39.

"I don't feel anything," I said, feeling slightly dejected. I wasn't sure if I had wanted Alice's little experiment to work; did I really want one more thing cluttering my mind, feeding me information I didn't need? But in a way I was disappointed to realize that maybe I couldn't do everything.

"Maybe it takes longer," Alice said hopefully. She was starting to realize that I wasn't super as well.

I glanced out the window, watching the sun slowly rising. Birds began their songs all around. I let out a sigh and stood up. "John will be up soon."

Alice nodded, thinking. She snapped out of it and glanced at me, smiling. "Thanks for trying."

I nodded. "Sure." My lips turned up in a slow smile as I turned towards the door.

I was a few feet away from the cabin when I heard footsteps behind me. I turned and found Alice walking towards me. "Lisa," she said softly. "I just wanted to tell you…" She reached me and folded her arms slowly, looking slightly embarrassed.

"Yes?"

She bit her lip before answering me. "You're so brave, you know, for everything that happened to you."

I shrugged.

"I wouldn't have been able to do that, watching Aro and Jane slowly kill that girl. And all that mental abuse…" She stopped, realizing she wasn't saying what she wanted to. "When I was little, I had a hard time with people who were better than me; the smarter ones or prettier ones. So I did everything I could to be the prettiest and smartest and funniest. When I realized that there was something wrong with my head, that I wasn't like anyone else, I thought I was cursed. But later it turned out to make me even more special." Again she stopped. "What I'm trying to say is that, if anyone had to be better than me at something, I would choose you. I'm okay with someone being better than me as long as it's you."

I wasn't sure how to respond, but there seemed no need when Alice continued.

"You're so strong and brave, always so optimistic… If I could grow up, I'd want to be you," she said with a kind of embarrassed chuckle.

"Alice," I started to say, thought I wasn't sure what I was going to say after that. Her face moved back to a slightly serious look.

"Whatever you and John choose for his future, I know that you will never regret it. He's so lucky to have you." She glanced at the cabin behind me and then back at my face. "Thank you for being my friend. I need someone like you in my life."

I smiled, slightly confused. "Why do you think that? You do fine without me."

Alice chuckled dryly. "No, not really. I was too full of myself."

I laughed. "You, full of yourself? No."

She glanced at her hands. "Maybe it's an exaggeration, but I know you make me a better person for the good of others, not myself."

I smiled, pulling her into my arms. "Thank you for telling me all this," I whispered into her hair.

I felt her nod against my chest.

"And thanks to you for pulling me through that night when Camila told me all that stuff…" she broke off.

"Of course," I said as I kissed her head.

I felt her pull away slowly, letting me catch a glimpse of her face. Pain stung me in my heart when I saw the sadness in her eyes. "You really miss them, don't you?"

She nodded slowly, biting her lip and looking off to the side. "Yeah," she managed to say.

"It's okay, you know, to feel that way."

She looked at me, looking a little hopeful. "Yeah?" she asked.

"Yeah."

"Sometimes I want to go back to just see it all, my old house and my parent's graves. But then I think it might only hurt me more."

I nodded. "I know."

Her eyes drifted around the woods surrounding us, finally landing back on me. "Do you miss your parents?"

I hadn't thought about my mom and dad in a long time, and the mention of them brought a dull ache to my heart. "Yeah," I whispered. "I miss them a lot."

She nodded slowly, watching my face, sympathy and knowledge shinning in her eyes. "And your baby," she added so softly that I barely heard her.

"Yes," is all I could manage, the dull ache growing to a loud roar. It filled my ears like ocean waves.

She let out a slow sigh after a long time of silence. "It's part of this life, I guess, watching those you love leave you or die."

I nodded, glancing in the direction of Bella and Edward's cabin. "He hasn't got much longer to live, does he?" I asked softly.

Alice glanced in the direction I was staring and shook her head slowly. "No. I don't know how she'll handle it."

"She loves him so much," I said, nodding.

"So does Nessie. He's really the only one of Bella's parents that she gets to be around, and he dotes on her so much."

I let out another sigh and glanced towards the house.

"He's had a good life."

I nodded. "Sometimes I think that's what I want John to have."

Her eyebrows lifted slightly, only for a second before dropping down. "He can have a good life with you for eternity too."

"Maybe."

She knew what I meant. "Seeing his wife get kidnapped and not being able to do anything about it… I would want to claw out of my skin if that happened to me. If he says he wants this, Lisa, he wants it. And whatever life throws at you along the way, you will both take in stride and overcome it together."

I nodded, my eyes lifted to the sky. "Yeah," I replied softly. "Yeah."

She took my hand in hers and squeezed it. When I looked back down, she was gone. "Thank you, Alice," I whispered after her.