Title: It's All Your Fault
Author: Trance-Faith
Rating: M – suicide and suicidal tendencies.
Pairing: Callie/Arizona
Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's. All characters in this story sadly do not belong to me; they're simply being borrowed for a little while, and then will be returned. This story was not written for profit and no copyright infringements are intended. Also the song words used in this fanfic are Paramore's "emergency" and Pink's "It's all your fault".
Author's Note 1: In terms of Grey's storyline – this is set after their break up, in 7x07.
Author's Note 2: For the purpose of this fanfic the events of 6x10 happened before 6x08.
Author's Note 3: Not that happy with this chapter, but it will do.
Beta: No beta was used while I wrote this, so all spelling and grammar mistakes are my own.
Reviews: Are much wanted please!
"Because you were perfect, but I'm running out of air and it's not fair" - It's all your fault by P!nk.
Callie's POV
Being alone was one of the worst feelings in the world, and it was something that Callie Torres could relate to oh so well. Sitting on the outskirts of Joe's, sucking on a straw drawing in some dark liquid that made her mouth tingle, Callie realised there was one more thing that felt worst than being alone. Knowing that one person you want to be with, is alone and hurting, and won't let you do anything about it.
Her shift had ended an hour ago, meaning that Arizona had left the hour before that. Penny's lab work suggested she'd need to stay in a few more days before she could be released. Meaning that for at least some time across the next few days Arizona would have to be in the same room as Callie and she couldn't run. Callie understood why she was being avoided. She'd slept with Mark, but it hadn't been to hurt the blonde or to get back at her for leaving. Callie honestly believed she wouldn't see the blonde again, or if she did it would have been at least three years down the line. Her night with Mark had been about trying to forget the PEDs surgeon, to try and just get her out of her head just for a little while. Her drunken state had made her believe that sleeping with him was the only way to do that, however she hadn't been drunk enough. She couldn't block out that the hands that had roamed over her were stronger, rougher, and firmer than the delicate ones she had gotten used to. She couldn't forget that the chest that had been pushing itself against her own was flat and hard, and not the soft flesh she craved. The worst of it came just at the moment, the moment that she should have been able to let the world fall away, and she looked up and it wasn't her dazzling blue eyes looking back at her. She'd faked it. She owed Mark that much, it hadn't been his fault, he had been suffering from this own problems. Instead of getting the Arizona patch she had hoped for, the quick fumble just made her sad. Made her miss the blonde even more.
As if on cue the short haired blonde who'd interrupted their time in the locker room came strutting in, quickly followed by the brunette who was linking arms with Arizona herself. The women had been right, Arizona would be drop dead gorgeous. Not that she didn't usually, but tonight as the trio walked the small distance to bar, Arizona seemed to glow. All three women were wearing different shades of blue tops; Arizona's and brunette's were perhaps slightly lower cut. While the brunette was wearing tight dark jeans, the blonde a short black skirt, and Arizona had gone for black trousers. All three women seemed to walk with a slight sway of their hips, that went tantalisingly well with the music beat that was being played from the other side of the room.
Arizona's hair was in slight curls, which moved and bounced as she talked to her friends, all the time the tall brunette stayed just a little too close for comfort. Callie knew she was being ridiculous and the jealous feeling that was churning her stomach, was unfair and unjust to both of them. Callie didn't even know if brunette was in fact Joanne, she could be this Nikki woman whoever that was. All they were doing was talking and laughing while buying their drinks, only to settle on a table directly opposite the Latina but on the other side of the room. Occasionally Joanne and Nikki would while holding their bottles of whatever they were drinking like a microphone, sing along to whichever track was playing at the time. Both women had giggled their way through the original version of "It's raining men", and even Callie couldn't repress a chuckle when the PEDs surgeon had given in to her friends' endless encouragement and had sung the final verse.
"Stop staring", drew Callie out of her staring competition with the opposite table, despite the fact that the three women occupying it hadn't realised they were being watched. "No" came Callie's reply, but she did anyway and saw Mark standing there, about to sit down. "Where's Lexie?" Callie asked, considering he was alone and they had said they'd come together. "She was…" Mark started to answer as he looked around for his lost girlfriend. Both Callie and Mark it seemed to see her at the same time, in the moments it had taken her to look away, Lexie had appeared at Arizona's side. "When did this happen?" Mark said sounding quite annoyed. Callie couldn't help but shoot him a raised eyebrow. She was glad the blonde had someone to talk to, even if it wasn't her.
"So who are the chicks?" Mark threw at her. Sighing a lot more deeply than she had meant to Callie answered, "Joanne and Nikki". Mark gave her a vague confused look as if expecting more an explanation. "No idea who Nikki is. But Joanne…Joanne is Arizona ex", Callie explained deciding to ignore the straw in her drink and took a big gulp. Mark pulled an interested face, before turning complete around in his chair, deciding it seemed to neglect the stealth approach to stalking the four women. "Do we know which one?" Mark asked. Knocking back the rest of her drink before answering she said, "Given my luck, she's the brunette. Considering Arizona's taste in women, she's the brunette". "She is…pleasant on the eyes", Mark drawled causing Callie to kick him hard under the table. "Owww! What? She is, you can't deny it Torres. She's hot", Mark defended. "Okay, one, you are in a relationship", and it seemed the woman who Mark was in a relationship with was now shaking hands with the hot brunette. "Two, you are meant to be my friend, and tell me how ugly she is, and how I'm way better than she is", Callie rambled. Mark shot her an amused look. Choosing to ignore the comment Mark said, "No one has types". The brown eyes were rolled before continuing, "Yes they do. Even a man whore like you, who would screw anything that moves, has a type". He looked slightly offended at this, "Reformed man whore thank you, And I don't have a type". "You so do. Lexie, Derek's sister, Reed, me", Callie's voice went several notches higher than usual. "None of you are remotely similar", Mark shot back still staring at the four women, now Lexie was sitting after being introduced to the group. "Oh yeh dark hair, brown eyes, we are not "remotely" similar", Callie mocked slightly. This time Mark did turn to glare, "Fine. What about Teddy and Addison?" Callie shook her head slightly, "Fine. But I am right, we all have types, and busty brunette over there is Arizona's".
She felt sick she actually felt sick. The idea of someone touching Arizona that wasn't her was repulsive. The duo watched as the short hair blonde came back from the bar balancing a tray of more drinks than was needed for the four women drinking them. The new brunette picked up a short glass that had either blue or green liquid in from where she sat she couldn't see. After inspecting the small glass in the light the woman brought the drink to her lips and drank. Maybe a mouthful, if that disappeared before the dark haired woman grimaced putting the glass down and pushing it has far away of possible from her. The other three women laughed at her reaction, each taking it in turns to drink the beverage, each having the same reaction. It seemed Lexie being the last to try didn't dislike it as much as the rest so they gave it to her because when Lexie stood to make her away cross to their table she was still nursing it.
"Hot women buying you drinks should I be jealous?" Mark said in greeting. "Hmmm I have just effectively kissed all three of them", Lexie said gesturing to the tumbler clutched in her hand. Mark made some incoherent noise, causing the younger woman to grin. Shaking his head slightly, Mark almost barked, "Right spill". The newcomer to their table look taken aback, as she took the remaining seat the small table. "Erm…" came the only response. "Robbins' friends. We know about her ex girlfriend, tell us more", Mark demanded. Lexie look a sip of the liquid Callie now saw was green, slightly neon green, before answering, "I don't know much. They're sisters, Joanne and Nikki that is. Obviously Joanne was Arizona girlfriend." Lexie made a confused face. There was something, something small that flickered across the young brunette's face. There something she knew, and wasn't saying, and that bothered her than she'd like to admit. "Do we know which is which?" Mark probed again. Lexie's eyes widened slightly, before looking over at the other table which now was only occupied by Arizona, as the other two were now dancing on the make shift dance floor. "I want to say Nikki is the blonde, Joanne is other one. I think. They look so alike up close" Lexie said slightly apologetically. Callie shot Mark a knowing look, one that clearly said "I told you so".
"Oh!" Lexie half spluttered on her radioactive looking drink. "Arizona said your dad rang her earlier", she continued wiping the spilt drink from her chin. Dread flooded every inch of her body. She hadn't told him about her suicide attempt, and hadn't even told him about Arizona leaving. She had told him that they were leaving for Africa, and when he rang to check how the flight had gone she had been honest enough to say she hadn't gotten on. The few phone calls after the first it became apparent that Carlos had misunderstood, and assumed Arizona hadn't gone either. The Latina didn't have it in her to correct him. She had spoken to him once since that night in the hotel room and much to her credit she hadn't been lying when she said she couldn't speak because she'd been paged in for an emergency. She however had been thankful for the excuse. "Why? Why did he ring her?" Callie asked trying her hardest to remain calm. Knocking back the last inch of her drink, Lexie said, "Just to check you were okay. She said, that he said, you'd been distant recently, and knew you wouldn't tell him what was wrong if he asked. So she said she'd get you to ring him". Lexie's words had come out at bit of a panicked rush, as if saying it quicker would make it easier to hear. So Arizona now knew that her father didn't know they'd broken up. "Oh god", Callie groaned. "She didn't tell him", Lexie offered causing Callie's heart to jump. "About Africa and you…." Lexie trailed off. Callie nodded slightly, trying her hardest to not let herself be upset. She was thankful to the blonde for not telling her dad about her stupid attempt to end her own life. She believed at some point she might have to tell him, but didn't know how to. Even under normal circumstances telling your father you had trying to kill yourself was hard, considering their faith, it would be even harder.
Glancing over at the isolated blonde she saw she was on her phone, her face lit up from the cell's screen. Even in that harsh light Arizona looked beautiful. Lexie shuffled in her seat, and smiled at Callie. Slightly confused, she looked over at Mark who looked quite awkward. Glancing back at Lexie she saw the other woman slowly slipping her cell from her pocket, and realised that Arizona had just texted her from across the room. Sighing slightly, she went to take another drink, only to notice she'd already finished it. "How are we at the end of the second week of the year already?" Lexie drawled putting her cell on the table, where it took several moments for the backlight to go out. Callie was unsure if either Mark or herself were meant to answer this small talk question, so she just let it slide. "I mean how can it be the fourteen of January already?" Lexie continued. The realisation hit so hard it nearly winded her, and she saw Lexie's light up and her reaction. That was what Lexie knew. "Oh shit", the Latina swore. Mark just looked even more confused, "What?"
Today was Arizona's birthday. Her third birthday since moving to Seattle, that was why Joanne and Nikki were here. "Damn it! How could I forgotten?" she asked Lexie, who simply smiled half heartily back. Mark made a weird hand gesture before saying, "What did I miss?" It was Lexie who answered the question, "Today is Arizona's birthday". He gave a small nod of understanding. Lexie's phone lit up again, to which the owner looked slightly embarrassed before picking it. Looking over at Arizona she saw the blonde was watching her friends making total fools of themselves, with a grin plastered on her face. "Be back in second", Lexie said going to move, but was halted by Callie. "Wait. Can you buy her a drink from me? Don't tell her it's from me, she wouldn't accept it", the raven said, pulling out money from her purse before placing it in the other woman's hand.
Lexie walked up to Arizona, assumedly to tell her she was buying a drink and walked passed her. Occasionally throughout the night Callie would catch the blonde's eye, and there'd be this spark that would fly between them, and more then once it had been the other women at Arizona's table that would drag her attention away. Lexie returned the table with what looked like a glass of white wine and a coke, which she guessed had some spirit in too.
The two women were talking animatedly, heads bowed, seemingly oblivious to her watching eye. A few times Mark tried to engage her in conversation, but after getting very little in return he had stopped trying. Eventually Lexie stood up when the two dancing women returned to the table, the brunette now named "Joanne" took a swig from Arizona wine before both women said something to Lexie. Lexie walked the small distances between the tables barely making it to the table to pick up her discarded coat. "Sorry I've got to go", the woman apologised before placing a kiss on Mark's lips and leaving only looking back at Callie, with a sad smile. "She isn't on call is she?" Mark asked. "No she isn't", Callie gave back, just as confused as ever.
Getting tired of the amount of times she had tried to drink from her empty glass, each time forgetting she had already drained it, she went to get another. Somehow as she had weaved amongst the small number of people who had been attracted to the small patch of the floor was now being used as a dance floor, she ended up stood beside a tall man, who was next to Arizona and her blonde friend. The Tall man was rounding off drinks, but she heard the two blonde's talking, "Oh come on it's the oldest remedy in the book. You get scorned, you feel crappy, and you climb in bed with someone else", rushed the slight Californian accent of the unfamiliar blonde. "It works. Best way to get over someone is to under someone else, seriously you should try it", the blonde continued. It took all her willpower to remain standing up right, and not either go crashing to the floor or rush at the new blonde. She was encouraging Arizona to sleep with someone else. She knew she had slept with Mark, and how bad that was, but she couldn't cope with that image. She was starting to realise why Arizona had been avoiding her all week. "Usual?" Joe shot at her, and all she could do was nod.
On receiving her drink, Callie was walked blindly back to the table where Mark sat, looking rather bored. She felt faint, she literally felt like she was going to pass out. "You okay? You look terrible", Mark asked, looking genuinely concerned. She gave a small nod, because she was sure if she opened her mouth to answer, she would end up seeing her lunch again. Clutching her new drink as if her life depended on it she looked back over to the blonde's table to see the spiky haired woman, "Nikki" now occupying the table alone. Scanning the room she saw Arizona and tall woman dancing fairly close to one other. The beat wasn't slow enough that it would be slow danced to, but like wise wasn't fast enough you could just freak out to either.
"I'm losing her Mark", Callie whispered just loud enough to the man next to her could hear. The sad eyes that fell on her made her feel even worse, worse even still than the hand that reached for her own, which she pulled away. "I'm fighting so hard, just to keep going. I know that's not what you want to hear, but I need her. I need her to be able to breathe, to function. I need her to survive, and she's not… she not "ready" yet. I know we both did things wrong, before and after Africa, but I love her Mark. So much and I want to keep fighting…" the finished realising as she spoke that a lone tear fell.
"Then keep fighting. Make sure she knows she came back for a reason", Mark soothed. Never would she have though Mark could "sooth" anything, and yet the guy not many people saw was sitting next to her, her best friend. "I'm still so mad at her leaving. She just left, she made the decision, and she left. I miss her. When you came in earlier, she'd been crying. I don't know why she wouldn't tell me, but she let me hold her. I held her in arms, something I never thought I would get to do again. I held her. She said she wasn't ready to talk", Callie continued as she saw over Mark's shoulder Arizona and the brunette dancing together and laughing. Some slow song made its appearance, and rather than clearing the dance floor the two women in question embraced each other and started to sway to the music. It wasn't the traditional slow dance position, and looked much more relaxed than one, but it still made Callie's blood boil and flesh creep. Worse was to come as the taller woman, despite the fact the duo couldn't hear her over the music started to sing the words of the song. Arizona's head got thrown back in a laugh drowned by the music, followed by a slight shake of the head.
By the hand Arizona dragged the brunette off the dance floor, weaving in and out of the people surrounding them. The blonde who had been watching from the table made some remark which earned her a swat on the arm from Arizona. Callie had lost count of the amount of drinks Arizona had consumed in the two maybe three hours they had been there, but whatever number it was, was soon drained and joined the graveyard of empty glasses that accumulated on the table top. She watched as Arizona and blonde stumbled slightly around the table, while the brunette stood with grace that did not match with the amount of alcohol she had seen her drink. The spiky haired blonde linked arms with Arizona, while the brunette took a hold of the other hand, and was guided drunkenly towards the exit.
Turning her head slightly she noticed Mark had just witnessed the same scene, and saw the look of pity he offered her. "Tomorrow, when you are both sober, sit down and talk. Try and get her to talk. Let her see, regardless she is the one you want", Marked gave. Almost as if being reminded of the alcohol in her system, she felt it's effects, she had only had three, which by the look of things Arizona had had quite a bit more. "She's living in our apartment. Our old apartment, she's living there", Callie said wondering if she actually made any sense at all. "Yeah, I know", sounded his reply as he drained the last of his beer. To say she was shocked was understatement. "What? What do you mean you know", she warned, her voice slightly more shrill than usual. "Mr Mitchison told me last week", he said looking slightly worried she might explode. Mr Mitchison, the landlord had told Mark, but not her. "You didn't think to tell me because?" she asked, actually quite hurt that he hadn't told her. Lexie she could understand, and was even thankful Arizona had someone that could in fact keep secrets for her. "With Lexie bringing your stuff over not saying anything and making things up I didn't think you were meant to know", he said sheepishly. She stared in disbelief. "I'm sorry okay, I was trying to be helpful. Plus I would like to stay a man for along as possible. Which is only possible if I don't piss off that perky woman of yours", he defended. She wished more than anything, that Arizona Robbins was hers to claim.
It seemed the lack of food and any alcohol in her system was having an effect on her because Callie Torres nearly walked into the elevator door when they returned to their apartment building. Slightly annoyed that the doors hadn't opened, she slapped on with the palm of her hand, which made it open. Grinning at her success she turned to Mark who was stood pointing at the elevator button he had clearly just pressed. Glaring at him she entered the lift and they rose to the fifth floor. There was the door she was so desperate to walk through, and wondered for a moment if the door in question would be locked if she tried to open it. She made a move towards the door, but was body blocked by Mark. "In the morning when sober. She starts late, as do you. You'll say or do something you regret if you do it now. Wait. You know what she's like when she's drunk", Mark said with a slight wince. Callie knew he was referring to the several times Arizona had seemingly forgotten her promise of remaining nice towards the man, and had shouted at him, telling him a lot of the negative thoughts she had towards him. However what came into Callie's mind was the extremely hot jealousy and possessiveness that had followed. A shiver ran the length of Callie's spine, causing Mark to roll his eyes, and push her backwards into his own apartment. "Just wait and she'll come around. And stop thinking dirty thoughts Torres", he smirked.
Leaving her alone with her thoughts, Mark had gone to bed soon after their return. It seemed Lexie was already asleep, and Callie was stuck on the couch again. It was the nerves that kept Callie awake for several hours after her interaction with Mark, to make matters worse she felt as the alcohol in her system died down, and lost any power it had had over her. What she was going to say or do in the morning she didn't know. She expected yelling and crying and maybe things been thrown, but nothing she was expecting happened these days. When she did finally managed to make it sleep, she had a dream of Arizona being kissed by the tall brunette, while the blonde encouraged her to forget all about "that suicidal chick". Just as the kissing couple were going to take anything to the next level Callie had woken with a start. She realised she managed to fall face first of the couch, and land on the carpet. "Ouch", was the only thing she could say, even this was muffled by the aforementioned carpet.
It was just after eight o'clock, and she realised because their coats and Lexie's purse which had been sitting on the coffee table was gone, that they had already left for work. Dragging herself into the bathroom she made herself presentable with new clothes that didn't smell of Joe's (she had just slept in her clothes from the night before). Running the expected brushes over her hair and teeth, she decided she looked good enough to try and get the love of her life back. Leaving her adopted apartment she took a deep breath and decided to bite the bullet, raising a hand and knocked three times. She heard movements from inside, and also heard a "crap" muffled by the door. As the door opened, Callie saw the brunette from the day before. Only this time she had soaking wet hair, and was wearing the black silk bathrobe Callie had gotten Arizona for her last birthday. She was wearing nothing else, but the black silk bathrobe.