A/N: Very quick chapter here! Hopefully I'll get more time to make the next one longer. ^^;;
Sorry to those who liked my Zen character (strange hygiene habits and all). If you decide to stick around after this story ends, I do have some surprises in store for you folks. :)
Chapter 24
The helicopter ride back to Midgar was filled with solemn silence. Kunsel could still remember the feeling he got when his Cetra powers told him that Zen had passed on and seeing Zack clutching her body when he finally found them. But seeing Zack sitting across from him looking depressed, his feelings at that moment were nothing compared to what Zack was experiencing.
Zack hung his head as he sat in the helicopter, his Mako eyes focused on the floor beneath him. He suddenly sees white and looks up to discover Kunsel offering him a tissue.
"You've got a cut," says Kunsel, wearing his SOLDIER helmet so Zack couldn't the redness in his eyes. "On your left cheek."
Zack stares at the tissue a bit before he finally accepts it. Holding onto it for a moment, Zack looks over to the window on his left to see that there was indeed a small vertical cut on his cheek in his reflection. He could feel a slight pain as he lays the soft fabric over the crimson wound. He must have received that cut while in the Ancient Forest earlier, but from what he wasn't sure. He didn't mind the mark becoming permanent, for it was the only memento he had to remind him of Zen.
He had left her horse-cutter sword behind in that clearing to mark the location of her passing. He didn't have the heart to move it from that area. More than likely, Zen wouldn't have wanted to have her sword taken back to her hometown, the place of her worst memories. It seemed more fitting to leave it in her favorite place in the world.
"Three times."
Kunsel tilts his head to the side slightly upon hearing that. "What?"
"She's saved my life three times since we met," clarifies Zack, looking down at the line of blood staining the white tissue. His hand shakes as he crumples the tissue into his fist. "She's saved me so many times and I couldn't even save her once."
"Zack…" Kunsel utters sadly.
"How can I call myself a member of SOLDIER," Zack grimaces as he shuts his eyes tight to keep the tears from falling. "When I can't even save a friend?"
Angeal could only look on grimly as he watched his protégé and Kunsel exit the helicopter without a third SOLDIER operative in their midst. He lets out a sigh and hopes that the news isn't too bad.
"Is Zen badly hurt?" wonders Angeal when Zack came up to him.
Zack could only look to his mentor sadly and immediately the First Class knew from the look in the young man's eyes. His heart sinks for the young SOLDIER member.
"I'm sorry for your loss," says Angeal.
"Yeah…" responds Zack.
Angeal could tell the young man was doing all he could to maintain his composure in his presence. He felt helpless not knowing what he could do to ease Zack's pain.
"Thanks… for the helicopter," adds Zack, trying to block out the sadness.
"It's no problem at all," replies Angeal. "You'll find that the Director is not as strict as you think he is."
Zack simply nods and continues past his mentor towards the SOLDIER floor. Kunsel appears next to Angeal and the two of them watch Zack walk off into the Shin-Ra headquarters. He looks to the First Class SOLDIER operative and wonders inwardly if he knew of what happened to Zen from Genesis.
It feels like Shin-Ra is keeping something from us, thought Kunsel. But what?
He looks up at the twilit sky overhead.
Zen… Why did you leave us so soon?
The lights came on automatically as Zack enters the SOLDIER training room. He walks over to a control panel and punches in the code for a particular simulation. Once done, he heads over to the sliding door that leads into the training area and steps in unhindered. Within minutes, the white technological walls, floors, and ceiling of the room gave way to a forest with trees reaching high into the sky. He immediately recognizes the place as the forests near Gongaga and gazes over the familiar shrubs and foliage that dotted the area.
A Gagighandi appears and swipes at Zack with one of its aqua green claws. The SOLDIER operative makes quick work of the monster with one swing of his sword. Another leaps out from behind a bush and a swift turn allows Zack's blade to cleave through that monster. Zack watches as both monsters' corpses fizzle away, a couple beads of sweat running down the side of his head. These monsters weren't what gave him a hard time; it was trying to take his mind off of what happened and acting that nothing bad happened that caused Zack to pant in exhaustion.
He suddenly hears footsteps behind him and turns to see none other than Zen herself.
Is it? he thought as relief hits him. He pauses though and closes his eyes. No, that's just Zen's data. She's not really here.
But the sight of her data standing before him was more than Zack could handle. He feels a fiery rage bubbling inside of him as he readies his sword. In the blink of an eye, he strikes and the Zen data blocks the attack as well as the real thing.
"Why?" he grimaces as he swings his sword at her again. "Why did you leave us? Why did you leave me?"
The Zen data counters back with a series of slashes, forcing Zack back to block her attacks.
"You said you'd always be there for me!" he yells out angrily, bringing his sword on the Zen data's head.
The data immediately blocks his sword with her own, a computer replica of Promise. The Zen data then slides back and readies her sword for another attack.
"But you're not here anymore," Zack sobs, falling to his knees and letting his sword fall. "Because it's my fault... I convinced you to join SOLDIER... You got hurt because of me… You died because of me… I should be the one who's sorry…"
He takes out his cell phone to cancel the simulation, but hesitates to confirm it. With his eyes welling up, he couldn't bring himself to press the button and drops the phone. As the phone hits the ground, it beeps quietly and in minutes, the Gongaga forest broke away into millions of pixels. Zack's tear-filled eyes looks on as the Zen data fades into nothingness.
Two weeks have passed since then and thus far the two of them have been holding themselves up in their respective quarters, although Kunsel has tried to contact Zack on a couple of occasions during that time to no avail. Angeal had requested for both Second Class SOLDIER operatives to have some time off from doing missions in order to help them get their bearings straight, so to speak. Loss was never easy to deal with, especially the loss of someone so near and dear as a best friend.
One day, Kunsel found himself at the door of his friend. He lifts a hand to knock on the sliding door, but hesitates. Would his presence remind Zack too much of their time with Zen? What could he possibly do in this situation to make things better?
Taking a deep breath, he lets his fist hit the door a few times before a beep sounds out and the thick metal plate slides to the side to let him in.
It was dark inside Zack's quarters, which instantly strikes Kunsel as unusual. His friend's place was always well lit during his waking hours—more importantly when visitors are over—as Zack wasn't considered very neat by any means. He smiles as he recalls their time living together as infantrymen and how Zen had smacked Zack around for leaving his dirty socks on the floor the first few days.
Zen…
The thought of her not being around anymore saddens him, but at the same time he feels a renewed strength knowing that she would always be remembered.
As Kunsel walks farther into the suite, a strange scent hits his nose and he struggles to identify what it was.
That smell… is it… alcohol…?
His toe suddenly hits something on the ground, the sound of softly rolling glass ringing immediately. He began to feel nervous about what lay hidden in the darkness.
"Zack?" Kunsel calls out as his hand slides along the wall, blindly seeking the light switch. "Zack, are you in here?"
He hears a groan in response and quickens his search for the light switch. Upon feeling a slight plastic protrusion after a few minutes, Kunsel hastily presses the button and his eyes widen in shock as the resulting light illuminated the sight before him.
Lying in bed and still in his sleepwear consisting of a pair of pants and a loose t-shirt, Zack's Mako eyes peer out in irritation from the surface of his overly used off-white pillow. His spiky hair was sticking out all sorts of ways like a messy pincushion covered in needles. His navy blue blanket was just barely hanging onto the bed, having been kicked out all over the place in fits of frustration. To put it shortly, he was a complete mess.
But the mess was something Kunsel was used to. What he was more shocked about was the empty beer bottles scattered all over the floor. Zack wasn't much of a drinker, usually downing one or two bottles every once in a blue moon. But the amount that Kunsel saw implied Zack probably had a whole dozen to himself in one sitting. How long has he been doing this?
"Zack… Have you been drinking?" he asks his friend.
Zack responds with an apathetic belch and turns away.
This was not good. Not good at all. Kunsel brings a hand to his face and pinches the bridge of his nose as he closes his eyes. He knew things were bad but he never expected things to take this turn for the worse. He had never seen his friend become this pitiful and it hurt him to see him this way. He should've been more aggressive with trying to get into contact with Zack sooner and feels guilty for not doing so.
"C'mon, Zack. Get up and get changed. We're going to the training room," Kunsel says determinedly. Zen and him were always watching out for Zack and he feels he should shoulder the duty now that she was gone.
"What's the point?" mumbles Zack, digging his face into his pillow.
"What's… the point…?" Kunsel repeats in surprise. "What do you mean 'what's the point'? It's your dream to become a First Class, is it not?"
"… no use…" Zack mumbles some more.
"Why is it no use? Are you saying you can't become a First Class without both of us around?" continues Kunsel, referring to both him and Zen.
The silence that followed only served to anger the brunette even farther. In a fit of fury, he grabs Zack by his t-shirt, pulling him completely out of his own bed and slamming the young man into the wall.
"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard coming from you of all people!" Kunsel yells out angrily, Mako eyes blazing. "You encounter one setback and you give up? What would Zen think?"
"… Zen's… dead…" says Zack, the pain very visible in his face.
"So what?" Kunsel nearly screams. He hangs his head in frustration as his grip tightens on Zack's t-shirt. "So what if she isn't around to punch some sense into you anymore? Are you that useless without us? Without her?"
He looks up to see tears welling up in Zack's eyes.
"It's my fault she's dead," Zack grimaces. He slides down to the floor as Kunsel releases his hold on him. "She wanted to join SOLDIER because of me. If she had remained part of Shin-Ra's infantry, she'd still be alive."
As his words sink in, Kunsel finally realizes what has caused Zack to go down the road of pathetic alcoholic so easily. Quietly, he goes down on one knee and looks Zack straight in the eyes.
"Is that what you truly believe?" he asks him.
Zack didn't answer. He was already drowning himself in his tears once again, his face still red and puffy from a previous downpour.
"Zack," began Kunsel more calmly. "Zen would've gotten into SOLDIER with or without you. We both know she's that capable."
He lays a hand on Zack's shoulder.
"Everything she did, she did because she wanted to see you achieve your dream," he continues. "You gave her a little brother, so she wanted to give you a First Class rank. She wanted to do whatever it took to help you get there, because you gave her the one thing she lost a long time ago."
Zack looks at the Second Class SOLDIER with confusion.
"Hope, Zack," says Kunsel. "You took away her guilt and gave her hope. So don't feel bad. She died in peace."
At that very moment, a huge wave of relief overtakes Zack. The heavy feeling of sorrow and guilt that he had been feeling 24/7 for the past two weeks was replaced with an overwhelmingly peaceful reprieve. It was as if his eyes, which have been closed for so long, were finally opened to the light. As hard as it was to accept that Zen was no longer a physical part of his life, not having her around anymore gave him the true push he needed to really progress towards his dream.
Time to get up, Porcupine.
Standing up again, Kunsel holds out one hand to Zack.
"C'mon," he says. "Let's go."
Wiping the remaining tears from his eyes with one arm, Zack grabs Kunsel's hand.
"Yeah," he responds with a smile.
A/N: The best thing someone could get from loss is peace. Guilt, revenge, and anger only serves to keep time from healing the wound left behind by a loved one. It's amazing how many people choose to refuse peace.