When Life Takes Hold
Chapter Seven - Anders

When we are blind to life,
we miss what's most important.

Over a month had passed since Anders and Justice made their mutual choice to stay and help these people. It had not taken long for this group of apostates and their followers to accept him and make him feel welcome. Anders worked hard to earn the trust and respect of the group. The family atmosphere, everyone working together for the betterment of the group obtained Anders' admiration. Even Justice admired what they had created under such dire circumstances. He still had not told anyone about what he had done, although there were rumours of the Champion and her companions. That they had fled Kirkwall for places unknown and he hoped they were safe even after what Hawke had done to him. He could not find it in himself to be angry with her. With any one of them really. Well he was still angry with Fenris, but who wouldn't be. What Hawke saw in him, he would never understand.

Anders did his best not to take part in any discussions revolving around the mage that destroyed the chantry, and how he was killed by the Champion's own hand. The feelings about what he had done were mixed. While some were disgusted that a fellow mage would go to such extremes, others were more open to the idea, calling it a necessary evil. That just encouraged Justice to boast about what they had done, that what they did had been a good thing and it was only thanks to Anders and Justice, the mages got the justice they deserved. Anders did not feel that way. He could not help but feel that he should be punished for what he had done. Evelyn deserved the truth no matter what became of him, after all he owed her that much.

One night by the fire, Anders had almost confessed everything to all of them. Many had gathered, telling stories to pass the time, and most were about the Champion and her companions. Thankfully, no one knew their names. Anders was prepared to pour his heart out regarding that night, it was the perfect time while they talked about Hawke and the Chantry. But it was Evelyn's opinion of what he had done that made him stop. He stared at her in awe, she called him a hero... a martyr to the Mages. Giving his life for their freedom, declaring that if she could have met the brave soul she would kiss him for what he had done. Anders couldn't tell her after that. He could never live up to the man she'd put up on that pedestal, because he wasn't that man. He was a coward and he proved it even more by not telling her the truth. He did not deserve her.

-OoO-

They had relocated the camp twice since Anders had awoken that fateful night after Hawke had tried to kill him, and now they were setting up camp for a third time alongside Sundermount. Evelyn was not happy, and neither was Justice. Evelyn protested the idea of going into the mountains, but Tucker pushed it and even Anders admitted at first it seemed like a sound idea. There were no Templars wandering around the mountains and they could stay safely in one place longer, maybe even until the colder weather approached. They needed a place they could stay, to try and figure out some long term plans and to find out what was happening with the Templars and the circle of Magi.

The problems started the moment they set up camp. The veil was too thin here, and he understood why Evelyn did not want to stay on the mountain. Anders recalled the time he had spent with Hawke, traipsing around Sundermount. It hadn't been as bad then as it was now but it was still better than living a hairs split away from a city that was now over run with Templars. Traveling anywhere else right now was too big of a risk. Tucker wanted to go to Ferelden. Rumor was that the King had freed the Mages, plus he had his own personal reasons. But winter was coming, and the waters were too dangerous this time of year. Many boats sank before reaching their destination and not many felt it was worth the risk. Anders was unsure about the idea of heading back to Ferelden. The risk would be greater for him, but knew he would go wherever Evelyn went and she was not happy where they were.

Justice was uncomfortable within a place where the tear in the Veil was almost visible, and as much as he longed for the Fade, it was far too dangerous. Demons could be felt looming, and undead would rise unexpectedly, charging to the attack. Luckily, no lives had been lost yet, but Anders was starting to fear that could change any day.

Evelyn's health had begun to decline. She had become more secluded since they settled on the mountain. Before Sundermount, things were better and even her health seemed to have improved slightly. Her sleep was less fitful, yet she still was not eating nearly enough and her weight loss had become very noticeable. When she did eat, she would disappear soon after. Anders could see the pain in her expression as she scurried off to be alone. After some time, he refused to let her hide it, the woman could be so infuriatingly stubborn. He even tried to broach the subject with her once, and was met with a glare that could have killed a man twice over if its power existed. He did not bring it up again.

After that, he had become smart about it, making her food and sitting close, letting the 'Drawing' as Compassion called it take them over, and it seemed to help ease her. They had enjoyed so much of their time just sitting in each others company. He wondered if it was also helping her sleep. Even he found that the dreams of the darkspawn had lessened to a degree when he was close to her.

Anders found himself wanting to spend an increasing amount of time in her company. Not just because of the comforting feeling he felt when he was close to her, but because of who she was. Her kindness, warm heart and of course, her fiery temper, as long as it was not directed at him. She had allowed him to stay in her small adjacent camp, after he used the excuse that he was more comfortable in her company than crowded in a group of people he hardly knew. It was not a complete lie, more of an embellishment of the truth. He wanted to watch over her to make sure she was alright, without her knowing it. Within the few short weeks of her constant companionship, his feelings for her had started to become something more, something deeper.

At first, Justice disapproved of this feeling. It was not like Anders could control how he felt when he was around her. Anders also noticed the sidelong glances she would give him when she thought he was not looking, he knew she felt the same way about him.

Tucker was not pleased with the arrangement either. He had scowled and tried to spend as much time with Evelyn as he could, even resorting to trying to draw her away from Anders with meaningless tasks that he could have easily done himself.

It was when they had taken the settlement high onto Sundermount, that Evelyn's health deteriorated rapidly. Her sleep had become almost nonexistent after only three days and it soon became clear to Anders and Tucker that both would have to put their constant bickering aside. They would have to work together to figure out what was wrong with her.

Anders had placed his bedroll close to hers after the fourth night on the summit, and Evelyn did not protest this bold attempt to get closer. It even seemed to help for a time. Allowing the Drawing to wash over them, put her at ease and she slept a little longer every night. After a few restless sleeps though, he had thought it wise to cast a sleep spell on her, but that backfired on him. She awoke in a fit of screams, seething at him. She was unable to slip back into the world of dreams and was inconsolable for hours. After that, Evelyn forced Anders out of her small secluded camp, making him stay with the others.

A week later, after some heated arguments, he was able to talk her into taking a tent at least. She protested at first, telling him she enjoyed the nights in the open air, watching the stars, but it was getting colder, the bitter winds of the coming winter would leave her shivering. Along with getting her to take the tent she also succumbed to taking some furs for warmth. Anders felt as if he was making some progress again after his mistake.

Only a day later, however, things finally came to a head. Anders and Evelyn had their worst fight, words were thrown like fireballs and it caused her to withdraw completely and stopped letting anyone see her. Afterwards, Anders tried to stay busy in a half hearted attempt to keep his mind off her, making healing potions and gathering herbs. But all he could do was worry about her.

A few days later Tucker confronted him.

"Anders..."

"Ah... Tucker, I was looking for you..."

"We need to do something, she won't even let me see her anymore... I think she's going to leave or..."

"I know, I know... I'm just not sure what else we can do for her, she keeps pushing me away. I can't find anything wrong with her... it makes no sense."

"We can't just leave her up there!" Tucker growled. "It's the furthest away she's ever camped from the rest of us... We should have listened to her, we shouldn't have come here."

"It's too late for that now." Anders sighed and scanned over the size of the campsite, "It would take us at least a week to get down from the mountain. Also, the others will be here with the supplies soon, if we leave now they won't be able to find us. Maybe after they get back then we can..."

"That will take too long, we need to do something now." Tucker stood glaring at him, golden eyes wide and blazing with anger that bore into Anders. "If you care anything about Evelyn, you will help me!"

Tuck was right of course and Anders knew it. He cared about her, maybe even cared too much, but that itch was still in the back of his mind, one that had plagued him for weeks and tried so hard to ignore. Part of him knew what was wrong with Eve. He just did not want to admit it. Not to himself or to anyone, and Justice remained silent on the subject of Evelyn, after a rather heated confrontation with Compassion about Vengeance. That had made the spirit within him almost completely silent. Anders was not sure if this could be considered a good thing, even though he was grateful for the lack of constant berating that Justice did on a daily basis.

Anders sighed, averting his eyes from Tuckers harden gaze.

"Anders, please..." Tucker begged.

Something inside Anders snapped and he couldn't deny it anymore. Tucker was right... Justice had been right, and it was time to put a stop to it. The one thing he used to take pride in, above everything, was that he was a healer and right now he was anything but. Anders stood giving Tucker a curt nod.

"Right, you're right... I'll be back." Anders strode past Tucker, as the elf grabbed his wrist tightly, fingers digging deep into the flesh.

"Not a chance, I'm coming with you."

Anders scowled, shaking his head. "No... wait here, give me some time to talk with her."

Tucker loosened his grip, his hand falling to his side, shoulders slumping forward. "I never stood a chance once you came along." It was a statement, not a question and laced with bitterness and disappointment, and it made Anders' blood boil.

"It was never a competition, you idiot, and I can't believe you would be thinking of something like that right now!" he growled, turning away and stalking off before he said or did something he would regret.

"Anders..." Tucker called out, to him.

Anders ignored Tuckers pleas, and even the silent Justice flared in anger, forcing Anders to focus on Evelyn. This had gone on for far too long and he was not going to stop until he found out what was wrong, and how he could fix it after everything she had done for them. Even if it was indeed as he feared.

The path leading up to her camp was treacherous. As he stumbled along the steep incline, he remembered complaining to Evelyn about how out of the way her camp was and that she was too far away from everyone else. Her response was grim, shrugging and mumbling something about doing what she must. When Anders questioned the response, she had closed down completely.

When he reached the top, Anders paused to do a quick scan of the camp. He was surprised to see that the contents of her packs were scattered everywhere, her tent only half built and leaning horribly crooked. In the time that Anders had known this woman, she was impeccable and very organized, but now things had no order. Then he spotted her, sitting in the middle of it all. Her knees brought up to her chest, with her arms wrapped tightly around them, her face buried between her knees. She was unmoving, and only the faint shuddering showed life. His heart went out to her, he had let this go on for far too long. He'd let her push him away without a fight, he felt it was best… maybe, he did not know anymore. He would never leave her again, he had grown closer to this woman than any other person, even the seven years he'd spent with Hawke. She had not let him know her like Evelyn did. For all her bravado, she trusted him, and he loved her for it. He marched towards her, his face hardened.

"Eve please, you can't go on like this anymore."

Evelyn's head snapped up as she stared at Anders, wide eyed. Tears streamed down her cheeks and she tried to get up, only to cry out in pain, clutching her stomach. Her knees buckled, collapsing to the ground and panic welled up inside of Anders as he rushed to her side. Wrapping his arms around her waist, he pulled her into his lap. She pressed her body into him and let out a loud sob, his arms wrapped tightly around her and his heart clenched as she felt cold to the touch.

"It's alright, Eve, I'm here now, everything will be okay," he murmured, running his hands down her back, feeling the bones of her spine and ribs, she was in worse shape than he'd first thought. His hands began to glow, sending a flow of healing magic inside her. Yet he still found nothing that was causing her pain.

He found many things wrong with her health, caused by her lack of eating and sleep, and her body had begun to slowly shut down, but there was no reason, no physical cause for her pain. He felt helpless.

Evelyn weakly wrapped her arms around him, and buried her face into his neck. "I know now," she sobbed. "I didn't know for sure before, but I do now..." She whimpered as she clung to him as if her life depended upon it. And at this point, it did.

Anders held her close against him, trying to use his own body heat to keep her warm. The itch in his mind could no longer be ignored, he had known it too. He had known for some time now but had refused to acknowledge it. Even Justice had tried to warn him and he had just ignored it. "A demon..." he whispered, closing his eyes tightly as he felt her nod into his chest.

His stomach twisted in a knot. There was nothing he could do for her. Anders had heard of things like this in the circle, demons that became tethered to a mage. Sucking their life force from them slowly, trying to break the mage into giving in to them. It was always something traumatic that would cause it, something so completely out of the ordinary which was what made it such a rare thing... Her death, of course that had to be what it was. Most likely, the demon had been drawn to the ritual and got caught when she... maybe it was even a side effect, who could know. Maybe it would happen like that to him if he and Justice... he didn't want to think like that, not now when she needed him so much. How could he have been so foolish to take so long. He had never heard of a mage that had resisted for so long or suffered as much as she had allowed herself suffer.

"Anders," Evelyn sobbed, "you're going to have to kill me."

Her words felt like ice through his veins. "N-no! I will not, we'll think of something, Eve. Just don't you give into it alright? I'll think of something," he whispered.

"What is there left to do?... I'm so tired... I don't want to give in, but my body... I can't live like this anymore..."

"We'll figure out something, I'll talk to Compassion, she'll know what we can do"

"There's nothing left to do Anders, don't you understand? I can't take it anymore... if it... if it takes me over, you'll have to do it anyway. Best do it now before it can get a foothold."

"She speaks the truth Anders, this is a kindness you would be doing for her."

"Fuck off, Justice... don't you even talk to me about kindness."

"I understand your feelings for her, but she is a danger. To not do this puts everyone at risk."

"I don't care what you say, I will not give up on her... Not like I did with Karl... I did that once, I cannot bear to do it again."

"Then I shall do it for you my friend, let her be at peace, let me end her suffering."

"NO! You will not, I won't let you! I will figure something out."

"As you wish my friend, the offer stands. But if she turns into an abomination, you know what must be done."

"I know..."

Justice had never been so agreeable before but Anders could feel the sadness within the spirits turmoil, and found he could not be angry with Justices' offer. This place was dangerous. He wished they had known about the demon sooner, he would have pushed to not to come here, instead of putting everyones lives at risk. Something he had done far too often.

He could hear the sounds of someone coming up the path. The sense of urgency washed over him as he felt Evelyn's body tense. Anders began to feel the drawing tugging at him, pulling him in two directions. One towards Evelyn and the other from...

"Compassion!" he called out to the spirit as she and Tucker appeared from the underbrush that surrounded Evelyn's haven.

Tucker stopped dead in his tracks at the sight of Evelyn in Anders' arms and all the color drained from his face. Compassion rushed up beside them and knelt down, her eyebrows pulled together with a severe look of concern. This was the first time he had seen such an emotional response from the spirit.

Compassion reached out to touch Evelyn, but when she flinched away, the spirit's hand dropped. "I am sorry Evelyn, I wish you would have told me sooner," she said softly.

"There was nothing you could have done about it, there was no reason to make anyone worry."

"But we do worry, Evelyn, everyone has been. Can you not see it? With every passing day, as you grew weaker, everyone became more and more concerned for you."

"I... couldn't, the demon... it stopped me, I think," Evelyn sobbed.

"Now there is nothing left to do, I can feel the demon now. When before, I could not. You know what has to be done."

"Yes, I kno..."

"No!" Both Anders and Tucker barked out, as they both glared at Compassion.

"It would be quick, she would not feel a thing, just cast a simple sleep spell and..."

"Finish that sentence and I will send you back to the fade myself," Anders growled, glaring at the spirit. "There has to be something we can do, there must be something."

Tucker moved to sit beside Anders on the ground as Evelyn weakly reached out to take his hand. "Damn Eve, your hands are like ice," he said and began rubbing her hand in between his, in an attempt to warm it.

Compassion stood and backed away from them. Her expression was thoughtful and implacable, and it sent a chill through Anders.

"There may be a way." Compassion turned and spoke to Anders, "The veil is so thin here, it would take very little to open it and let you through. Anders, you could confront the demon but as dangerous as a demon would normally be, this one is more so. This demon is trapped like a caged animal." Compassion sighed, shaking her head. "I will not risk this any longer. I care a great deal for Evelyn, but I will not risk the lives of the children because of her." She looked deeply into Anders' eyes before she continued, "Justice, if a demon like this takes hold of her, nothing will stop it. I can feel the power of it, Brother, as you probably do as well."

"It is true Anders, this demon is very powerful. If it takes hold..."

"I will figure out a way Justice, at least let me try."

Justice did not answer him but remained silent again. Anders was unsure what that meant, but he hoped at least for now his friend would help him.

"Compassion, listen to me. I can stop this thing, I'll find a way. You have to trust me."

"Us..." Tucker said, squeezing Evelyn's hand. "I'm not letting you do it alone, we stand a better chance doing this together."

"Fine... we then," Anders said, nodding in agreement to Tucker.

"Don't I have a say in any of this? Do I not get to choose what I want?" Evelyn's voice was weak, but her tone was harsh.

"No, you don't," Anders smiled, kissing the top of her head gently. A smile tugged at the corners of his lips as he felt her completely relax against him. "Let us help you."

Even though there was so much he did not know about this woman, he wanted her to be around for him to find out. He wanted her here with him and if they could fix this, he would rather die before leaving her again.

"She will need to be asleep then Anders, I will find what I can to prepare and make sure the others are safe... just in case." Compassion said, turning to walk back down the narrow path.

"Tuck, you don't have to do this, I would hate for you to die before you got to go back home." she smiled weakly.

Tucker grunted at that, "I highly doubt we'll be making our way to Ferelden any time soon, besides I would rather die trying to save you than live knowing I didn't even try."

"You deserve so much better than I could ever offer you."

"Don't..." Tucker said softly.

She nodded, turning her face into Anders' chest, he felt her take a deep shaky breath and held it. It felt like time stood still for just a moment with her in his arms.

"I'm ready..." she said softly.

Anders brushed his hand lightly across her cool face, watching her eyes become heavy as he released the spell and she slipped into a deep sleep.

-OoO-

Tucker sat beside Evelyn, running his fingers through her auburn hair, his face a mask of worry. Anders knew how Tucker felt, the elf loved her. Tucker had known her for years. Anders tried to give him some space to be with her until they were ready, but it was harder then he expected it to be. He wanted to be the one next to her instead of being the one helping Compassion and Clare prepare for the rite that would send them into the fade.

"Are ye sure about this, Anders?" The older woman asked, "It's dangerous enough on this side of the veil, I wouldn't want to think about how bad it is on the other side." Clare had always been loyal to Eve, following her without question. The woman wasn't one for excitement, yet never complained, having spent her whole life in the circle. She did not want the freedom at first, Evelyn had told him one night as he watched the graying haired woman tell stories to the children. She only followed Evelyn because she saved them from the fire, even though Evelyn was the one who caused it, she took who she could and they fled.

Clare had told him that the fire was the best thing that happened to her, she had no idea that while being in the circle she was missing so much of the world and how much this new found family would come to mean to her.

Clare assisted Compassion in the preparations, gathering what little lyrium they had stored away. Anders spread thick furs on the ground where they would be laying. Going into the Fade to face this demon was beyond stupid and dangerous, but short of killing Evelyn, this was the only way to save her.

It was a chance they were both willing to take for her. Anders was worried, not only about Evelyn once they got there, but also because once they were in the fade, Justice could very easily take over and who knows what he would do. Justice's feelings towards Evelyn shifted from one moment to the next at the best of times. The spirit agreed with her on most things, but when they disagreed, it would anger Justice and Anders just didn't know what to expect, Justice wasn't giving any indication what his plans were once they got into the Fade.

Tucker kissed Evelyn's head lightly before laying her head back down on the furs. Standing, he looked at Anders with fierce determination. "Lets do this."

A/N: Well things are really starting to come to a head, and the world is spiraling out of control for Evelyn, next chapter is a pretty important one and I'm already half finished. So I'll try and not to make anyone wait too long for it.

An amazing person did a beautiful 3D rendering of Evelyn and Anders for me, it's truly amazing, she is very talented. check it out :) h t t p : / / savvid . deviantart . com / gallery / # / d41btso

I want to profusely thank everyone who has stuck by me through this, all the readers, reviewers, those who put this story on alert and favorites. I am forever grateful for your support so far and love to hear from you all. Even you lurkers. ;)

A big huge thank you to my amazing Betas RandomWittering, Jinx1983, ArcturasB, thank you ever so much ladies, words cannot express how much it means to me for all the help you've given me. Without you all my story would be a whole lot of dribbleish ramblings. ;) Thank you from the bottom of my heart.