A/N:
And then I went and could not leave it unfinished. Don't know where I found the energy for it, but I just could not bring myself to stop typing.
So this is the last chapter to 'Loving Touches Of The Mind', but not the last chapter in the Breathe-Series.
Thank you for sticking with me.
Easy
Blaine is kissing Kurt. Deep. Filled with love and a tempting hint of lust, that neither boy is yet daring enough to follow.
Blaine is the first to speak when they have caught their breath again.
"It is so easy to talk to you right now."
Blaine's already low tone turns into a whisper with his next words, "I am scared."
And Blaine looks close to tears, so Kurt pulls his boyfriend deep into his arms, knowing that it is not like he can open the closet and slay the imaginary monsters with a mighty sword, because Blaine's monsters are not imaginary in any way.
It is truly beginning to dawn on Kurt now, and things are clicking into places in which, Kurt is sure, is actually really no room for them, nor should be.
"I am scared that if I let you in and you know all the things that are eating away at me, it will get hard. I don't want us to go through this. I don't want to put us through this myself."
"Kurt," Blaine sobs out, the tears following the strangled pronunciation of Kurt's name on foot, "I don't want to be the one tearing us down. I can't be."
"Blaine," Kurt says both hands on Blaine's cheeks, feeling the whole boy trembling under his tender touch.
It is one word. It is a whole declaration of love, worth a love letter so long it is too good to be used.
Wiping away Blaine's still freshly coming tears Kurt whispers, "I am not walking away from you. I understand there are things in your life that maybe you feel the need to walk away from, maybe should, and I hope I won't turn out to be one of those, some day."
"Blaine," Kurt says again, like it is the magic word that will grant him entrance into the strange cave full of wonders and danger to Blaine and maybe Kurt too, that Blaine's mind truly seems to be to Kurt right now.
Blaine has stopped crying, but Kurt's right hand has not stilled yet. Still running circles on Blaine's left cheek, soothing Blaine in the hope that it might smooth out some of the thoughts, just sitting there, stabbing and cutting and tearing open Blaine's insides with their unrefined edges.
Blaine wants nothing more than to feel the warmth of Kurt's skin on his spread through all of his body, so he softly runs a shaky hand through Kurt's hair, comforted by the feeling of something that is so Kurt between his fingers, then moves to places both his hands, lightly touching, behind Kurt's neck, pulling, yes, Kurt closer, but first and foremost pulling himself into Kurt's arms. Pressing every inch he can against Kurt, mumbling a desperation filled "Hold me," into Kurt's neck. And Kurt does not understand the words, but he understands, so he tightens his grip around Blaine's middle, and just…holds Blaine, and holds him close.
There are no fresh tears on his right shoulder or in the crock of his neck where Blaine's face is pressed firmly. But Kurt feels the deep breath grow deeper and less stuttering, less desperate, and Blaine half leaning on him is growing heavy, in a good way, that tells Kurt his boyfriend is relaxing more and more.
When Blaine pulls back, his right cheek, traces along Kurt's jaw line and own right cheek, sending a tremor, a shiver of the good kind through both their bodies.
"I will be here," Kurt breaths out, with the last of the tremor leaving his body. "When you think you are, when you think we are ready, I will be here."
Blaine's lips are on Kurt's in the next second. It is a desperate, wanton, longing kiss. Asking, almost begging for reassurance, because, and Kurt knows that, no matter how much, how often and with how many words Kurt says it, there is a part of Blaine that needs more, needs to hear it in a different language. And in this moment, with Blaine's lips on his Kurt understands for the first time, that it is not that Blaine has ever been bad at romance.
Blaine has been afraid of it. Kurt had not known till today that for Blaine close can be too close already. But watching him through dinner, everything he had seen then, now, makes sense.
And Kurt can feel the hesitation, the doubt creeping into Blaine, stiffening his body, immobilizing even the just a second ago still tender flow of Blaine's lips. So Kurt is quick to kiss back, to open up, to let Blaine in. Letting him know he is not seen as poison here in any way, not by Kurt. And Kurt asks for entrance too, making Blaine feel wanted, letting him know how much so he is.
Blaine is even more quiet when he breaks the kiss, than before.
"I want you Blaine, all of you. If you need something, anything, please tell me. Ask me, for what you need. Don't hold back with your feelings. It hurts me to see you stirring, pulling away from yourself. I promise I won't expect or ask for explanations, like I am not tonight. Please, Blaine, just let me be there for you. Allow me to try and be there for you in the same way that you have always tried to be there for me."
Blaine lets out a heavy shaky sigh in response, eyes fixed to the floor. So Kurt gently puts his left hand under Blaine's chin and tenderly lifts Blaine's head.
"You once told me I am not alone anymore," Kurt says, his hand moving to Blaine's right cheek, cupping it gently as he continues, Blaine instantly leaning into the touch, eyes closing, "It was one of the first things you ever said to me, and maybe it is my fault for not telling you earlier…"
Blaine's eyes snap open at this, and his right comes to clasp Kurt's left hand still resting on Blaine's cheek.
"No," Blaine breaths out, vigorously shaking his head, "not your fault in any way."
"Blaine, you are not alone anymore."
And now Blaine feels like crying and pathetic, because he feels like crying, again.
But Kurt's soft smile reduces the need to spill out an ocean to a single tear, and then Blaine is matching the softness, and mere moments later the smile.