Here is another look at Edward mind and family, this is always a bit more difficult to write, please let me know what you thought.
Chapter 6 - EPOV
The alarm clock rang, and brought me back to reality. I was alone in my bed once again, but the difference this time, was that I knew exactly who I wanted to be here with me, sharing my bed, sharing my live.
I stayed awake last night for a long time, remembering all that had happened that day; I had this amazing day, with an amazing girl.
I was so lost about the right thing to do, if I put aside all the things I was feeling and evaluated the situation in a cold, professional matter, I would have decided to move, or to transfer to another school. That would be the wisest thing to do, but I could not deny what I was feeling, it was too intense, too strong to just ignore.
I'd always been rational, analyzing everything before I made any decision, but what happened yesterday was impulsive, and unstoppable. After my family left a just look at her, and something snapped inside of me, I felt this urge to touch her to be close to her, and for the first time in my life, my mind was not the one in of control my body, it kind of acted on its own, and before I knew it I was pining her against my car, holding her, I almost kissed her…it took all my strength not to lose myself in her lips.
What I allowed to happen yesterday was enough to destroy my career as a teacher and maybe even more than that, she was seventeen, I would be considered like a pedophile, the thought of that made my stomach turn in repulse.
No one would ever understand the feelings I had, they were pure and beautiful, but all people would see was a twenty-three year old man, taking advantage of a seventeen year old. Was that what I was doing? Had I become that kind of man? I refused to believe that.
Was true love bound by age? Would the rules and norms of the 21st century society prevent this love to flourish? Was it really love, what I was feeling? Was she feeling the same? Or was she just like all the other teenage girls, looking for a good time with an older man?
I was lost…I had no idea what to think…but this girl, made me forget logic, made me forget my age, my position... when I was with her, none of that existed, I was just a man and she was just a young woman. If we had been born two centuries ago, a relationship like ours would be considered normal; she would be looking for a husband and our age difference would have no importance.
I had no idea what I should do, but I was beginning to feel that I was running out of options, because letting her go was not an option I was ready to live with.
How could I give up someone who seemed to complete me in so many ways, someone I could see myself grow old with. She was so different from all the women I had met or dated, she didn't seem to care about the fact that I was gifted; she didn't feel intimidated by it.
We could talk just about everything; it was surprising the coherence and depth in her thoughts. Most of the times, the women I had dated were so hollow, their priority was their looks, and their clothes and their hair, their career. I had a difficult time keeping a conversation with them, they were so boring, but Bella…Bella was different. We had talked for hours yesterday and the topics of our conversation never seem to dissipate, on the contrary it would flow naturally, like we had known each other all of our lifes. It was home, yes, that was the word, she felt like been home, that I belonged there, with her.
The door bell rang, and pulled me out of my thoughts, I wonder who could that be? I wasn't expecting anyone. I grabbed my jeans and quickly put them on, went downs stairs and to my surprise saw Alice's image on the intercom. This was not good…I opened the door for her and for the look on her face, this was worse than I thought.
"Ok, just spit it out, Edward."-She walked in and put down her purse, turned to me with her hands on her waist and her foot taping the floor. She had no makeup on, her hair was a mess, and she was wearing jeans and a t-shirt. This was bad…
"Good morning sis, what brings you here so early?"
"You know why I'm here; don't even try to hide it. Look at me! I look like a homeless person; this is what you are doing to me."- I had to laugh, my sister was such a drama queen.-"You think this is funny, I hardly slept last night."
"What do you want me to tell you, Alice? I have no idea what you are talking about."- I tried my best to be casual, but my sister knew me well.
"Oh. Come on Edward, you know me better than that. In fact I know YOU better than that. So let's not waste our time, and just tell me what you are thinking? She's seventeen? Do you have any idea the kind of trouble you can get yourself into?"-It would always surprise me how Alice could see through me, she read me like an open book, and sometimes I wonder if she didn't have some kind supernatural power.
"Alice, I…"-she just gave me that «don't you dare» look, and I knew I had lost, there was no away she would let this go. Maybe this would be a good thing, I really needed someone's advice.-"I think I might be in love with her, Alice…I had never met anyone like her, she is so interesting, and you should just hear her talk…she is so amazing. And the way she makes me feel, it's like nothing else matters, I lose perspective and logic; I can't even think clearly…I've never felt like this, before. I know this is wrong, I know the implications, believe that's all I think about, but I don't think I'm strong enough to just walk away, cause the thought of it makes me go insane, I'm so lost Alice…"-It felt so good just to say those things at loud, it was like a tone had been lifted off my shoulders. I looked at her, expecting to see the shock and censure in her eyes, but to my surprise she had the biggest smile and just ran to me and hugged me.
"Oh. Edward, I'm so happy for you…I can't believe it, you have finally found love."- What? Wasn't she supposed to tell that I was insane, that this was a mistake? That I should just run before it was too late?
"I have to say that I was expecting you to react in a different way."-She pulled away from me and grimaced.
"What did you expect? You know I'm a sucker for love…and you being in love is, so great. You have no idea how much we all wanted this for you…you deserve to be happy."
"Are you listening to yourself? First you remind me of the trouble I just put myself in, and now you think it is a good thing."
"That was before…I could tell that something was going on yesterday, I saw the way you looked at her, I can see this things. I spend most of the night turning in bed worrying, I just needed it to hear it from you, and considering what you said, you are gone bro, you 're way too deep to turn back now. All we need is a plan. Does she feel the same way?"
"What are you saying? That I should pursue this? I don't know? What would mom and dad think? What if someone finds out? Do you understand I could go to jail?"
"And I'm the drama queen? Listen, Edward I think that first you need to find out if what she feels about you is as strong as what you apparently feel about her. And then you both need to decide if what you have is worth fighting for. Witch in my opinion is, you just have to be discreet until school is over, and that's what three months…"
"Alice but she is seventeen!"- I interrupted her.
"So? You see that kind of thing every day with celebrities and people like that… but you'll need her parent's permission, if they agree to that, it will make things a lot easier and less messy."- Could she be right? Was there a slight possibility that this could work? I was afraid to allow myself to be hopeful.
"I don't know Alice; you make it sound so easy…"
"Don't fool yourself, there is nothing easy about this…you will have to be very patient and wise. And maybe you should let the family in on this…"
"No…" She put a hand over my mouth and continued:
"Edward if you are going to go through with this, you'll need all the support you can get."
No, no way, do you have any idea what Emmet is going to say? He will make fun of me for the rest of my live. And mom and dad, they'll probably think I'm gone crazy."
"So? Isn't she worth it?"
"Yes, I think so…"- She smile widely.
"If you open your heart to them like you did to me, they will all be as happy as I am. Mom will be euphoric, you have no idea how much she worries about you been alone."
"I don't know. I not even sure myself, what if she doesn't feel the same way? What if I'm just a crazy fantasy for her?"
"Do you really believe that? Edward, you know as well as I do, that you would not fall this hard and this fast for some like that. You've always been surrounded with futile girls and none of them touched your heart like this Bella has. She must be someone very special to win your heart."
"I know she is not like that. I just never felt this vulnerable before, if she is less than I think she is, she could destroy my life."
"That's one more reason you should tell our family, so that you are not alone. We will talk about this at lunch. Don't worry I'll be right there with you."- I knew she would, she would do anything for me.
"Thank you Alice, what would my life be without you?"
"A lot more boring and a lot less fashionable, that's for sure."
"Come here Shorty." – I held her tight, and for the first time in days, I felt at peace, well almost.-"Can you do me a favor and tell Jasper and Emmet about this? I don't think I can handle them, and mom and dad in the same day."
"It will be my pleasure…you know I love a good gossip."
"No, don't say it like that; make it sound a bit more beautiful."
"Don't worry, I'll tell it like a beautiful fairy tale."- She was extremely happy.-"I need to go, I need to go home and change and run to Emmet and Rosalie's, uh… this is so cool. Be sure to choose a nice an outfit to ware."- She kissed my cheek and ran out the door and with her, all my confidence when away. I couldn't believe I let her talk me into telling my family what I was feeling, this was so embarrassing, I remembered when Emmet told us about Rosalie, it was the most natural thing, nobody thought much about it. Why did it have to be so different for me? Was I really that different from Emmet? Was I really that lonely? Would my parents except this crazy and dangerous relationship out of relieve? Would they freak out?
I needed to get some air, I went upstairs and change into a t-shirt and sweat pants, and went for a run. I ran until I was out of breath.
I decided I would arrive at my parents earlier than usual so that I had time to talk to them before the others got there.
I arrived at my parents one hour before I was supposed to. Would that be enough? I parked in front of the house but was unable to move for a few minutes, I had never been so nervous to talk to my parents before. I wanted to believe that their love for me would out shadow all the confusion I put myself in, but right now I was paralyzed by fear. Alice's words echoed in my head, was she worth all of this? I had no doubt about that, maybe all I needed was a bit of encouragement, so I took my phone and pressed dial on Bella's number, I just needed to hear her voice for a little bit.
"Hey, dad!"- I had to smile…
"Hello, Bella, can we talk?"
"Yes, sir…the coast is clear."-She was trying to be funny.
"Did you sleep well?"
"No, not really…I had a lot to think about…I must say that I'm a bit surprised you called, I thought you might have emigrated by now."
"Why do you say that?"
"Well, I thought that once you really had time to think about what happened, you would realize the mistake you had made, and run as far from me as you possibly could."
"You really thought that?"
"Yes."
"Why?"
"I thought you would have come to your senses, and realized that I'm not worth the trouble."
"If you saw yourself the way I see you…you wouldn't say those things."
"How do you see me?"
"Worth everything."
"You must have really fried you brain, Mr. Cullen." – Why was it so hard for her see the real value she had?
"You're wrong…I have to go…I just wanted to hear your voice."- Silence…
"Oh, don't say things like that to me."
"Why? Can handle it?"-She laughed
"You are playing with fire, Mr. Cullen."
"I know, but you set my life on fire, so I'm getting used to it."-Silence…
"Hum…"
"You don't believe me."
"Maybe you can show me sometime."
"I'm afraid to…"
"Don't be…it's going to be ok."
"That all depends on what ok is for you."
"Just trust me…"
"I'll try."
"I really have to go now."
"Ok, bye."
"Bye."- By the away, I'm crazy in love with you, I'm so crazy that I'm about to face my family. I gather my new gained strength and walked out of the car.
I was greeted by my father:
"Hello son, good to see you."
"Good to see you too, dad."
"Come in, your mother is in the kitchen, she'll be happy you came early."- We walked to the kitchen in silence, but I could feel my father's eyes studying me.
"Hi, mom."-My mom was in front of the stove, wearing the "Best mom in the world" apron we had given her for her birthday. The food smelled delicious has always, she came and hugged me.
"Hello, my dear. You're early, is everything ok?- This was it. I took a deep breath and gather my thoughts, I had rehearsed all I wanted to say, but my mind was blank.
"Well, there's something a wanted to talk to you about."- My parents exchanged a quick look and then looked at me with interest and concern.
"Let's sit down."- My father said, we sat around the table, we usually used this table for all the important talks in our family, it had been like that since we were children. I could hear the sound of my heart pounding in my chest, I had never been this nervous in my life.-"It's ok, son, you know, you can tell us anything." – My father said in encouragement.
"Yes, we are always here for you."- My mom looked me in the eyes, her eyes filled with love. I cleared my throat…
"Well, the thing…is…that…I…I…"
"Are you in some kind of trouble?"- My father asked. Just get a grip Edward…
"Yes and no…You see…I met someone…"- My mother gasped…
"And why is that a problem?"- My father asked
"I'll get there…first I just want you to know that, I think I'm in love with her, I have never felt like this before. She is the most amazing girl I have ever met, she is interesting and funny, she fascinating. And she is not intimated by me, we're actually capable of keeping a conversation going for hours."- My mother was smiling, and tears filed her eyes.
"Oh, Edward…I'm so happy for you…"
"Wait, you might not feel that way after what I'm about to say." – They exchanged another look, a longer one this time.
"Is she married?"- My father asked and I had to laugh.
"No, she's not."
"I don't understand."
"This is very hard for me to say, I'm afraid of what your reaction is going to be, but whatever it is, it won't change anything. I'm not letting her go. So just keep an open mind."- They were panicking by now.
"Who is she? Where did you meet her?" – My mother asked.
"I met her at school."
"Is she a teacher there?"
"No…"- Silence…
"Edward!"- My father's face showed that he had just realized the truth.-"Are you insane? How old is she?"- My mom's mouth dropped.
"She is seventeen…"-My father opened his mouth to speak but in continued talking ignoring him.-"But to my defense, know that her mind is at least thirty. She so wise and thinks in the most profound away."
"Who cares how old her mind his, is the age on her ID that counts. Please tell me that you haven't touched this girl. Do you have any idea the kind of trouble you can get yourself into?" My father was shouting.
"No haven't touched her in the way you're thinking…and yes I have a prefect idea of the kind of trouble I can get myself into. Do you think I planned this? Do you think I wanted this? But what do you want me to do? I can't just let her go…I don't know how to explain this to you, it's like we're are bounded to each other, it's like something is connecting me to her, and believe I tried to push this away, but every time I tried, it felt like was amputating a part of my body, I could feel the physical pain of it. Don't think I haven't thought about this and its consequences, I haven't done anything else for the past week."
"A week? You know this girl for a week how can you be sure of anything in a week?"- My father was fuming with anger.
"I don't know but I just am."
"Does she feel the same way about you? Have you discussed this with her?"- My mother asked calmly, the love in her eyes was even more intense and that gave me the strength to go on.
"I think so, but I haven't really talked to her about it, it is a very sensitive matter."
"I'll say…I could expect something like this from Emmet, but from you Edward? I never thought…-"My father just closed his eyes, he was disappointed with me, I couldn't blame him.
"I never thought it either…you know I didn't have to come here and tell you this, I could have just decided what I wanted to do and act on it without your knowledge. But that's not who I am, you know me, I would not be talking to you if this was not important, I would not be here if I haven't thought this through. I still don't know what I should do…but I just know I can't ignore this. I believe, it will be worse if I try to deny this, seeing her every day and having around me, it might just push me to do something a lot worse…I don't know…I'm confuse…I need your help."-My mother got up and hugged me tightly; it felt so safe in her arms.
"I'm glad you came to us."-My father said more calm.-"I'm sorry I reacted like that, but you caught me by surprise, this is nothing like you."
"I know that…I really do that's why I'm freaking out."
"I need a moment, please excuse."- My father got up and left, I look at my mother and she was smiling.
"You can leave if you want to."
"Are you crazy, and let our lunch burn, I don't think so."- She smiled.-"Are you sure about this?"
"Honestly, no. When I'm away from her it easy to see things in the right perspective, but when I see her…my resolve just crumbles away."
"My Edward, in love…I thought that day would never come…"-She was happy for me.
"It doesn't bother you that…"
"If you heart has chosen her, who am I to go against it. I know you son, and I know that this girl must be really special to have made you fall in love like this."
"That's what Alice said."
"Alice knows?"
"It was her idea that I should tell the family what was going on."
"What does she think about it?"
"She thinks it is not a big deal that things like this happened a lot, that I should wait until the school year is over."
"I don't know…Does Emmet know?"
"Alice is probably telling them right now, I couldn't handle all of you."
"I'm sure Emmet is going to have a field day…"
"I know…"
"What's her name?"
"Isabella, but she likes to be called Bella, you know that means beautiful."
"I know, is she beautiful?"
"In the most unique way…she is so different from all the girls I have ever met."-She held my face in her hands.
"You are really serious about this?"
"Yes, I think I am…do you think dad will…"
"Don't worry about him; let him cool his head a little bit. You have to understand his reaction…"
"I do…"
"Why don't you go and find him, he must be in the garden."
"Thanks mom."
"All I want, is for you to be happy, I don't care if she is seventeen or seventy."
"I think I'll stick with seventeen."- We both laughed. I went to the garden, and saw my father pacing around the pool and talking to himself. He saw me approaching and stopped.
"Hey…"-Was all I could say, I knew how disappoint he was.
"Hello son, come sit with me."-We walked and seat down on a coach under the porch.-"Are you sure about this? Do you really know what you are getting yourself in?"
"Not totally, I'm new to all of this…but I do know I can't ignore it."
"This is definitely not what I wanted for you."
"And you think I did?"
"I know you didn't…you can lose your job, or even worse."
"I know."
"And what you feel is strong enough to endure something like that?"
"I think so."
"Does she feel the same or is she just looking for a goodtime?"
"I think she feels the same, but I haven't really talked to her about it, I don't want to scare her away."
"If something happens she will be the victim, so she has nothing to worry about, on the other hand you have a lot to lose."
"I know, but I really think that to ignore this could lead me to do things in a more inappropriate way."
"I see…so forgetting her is not an option?"
"No."
"Do you have a plan; you can't just start dating a student…"
"I'll think of something…"
"Is there anything I can say, that will change your mind?"
"No."
"Just take it slow, patience is a virtue."- The sound of victory filled me…I couldn't believe he was agreeing to this. I guess Alice was right as usual.
"Thanks dad."
"You know we just want you to be happy, I know it hasn't been easy for you since you were a child, I have to confess that sometimes I just wanted to you take away and protect you from everything. I know how hard it was for you to grow up faster than you brother and sister. We've always had conscience that you felt alone, and from what you said about this girl, she seems to make you feel complete, and that is important to me, more important than anything else. Seeing your eyes shine with happiness like that is worth everything. But, please promise that you will be careful, and discreet. You should probably wait until school is over or she turns eighteen."
"She only be eighteen in September, I don't think I can wait that long, without going crazy."
"Will I get to meet her? I'm very curious about her."
"Maybe sooner than you think; she might start working with Alice and Rosalie."
"How did that happened?"
"Well I kind of took her to lunch yesterday at that Italian restaurant we like."
"You took her to a public place?"
"Well I did thought about taking her to my house, but that might have sped thing a little bit more than it should."
"If you put it that way…next time just bring her here. It might be safer."
"I'll keep that in mind. So as I was saying, we were having lunch and Alice and Jasper just showed up and minutes after so did Emmet and Rosalie, so we just spend the afternoon together."
"Oh. I see…but do they know about the way you feel about this girl?"
"Alice figured it out by herself, and I'm sure she told Jasper about it, but I asked her to tell Emmet."
"That might have been a good idea. You know he is probably collecting jokes as we speak."
"I know…"
"So, and what is this girl's name? May I know?"
"Of course, her name is Bella, short for Isabella."
"That is a beautiful name, I'm sure she must me someone really special.
"She is…"
"You know I kind of always envied a bit your intelligence, everything was so easy for you, you could have chosen to be anything and you would have excelled in it. You have a brilliant mind, for anything you chose to follow, but love is not something you can rationalize, Edward. So, please be careful, go slowly."
"I will, don't worry, if it doesn't work out, I can always write a book on it, I'm sure it would be a success."- He smiled.
"Does she know about that…about your books?"
"No, haven't told her yet."
"That will be an interesting conversation…"- I had written three novels under an alias, they were all best sellers, but I was always a bit shy about telling people that I wrote them, not because I was ashamed of my work, but because fame usually brings along the vultures and the double faced friends, and that was something I didn't want in my life.
We kept talking but the conversation naturally moved away from Bella, and that was a relief. I asked my father about his new job, I knew how passionate he was about what he did, so I just listen to him talking until we were interrupted by Alice:
"Hey, there you are, lunch is ready."- She came closer to us and by the look in her face I knew that everything was calm. We've always had this special way of communicating without saying a word; it was almost like we could read each other's minds. I knew what she was trying to tell me without the necessity of speaking.
"Hello princess"- My father greeted her with a tight hug.-"how's the store coming?"
"It's crazy…but we are not going to talk about me today, right?"- I just rolled my eyes in response and my father sighed.-"I'm guessing your conversation went well?
"I think so…"- I answered, but my father was quiet and just started to walk inside to give us the privacy he knew we needed.-"How did it go with the others?"
"Better than I thought, you know, Emmet was not very surprised."
"He wasn't?"
"No, but he will tell you about it."
"There you are!"-Emmet interrupted us."You're not hiding for me are you, bro?"-I knew he wasn't going to let this go with torturing me.
"Emmet, leave Edward alone."
"I haven't said anything yet." He said faking an offended look."So, dating a student, that's hot. Why didn't I ever think of that?"-That was Emmet; you never knew how he would react to something.
"You're a man who likes real women, and not growing prospects."-Rosalie said as she approached us and put her arms around Emmet.
"That's for sure, beautiful."- And then they just got into one their usually passionate kisses.
"Could you just stop that…and remember those who are alone."-Emmet just laughed.
"Lunch is ready, come on in."- Jasper said from the kitchen door.
We had a wonderful lunch as family, we all spoke about my confusing situation and the opinions varied. Alice and my mom we thrilled with the thought of me being in love with someone. Jasper was enthusiastic about, considering this an excellent case of sociology study, Emmet thought first that it was very hot, but was happy about it and Rosalie thought it was a bit stupid and didn't understand the appeal of such a young girl. My father was concerned about the whole situation.
There were a few things they all agreed in, first that I should find out what Bella really felt about me, and second to have some kind of thoughtful plan on how to conduct myself around her and more importantly to be very careful and patient about the whole thing.
After I got home, all the advice and ideas they had given me were circling my mind, but I knew exactly what I wanted to do. So I just went and set in front of my piano and let all my emotion out into music.
Hope you liked this one... Let me know what you thought...