AN: Hello readers. Thank you once again for coming back to this story. I'm sorry that that this chapter is a little bit late; I won't bore you with the details as to why because I bet that you would just rather get to reading but I will just say this, but at the end please don't hate me.

Disclaimer: I don't own Morganville vampires Rachel Caine does.

Chapter 11

10 Years Later

Claire's POV

Why is it that one minute your life can seem absolutely perfect and could never get any better? That there is nothing out there that could possibly ruin it but then in the next your life could then end up just come crashing down all around you.

Maybe I'm just being really naive?

You are probably now just sitting there reading this and wondering what it is that I'm going on about, thinking that I'm just being really dramatic and it's not all as bad as it may seem.

You are probably now aware that I have four children who I could not love anymore than I already do and a doting husband who loves me as well. I will now tell you that whilst I do have four children that I could not love anymore than I already do but I now no longer have the doting husband who loves me or if he does still love me hen he has a funny way of showing it or has maybe even fallen out of love with me and I wish that things could go back to the way it was before.

This whole thing started a couple months ago when we had just gone to the doctors when I had taken a bit of a funny turn one morning. It had turned about to be nothing more than a small virus that I had been told would go away after a few days. But then I was given some more news which scared me. I had been told that due to some complications during my last pregnancy it would be potentially dangerous for me.

It was a couple of days after this news was told to us that I then noticed a change start to appear in Shane and he then started to become distant from me and growing more further away from me by the day. I have now even become scared that one day he will decide that he will want to leave me and the children. I fear that that day will come as he is the only person I have ever and will ever love. Also if he were to leave I know that there is no where that he could go to that would mean I would never be able to see to not see him again and if that were the case I know that I would not be able to handle it. Then again who knows I may be the one to throw him out which is something I would not like to do.

I would like to know why he has decided to become withdrawn from me. I would like to know if it has something to do with what can happen to me should I become pregnant again and this is him becoming scared and dealing with the news or if it is due to getting back in touch with some people he went to school with or something and so likes to go out drinking with them pretty much every night. At first it was for just a couple of hours once a week but then that increased and now it has began to feel as though I never see him anymore apart from very briefly before I go to work and then for a little bit when I come home where he will eat dinner with us and then proceed to then go out. Often we will say nothing to each other, other than a brief conversation here and there. Then he will proceed to not come back until very late at night or even very early in the morning. The Idiot. I have tried to talk to him about what he is doing but more often than not he will just ignore me and then leave before I can get another chance to try again.

This actually perhaps the first time since I have ever known or been with Shane that I have ever felt like Shane has some reason truly stopped caring for me. Even after all that we have been through together. This all just because I have no idea where he is going anymore and then he will never try and talk to me and when I then do try, I get nowhere with him. I know that we have our fights (I mean who doesn't) but this is so much more than that. I just what him to be able to tell me if there is something wrong so that I could help him with any problem but he just refuses to talk to me and even though we get protection from Amelie I doubt that would stop some vampires from attacking him should be ever caught out during the night time when they can be found outside. There is also the fact that he will sometimes take the car out with him when he goes out drinking and that can the scare me even more cause he could end up crashing and dying and then I would not be able to handle being without him. I would rather know that he is still alive and not living with me instead of not living with me due to being dead.

He has always said that he would protect us from anything and everything that could cause harm to any of us and now I don't what his feelings on that would be.

I just really don't know what to do about him anymore.

I am now also pregnant once again so whatever is going on with Shane I hope that he comes out of whatever it is that is going on with him cause if he doesn't I don't what chance I will have of lasting.

I'm going to try once again tonight to talk to him and see if it will make any sort of difference (and I really hope that it does) otherwise I'm going to have to take some form of drastic action which I would rather not have to do to see if it will knock some sense into that thick skull of his to take him off this path of self distraction.

When I got home that night I noticed that none of the children were downstairs like they normally are after they come home from school shouting and screaming at each other over some petty little thing and then I'd find Shane trying to break up their fights. However today there was none of that. Not a sound to be heard. I didn't even know where Shane was. Although I should have probably guessed though as I did find in the games room shouting at Zombies and had headphones on and so obviously didn't hear me come home. I am now starting to wonder if he is in fact starting to lose interest in this family if this is how he would rather spend his time instead of with his family.

I did find one good thing about Shane having his headphones on and hiding away in here was that I was then able to do something that I have never been able to do. Sneak up behind him and make him jump, something that he has often been able to do me many times.

"Shane!" That's what made him jump, that and knocking his headphones off his head.

"God Claire, promise me that you will never sneak up on me again. You just got home?"

"Yeah," Now normally He would have given me a hug and a kiss but instead I get nothing and he just goes straight back to his game but I guess I should be at least happy that he didn't then put his head phones back on. "Where are the children?"

"Upstairs. They were arguing again, about what I don't know and I didn't feel like breaking up one of their fights once again so I just sent then upstairs and told them to stay there until you and come home from work."

"Right. I might just go up there and check on them."

He just the put his headphones back on with nothing else being said.

I checked on the girls first as theirs was the room that I came to first.

"Is everything alright in here?"

"Yes Mum." was all the reply I got back.

"Okay what's happened now? I heard from you father that you were having you four were having one of you usual arguments and so he then sent you all to your rooms. Would be willing to tell me more about it?"

"It's simple. The boys were being their usual idiotic selves and annoying us like they like to do and so Daddy comes in and asks us what's going on and I guess we all start to talk as once and then shout over each other to make ourselves heard and tell him our side of the story, so he then shouts at us to go to our rooms. Is there something wrong with him cause he has never shouted at us like that before?"

"No he's fine I think that he might just be having a bad day or something." I didn't want to worry then with what was really happening and then into thinking that we were having marriage problems. "Well if you want you can stay up here or come back downstairs but I would just stay out of your father's way until I get the chance to talk to him tonight."

I then went to speak to the boys and see how they were.

"Are you two alright in here?"

"Mummy" our youngest son and child Daniel said the moment he saw me walk through the door.

"How's my little boy doing today?" He started to suck his thumb after I picked him up. "So Ethan would you like to tell me what was happening today this afternoon?"

"Daddy was scary." Daniel told me and tried to hide his face in my neck. He doesn't do that often so I knew then that he was defiantly scared and that Shane and I would defiantly be having words tonight. Whether he will listen to me or not is something different altogether.

"It's alright now. What was it that happened?"

"Nothing really the girls were just being their usual horrible selves and the dad comes in and starts shouting at us and tells us to go to our rooms until you came home."

"Okay, well I think that the four of you all need to stop always finding this to argue about with each other. There may be a day that will come where you will all have to depend on one another and you won't be able to do that if all you do is argue with each other all the time. Now
I have already spoken to the girls and I will say the same to you, you can come downstairs if you want to or you can stay up here but it might be best if you were to stay out of the way of your father. Oh and Ethan I do hope that you have completed your homework or at most made a start on it, I know what you are like." I left then to start on dinner.

I wonder if it's a boy thing to want to always put of homework until the last minute as we have never had to worry about Abigail not doing her homework.

I will most defiantly be talking to Shane tonight. Whether he will listen to me or not is something else entirely. I think that the best time for me to talk to him would be when the children have gone upstairs so that I don't have to worry about them listening in. I do think it should calm down first though before I even think about trying to talk to him. It doesn't take much to stop the fights between them, you just spate them and tell them to be nice to each other but what he did was just cold and uncaring. I think that they mainly fight so that they can get attention from us and he frightened Daniel which I hate him for doing.

After we had finished eating dinner I thought that that would be the best time to strike as I felt like Shane would be leaving to go out soon like he normally does.

"Children could you do me a favour and go upstairs please, I need to have a word with your father." I was glad that they listened to me and didn't fight me on it.

"Shane I think that you and I need to talk."

"Do you have to now cause I was just on my way out for a bit?"

"Do you really have to go out tonight? It seems like that is all you ever do and I'm now starting to feel as though I don't see you anymore. I'm really starting to get worried about you now Shane."

"There is no need to be worried about me everything is fine." He looked at me when he said that and I really got a chance to see that he did not look much liked the guy he was before he started all this avoiding me.

"So does that mean that you'll be staying around more? I do understand that you want to go out during the evenings as you have now quit your job and so are always at home during the day but that was your choice and the amount of times you go out is just all the time. I'm now starting to feel as though you no longer want to be around us anymore, as though you are only willing to be around any of us whilst we eat and the children so that there is someone with them as they are not old enough to be home alone. You always leave without saying a single word to me. You leave and then I can never get to see you." He then left and closed the door in my face without even looking back at me or saying a single word of goodbye to me like he used to do before.

I don't think that I can take anymore of this so I will wait up for Shane to come home where he will be getting the wakeup call that he needs to make sure that he can decide if he really wants to stay as part of this family or if he would just rather leave.

He is not going to know what's hit him when he comes home.

Shane's POV

These months have possibly been the worst months of my life since I've been together with Claire.

For the past couple of months we have slowly been growing apart and it is all my fault cause I've been the one who has been more or less avoiding her when I had promised that I would always love Claire and that I would be with her 'till death do us part'.

I do have an excuse as to why I have started to become withdrawn and you are then probably going to be sat there and think that even though my reason may be the truth it is a really crap excuse. The reason I have been avoiding Claire is that I have been hoping that by avoiding Claire is that so she won't be able to get pregnant and then that will save her life as we have been told that if Claire was to try and have anymore children it could potentially kill her as there were some complications when she had gone into labour with Daniel.

I know that you now could be thinking that it's been years, five to be exact, sine we've had Daniel but we have been struggling to actually find a moments peace when you have four young children living with you but recently we have been finding chances that could give us the chance to have sex but I refuse to risk Claire's life. I'm happy with what we have now and I don't need any more things to make me happy.*

This afternoon when the children had come home from school I will admit that I had handled the situation wrong. I mean they argue every day after school and I should have been used to hearing it and instinctively known how to deal with it and break it up but I don't know what exactly had happened today cause when I heard them arguing all I could then think was that I just wish for one day that they could go without having a fight and then just lost it and yelled at them to go to their rooms and not come back down until Claire had come home. The worst thing about is that I know that Daniel really hates it when people start to shout or even loud sounds. It scares him and then I just go and shout at the children whilst he was in the room.

The tonight when Claire had tried to talk to me after dinner I was actually scared that this was going to be the end of mine and Claire's marriage. That this could have been where she tells me that she can't deal with the crap I'm putting her through all because she said the dreaded sentence "Shane I think that you and I need to talk.". I wouldn't have blamed her if she had decided there and then to kick me out.

As the days past I find the urge to just hold her once more in my arms get stronger by the day but instead of taking a step forward to make everything alright again I feel as though I am just getting further and further away from her and that eventually there will be no going back and that sorry will no longer be good enough words for me to say to Claire.

After I had left Claire tonight I went to the bar like I normally would in the evenings when I would go out but this time I think that I had a few more drinks than I would usually. I know than tonight that I will most likely get a lot of shouting from Claire which will be no less then I deserve. That will be provided Claire has felt that it is even worth her time to wait up for me to come home.

I think a good few hours have now passed since I left as it has now become very dark outside which is now a really bad thing as there will be vampires now coming out and prowling around. I think it will be a good idea to now just hope that I can now make it back in one piece as I know that I would be very easy to attack and take out with the amount of alcohol I have now consumed

I'm really going to hear about it from Claire.

When I did manage to make it back home I was amazing still in one piece and as far as I'm aware I did not even end up walking (or rather stumbling) past anyone. Thank God. I was really lucky tonight.

When I did then manage to make it through the door I did manage to n9otice that there was only one light on in the house. I'm completely clueless of what the time is so this must mean that everyone has now gone to bed and only cared enough to ;eave a light on so that I would not end up stumbling in to anything and everything trying to make my way upstairs.

Well that was until I saw that there was a person sitting in the living room. It turned out to be Claire. I'm surprised to see that she still cares enough to wait up till I got home unless there is a reason in particular as to why she is sitting there waiting for me.

"I see that you have now finally decided to come home. Where were you? You just walked off when I was just trying to talk to you." I really cannot blame her for being so harsh.

"I went to the same place I always go to." I don't know why I can't talk to Claire like I used to and she can probably smell alcohol on me.

"What is with you Shane, you've changed and I don't know why and nor do I like what you have become." I could now tell that she was trying her hardest not to shout at me which would then wake up the children and they should not be allowed to see what feel like the end of mine and Claire marriage. "I can't believe that any of this has happened and I'm really sick and tired of the way you are acting and treating me and the children. Do you not care anymore about this family?"

That actually made me start to sober up, that she was now thinking that I no longer care for any of them.

"I'm really sorry Claire." I was about ready to fall to my knees and beg for her forgiveness.

"No you really aren't Shane. Not anymore. Or if you are I don't believe. Too much has now happened. After you had left today the children came back down hearing the door close and straight away asked where you had gone, I had lied to them and told them that you had just gone out and would be back very soon. I hated having to tell them that cause I knew that you would most likely not be back for a while and also that when they realised that you had not yet come back they would ask once again where you had gone. Thankfully when they did ask again I was lucky enough to be able to change the subject. So you will now be glad to know that I have done you a favour." She then threw a bag at my feet that I'm going to guess has been pack with my clothes. "You can sleep on the couch fro too night as you may have been lucky enough to get away with not getting attacked when you when you were walking home but I do not think you will be lucky enough a second time. Then in the morning you want you to be gone and not to return to us until you are sure that you want to be a part of this family and if you are still here though when the children wake up you can be the one to tell them why you are leaving. You also might be interested in knowing that I'm pregnant." As she then fled from the room I could see tears forming in her eyes.

This is all no less than I deserve. Especially as it has now all been for nothing. I have to now work quickly and very hard to get back into Claire's good books or at least get back into this house when I can hope to be a better husband and be there for Claire.

Before I leave Claire I will do one last thing for her which is that I will be the one to tell the children as I know that she would not be able to cope with telling them the truth. Also this will allow me a chance to say goodbye as I don't know when I will next get a chance to see them. I know that Claire will never stop me from seeing them but until I can actually show her that I am truly sorry for all I have done and start to try and work on getting us back together I won't out her through seeing me when she doesn't have to as that will really hurt her and I have done enough of that already.

The next morning I woke up just as the children were starting to come downstairs for breakfast and I could see that they stopped the minute that saw me, no doubt remembering what happened yesterday

"It's alright for you to come down children. I'm not going to shout again. I do actually need to talk to you about something as well." They then slowly started to come downstairs and into the living room. That was when they then they saw the bag that was sat at my feet.

"What's going on Dad?"

"This is something that is going to be a bit difficult to say but you need to know that I'm going to be going away for a little while."

"Where are you going?" Alyssa asked. (We named her after my little sister as she looks so much like how she did as a child. It almost feels as though she has come back and given me a second chance to take better care of her.)

"Was it something that we did?"

"We can be better Dad. We'll stop our arguing if you just stay please Daddy." Abigail begs of me with tears in her eyes.

"It is not your fault, any of you. It is my fault. I have upset you mother too much and this is my form of punishment. Just like when we send you to your rooms, I'm being sent to stay with Auntie Eve and Uncle Michael. But I don't want any of you to worry as I will come back okay."

They then all ran up to me and gave me hugs hat felt like they were doing it with all of their strength as though they were hoping that that would stop me from leaving. I feel even more terrible about how I've acting now.

This is next part is going to be very hard. Leaving them here, but before I go I need to tell Ethan one important thing.

"Ethan whilst I am gone I want you to one very important thing for me which is to take care of your brother and your sisters and also your mother. Especially your mother."

I then managed to leave and felt like my heart was being ripped out. In saying that though I do feel as though the next thing will be hard for me and possibly even life threatening or at least will cause pain for me.

It is time for me to go and see Michael and Eve and ask them if I can temporally move back in and also if they would be willing to help me out as I have already screwed up enough already and if I don't get any help0 it will just continue to get worse.

This should be fun.

AN: So what did you think hate it? Love it? Think it needs work? And once again please don't hate me and knows this that I only ever write happily ever afters' in my stories.