Title: It's All Your Fault
Author: Trance-Faith
Rating: M – suicide and suicidal tendencies.
Pairing: Callie/Arizona
Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's. All characters in this story sadly do not belong to me; they're simply being borrowed for a little while, and then will be returned. This story was not written for profit and no copyright infringements are intended. Also the song words used in this fanfic are Paramore's "emergency" and Pink's "It's all your fault".
Author's Note 1: In terms of Grey's storyline – this is set after their break up, in 7x07.
Author's Note 2: Sorry AGAIN! Had a holiday and then a birthday, THEN I've been babysitting my cousin and dogsitting their 7 week old puppy pug for the last two weeks (so if this is rubbish and disjointed, that is why!) This will be the last chapter for at least a week as I am going to London for a week this weekend … hope the riots etc have calmed down more!
Author's Note 3: Due to the fact I am going away and sadly I haven't been able to write, this chapter is in two parts (I've already got over 1,300 words of the second part done).
. - past parts
Beta: No beta was used while I wrote this, so all spelling and grammar mistakes are my own.
Reviews: Are much wanted please!
"I feel like we could be really awesome together, so make up your mind cause it's now or never" - It's all your fault by P!nk.
Callie's POV
Arizona seemed frozen in time, as she shock and uncertainty was etched into every feature of her face. There she stood in what looked to be the same clothes she had been earlier in the day, but this time she was holding her usual purse, and their picnic bag, briefly wondered what was in the padded yellow bag. "I just brought you some stuff you might need, shampoo, conditioner, underwear that kinder thing…" Arizona's voice pulled her attention back up to her face. The blonde moved towards her in small steps as if she was expecting Callie to pounce on her like a lion, at any moment. Callie's unconnected brain made her raise her right bandaged arm, in which Arizona placed the bag's strap into. Shifting slightly, Callie unzipped the bag and peered inside, and true to her word, Arizona had packed her some underwear, socks, bras, a hairbrush, toothbrush and paste and some bath supplies. However the object Callie was looking for as only noticeable by its absence. Her blanket. The dark head shot up, looking into Arizona face, with what she realised must have been a panicked expression because the blonde's face soon mirrored the emotion. "What?" the other woman said in a rush, as Callie fought the fog that was still lingering in her brain trying to locate the blankets' location within her hotel room. Where was her blanket?
After their first picnic, Arizona had returned the blanket after cleaning it. It had seemed she had washed it using her own fabric softener because it smelt just like the blonde. After this Callie had gone out and bought the same type and brand stating that it was for when Arizona stayed over she could wash her clothes with it, which was true but it was also so she could wash the blanket in it, and be reminded of their first night together.
But where was it now? She'd been held it almost every night as she fell asleep, since Arizona left, because if she closed her eyes she could still smell the blonde's fabric softener, which must have meant she was sleeping next to her. Upon opening her eyes she always saw the space beside her was unoccupied, which was why most nights she hoped she wouldn't wake up in the morning.
Arizona's POV
Callie's eyes were wide; they had been for most of the time since she had woken up. Initially it was with the notion of her body and brain waking, then with shock at the blonde's presence and now after looking into the packed bag. Arizona moved even closer to the dark haired woman's side, something was wrong it seemed. "Callie?" the smaller woman asked in a hushed voice. A muffled voice, followed by a stifled sob told her the younger woman was crying. On instinct she moved forward towards the brunette and was swiftly pulled by the taller woman pulling on her blouse the rest of the way. Arizona's body collided with Callie's upper and bed, as she pulled in closer by the crying woman. Again by no power of her own, Arizona's arms wrapped themselves around the shaking woman as she sobbed; occasionally making noises which sounded like she was trying to talk and take in deep breathes at the same time, but the blonde couldn't comprehend the sounds. The blonde stood at an awkward angle, holding Callie as her emotions got the better of her, periodically shushing and trying to calm the raging storm. Even after Callie's tears had stopped falling she was still panicking about something, and making no sense, and every time Arizona moved to pull out of the Latina's embrace to try and calm her down, face to face, the younger surgeon simply held on tighter, as if life depending on her holding on.
"Callie…Callie…what's wrong?" Arizona whispered in a manner she hoped was kind enough but firm enough that the frantic woman would hear her and respond. A slight hitched breath both Arizona that Callie was willing herself not to cry again, so blonde held on just as tight as the emotional woman. She wanted, no she needed Callie to realise she wasn't going anywhere. "I. Need. My. Blanket", sounded Callie voice as if it was obvious for her distress. Her blanket. She was getting this emotional over her blanket, not the fact that Arizona was back. She knew it was harsh, but she was upset, and a little annoyed that she was getting this emotional over a blanket. Again the smaller woman went to move from Callie's embrace, only to be pulled back in. "Please don't go", breathed the Latina's voice again seemingly trying to breathe in the smaller woman. Arizona sighed slightly, so it wasn't just about that blanket. The blonde placed a gentle kiss on the mess of dark hair next to her face, soothing back, "I'm not going anywhere Calliope".
The impact of these words was instant. The Latina's grip on Arizona slacked, and then she felt the taller woman actually pushing her away from her. Arizona moved away enough to respect Callie's wishes, but stayed close enough that she could move closer if it was needed. Callie's voice was harsh, both with anger and a scratchy throat from crying as she said, "Just go"
Callie's POV
The blonde just stood opened mouthed looking at her dumbfounded. She didn't totally understand the change that had just happened, herself, but she knew Arizona should not make promise she couldn't and wouldn't keep. She couldn't explain it herself, but of the emotions she could decipher she knew she felt angry and embarrassed for being left and found by the small blonde before her. She felt relief that she was stood in front of her, but wanted to scream and scream because she hadn't come back sooner, or for leaving at all. She wanted to wrap her arms around the small framed woman and never let her go, losing herself in her love, smell and touch. She wanted to never let this woman go again, but she had no claim on Arizona, and she wasn't sure she wanted one, or even had the right to ask for it.
Arizona stood merely inches away from her, both women staring at the other. What made Callie madder was Arizona didn't seem to understand. She would admit to herself that Callie didn't understand why she felt the way she did, but the blonde didn't. Arizona should know, should be able to figure it out. This thought was irrational, she could give herself that.
A look of defiance took over the blonde's features, before she spoke firmly but considerably more emotionally than the facial expression should have allowed, "I'm not going anywhere Callie. I am so deeply, deeply, deeply sorry for hurting you so much. I am so sorry, because I am so in love with you and I will spend the rest of my life telling you that. I'll apologize to you every day if that's what you need." Callie couldn't lie to herself, the thick emotion that was settling in her chest and throat was threatening to take over, if it did her resolve would be lost. Arizona still loved her. She had hoped she still did, but how could you destroy someone you love the way she claimed to? How could you walk away, without looking back?
Arizona continued on, her voice uneven, uncontrolled and begging, "But, please, please, doesn't push me away again. I came across the world to be with you. I love you. Please". Callie had begged, pleaded, and screamed for the blonde not to leave, to come back for her and not leave her behind. She phoned every day since that day doing the same thing, and the day she gave up that fight, the blonde returned. Both Callie's hands were clenched tight by her sides, resting on the bed, and she could feel the bandage fighting against her resistance, unyielding to her new manipulation and stress relief. She was still so mad… scared and ashamed. In an indifferent tone which both surprised and sickened her Callie responded, "You had to fly across the world to get to me, Arizona, because you flew a whole world away without ever looking back. You just left. And this might be news to you, but you weren't the only one in this relationship. There were two of us. And you've come back, but I haven't. Whatever else happened that- that- that hasn't changed".
She wanted to kick herself, both her letting her emotion, her hurt and pain seep into the last of her speech, but also for causing the broken look on Arizona's face. Her face had fallen, lost all traces of the look of defiance, confidence and strength it had held minutes before. Callie had done that. Did Arizona deserve it? Maybe. But Callie was meant to be the one who protected Arizona, loved her and look care of her no matter what. But the blonde had done everything but those things, had broken her, and crushed the heart she had once healed. The heart she still claimed, and had taken with her. "Really, please, just go. Go back to Malawi", she spat at the Peds surgeon. That word…Malawi made her skin crawl. She knew what the blonde had gone to do was honourable, noble and courageous, and she had been and still was so proud of her, but she also hated that grant and those kids, and the guilt set in.
The guilt got worse as the words left her mouth, and Arizona literally looked winded, as if someone had just kicked her in the stomach, knocking the wind out of her. With a slight head tilt as if to gage the seriousness of her comment, Arizona's eyes filled with tears. A ragged breath fell from the blonde's lips, as Miranda Bailey walked in wearing her street clothes, through the door Arizona had forgotten to close. Willing her to be strong and not succumb to the rare tears that she had created, Callie moved her head maybe a quarter of an inch, in a small nod. Arizona lowered her head slightly, unable to look at either woman, and uncharacteristically shuffled from the room.