40.

I watched as the sun shone through a crack in the curtains, lighting up a section of John's face. He was still sleeping deeply. I had snuck in quietly after my talk with Alice and sat down on the bed beside him.

I lay down beside him slowly, careful not to rock the bed, and put my arm around his waist. I could hear his heart beat softly, the blood pushing through his veins, his slow breathing. I wondered what it would be like to never hear those sounds again. Something about the way his warm skin felt against mine made me wish he would reconsider his choice. Would I miss feeling his hand in mine, trying desperately to warm it. Did he miss that about me; the softness of my skin and the way it would move under his touch. I thought that sometimes he missed the color of my eyes and the way my hair bounced as I moved. There were so many things that had changed about me that I didn't really realize. I nuzzled my nose in his hair and took in his scent. He would always smell this good, I was sure of that.

Slowly, John began to move as he stumbled out of the deep slumber. He turned towards me and slowly cracked his eyes open.

"Hello, handsome," I whispered when his eyes focused on my face.

He hugged the covers to his chest and mumbled a good morning.

"Sorry," I said when I realized I was probably giving him chills. I pushed myself up with my arm, but he caught my wrist before I could get off the bed. "No, stay," he mumbled.

I lay down again and watched as his eyelids dropped back down slowly as he tried to fight off sleep. I knew it was not because he was physically tired, but more that he was emotionally weary. I pushed back a lock of hair with my fingers.

"Alice thinks I'm brave," I whispered slowly, knowing he was awake, though his eyes were still shut.

"Yeah?" he asked sleepily. "You are."

I smiled. "You think so?"

"Braver than me."

"No, I'm not." I paused and studied his face. "You're stronger than you think you are. You compare yourself to the wrong people."

"Like you?"

"Yes, because it's different with me."

"Because you're not human anymore, right." His eyes were now open, searching my face.

I nodded slowly. "Yes." I began rubbing his cheek with my thumb. "You're the strongest person I know."

"But not strong enough." I could hear the sadness and longing in his voice, see the despair in his eyes.

"You don't need to protect me, John. All I want is for you to love me."

"I need to protect you, for me. That's how I show you that I love you."

"But I know you love me."

"I don't feel like you really know it. I feel weak sitting on the sidelines while someone else rescues you. I'm the one who married you, so I should be the one saving you."

"I don't want you to give up your life because of me," I said slowly.

He watched me for a long time, taking in my face slowly. Finally he answered, "What other thing would there be that could make me do that but you?"

"John," I whispered with an exhaled breath.

"I just want to love you the way I've always imagined I would love you." After a few moments, he rolled unto his back and looked up at the ceiling. "We're living a lie, Lisa. We've tried fooling ourselves that this relationship can work, can survive. We both know it can't." His head rotated to look at me. "All I'm asking for is a chance to let me live a long life with you, a happy life. Whatever life you think I have now is a myth. I've just been an empty shell since the night of the accident, and I can't keep pretending that what we have right now fully satisfies me."

I pushed myself closer to him and placed my head on his chest. I knew exactly what he meant, because I felt the same way. I bit my lip and fought back a wave of sadness. "I'm just so scared of doing it, so scared to see you in pain."

"Three days of pain for a life time of loving you is an easy price to pay. Living like this until I die, however, would be worse than all the pain in the world combined."

My finger had begun tracing patterns in his shirt. "You really want this?" I asked slowly. I rolled my head unto his arm so I could look at his face.

"Yes," he said with a firm nod. "I do."

"Okay," I whispered softly. "Forever it is, then."

His fingers intertwined with mine as he whispered sweetly in my ear. "Forever."