It's All Your Fault

by Trance-Faith

Post 7x07. Callie tries and fails to get Arizona back or to move on, what will she do next? Sequel to "It's Enough Now"

2. Chapter 2

Title: It's All Your Fault

Author: Trance-Faith

Rating: M – adult themes.

Pairing: Callie/Arizona

Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's. All characters in this story sadly do not belong to me; they're simply being borrowed for a little while, and then will be returned. This story was not written for profit and no copyright infringements are intended. Also the song words used in this fanfic are Paramore's "emergency".

Author's Note 1: In terms of Grey's storyline – this is set after their break up, in 7x07. However I started writing this before seeing the promo for 7x09 – and refuse to even acknowledgeable it.

Author's Note 2: I did tell people I didn't want to write this fanfic – but they said (they know who they are) to write it anyway. So I'm sorry!

Beta: No beta was used while I wrote this, so all spelling and grammar mistakes are my own.

Reviews: Are much wanted please!

"I think we have an emergency, I think we have an emergency…"

Arizona's POV

How could they have come so far, through so much, to now be so far apart? The last two months she had been dragging herself through life. Malawi hadn't been all she had hoped. Or maybe it had, she was saving lives, helping train others to save lives, she was doing what she had been working so hard for, for as long she could remember. She was living the dream she had created for herself two years ago, but she wasn't happy. She had made these plans, these dreams long before she had even known Callie, before she had fell in love. There were times she wished she could forget the woman who'd stolen her heart, others she was thankful for their time together. No that was a lie, she always thankful for their time together, thankful to have a goddess like Callie in her life, thankful she had been allowed to love her, thankful she'd been loved in return. Then her reality hit her, she no longer had the right to be thankful. She had left her. Yes she had her reasons, but she still had left her. Left the woman she had told she would never hurt, and devoted her life to. She wished she could just tell herself, that Callie had been a bitch from the moment she found out she had won the grant, but she had seen it, had seen what it was doing to her, and did nothing. She had believed she could get Callie to love Africa, to want to go, but instead as the day grew closer, Callie's opinion had become clearer, and still she did nothing. She had gotten annoyed at her girlfriend for ruining her great achievement, and in part she was still annoyed at her, but it was because she hadn't wanted to go, and forced her to be selfless, and let her go, out of her life, forever. She wished she could just blame Callie, but she knew it took two to tango. She was to blame too.

She hated flying. She REALLY hated flying, and yet here she was, sixteen hours into an eighteen hour flight. This same flight had been harder the first time around. She had cradled herself as she had sobbed, curled into a sitting fetal position. A part of her was thankful no one was sitting next to her, no one could see the small blonde break, but she was sure they could all hear her heart breaking as each sob racked through her body. She couldn't even look at the empty seat beside her, the physical reminder of what she had just done. It was just as empty as she felt, because she had just walked away from the person who should have filled it, the one who filled her soul. Despite her hatred for flying, she had looked out of the window as she had left American soil, sobbing, grasping at the small window beside her as the plane began to move, taking her away from the woman she loved.

Fifty-two voicemail messages. That was how many Callie had left her. On the first day she had left her five, Arizona refused to answer the cell, as she could see it ringing in her hand, could see "Calliope" showing on the screen. Her hand, her head wouldn't listen to her heart, and wouldn't allow her to answer it. It came without fail, as Arizona had lain in bed every night, her cell would light up, her name would flash, and the blonde surgeon would watch it, as it rang, debating with herself whether she should answer it. She never did. If she actually talked to the other woman she knew, she would break down, and would want to go back. That point was void, as every day she woke, she wanted to go back. Callie's messages hadn't helped her with this internal argument. She almost wished the taller surgeon would keep her to her words in the airport, that if she walked away they were through. If she had meant it, she wouldn't have to hear the Latina's voice sob down the phone every night as she lay alone in bed. Because even though she wasn't answering Callie's calls, she listened to the messages she left, as soon as her cell alerted her to their presence, and had saved each of them. Each had been listened to so many times, she could even recite them, and yet she still listened to them. The first ones had been almost inaudible, through Callie's sobs, and heavy breathing, she had to admit, these had been the hardest to listen to, mainly because she could hear, and feel the pain she was going through, it mirrored her own, and she had caused it. The next ones were still filled with Callie's tears, but these are more tangible, which was almost more painful, as they were full of apologies, and pleading the blonde to return home. Did Callie not know she wanted nothing more to return home, return to her? She was her home.

This would have been the forty-eighth day she hadn't seen her, if she wasn't going back. They had planned to go back to Seattle in time for Christmas, and she had debated long and hard about returning. The voicemail she had gotten last night had both worried her and had made the decision for her. Callie had cried, something she had stopped doing when calling. Arizona guessed she had had a bad day at work, or maybe just a bad day. The words she had spoken had made perfect sense. She had begged for forgiveness, for the blonde to talk to her, begged for her. Calliope Torres had actually BEGGED. It broke the PEDs' surgeon heart; the Callie she had known would never have begged her for anything, not in self-pitying manner. She had said she took full responsibility for what had happened, and would do anything the blonde asked of her to get her back. She had stated clearly, that she wanted to be called back, and that she wouldn't shout, or but in, but she wanted her to call her back the next day. Even if it was to tell her not to call again, to scream at her, she would take it. Callie had then gone on to say if she didn't hear from the blonde, she would stop trying, she'd stop trying to win her back. Finishing, she had said she loved her, and always would, no matter what.

Arizona had left to allow Callie to be happy, and in doing so she had made them both miserable. She had tried to believe that by ignoring the raven's calls, she would get the message, and stop calling, and at some point move on. Almost two months later like clock work, she still called late at night. This was something else which caused the blonde's heart to break. Callie was ten hours behind her, so most of the time, when one was up, the other was meant to be sleeping. There was large chunk of the day, every day, when she was meant to be in the arms of the woman she loved, fast asleep, and instead they were miles, and oceans apart, both completely alone. It was during the times when she was laid in bed, late into the night, she would listen to the words her love had left her, and each made her cry even harder than the one before.

After hearing the last message, she made her mind up. She had packed, and went as early as she could to see the men in charge. As Callie and she had already informed them that Arizona would be leaving for Christmas, it wasn't hard to get them to agree to let her go a few days early. She hadn't told them, that she was planning to leave Africa, if everything went as she wanted. Despite Callie's continuous requests in her return, she still feared the Latina would reject her, and if she was honest, she wouldn't blame her. She knew she deserved nothing less.

Landing in Seattle went as planned, she was still amazed it was so dark, and also the time. Going off the time she had set off, she had only been on the plane for eight hours, rather than the actual eighteen she had actually be in the air for. Everything went smoothly, her luggage was one of the first to go ground, and for once, she didn't need to struggle to get it off the belt. As she stepped out of the terminal, her breath caught in her throat. She was stood looking at it from a different angle, as she had boarded and landed from a different terminal, but it looked the same. The spot where she'd walked away, leaving Callie in a sea of people. She had denied herself a last glance over her shoulder at the taller woman, knowing if she did it would have broke her resolve. That she would turn, and see her crying, and succumb to her pleading, and stay, or even worse allow Callie to go against, what she wanted, and come with her. She couldn't do that. She couldn't look back and risk breaking or destroying Callie chance to be happy. Taking a deep breath she walked with purpose towards the main door, hoping she would be given the chance to make her the happiest she could.

The air was cruel and cold, and bite at her flesh as she stepped out of the airport. Wrapping her coat tighter around her body, she cursed herself for not wearing something warmer, for forgetting how cold Seattle was. Pulling roughly on her case, she dragged it over to one of the cabs in the rank outside of the port. She managed to pull it into the back of one with her, glaring angrily at the back of the driver's head, as he made no attempt to help her. "Where to?" came the man voice from the front seat. Arizona sat in shock, after travelling all this way, she realised she didn't actually know where Callie was staying. She had mentioned in one of her messages that Weber had given her back her job, but she couldn't move back into the apartment; as the landlord had rent it back out. However the blonde couldn't remember her ever mentioning in her messages since, where she was staying, and if she couldn't remember her saying, considering the amount of times she had listen to each message, Callie mustn't have said. So Arizona told the driver the first address which came to mind, their old apartment building.

The familiar building came into view, and Arizona could feel her heart beat quickening. She was surprised the driver couldn't hear it, as it was all she could hear, as her blood pounded in her ears. The driver turn to tell her the price of the fair and all she could see was his mouth moving, no noise reached her ears, so she looked at the small screen which displayed the amount she owed him. Quickly paying the man, she climbed out, this time he was nice enough to help her with her case, which is discarded on the sidewalk, before driving off. Taking a deep breath the blonde walked straight in and pushed hard on the floor number she wanted, and almost sensing her nerves, the doors slid open, giving her no time to ready herself. Her breathing was quick; noise of her breathing seemed to echo around the small area, as well the disembodied voice, which announced her arrival on her desired floor.

Immediately the door of their old apartment could be seen, causing her heart to ache. Someone else was making their own memories in that apartment, in their apartment. Arizona fought the urge to go over and knock on that door, but instead, turned and knocked on the door opposite. She could hear someone moving around inside, and for amount her heart stopped beating, what if Callie was in there. What would she say? Would she slam the door in her face? Would she cry with happiness, and kiss her like her life depended on it? Her wondering was cut short, by the door opening, and she came face to face with her ex's best friend. Mark to his credit looked both happy and surprised to see her stood at his doorway, before he allowed his slip to disappear and anger took its place. "Robbins?" he asked, the question dipping with anger and curiosity. Arizona gulped slightly. She was a military brat, knew how to defend herself if she needed, but the man before her, for the first time in the whole time she had known him, scared her. "Where is she Mark?" she answered, she wasn't going to explain things to Callie's best friend, when she needed to explain them to her first. Mark gave her a skeptical look before he went to close the door. The smaller woman managed to get her foot in the way before the door made its way into its frame. "Go away Robbins", Mark snarled at her. Oh great protective best friend. "Not until you tell me where she is!" she almost shouted back, as Mark rammed the door into her foot again. The door flew open, as Mark stood over her, "Why so you can hurt her again?" The blonde's eyes lowered, he had every right to be angry with her, she was even angry with herself. She had hurt Callie; she had hurt the one person she would give her life for. She had broken her. "I wouldn't be standing here if I wanted to do that. Please just tell me." She pleaded, any other moment in time she would have been disgusted and ashamed with herself, for pleading with someone, and that someone being Mark Sloan. Her eyes rose to meet his gaze, his teeth were clenching, and unclenching, obviously trying to deciding what to do. She saw the resolve in his eyes, before he moved backwards into his apartment. If it wasn't for him leaving the door open, she would have thought he was ignoring her again. Arizona could hear him moving around inside, before he re-appeared holding up what looked like a hotel room key. The PEDs' surgeon went to take it, and he pulled it back from her, receiving a scowl in return. "You dare hurt her again…" Mark warned, not needing to even finish, she understood. Arizona nodded in understanding, "I promise to do everything in my power not to". She wasn't used to this, being this submissive towards anyone, it made her feel weak, but she needed Mark to know she meant it, she meant every word. The key was lowered again, and with caution she took it from the larger hand, waiting for him to rip it back. He didn't. "She finished her shift at eight, she'll have gone straight home", he stated. Looking down she saw the small key had a name on, "The Archfield Hotel", and under this it had a small number 220. Home? Was this where she considered home, now? Grasping on the small key tightly, she gave Mark one last look before turning and walked to the elevator.

Pulling her case along behind her was hard work. It kept getting caught on the odd bit of pavement which was out of alignment to the rest, or spinning out of control when she went to cross the road. Every time it clipped the back of her legs, causing her to nearly trip. She wished she had left it at Mark's. Turning onto the street which was home to The Archfield Hotel, she took a deep breath, and simply kept waking forward. If she allowed herself to over analyse things, she knew she would panic. She strolled straight passed the reception desk, towards the elevator, her case dragging along behind her, being a hindrance. Pushing the number of the floor she hoped she wanted, she door closed, with a metallic noise, and some song Arizona didn't recognise hit her ears. She really hated "elevator music". All too soon the doors opened again on to a floor, which given the sign in front of the elevator doors, told the blonde she was on the right floor. According to the sign room 201-229 were left, while rooms 230-260 were in the right direction. Pulling the offending case out of the elevator she turned to left and almost jogged down the bending corridors, following the door numbers, using them as a guide to the room which held the woman she most wanted to see.

The door which held a large golden "220" soon came into view, causing Arizona to stop instantly, and be jarred by the case. Her heartbeat quickened again, what if Callie just told her where go, refused to listen to her, what if she hated her now? She took a deep steadying breath, which did nothing to raging nerves, and knocked several times. No response. Maybe she was asleep. Arizona stood for a few moments debating what to do. Mark had said she would be in, he seemed adamant; she would be in this room. Chewing gently on her bottom lip, she wondered about calling Callie to see where she was, but then she had wanted to surprise her, which was why she hadn't rang already. Also she was secretly worried that if the dark haired woman saw her name on her cell's screen she wouldn't answer. It was a lot harder to ignore someone if they were stood in front of you, rather than being at the other side of the globe. That was when it had hit her. She had literally travelled the global, to see the love of her life, only to be standing on the other side of an oak door, too afraid to enter.

She plunged the key into the lock, and turned it. She was greeted by darkness. Rubbing her hand along the wall near the door, she felt a light switch, flicking it on; it only lightened the small corridor to the main room. Closing the door behind her, she discarded her case, next to the one she had helped Callie pack only two months before. It had felt so much longer than two months. Continuing on through the small hotel room, she entered the darkened main room, and saw a light coming from underneath the bathroom door. Arizona's breath hitched in her throat. She was on the other side of that door, maybe showering, or simply using the bathroom. For a brief moment, she considered just barging in, and joining her. This fleeting thought soon left her head, that wasn't the way she wanted to deal with this. She also doubted that Callie would let that happen anyway. Next she wondered if she should just sit and wait for the Latina to finish whatever she was doing, and exit the bathroom. This thought like the first was abandoned as she knew that if Callie came out and found someone sitting in her room, regardless of the light being on or not, she would get a shock, and may even scream. This left her with only one option. Knock. Walking the small distance towards the door, she raised one hand, resting it on the cold wood, taking a deep breath, she knocked twice. No noise created her ears, not even the noise of running water, or movement of water. Arizona's brow creased, as she went to open the door. It didn't move, it was locked, from the inside, meaning she was in fact inside. So why didn't she answer her? She knocked again this time louder than the first; maybe she had her head under the water, and couldn't hear her knocking. She heard a noise from inside, which she could only describe as groan, before small voice travelled to her ears, "Go away". So she was inside! Arizona debated informing Callie it was her, but decided against it, as she suspected the other woman would never open the door, knowing it was her who stood on the other side. So she knocked again, hoping that the knocking would annoy the woman inside, making her come to stop the person doing it. "Leave me alone!" sounded Callie's voice again, this time it sounded upset, she could practically hear the tears in her voice. Had Mark told her she was coming over? Surely if she hadn't wanted her in the room she would have put the deadlock on the door. There was something in the voice, coming from the bathroom which worried her, it sounded weak. Arizona's heartbeat quickened, this time it was in fear. She stopped her attack on the door, if Callie wouldn't let her in, she would just have to let herself in. So she took several steps away from the door, and ran at it pushing all her weight through her shoulder as it came into contact with the offending door, causing shooting pains to fly up the small woman's arm, knocking her momentarily sick. The door swung open, banging loudly off the wall behind it, the blonde's momentum kept her travelling into the bathroom. There she was. A few things hit Arizona's senses in quick concession. Callie was laid in the exact position she had teased Arizona for falling asleep in the bath for the last two years, and her hair was considerably shorter than when she had last seen her. Neither of these facts however had time to register with the blonde, as the final and most significant detail of the scene before her, hit her square in the stomach. The water Callie was laid in was blood red. She felt as if she was going to faint. She couldn't. She had to do something. "What have you done Calliope?" she questioned, her voice sounding so infantile. Her feet were heavy, as she rushed towards the bathtub. The woman in the bath turned her head, her soaked hair clung to her face, her eyes unfocused. Arizona grabbed her under the arm, pulling her upwards. It was then; she felt the body of the woman she loved, more than life itself, go limb.