsense. Compassion is fool hardy, letting her need to help others blind her to the injustice around her." Justice's anger bloomed.

"I'm sure..."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing."

Anders quickly shrugged out of his dirt covered clothes and he wondered what had happened to his robes. He would have to ask Eve if they were able to be mended as he really loved those robes. He slipped into the light tan cotton pants and tied the drawstrings. He grinned wryly as the cotton shirt hung loosely on his shoulders.

"I look like a fool." he murmured, tucking the dangling shirt into his pants. He quickly gathered the clothes he'd just taken off and stepped out of the tent. Evelyn stood leaning on one of the tent posts, her arms folded loosely, her lips quirking into a grin.

"A wee bit big but not bad, I'm sure one of the women could alter them for you, until we can get you some new clothes."

Anders nodded thoughtfully, "Hey, I was wondering what happened to my robes?"

"You mean those feathery things?" she chuckled, "They were in pretty rough shape when they brought you to camp, I had to cut the damn things off you, who needs all those buckles and feathers?"

"Hey, I'll have you know those were the latest fashion in Tevinter. I happened to like them," he protested, mildly offended.

"Yes, if you like to wear something that screams, LOOK AT ME I'M A MAGE! Ooh feathers!" Evelyn snorted, waving her hands in the air.

Anders tried hard not to laugh. She was incredibly adorable with her hands flailing in the air, but instead he jutted his lip out in a fake pout, "Now your just being mean."

Evelyn's playful mocking was stopped short. She frowned, and reached out, brushing her thumb lightly across his bottom lip. His heart skipped a bit as he stared wide eyed at her. He didn't expect her to touch him and he hadn't expect his body to react to it like that.

"I didn't offend you did I? I didn't mean to..." her tone serious.

Grasping her wrist gently, Anders pulled her hand away, running his thumb lightly across the back of her hand. A crooked smile graced his lips. Justice's disapproving overtones clouded his thoughts, but he ignored them. "Not at all."

Clearing her throat Evelyn smiled, twisting her hand to lace her fingers with his, tugging him along. "Come on, pretty much everyone is down there already."

"You are going to get yourself into trouble with this woman, it is not a good idea Anders."

"I don't know what your talking about."

OoO

The breeze was still cool, but mornings on the wounded coast always warmed up and quickly became stifling hot. Anders followed Evelyn down the steep narrow incline, careful not to slip on the loose rocks.

Evelyn glanced back at him and smiled, "Not much farther, then you can relax."

"Uh, that's reassuring," he grumbled, his body still hurt and very weak.

Arriving on the beach, some people were splashing in the water but most occupied themselves along the beach with various activities. Evelyn helped Anders settle under one of the low hanging trees that jutted out from the rock face. He enjoyed the coolness of the shade, and welcomed the comfortable feeling he got when Evelyn settled herself next to him.

They sat in silence, content to watch people. Some of the children, including Leigh, were playing games or digging in the sand, things children should be doing, even mage children. He smiled as he watched them, remembering what his life was like before the circle and the Templars. He knew this was what he was fighting for.

Anders turned his attention to Evelyn, a look of peace seemed to settle around her. She was smiling and as content as he was to just watch the others enjoy themselves. He found he was glad she made him come along now. Both Anders and Justice realized that this peace was something neither of them had truly felt in a long time and were both happy to bask in it, for the time being.

The last time Anders had felt such peace, had been before Justice, during one of his escapes from the tower. He had found it in a warm sun filled clearing, having just left a small village. He found himself happy to just be free to do whatever he wanted to.

As for Justice, he hadn't felt it since The Fade. The Fade wasn't like the mortal world, things here were loud and hardly ever changed. In The Fade Justice could shift the world to whatever he needed it to be, and other spirits were always near should the need arise. One only had to want it and The Fade shifted. Justice longed for that peace and for once, he found it here, in this moment.

Anders felt himself drift off. The sounds of the sea and the gentle pull that emanated from Evelyn lulled him. It was so strange, that pull in his mind. He wondered if she felt it too? He realized as long as he was near her, there was a pleasant hum in his blood and unlike the Wardens call it was pleasant, not harsh and yanking. He was content to let it wash over him, his eyes slipped closed as he drifted.

Anders wasn't sure if it was Evelyn's scream or the icy cold mush that sprayed across his face that jarred him into awareness.

"Tucker! I am going to fire ball your arse for that," she screeched, as he bolted upright, looking about him in bewilderment.

Evelyn sat beside him, wet slush dripping from her hair, as Tuck staggered back laughing himself to tears.

Anders watched in wide eyed amusement as Evelyn shot up and began to chase after the elf. Tuck could really move for a mage. He stifled his own laugh as Evelyn cast a paralyzing spell in Tuck's direction, and heard Tuck's curse as he stepped into it. Before he could even take a breath, Evelyn was casting again. Ice and heat mixed together and where one would cause a rock hard ball of ice, the other kept it from fully forming, making a slushy ball of snow like ice that was dripping between her fingers. She proceeded to whip it at Tuck, knocking the elf right out of the spell.

Some of the others stopped to watch the amusing spectacle, while the children giggled and joined in the chase. One child, a young boy of ten or eleven years, sat watching from afar, his dark brown hair hung in his eyes as he watched Evelyn and Tuck throwing slush balls. The boy looked so sad as he watched the other children. Anders felt a pang of sadness for the boy, it seemed as if he wanted to join in, but didn't know how. Anders understood how the poor boy felt.

"His name is Arian."

Anders' heart lurched, gasping at the voice that hovered just above him. He looked up, startled and found Compassion standing there. Or would it be Lucy he wondered, still trying to wrap his mind around the spirit/tranquil thing.

"Sorry, what?" his voice cracked.

Compassion smiled. It still looked creepy to see a Tranquil smile to him but he politely smiled back up at her.

"The boy, his name is Arian. I saw you watching him." she said softly.

"Oh, that... I just wondered..."

"He has a difficult time understanding how to be a child, although I must admit I had the same problem, not so long ago."

"You had problems... being a child?"

Compassion laughed, the sound as soft as everything else about her seemed to be, "No, I never understood what it was like to be a child, some of it is still confusing, even after all these years."

"Ah, I see." Anders spoke cautiously, Justice felt distain with Compassion's presence there, but didn't protest it either.

"Would you mind if I joined you, Brother?"

"Really, I'm not your... yes, of course."

Compassion settled herself beside Anders, watching as Evelyn and Tuck playfully turned the snowball fight into a magic lesson for the children.

"They make a good couple," Anders said, feeling slightly jealous. He felt he had no right to the feeling yet felt it nonetheless.

"They are not mates, Evelyn has little interest in such things with Tuck," Compassion explained.

"How would you know? They seem close enough."

"Brother, I have spent the better part of my time in this mortal world inside Evelyn. There is no one else, other than herself, that could know her better.

"Oh yes... I forgot."

"Evelyn is not well. She thinks I do not notice, and I wish to help her. But I do not know how and she will not let me."

"Did something happen? I can see she's not comfortable around you, was it what you did in the Starkhaven circle?"

"She told you about that? I am surprised, she rarely speaks so openly to strangers or even those she trusts."

"So if it's not that, then what is it? I mean, if I'm not being too forward."

"I lied to her, I kept things from her. I thought I was protecting her but I have come to the understanding that I was not."

"I don't understand, how did you lie?"

"When we merged, it was because I wanted to save her, to protect her. Things happened, many horrible things and she was going to die. You see, it is my nature to protect, to have compassion. After I entered her, I blocked those things, hid them away from her. I just wanted to keep her safe."

"So when you left her body..."

"The wall I built to protect her... crumbled. She relived it all in a torrent of nightmares."

Anders stared, gawking at Compassion, as she told him what she had done to Evelyn's mind. Even as her voice filled with regret, the spirit looked passive, as if she was speaking of the weather.

"Justice... you better not be keeping shit from me."

"What purpose would that serve? It is a lie that would serve no one, and cause injustice to the one who was lied to."

"How could she do that to her?"

"A Spirit only knows how to react to what it is, to react otherwise is… difficult but not impossible, she only did what it was in her nature to do."

"Are you defending what she did to Evelyn?"

"Yes... Compassion is what she is, Anders, she only acted out of compassion for Evelyn. That is what Compassion is, just as I am what I am."

Anders sat staring, his mind a jumble. He wasn't aware that Spirit's could block out memories, had never even entertained the thought. It felt like a violation to him, as if something had been taken away from Evelyn. He now understood and didn't blame her for her dislike for the spirit.

"How did it happen?" Anders scowled.

"Pardon?"

"How did you and Evelyn... meet?"

"Ah, she has not told you that yet?"

"If she had, I wouldn't be asking, and I haven't known her that long. You should know, you were there."

"It was because of Reanna, if not for her I would not have known Evelyn."

"Reanna?"

"Evelyn's Mother. She was a spirit healer, and I was her spirit."

"OH, but how?"

"How I met Reanna is of no importance, as with most spirit healers, it happened within the fade. It was when Reanna was with child that my curiosity with the mortal plane grew.

"When she was pregnant with Evelyn?"

"Yes. You see children are pure and the most compassionate creatures in the mortal world. After Evelyn was born, I would come to her in the fade. I guess you could say we became friends, even though at the time, I was not sure what that meant"

"Is that why you care for the children here? Because of their innocence?"

Compassion nodded, "Among other reasons but yes, that is the main one. I watched over Evelyn when she was in the fade. When I could, I drove most unwanted demons away. The demons feared us in the fade, but some slipped past. She needed to learn how to protect herself from them when I could not be there, but she was in no danger from them."

"So how did you manage to go from being her protector in the fade, to making her an abomination?" He knew that wasn't true, but he hoped for a reaction from the spirit and was unnerved to find there was none.

"She was dying, her parents were slain. Evelyn had been run through by a Templar's sword. She had been betrayed by her prince and they were taking Lucy away when she slid into the fade before she passed. She begged me to save Lucy, and I could not let harm come to her or the child."

"So you took her over..."

"Yes. Saving her life and that of Lucy's. Sadly I was unprepared for Evelyn's state of emotions, there were... complications.

"Like with Justice and Vengeance?"

"Yes."

Anders didn't know how he felt about this information. Justice was angry with Compassion but seemed to understand the spirit's motivations nonetheless, along with the satisfaction that Evelyn's parents had been given Justice for their deaths.

Anders pressed on as he felt to the need to understand, needed to know if removing Justice from himself would be dangerous, and what about Lucy. "Is it true? What Evelyn said about the Tranquil's spirit being gone?"

"I am afraid so. When I entered Lucy, her memories were like an echo. They were still there, but the strong emotion, the essence of Lucy was not."

"Do you think her essence has moved on to the Fade?"

"I do not know, I hope so. Lucy was a very kind and compassionate soul. Her loss was tragic for everyone."

They were quiet again, Compassion humming softly to herself as she stared out at the sea. When she spoke again, Anders could clearly hear a hint of concern in her voice.

"Anders, may I ask you a question?"

"You called me Anders, I guess I am demoted as your Brother then?"

"You were never my Brother, Anders, I was speaking to Justice before and now I am speaking to you."

"Ah... Fair enough, ask away."

"Are you going to separate my Brother from your body?"

"Uhh, I don't know, I haven't had much time to think about it really, why?"

"As much as I would like to have my Brother with me in a body of his own, I worry about the risk to your life."

"Evelyn said I could die during the ritual."

"No, not could... you have to."

Anders broke out in a cold sweat. He felt his heart leap in his chest, fear taking hold of him, "W-what?"

"Do not worry, it would only be temporary... hopefully."

"How do you temporarily die? Last I knew, death was kind of permanent."

"Oh, it is normally, the rite only kills you for a short while. Until the spirit can move out of you safely that is. But there are risks and the chances of you staying dead are great."

"Maker's ass!" He cursed.

"I'm not sure if your Maker has an ass, and I don't think it would have anything to do with you dying. Such a strange thing to say."

"Right... So... What you're saying is that Evelyn died to remove you from her body?"

"Yes, although there were complications from what I was told."

"Complications? What kind of complications?"

"When the rite was being performed, the camp had come under attack. Evelyn was dead for far too long and I was too weak to be of help."

"How long?"

"I do not recall, an hour perhaps. Things were very confusing at the time."

"And yet she lived..."

"Yes, but only very narrowly. Also you should be aware that there will always be a part of my brother that will be bound to your soul, just like part of myself is in Evelyn, and there is no way to remove that."

"What will that do?"

"Nothing really. You will likely still have a strong drive for justice, just as Evelyn has a stronger drive for compassion. Also you will likely feel the drawing when you are near her.

"The drawing?"

"Do you not feel it now? It is a feeling that links the spirits in the fade, in case we should need to find each other. You should feel it when you are near myself or Evelyn."

"I feel... a pulling. A feeling that if I follow it, everything will be all right."

"Yes, that is the drawing. It is nothing to fear, it is just the souls linking, making it easier to find each other."

"So she feels it too?"

"Yes, she likely does, although she has not told me as such. But if I feel it from both of you, she will feel it too."

"It feels..."

"Pleasant."

"Yeah..." But it felt better then that, it felt like all he wanted was to be standing near to her. He hardly knew this woman and everything about her was drawing him in with a need to be closer.

Anders turned back to watch Evelyn, her bright green eyes lit up when she looked over at him. she seemed very much alive to him, but it was impossible. No one could be dead that long. His mind started to work, mulling thoughts over and over in his mind, her sleeplessness, not eating. They all sounded so familiar.

"Compassion, when did Evelyn start getting sick?"

"I am not sure, recently I think, maybe a few weeks perhaps a month, why?"

"When you were together, she never seemed sick, didn't feel sick?"

"No, she was fine she could not hide it from me even if she had wanted to."

"That's what I thought, and how long has it been since her 'death' and her sickness?"

"About the same time now that I think about it, although it was not noticeable at first, it appears to have gotten much worse from what Tuck has told me, he is very worried, as am I."

"Interesting..."

"Why?"

Anders waved his hand in the air, "It may be nothing. I may know what it is, but I'm not sure yet."

"And what would that be?"

"It's most likely nothing, if she gets worse, I'll talk to her."

"But it has already gotten worse, I have told you this."

"Yes, but you didn't have me around before."

"And what will you being here do? I don't think merely your presence will make her well."

"Well it's worth a try," he chuckled.

"Was that suppose to be funny? I can never tell."

"You remind me of Justice..."

"That is not possible. I am not Justice, I am Compassion. Saying I am like Justice is like saying you are like Evelyn and you are not."

"Nevermind..."

"As you wish, Anders."

"Bloody spirits." Anders muttered, under his breath.

"But I am not bleeding."

Anders sighed, shaking his head, "I think I'm about ready to go back to camp now."

"All right, I will let Evelyn know," she said. Compassion got to her feet and walked over to where Tuck and Evelyn were gathered with the children.

Anders was relieved. Having Justice protesting in his head was bad enough, but having Compassion being the same way was headache inducing.

Anders leaned back, just content to relax now. He didn't know what the next few weeks would hold for him but he was more than willing to stick around and find out.

A/N: I want to thank everyone for the support! You make me blush insanely and I'm so happy that so many are enjoying the story so far. the reviews and the PM's really make my day and I thank you all so very much. I love to hear everyone's thoughts and feelings on how things are progressing.

Special thanks to my superduper betas ArcturasB and RandomWittering for all the help and without them this chapter would be a whole lot of roughness. lol

And thanks to Jinx1983 for being superduper friend and beta and for kicking my butt and keeping me going.