Title: It's All Your Fault
Author: Trance-Faith
Rating: M – suicide and suicidal tendencies.
Pairing: Callie/Arizona
Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's. All characters in this story sadly do not belong to me; they're simply being borrowed for a little while, and then will be returned. This story was not written for profit and no copyright infringements are intended. Also the song words used in this fanfic are Paramore's "emergency" and Pink's "It's all your fault".
Author's Note 1: In terms of Grey's storyline – this is set after their break up, in 7x07.
Author's Note 2: For the purpose of this fanfic the events of 6x10 happened before 6x08.
Author's Note 3: This was a hard chapter to write.
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Beta: No beta was used while I wrote this, so all spelling and grammar mistakes are my own.
Reviews: Are much wanted please!
"But it's really not your fault when no one cares to talk about it" – Emergency by Paramore
Arizona POV
She hadn't meant to break down, and certainly not in front of Callie. It was odd to think, and to realise the reason she had broken down, and so openly at the hospital was because Callie wasn't there to hold her together. It had been almost on cue of that thought that the raven beauty had landed right in front of her. She knew she just had to get through this day, tomorrow, this week and she'd be okay. She could believe if she closed her eyes tight, breathing in the woman who had held her that everything was okay, that everything was going to be okay. Then it had hit her, nothing was okay, though it didn't mean everything wouldn't be okay, right?
The intrusion of Joanne and Nikki certainly had been a surprise to say the least, she hadn't expected them to come and see her, considering they hadn't these last three years in Seattle. The last two hours of shift had been ordinary, except she could feel Callie watching her, as if she expected her to break down again. Arizona would have given anything to just through caution to the wind and take the plunge. Only everything was holding her back. She had been thankful that Mark only made one small appearance, checking on Penny's face, claiming she was making excellent progress. She had been concerned about Callie's schedule, as Lexie had only managed to relay Mark's. So she had known Mark wouldn't finish until two hours after her, but she had hoped she wouldn't have to go back to the apartment with Callie in tow. Rushing back to her apartment building she was greeted at the door by Joanne and Nikki both it seemed dressed for the evening, but fighting havoc with their own hair styles. Despite her telling them they were only going to the Emerald City Bar, the women said they wanted to look nice, and have a good night. The women it seemed had raided her wardrobe because laid on the sofa was her blue top, black dress pants and moderate black heels stood on the floor, waiting to be donned.
She felt her eyes on her the moment she had stepped into the slightly crowded bar. The brunette who was stood so close must have sensed her tension, because she linked arms with her tightly, and half frog marched her to the bar. As they waited for their drinks her blonde friend was busy updating her on her recent marriage, while she could feel the brunette standing inches away from her. She was thankful if nothing else for a shield between her and Callie, mainly because she was fight the urge to either scream at her for Mark, for her attempt to end her life, and taking her in her arms and holding her, just to remind herself, she was still alive. "We just fell apart. It had been happening for a while, and then I caught him in bed with his secretary", her spiky haired friend continued. "Ouch", was the only thing she could think to say. What did you say to that? That was one thing she was thankful for; there had been no "catching" with Callie and Mark, though since they hadn't been together at the time she doubted no one else would see it being the same thing.
"So I left him. Now happily divorced", she wiggled her naked left ring finger in her direction. "You're better off without him", breathed the woman from behind her. "I have to ask though, what's with the hair?" Arizona asked. She had only ever known this woman to have long blonde, almost golden hair, and now it was extremely short and rather edgy. She liked it, just in her opinion it didn't suit her, but she was prepared to believe it was because she had known her with long hair for so long. Receiving their drinks the trio weaved their way to an empty table as Nikki said, "to cut a man out of your life you have to cut your hair". Nikki's response didn't come with a smirk or even a flicker of amusement, which made the PEDs surgeon wonder if she was being serious. The blonde then shot her a grin, causing her to roll her eyes. "It looks nice. Not something I would go for personally, and I'm going to have to get used to it. Very Pink-ish", came Arizona response, causing both women to laugh. "Everyone seems to think I'm gay anyway, it's fine", the woman shot back, knocking back half of her drink in one.
Apart of her wished she hadn't succumbed to the pleas of her two friends to have a few drinks before they left the apartment. It seemed that Joanne and Nikki had gone to the near by liqueur store before going to the apartment, meaning that Arizona had had several shots of different spirits before she left. The few shots were already affecting her. For a large portion of the night, she could feel the Latina's eyes burning into her, and tried her best not to meet the glaze, and occasionally failed. She had been caught several times staring at Callie by both women at her table, and while they didn't comment on it, they did try and distract her when they could. She really wished she had looked around before Joanne had led them to this table, the table that was almost in perfect alignment with Callie's.
It seemed the alcohol in their systems was affecting both Joanne and Nikki too, as they both kept singing into their beer bottles like microphones. At various times both women tried to encourage the blonde to do the same by offering her their "microphone". She wasn't that drunk quite yet. The alcohol if anything was making her pensive and there were only two people who were swimming in and out of her brain and one of them just wouldn't stop staring. It was so hard to believe it had been three years since that birthday party, and the night that Arizona had bitten the bullet and declared her love for the woman she knew had stolen her heart months before. The woman she was sure, she would spend the rest of her life with. They'd only been together months, and yet everything they had endured, together and alone in that short space of time had only strengthened what she had already felt.
She was pulled out of her thoughts by Nikki howling along to the original version of "It's raining men". Seriously the woman couldn't sing for her life. As if sensing the blonde had come out of her pensive state, Joanne thrust the bottle she was holding right in Arizona face, and shouting, "Just sing damn it!". And she had; thankfully only the two other women sitting on her table could have heard her respectively okay voice sing, "It's Raining Men! Hallelujah! - It's Raining Men! Amen! It's Raining Men! Hallelujah! - It's Raining Men!" Nikki was actually crying with laughter, "There is still hope you for yet". She said with a wink, receiving a glare in return.
Seemingly out of nowhere Lexie appeared at their table. "Hey", the younger brunette greeted. Lexie when moved and placed something small on the table, looking down Arizona saw it was an envelope which had, "Arizona" written in small letters. "I know you don't like your birthday, and everything, but I do, so I got you a little card", Lexie rushed. She smiled, and wanted to cry at the same time. Considering how little they had had in common before, they were so similar now, and it slightly scared her how much she had opened up to her new friend. "Thank you", Arizona said in a small voice, putting the unopened card in her bag. Joanne let out a small cough, alerting the blonde surgeon to their presence. "Oh sorry. Joanne, Nikki this is Lexie Grey. Lexie this is Joanne and Nikki Parker", Arizona said trying to sound as formal as possible, pointing vaguely as she introduced each woman in turn. Only the older brunette stood slightly to shake hands with Lexie while the other woman gave a small wave followed by a "hey".
The Spiky haired woman stood walking back over to the bar to order more drinks. "How she doesn't die from liver failure is beyond me", the dark Californian sitting next to her said with a chuckle, causing both Arizona and Lexie to laugh along with her. "So Lexie spill. Got any deep and dark secrets?" the raven shot at her. Lexie's eyes widened in shock. "Leave her alone", Arizona warned amused. "Though I can tell you, she's seeing Mark Sloan", the blonde gave, finishing the last of her current drink as her friend returned with a tray of seven different sized glasses. "As in, Mark, Mark?" Nikki asked. "One in the same", Lexie responded looking a little uncomfortable. "This guy must be hot. Can I meet him?" said the woman she was unloaded the tray she had just had filled. Arizona could help the slight annoyance at the other blonde's remark but listened as brunette was inspecting one of the drink burst out laughing saying, "You've already met him. The guy we were talking to earlier. It even said on his badge". Lexie shifted slightly uncomfortable when she blonde smirked, "You're kidding! He was hot. Damn it". The woman who was now holding the odd looking green drink up to the light took a drink of it, before making a weird disgusted noise and pushing the glass to other side of the table, causing them all to laugh. "You can't have the hots for Mark Sloan. If you do we can't be friends anymore", Arizona trying to sound as serious as she could, as the blonde retrieved the small green filled glass, sniffing it before having a sip.
"What about me?" asked Lexie, actually looking slightly afraid of the answer. "You got in too deep before we became friends, so I just have to live with it", again she tried to look as serious as she could, until she saw Lexie's eye widen slightly in shock. She couldn't help the smile that broke out on her face, to which the other two women who it seemed had realised she was joking, burst out laughing. Nikki passed the short glass along to Arizona, expecting it seemed that she would be next to taste the foul drink, and being the idiot she was she did, and it felt like someone had set her tongue on fire. "Urgh!" Arizona managed to groan out pushing it along to Lexie, before stealing one of the unassigned drinks and downing half in one go. Lexie in turn just like the rest had stared into the depths of the almost glowing liquid, sniffed it, and took a sip. The drink didn't seem to have to same effect it had on the other three women because, Lexie took another sip. "That is disgusting!" Joanne said pointing at the offending object in Lexie's hand.
Lexie made a small satisfying hum that made both of Arizona's friends shiver slightly in disgust. "What about you two?" asked Lexie. "Obviously I know about you Nikki. Joanne how do you know Arizona?" she continued, sounding slightly nicer than the barked command she had received earlier over her own life story. Joanne grinned a little too evilly for her liking. "We used to go out, back in our hay day", she chuckled, receiving a glare from the blonde. "Wait…You two went out. Aren't you two sisters?" Lexie asked pointing from Joanne and Nikki. "Yeah, don't worry about it that happened years after me and Ari", Joanne continued with a slight smile on her face. Lexie nodded seeming to accept this information. "When you said you used to date, when was that?" Lexie said slightly timidly. Arizona then realised that Lexie, most probably would relate all this information back to Callie whose stare she could still feel vaguely. "Hmmm we went out for about year when we were about fifteen, and the hooked up again for a bit four years ago", came her ex's easy reply. "Our dad's served together so we've been friends all our lives, that didn't really change. Well for a bit after we broke up the first time", Joanne said giving Arizona an apologetic look. "Yeah it's because of her", Nikki pointed at Joanne. "I'm stuck with her for the rest of my life", she continued grinning as pointed at Arizona. "You know you love me", Arizona teased back. Joanne chuckled before saying, "You do know them two are still staring at us right". The blonde surgeon sighed slightly, yes she knew it, she knew because she could feel Callie's presence, and a part of her hated she couldn't block it out.
Lexie rose, still holding onto the neon green drink. "Better get back over to Mark", Lexie said giving Arizona a sad smile, before she made her way across the room Arizona stopped her. "Can you tell Callie her father rang me earlier? He's been trying to contact her, but he thinks she's been avoiding him", Arizona explained. It had been a difficult conversation to say the least, as it seemed Carlos didn't know they had broken up or that Callie had spent a week in the hospital after the night of her return. "Er…sure", Lexie said, again turning to leave. "Tell her I didn't tell him anything. I just said that I'd let her know he'd rang and she would call him back. I didn't think he should have heard it from me", the blonde's heart clenched. She had promised Carlos Torres that she would protect his daughter, and she hadn't. She had broken that promise, and had managed to lie to the man, convincing him that all was well. "Of course", Lexie said, giving her a look of complete understanding, before giving the blonde a small smile and walked the distance across the bar.
Arizona watched just over the blonde's shoulder who was sitting opposite her, Lexie's walk across the floor, seeing that both Callie's and Mark's attention was on the brunette alone. Almost at once the brunette was bombarded with what she assumed was questions about what had just taken place on the table she'd just left. Nikki tapped Arizona on the shoulder, before gesturing to the small patch of floor in which people had decided to dance. "We're just going to dance, you coming?", she said. The blonde surgeon shook her head before saying, "Maybe later when I've had more to drink". This caused both women to roll their eyes, before leaving her alone.
Her eyes drifting back over to the one table her gaze kept being drawn to she saw that Lexie and Callie were talking. However she surmised the conversation was not a good one, when Callie knocked back her drink, draining the contents in one. She then saw the act followed by the raven rubbing her temple with one hand, knowing despite the fact she fact she wouldn't hear it, Callie had just groaned. Grabbing her phone, she hoped that Lexie could be discreet, she sent the text, "I'm guessing you just told her about Mr Torres. She okay?" She had been surprised to see an unknown number flash up on her screen, and momentarily wondered if she should answer it. This though had been dashed when she remembered what had happened after she had ignored someone calling her for two months. She hadn't recognised the older man's voice, until he had said who he was. Dread had flooded her. However the man's nice tone had surprised her as he had explained he had spoken to her briefly a few times over the last few months, and he was concerned she was working too hard. He had said he knew there was something bothering Callie, but that he didn't think she would tell him, and then asked if the blonde could ask Callie to get her to see sense, and ring him as soon as she had time. Arizona had promise she would ensure his daughter knew he's rang, and she was sure Callie would return his call.
Lexie's reply had come back within minutes of hers being sent, Arizona was sure Callie would know what they were up to. "She seems okay. Shocked and surprised he rang. Looked relieved to know you hadn't told", read the small text. Of course she wouldn't have told him, she knew it wasn;t the same, but she had to tell parents on a regular basis that she'd been unable to save their child. How could tell Carlos she had been the reason his daughter had almost died? The familiar rush of guilt hit her square in the chest, causing her to have swallow the bile that had tinted her sense of taste. Pressing reply she sent the text she knew she might regret, but needed to send none the less, "At some point can you please come back over?" Watching two of her oldest friends dancing on the dance floor she saw a flicker of pain dance across one of their faces and resisted the verge to cry, making sure the smile that was plastered on her face, hiding her breaking point.
Lexie didn't even reply to her last text, but reppeared no questions asked a few minutes later, saying she was getting them drinks. Arizona couldn't but think how weird this was, because there was four drinks on their table, two were untouched. Though that said god only knows that was in them, and after the failed attempt at of the bright green one, she wasn't going to try the remaining ones. Glancing over to the table her friend has just left, she saw the soulful eyes staring back at her, and felt the usual rush of adrenaline flood her body. Lexie appeared next to her, clearing a small space amongst the discarded glasses and bottles placing down a glass of wine in front of her. Taking a drink she realised it was her favourite type of white wine, and hummed contently. "Don't tell her I said this", Lexie said taking a sip of her own drink. "That's from Callie…for your birthday", Lexie finished. She was pleasantly surprised, "Callie remembered" the blonde whispered. Lexie gave a small nod, shifting forward slightly.
Arizona took another sip from her glass, which seemed to taste even better knowing it from Callie, but a flood of sadness washed over her as she realised she hadn't bought it herself. "I miss her", said the blonde to no one in particular. Lexie nodded slightly, listening without interrupting. "Why did things have to change? I wish I hadn't gotten the grant. Things were going so well. I was going to propose", Arizona admitted to a wide eyed brunette. "Asked Carlos permission and everything. Then Africa happened. I couldn't make her go. I had decide between her happiness or hating me", continued, it seemed the alcohol was opening her up, and her captivated audience nodded empathically in all the right places. "I thought I was making the right decision, that she'd be happier here, but she wasn't. The pain I had tried to avoid, happened anyway", the blonde admitted sadly, knowing that she was crying softly. She didn't care, thankfully Lexie was blocking Callie from her view, and in turn blocking her from Callie. "I broke down earlier. Just today, this week has been so hard to deal with, and I broke down," she said softly, taking another sip before continuing. "She found me. Rather than shouting at me for leaving or ignoring her, rather than getting mad, she held me", Arizona's voice was getting softer and softer with each sentence as her fingers mindlessly played with the stem of her glass.
"She said we could talk when I was ready. The first week…I avoided her, I didn't know what to say or do. I thought I would make it worse because I was so annoyed at her, at myself for allowing any of this to happen. And furicous with Mark!" she spat, before giving Lexie an apologetic look which Lexie shook her head showing she understood. "I'm not even mad at him because they slept together", she let out a mirthless laugh. "Well no, I am. But I'm mad because he slept with her. Callie clearly wasn't in a good place, and rather than being a good friend and taking out for a drink, he took advantage", she gestured around the bar, trying to explain Mark should have done what her friends were doing tonight. "I know it takes two. Believe me I KNOW, it takes two", Arizona made a disgusted face as yet again an image of that night came into her head. The blonde also realised for the first time in the last three weeks, that her and Lexie were actually talking, well Arizona was drunkenly rambling, about Mark and Callie, in the same sentences.
"I should have been here, I should never have left." Arizona continued, fully aware of the alcohol that was pulsing through her system. "I forgot. I forgot to be worried about Mark. For so long I was worried about his…place in Callie's life, and then we got back together after we fought about kids, and he was amazing. It was the best friend, and I saw what Callie saw. I forgot to be worried," Arizona breathed. "I knew she was going to move on. I guessed I would come back three years down the line and she'd be married to this perfect person, with the 2.5 kids and white picket fence she always wanted. I didn't expect any of these. I didn't except after two months she'd moved on, and certainly not with him", Arizona's resolve broke, and she felt Lexie's hand grasp her own. "Sorry", the blonde laughed a humourless laugh, before wiping her face trying hardest not to smutch the remaining make up from her eyes. "Its okay, sounds like you need it", was Lexie's soothing reply. "I miss them", Arizona sobbed, causing the other woman to move closer around the table towards her.
"I know you do", Lexie soothed again, holding on tighter to her hand. As she allowed her tears to come and go, neither of the women said anything, occasionally looking across at the two women on the dance. Once the blonde had stopped crying completely she wiped her face again, before looking up and asking, "Presentable?" receiving a shift nod, she couldn't help but smile. Her cell lit up again, slightly surprised because the only person she'd been texting was sat in front of her. Seeing who it was she took a deep breath and read, "Just been called in. Any chance one of you can come back for Josh? X" Groaning so hard, it seemed to vibrate in her head, Arizona turned her phone round for Lexie to read, as the two formerly dancing duo returned to the table. The older of the two sisters took picked up Arizona's wine and drained it, grinning at the glare she received. Lexie gave her phone back saying, "I could go. I've only had that drink from earlier, this is just a Pepsi". Her glass was raised. "What?" came Nikki's reply. Arizona passed the two women her phone, Nikki read it over Joanne's shoulder. "Lexie you don't have to", Arizona reasoned with her new friend. "I know, but I want to", Lexie said with an air of "do not mess with me". Arizona couldn't help the smirk that crossed over her lips, "fine here". Arizona drove her hand into her pocket fishing out the key Lexie would need.
Without a glance back Lexie made a beeline for the table that sat Mark and Callie. "Thanks, Lex!" Nikki shouted after her, despite feeling slightly bad, Arizona knew like the other, she was glad their night didn't have to end yet. Sensing that once again she was being watched, and in consideration of her previous out burst Arizona choose to ignore the dark eyes boring into her. Her younger blonde friend, tugged on her arm, causing Arizona to jump. "Come on you're coming with me to get drinks", the blonde said in a no nonsense tone. Arizona gestured at the remaining glasses on the table, "What about these?" "I'll drink them later, when you and the BFG go and dance", she said with a grin at her sister. "Hey!" the brunette said, only amused rather than annoyed. It wasn't that she was that tall, she was no taller than Callie, it was just the younger sister was four inches smaller. Rolling her eyes she gave in, not wanting to stand in the middle of the siblings fighting.
They managed to get to the bar after weaving in and out of the people who had somehow multiplied in the time they had got there. They ended up standing next to a guy who must have been at least 6 foot 5 if he was an inch. Both women looked slightly wide eyed at the other, now he was a giant. She felt sorry for Joe as she rushed along trying to serve everyone, and eventually he got to the tall man beside them, who it seemed, was ordering for a table of about ten people. "How did you get over David", Arizona asked before she realised the words were out of her mouth. Her friend looked momentarily surprised, before pointing at the newly cut hair. "That and I was given the age old advice," she said with a smirk. Arizona knew she must have looked confused because, the smirk turned into a look of mock surprise, "Oh come on it's the oldest remedy in the book. You get scorned, you feel crappy, and you climb in bed with someone else. It works. Best way to get over someone is to under someone else, seriously you should try it". Her younger friend laughed at the face she pulled, "What you asked". The younger sister then turned rounding off the three women's drinks, which Joe got for them. "I'm not there yet. I don't think I'll be "there". She was it", Arizona said honestly.
As the blonde picked up two of the three drinks, gesturing that Arizona should pick up the third she said, "So this is an encouragement, everything will work itself out moment, not you can do better and should on one?" The PEDs surgeon smiled slightly, before nodding. "Okay" was the other woman's only response. On reaching the table, the woman they had left behind, grabbed Arizona's hand with a warning of, "You are dancing. You are dancing with me now". The blonde gave her friend a smile, before sighing and allowed herself to led to the small dancing space.
She knew some of the songs, and was thankful for beat she could move to. To start with she was a little awkward, which was something her dance partner mocked her for openly. As the songs changed she got more relaxed, this was mainly because the woman she was dancing with kept making weird dance moves up and making her laugh. The moves were so familiar to the ones her brother used to do when he was trying to cheer her up. She missed him, so much. On today, the day of her birthday she would give anything to be dancing with her big brother. She felt a hand take her own, looking up saw the same sadness reflect back at her, so gave a small smile back. "Missing people you love, sucks", Arizona said loud enough that the woman dancing so close to her could hear. The sad smile that came back at her, was one full of knowing and understanding. "No more sad thoughts!" Arizona shouted above the noise, just as an upbeat song started. The nod she received was determined, and the hand in her lifted and made a movement meaning the blonde woman had to whirl to keep hold. Arizona shot her a grin, which was returned and duo turned to the task at hand, dancing the night away.
Before she knew what was happening she heard the familiar notes of a song she knew so well. Looking up at the brunette who was inches away from her, she saw the look of dawning on her face too. "Rascal Flatts…My Wish", she saw rather than heard the other woman mouth. A grin took over Arizona's face as she nodded. The other woman linked her arms around the blonde waist, causing her to laugh, and place her own hands on the tall woman's shoulders. After a few lines of the song, which were being sung to her by the woman she was dancing with, the brunette leant forward and whispered, "I think I need to sit down before I fall down". Arizona laughed out loud, a genuine laugh, gently shaking head; she pulled the woman with her.
Returning to her table the blonde they had left to keep their table said, "Seriously, you could make money if you had taped that". Gently swatting and glaring at her, she drained her drink. She'd lost count of the number she'd had, and knew come morning she would probably regret, but was thankful she didn't start until the afternoon. The offending friend stumbled her away around the table, linking arms with her quite sloppily. "Argh. My body is going to hate me tomorrow", the raven woman said as she took Arizona's other hand. All three chuckled rather drunkenly and some how though if any of them were asked about it later they couldn't explain how, the brunette holding on to Arizona's hand in a death grip managed to lead the way out.
The walk back to her apartment had been both boring and eventful. All three women at various points in the short journey almost fell over. Joanne had decided about two minutes in, that she was going to carry on barefoot, and releasing the hold she had on Arizona and had stripped her feet of the offending items. Once in the apartment block, Nikki had decided she wanted to sing her own version of "It's raining men", to much amusement of Joanne, who was singing the harmonies. Thankfully both women stopped when Lexie emerged from 502, slightly scowling in their direction, it seemed they were being too loud. Lexie didn't speak as the three women passed her, moving out of the way before her newly divorced friend could crash into her.
As the door closed behind them, Arizona who thankfully was still sober enough to remember the notion of drinking water when drinking rule, though suspected it was a little too late for them all, went into the kitchen area. Both of her friends leaned again the breakfast bar, and chuckled as Arizona attempted to fill three glasses in her drunken state. On the fourth attempt with the last glass, they were filled, so passed two of the three keeping one for herself. Both Joanne and Nikki took huge gulps of the cold water, Nikki managed to spill some on her top, which reserved a burst of laughter from her younger sister.
The youngest of the women cleared her throat slightly, her voice was matter of fact if not slightly gravelly from drinking, "I'm going to give my two cent, then I'm going to shut up". "You're an idiot. We can see how much pain you're in, and rather than stepping up and doing something about it, you're running away. I never thought of you as a runner Ari", the look was of slight disappointment. "We know what it's like to lose the people we love. So please listen when we say don't let this one get away. God it won't be easy, but do it. Do it quick like ripping off a band aid, I can't guarantee it will be quick and painless. In fact I can say it will be painful! But not as painful as giving up", her friend soothed. Managing to look both women in the eye, she realised all three of them were tearing up. Drawing a jagged breath Arizona gave her usual sarcastic friend a smile, and received a "Don't, just don't". However the blonde flashed a smile that told her, she was joking.
After each them had managed to down two glasses, her young blonde friend exclaimed she was off to bed. Thankfully they had already arranged who was sleeping where, so the woman walked to her assigned room, closing the door behind her. Both the remaining women moved to sit on the couch without speaking; Arizona placed her own tumbler of water on the coffee table before she spilt it. "You okay?" her friend asked. Arizona sighed; she was getting annoyed at people asking her that these days. No she wasn't, but seeing the look on the raven's face she knew not to express this annoyance. "Not really, but I will be", she replied. A hand came to rest on top of hers, giving it a gentle squeeze. "I know it's not what you want to hear, but she was right, it's the hardest feeling in the world. You're an idiot", soothed the Californian woman. "I know", Arizona whispered, as the damn broke and the tears fell. The brunette wrapped her arms around the short woman as they cried for the ones they'd lost.